115+ Bald Jokes & Puns: You’ll LOL Even Without Hair!

Get ready to shine, because we’re diving head-first into the best list of bald jokes and puns that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone! Did you know that despite popular belief, only about 2% of the population is actually born bald? That means the rest of us are just funnier. So, whether you’re rocking the chrome dome by choice or chance, prepare yourself for some clever and positive humor that’s sure to leave you feeling anything but bare.

Top Bald Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Follicle-y Challenged Fun

1. I shaved my head for a movie role. Turns out, it was a huge mis-cast.
2. My friend’s going through a tough time accepting his baldness. He needs more follicle-encouragement.
3. Dating a bald guy is great! No hair, no lies.
4. Saw a sign that said “Hair Restoration Clinic.” Seemed a little forward.
5. What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline!
6. Always be kind to your bald friends. They’re already going through a lot.
7. Life without hair is like a tree without roots… totally bald-faced.
8. Never ask a bald man for hair-raising advice.
9. Afraid of going bald? Don’t fret! It’s just a phase… a folliclely challenged phase.
10. I told my hairstylist to give me the “Einstein” look. Turns out, he was a history buff.
11. Just realized my hairbrush has been very loyal… It’s stuck with me through thick and thin.
12. Wrote a song about my receding hairline. It has a catchy chorus.
13. They say hair today, gone tomorrow. Seems a little dramatic, doesn’t it?
14. Don’t worry, be happy… and if you’re bald, embrace the shine!

Funny Bald One-Liner Jokes: Guaranteed To Grow On You

1. I told my hairdresser I wanted to look like a rock star, and now I’m bald… guess I should’ve been more specific about which decade.
2. Dating a bald guy is great. You never have to wait for them to get ready, they’re always pre-parted.
3. People say baldness is in the genes, but honestly, I think it’s in my jeans – I lost most of it leaning over workbenches.
4. I used to think bald eagles were truly bald. Turns out, they’re just really good at styling their feathers. What a comb-over!
5. My wife worries about me going bald, but honestly, I’m not fazed. It’s just my head shining brighter than my future.
6. What do you call a bear with no teeth AND no hair? A gummy bald-y.
7. Why did the bald guy decline a free head massage? Because he didn’t want anyone rubbing it in.
8. Being bald is like having a really expensive haircut that never grows out.
9. Someone called me “chrome dome” the other day. I was flattered, I thought they meant I had a polished head.
10. Never ask a bald man for hair advice. They’re always giving out follicle-ly flawed information.
11. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, even without a full head of hair!
12. Life is like being bald, your hair is always gone tomorrow.
13. A therapist once told me to embrace the things I can’t control. So I shaved my head. Now I call it “aerodynamic efficiency.”
14. My bald spot is like a solar panel for my brain. It’s highly efficient, even if it doesn’t look very stylish.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Bald: Follically Challenged Fun

1. Q: What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards in single file? A: A receding hare-line!
2. Q: Why did the bald man decline a free head massage? A: He said, “I can’t handle all that stroking!”
3. Q: Why are bald men so good at hide and seek? A: Because they’re really good at blending in! 😉
4. Q: Did you hear about the bald guy who got a comb for his birthday? A: Yeah, turns out it was a totally hair-raising experience!
5. Q: What’s the difference between a bald head and a bowling ball? A: You can pick up a bowling ball with one finger…usually.
6. Q: Why did the bald man say “Excuse me” to the fly on his head? A: He thought it was a tourist asking for directions!
7. Q: What do you call a bald psychic? A: Someone who can see your future… clearly! 😂
8. Q: What did the ocean say to the bald man on the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved! 🌊
9. Q: Why don’t they sell toupees to men living in the desert anymore? A: The wind keeps blowing the cover off!
10. Q: Where do bald eagles go when they need a little something extra? A: The Hair-Force One, of course! 🦅
11. Q: What’s the worst part about dating a bald telemarketer? A: The constant hang-ups! 😩
12. Q: Did you hear about the new shampoo for bald men? A: It’s called “Wishful Thinking!” ✨
13. Q: Why was the bald man hesitant to join the army? A: He heard it was crawling with lice-tenants!
14. Q: What sits on your head and is always hungry? A: Your hair… or lack thereof! 😆
15. Q: My friend said I should embrace my baldness. So I did! A: Turns out it’s actually quite aerodynamic! 🏃‍♂️💨
16. Q: Why don’t vampires bite bald men? A: No stake, no sizzle! 🧛‍♂️

Dad Jokes about Bald: Follicle-y Challenged Fun

1. My friend tried to sell me a hair growth product for bald guys. I told him, “That’s a load of baloney!”
2. I saw a sign that said “Hair Restoration Clinic – Out of Business”. Seemed like a pretty bald move to me.
3. They say bald eagles are majestic creatures. Personally, I think they’re just losing their feathers over the whole thing.
4. What do you call a group of rabbits that chase after a receding hairline? A hare restorer club!
5. Tried to explain to my son that hair loss is hereditary. He just looked at me and said, “I hope I have your wife’s hair!” Bold move, kiddo.
6. My wife says I should embrace my baldness. Maybe I’ll knit myself a little hat.
7. Just found out it’s “Appreciate Your Hair Day”. Guess I’ll celebrate tomorrow.
8. You know, I used to have a ponytail. Now it’s just a tail… of receding glory.
9. My wife keeps telling me to try Rogaine. But at this point, I think I’m just Rogan to accept it.
10. What do you call a bald psychic? Someone who can really see the future.
11. My doctor told me to reduce my stress to prevent hair loss. Now I’m just bald and stressed.
12. For my birthday, I asked for just ONE thing. Hair. Seems my family believes in minimalist gifts this year.
13. Why are hairdressers always depressed? They have too many split ends and no new beginnings.
14. Never ask a bald man for advice on picking up chicks. They’ll just tell you to lower your standards.
15. I saw a guy with a comb-over riding a motorcycle. Talk about a bad hair day waiting to happen!
16. My grandma says baldness skips a generation. I sure hope my son likes hats.
17. I’m not saying I’m going bald, but I can see my reflection in my son’s forehead.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Bald Heads

1. Life’s like being bald: it’s shiny, it’s smooth, and the only thing you miss is your hair.
2. Bald: It’s not a receding hairline, it’s a disappearing act.
3. I’m not saying my hair is thinning, but I can see my thoughts in the mirror now.
4. Being bald is like having a front-row seat to my own face.
5. Baldness: Proof that you can still be incredibly attractive without hair…said no one to my reflection.
6. I’m not bald, I’m just more aerodynamically designed.
7. Sleep in? Who has time for that when you need to polish your head for work? #baldandbeautiful
8. Sure, I could grow my hair out. But then who would play the wise, bald mentor in my life movie?
9. Wife: Honey, how come you never get dandruff? Me: Baby, you can’t have snow without winter.
10. Keep your head up! Unless you’re bald, then you should probably wear a hat in the sun.
11. Bald: When your head gets tired of carrying around all those thoughts.
12. Dear Shampoo Commercials, I’m starting to think you’re just rubbing it in.
13. My hair didn’t fall out, it just strategically retreated to a more age-appropriate location… like my back.
14. Some people have a love-hate relationship with their hair. Me? It’s more of a “we used to date” situation.
15. Embrace your inner lightbulb. #baldandproud
16. I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I can get ready in five minutes flat. Well, my head can.
17. They say money can’t buy happiness, but have they tried buying a wig? Asking for a friend. Okay, me. I’m asking for me.

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Bald Heads

1. A bald head is like a beacon to a barber – always visible, always a sale.
2. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and less likely to surprise people with his baldness.
3. Don’t cry over spilt milk, especially if you can’t see it dripping down your head anymore.
4. The early bird catches the worm, but the balding man catches the reflection that makes him reach for a hat.
5. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a hair saved is a miracle on a shiny scalp.
6. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it grow hair on a bald man’s head.
7. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many years spoil the hairline.
8. The grass is always greener on the other side…especially if you’ve lost yours.
9. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life takes your hair, invest in hats.
10. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a receding hairline. It just seems that way.
11. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can tell how many years a man has lived by the shine of his head.
12. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but it does nothing for a receding hairline.
13. Measure twice, cut once…unless it’s your hair, then just accept the inevitable.
14. Good things come to those who wait, but hair isn’t one of them. (Unless you’re waiting for it to grow back… then you’re out of luck.)
15. Silence is golden, but a full head of hair is a platinum membership.
16. There’s no such thing as bad publicity…unless you’re a comb in a house full of bald men.

Bald Double Entendres Puns: Follicle-y Funny Phrases

1. “I tried to join a hair club for bald people, but they wouldn’t let me in. Apparently, I wasn’t out of line.” (Playing on the idiom “out of line” – referring to both behavior and hairline)
2. “He’s got a very philosophical outlook on hair loss. He says it’s all ‘hair today, gone tomorrow’.” (Playing on the phrase “here today, gone tomorrow” to highlight the temporary nature of hair)
3. “My friend started a band called ‘The Follically Challenged.’ They’re really trying to make a name for themselves.” (Playing on the euphemism “follically challenged” and the idiom “make a name for themselves”)
4. “I told my bald friend his head was sparkling. He said, ‘Thanks, I just had it highlighted.'” (Playing on the word “highlighted” referring to both shiny surfaces and hair treatments)
5. “A bald man walked into a wig shop and asked, ‘Can you make me look like someone else?’ The stylist replied, ‘I’m a stylist, not a magician!'” (Playing on the expectation of a dramatic hair transformation and the limitations of reality)
6. “My friend went to a psychic who told him he’d lose his hair. He said, ‘I know, tell me something I don’t know.'” (Playing on the predictability of hair loss for some and the desire for novel information from a psychic)
7. “Being bald is like being a trendsetter. I was ahead of the curve.” (Playing on the idiom “ahead of the curve” – implying being ahead of fashion trends)
8. “Dating a bald man is great. You never have to worry about finding hair in your food…or his.” (Playing on the common complaint of finding hair in food and the lack thereof in a bald man’s case)
9. “He tried combing over his bald spot, but it just created a whole new problem. Now he has a runaway hair.” (Playing on the image of a single strand of hair trying to cover a large bald spot)
10. “I asked my bald friend what his head felt like in the winter. He said, ‘Like your face, only higher up’.” ( Playing on the shared experience of cold weather on exposed skin)
11. “My barber is a real smooth operator. He convinced me to pre-pay for my next 20 haircuts.” (Playing on the double meaning of “smooth operator” – referring to both someone charming and a bald head)
12. “Life without hair is a lot like a golf course: full of hazards and you’re always trying to avoid the rough.” (Playing on the challenges of both golf and hair loss in a humorous way)
13. “My bald friend is such a minimalist. He believes in less is more…hair, that is.” (Playing on the minimalist lifestyle and connecting it to a lack of hair)
14. “He tried to disguise his bald spot by wearing a hat, but it backfired. Now he just looks like a bald guy wearing a hat.” (Playing on the futility of trying to hide the obvious)
15. “My friend’s hair loss is so advanced, even his scalp gets lost sometimes.”(Playing on the image of a scalp being a separate entity)
16. “Being bald is a lot like being rich and famous. Everyone keeps telling me how much they love my style.” (Playing on the idea of involuntary baldness being a deliberate fashion choice)

Funny Bald Tom Swifties: Jokes That Will Make You Hair-larious

1. “My head feels a bit breezy,” Tom said baldly.
2. “I should really invest in a hat,” Tom said bareheadedly.
3. “I use less shampoo than anyone I know,” Tom said sparingly.
4. “This comb is completely unnecessary,” Tom said redundantly.
5. “I always win the ‘shiniest head’ contest,” Tom said triumphantly.
6. “I’m thinking of getting head tattooed,” Tom said artfully.
7. “My head gets cold easily in winter,” Tom said coolly.
8. “I can see my reflection in your head,” Tom said reflectively.
9. “I don’t need a wig, I’m comfortable with who I am,” Tom said confidently.
10. “The barber always charges me half price,” Tom said cheaply.
11. “I save a lot of money on haircuts,” Tom said thriftily.
12. “I can never have a bad hair day,” Tom said optimistically.
13. “Being bald is quite aerodynamic,” Tom said swiftly.
14. “I’m not sure why everyone is staring at my head,” Tom said conspicuously.
15. “I feel light as a feather,” Tom said lightly.
16. “My head looks just like a billiard ball,” Tom said smoothly.
17. “I’ll never have to worry about going gray,” Tom said agelessly.

Knock-knock Jokes about Bald Heads

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bald. Bald who? Bald is beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer, I can see your shiny head from here!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howie. Howie who? Howie gonna hide that shiny head? You need a hat!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the sunscreen, you wouldn’t want that head to get burned!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Don. Don who? Don’t worry, be happy, at least you save money on shampoo!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to trade places with someone who has a full head of hair?
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stan. Stan who? Stan back, I can see my reflection in your head!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive your hair, can’t you tell?
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda borrow a hat? You’re practically glowing!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya believe it’s windy out here? Your head must be freezing!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Claire. Claire who? Claire-ly, you need some sunscreen on that head!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you of all your hair, that wind is brutal!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Celia. Celia who? Celia later, I gotta go find that runaway comb of yours!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Art. Art who? Art thou feeling the chill on thy head?
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for you to invest in a good wig!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place to buy a hat? Asking for a friend…
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It’s cold out here, and your head needs a scarf!