120+ Bench Jokes & Puns: You'll Have a Seat 😂

Get ready to laugh your seats off, because we’ve compiled the best list of bench jokes and puns this side of the park! We’re serving up a healthy dose of humor with a side of clever wordplay, all designed to leave you feeling positive and entertained. Did you know it takes approximately 10,000 hours to build a park bench from scratch? Well, get ready to spend at least 10 minutes enjoying these knee-slappers – we promise they’re worth it!

Top Bench Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: For a Sitting Good Time

What does a weightlifting bench say before a big competition? “Let’s get ready to rumble!”
I tripped and fell on a bench… It totally woodn’t budge.
What’s a judge’s favorite seating arrangement? Jury seating, of course.
You know you’re unfit when… You walk past a bench and it starts doing reps.
Why did the bench get promoted? It was always outstanding in its field.
What do you call a bench obsessed with fitness? Swole-o.
Be careful sitting on park benches… They can be really shady characters.
Don’t ever tell a bench your secrets… It’s sure to be passed on.
Benches are always so supportive… They’ve got your back, no matter what.
A bench walks into a bar and says… “Hey, can I get a stool sample?”
Why was the bench always in trouble? It couldn’t resist hanging out on the corner.
My friend said he wanted to be a bench when he grows up… I told him he needs to have higher aspirations!
Life is like a park bench… Some days you’re sitting pretty, others you get rained on.
Heard a rumor about that bench… Apparently, it’s got a great view, but no one ever stays for long.
What’s a judge’s favorite type of wood? Sentencing!
Relationship status: In love with my couch, but seeing a bench on the side.

Funny Bench Jokes With One Liner Clever Bench Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Bench One-Liner Jokes For Sitting On

My friend told me his career as a judge was going great, then all of a sudden, he was benched.
Why did the bench get promoted to the Supreme Court? It had good judge-ment.
I tried to explain to my dog why he couldn’t sit on the bench, but he just sat there with a blank stare. I guess you could say he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
My therapist told me to leave my problems at the door. I think I left them on the bench outside, but I’m not 100% sure.
Dating a bench would be great, it would always be there for you, but on the other hand, it would be a very one-sided relationship.
The bench told the park-goer, “You can sit here, that’s what I’m made for, but between you and me, I’ve got my eye on that comfy picnic blanket.”
They say you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket, but what about all your friends on one bench? Asking for a friend.
The weightlifter tried to impress his date by lifting a park bench, but she was more impressed by his ability to find a parking spot.
The wood whispered to the carpenter, “Please don’t turn me into a bench, I have big dreams, I want to be a table!”
The bench was feeling really down about itself, so I gave it some uplifting words of encouragement and now it feels like a stool again.
I tried to explain to the bench that it had splinters, but it didn’t seem to care. I guess it’s already board with the idea.
My friend said his band was going places, then they got into a fight about who gets to sit on the piano bench and now they aren’t going anywhere.
What’s a bench’s favorite sport? …Anything with a good bench-clearing brawl.
Why don’t benches get invited to parties? Because they’re always sitting down on the job.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Bench: Ready to Sit Down Laughing?

Q: Why did the bench always win at poker? A: It had a chip on its shoulder.
Q: What does a weightlifting bench dream of becoming? A: A strong bench-mark for others!
Q: Why did the judge send the bench to his room? A: It was caught loafing around the courtroom.
Q: What do you call a bench that’s always cold? A: A brrr-ench!
Q: What’s a bench’s favorite sport? A: Anything with a good sit-uation.
Q: Why was the bench feeling down? A: It had no one to lean on.
Q: How do you make a bench more comfortable? A: Give it a cushion-ary hug!
Q: What’s a bench’s least favorite game? A: Stand-up tag!
Q: What did the bench say to the tired jogger? A: “Have a seat, catch your breath. We’ve all been there.”
Q: Why did the bench go to the doctor? A: It was feeling a little board.
Q: What’s a bench’s favorite Taylor Swift song? A: “You Belong With Me” (on this bench, obviously).
Q: What do you call a bench made of ice cream? A: A bench you can’t park yourself on for too long!
Q: Why did the bench get a job at the library? A: It always had stories to tell and loved a good read.
Q: Did you hear about the bench that went to art school? A: It specialized in still lifes.
Q: What did the park bench say to the tree after a long day? A: “Whew! I’m rooted here, but you don’t see me complaining.”
Q: How are benches and life coaches similar? A: They’re both there to support you when you need a moment.
Q: Why are benches so understanding? A: They’ve heard it all… and they’ve got the splinters to prove it.

Dad Jokes about Bench: Prepare to be benched from laughter

Why did the bench blush? It saw the lawn getting mowed.
I tried to learn how to make furniture from a book… I only got as far as page one – how to make a table. Guess I’ll have to bench that project for now.
What’s a carpenter’s favorite type of court? A bench trial, of course!
Why did the gardener sit on the bench? To get some rest from his rowdy bushes.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… So I took it to the park and sat it on a bench. It’s on the benchwarmer team now.
You know you’re getting old when… even the park bench has more spring in its seat than you do.
What do you call a dog magician’s assistant? A hocus-poocus pooch… or if he messes up the trick, he’s sent to the “dog-house bench.”
I saw a bench with a sign that said “Wet Paint.” So I sat down next to it. We had a nice chat. It was a social bench.
Why did the bench go to the doctor? It told the doctor, “I think I’m coming down with something… because everyone keeps telling me to get well soon!”
What’s a weightlifter’s favorite type of seat? A bench press, obviously.
I went to a zoo with just one dog in it… It was a shih tzu. And they made him sit on a tiny bench – he was benched-shih-tzu!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato… who spends all day on the park bench!
I told my wife the park bench looked uncomfortable… she said, “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s got plenty of fanny support!”
Why don’t they play poker in the park anymore? Too many cheetahs… always trying to bench-press their luck!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Bench: Perfect for Instagram

“My therapist told me to leave my problems at the door. So I did. Now they’re all huddled together on the bench outside, gossiping about me.”
“Some people dream of luxury yachts. Me? I just want a bench that doesn’t give me splinters.”
“Life is like a bench in a busy park. Sometimes you get a seat, sometimes you just have to keep moving.”
“I went to a yoga class that took place entirely on benches. It was called ‘Asana-bout to get comfortable.'”
“Relationships are like park benches. Some are taken, some are broken, and some are just happy to be occupied.”
“Don’t judge a bench by its paint job. Unless that paint job is still wet. Then judge away!”
“That awkward moment when you try to move a bench and realize it’s bolted to the ground… and now everyone’s staring.”
“My fitness journey is going great! I can now walk past a bench without sitting down. Most days, anyway.”
“They say home is where the heart is. But I think I left mine on that park bench by the fountain.”
“You know you’re an adult when you get excited about buying a new set of patio furniture. Especially the bench.”
“Why did the bench get sent to the principal’s office? It was caught holding hands with a chair.”
“I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once spent an entire afternoon watching a documentary about benches. It was riveting.”
“What’s the difference between a bench and a therapist? A therapist doesn’t judge you for crying in public… as long as you pay them.”
“Life is too short to sit on uncomfortable benches. Rise up and demand better seating arrangements!”
“In a world full of chairs, be a bench. Offering support, stability, and a place to rest your weary behind.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Bench: For Those Who Like to Sit & Think

A watched bench never sprouts splinters. (Because you’re too busy judging people to sit down and find out!)
Don’t put all your benches in one park. (Diversify your seating options!)
The early bird gets the bench, but the second mouse gets the cheese sandwich (that the first bird dropped). (Sometimes, patience pays off in unexpected ways!)
A bench shared is a story halved. (Benches are for solitary brooding, obviously.)
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him build a bench. (Some creatures just lack basic carpentry skills.)
Rome wasn’t built on a bench, but it probably had some comfy ones in the planning department. (Even empires need a place to rest.)
One man’s bench is another man’s… well, it’s still a bench, but maybe with a better view. (Perspective is everything.)
Don’t judge a bench by its paint job (unless it’s REALLY bad). (Inner comfort matters more than outer appearances.)
A penny saved is a penny you can put towards buying your own bench. (And then you don’t have to share!)
Too many cooks spoil the bench? Probably, it’s not that big. (Benches encourage personal space, not collaboration.)
Like a fine wine, a good bench gets better with age (except for the splinters). (Enjoy the aging process, carefully.)
If at first you don’t succeed, try a different bench. (A change of scenery can do wonders.)
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know where you’ll find a bench to eat them on. (But you’ll appreciate it when you do!)
The grass is always greener… under someone else’s bench. (And their snacks probably taste better too.)
Love is blind, but it can still find a good bench to make out on. (Romance finds a way.)

Bench Double Entendres Puns: Sit Down for These

“The judge asked me if I had ever been up before him. I said, ‘Only on Tuesdays when they clean the benches.'” (Up before him = in court vs. physically standing on the bench)
“I wanted to propose to my girlfriend on this bench, but it’s too far from the carat.” (Carat = diamond weight vs. parked car nearby)
“This bench is so popular with couples, it should come with a relationship glue stick.” (Glue stick = bonding vs. literally sticking together on the bench)
“I took my date to a park bench for a picnic, but she said the conversation was too cheesy.” (Cheesy = corny vs. cheese being part of the picnic)
“My therapist told me to find my happy place. Turns out, it’s this bench… right between two strangers.” (Happy place = relaxing spot vs. awkwardly positioned on a bench)
“They call this the ‘gossip bench’ because whatever you say on it gets spread around.” (Spread around = gossiped about vs. physically spread out on the bench)
“I thought about becoming a judge just so I could have my own personalized bench warmer.” (Bench warmer = unused player vs. a person who sits on the judge’s bench)
“Dating apps are like park benches, there’s plenty of fish, but you have to watch out for the pigeons.” (Plenty of fish = dating pool vs. birds being present in a park)
“This bench is so uncomfortable, it’s like sitting on a jury of my peers.” (Jury of peers = legal term vs. uncomfortable seating arrangement)
“My love life is like this broken bench, splitting at the seams and going nowhere.” (Splitting at the seams = relationship problems vs. bench physically breaking)
“They say love can bloom anywhere, but on this bench, it’s more like love at frost sight.” (Love at first sight vs. a very cold bench)
“This bench is so old; it remembers when park Wi-Fi was just called a strong breeze.” (Strong breeze = imaginary internet signal vs. relating the bench’s age to technology)
“I tried to break up with my significant other on this bench, but they said I needed to sit on it and think things through.” (Think things through = reconsider vs. literally staying seated on the bench)
“This park bench witnessed my first kiss, then ten years later, my divorce mediation. It’s seen better days.” (Seen better days = past its prime vs. relating to the bench’s age and witnessed events)
“They call me the ‘bench whisperer’ because I can always find the perfect spot… usually right next to someone else’s lunch.” (Bench whisperer = finding good spots vs. ironically sitting too close to others)

Funny Bench Tom Swifties: Sit Down for a Laugh

“This bench needs more support,” Tom said leg-ibly.
“I prefer this bench to the one over there,” Tom stated prefer-ably.
“Get off the bench and into the game!” Tom shouted coach-ingly.
“This bench has seen better days,” Tom remarked weather-beatenly.
“This bench is reserved for royalty,” Tom declared throne-ly.
“I think I’ll take a nap on this bench,” Tom mumbled sleep-ily.
“This bench is quite comfortable,” Tom sighed rest-fully.
“Someone vandalized this bench!” Tom cried graffiti-ly.
“Let’s have our picnic on this bench,” Tom suggested lunch-ably.
“This bench is always cold,” Tom shivered steel-ily.
“I built this bench with my own two hands,” Tom said craft-ily.
“I carved our initials into the bench,” Tom confessed love-ingly.
“I hid the treasure under the bench,” Tom whispered sneaky-ly.
“This bench is perfect for birdwatching,” Tom chirped observantly.
“The park installed this bench last week,” Tom commented newly.
“This bench is always occupied,” Tom said crowded-ly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Bench: You’ll Be Sitting on the Floor Laughing

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench-a came over and we’re watching a movie!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench we’re friends, can I borrow twenty bucks?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? We’ve been bench-pressed for time!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench a lot lately? You look like you’ve been working out!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench your thirst with this delicious lemonade!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench-sitting here all day is making me stiff!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench a minute, I think I hear something!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench-marking our progress, we’re doing great!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench-lieve in yourself, you got this!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Bench-marking our calendars, when are we hanging out again?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Don’t bench-press me for an answer, I don’t know!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? This bench is taken, find your own! Just kidding! Have a seat.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? Sorry, wrong door, I’m looking for the weight bench!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bench. Bench who? We’re having a bench-party, come join us!