105+ Blanket Jokes & Puns – Get Cozy With Laughter!

Get ready to snuggle up with the best list of blanket puns and jokes on the internet! We’ve carefully crafted a collection of the funniest, most clever quips about our favorite bedtime companions. Did you know the average person goes through 8 blankets in their lifetime? Well, prepare to wear out a few more laughing at these hilarious puns. Get ready for some seriously positive vibes, because with jokes this good, you’re guaranteed a chuckle.

Top Blanket Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Guaranteed to Keep You Warm from Laughter

1. What’s a sheep’s favorite type of covering? A baa-lanket.
2. That blanket is so worn out, it’s threadbare.
3. Feeling cold? Go ahead, I insist you take a nap-kin.
4. That’s one blanket statement I can get behind.
5. My dog stole the covers last night. He’s such a blanket thief!
6. What’s a ghost’s favorite type of blanket? A sheet.
7. I’m feeling very lethargic today. You could say I have a case of the blankie-itis.
8. Did you hear about the blanket factory that exploded? It was covered in the news!
9. What’s a cat’s favorite type of blanket? A cat-nap blanket.
10. That blanket is always getting lost, it really needs to be quilt-tripped!
11. Can you keep this a secret? It’s under-the-covers information.
12. That’s not a real blanket; it’s an impasta!
13. Elephants sleep under their trunks because they don’t make blanketets.
14. I bought a blanket online, but it was a scam. Turned out to be a duvet-ful situation.
15. What did one blanket say to the other blanket? Just sheet-ing.

Funny Blanket One-Liner Jokes To Keep You Warm

1. I tried to make a blanket out of Swiss cheese, but it kept having holes in its logic.
2. My wife said she wanted a designer blanket for her birthday, so I got her one with Giorgio Armani’s signature on it…turns out it was just a Sharpie and a good guess on the spelling.
3. What does a nosey pepper do with a blanket? It gets jalapeno business!
4. I like my men like I like my blankets… at least 6 feet tall and warm!
5. What do you call a blanket that likes to start arguments? A controversial cover.
6. My wife asked for an electric blanket for Christmas, so I got her one… She’s in for a shocking surprise!
7. That comedian was so funny, he had the entire audience in stitches… which is good, because I forgot to bring my blanket.
8. Never trust atoms… they make up everything, especially the stuffing in your blanket.
9. I’m not saying my new blanket is heavy, but it’s definitely got me covered.
10. How do you fix a torn blanket? With a patch, silly!
11. I’m starting a new job at the blanket factory tomorrow… I really hope I can handle the pressure.
12. They say sharing is caring, but I draw the line at sharing my blanket.
13. My friend tried to sell me a waterproof blanket – I told him, “That’s just a sheet!”.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Blanket: Warm Up Your Funny Bone

1. Q: Why did the blanket get a promotion at work? A: It was outstanding in its field!
2. Q: What did the blanket say to the bed on their anniversary? A: I’m so glad we’re sheet-ing this moment together!
3. Q: Why don’t blankets ever tell secrets in the living room? A: Because the walls have ears, and the cushions have sofa so good!
4. Q: What’s a blanket’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything but heavy metal. They prefer to keep things light!
5. Q: Why did the blanket break up with the pillow? A: It said the pillow was too soft and fluffy. It needed someone with a little more substance!
6. Q: Why did the blanket get thrown in jail? A: It was caught resisting a rest!
7. Q: What do you call a blanket that’s always cold? A: A brrr-ito!
8. Q: What do you call a magical blanket? A: A comforter-er!
9. Q: Why is it so hard for a blanket to run a marathon? A: They always get thrown in the dryer at the last minute!
10. Q: How do blankets travel? A: They usually get carried away!
11. Q: Where do blankets go on vacation? A: The Napal Coast!
12. Q: What do you call a blanket that wins an Olympic swimming event? A: A cover star!
13. Q: Why was the blanket feeling down in the dumps? A: It was feeling totally thrown over!
14. Q: Why did the blanket get sent to the principal’s office? A: For being too nappy in class!
15. Q: What did the blanket say to the ghost? A: Hey! You look like you could use a good sheet!
16. Q: Why don’t blankets ever win in hide-and-seek? A: Because they’re always getting tucked in!

Dad Jokes about Blanket: Guaranteed to Keep You Warm

1. You know what the blanket said to the bed? “Don’t worry, I got you covered.”
2. What’s a blanket’s favorite genre of music? Anything but heavy metal!
3. I just bought a waterproof blanket. But then I realized, what’s the point?
4. My wife hates it when I steal all the blankets, but to be fair, it’s a habit I picked up from my childhood. After all, I was raised in a crib!
5. What did the blanket say to the warm body snuggled beneath it? “You’re looking very comfortable tonight.”
6. Why did the blanket get a job at the bank? Because it was great at handling security.
7. I told my son the story of the princess and the pea. He looked confused. Seems he’s never heard of a mattress with only one blanket.
8. Our washing machine broke down mid-cycle, and now my clothes are stuck inside. Guess you could say they’re having a blanket party!
9. What’s a sheep’s favorite type of blanket? A wool-gathered one, of course!
10. My wife got me a book about the history of blankets for my birthday. To be honest, I found it a little too contrived.
11. What did the electric blanket say to the frightened child? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”
12. I saw a blanket at the store that was half wool and half cotton. Seems like a pretty knit-picky blend to me.
13. Why did the blanket get a promotion? It really knew how to handle the pressure.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Blanket: Get Cozy with Laughter

1. “My therapist told me to find a safe space. Guess I’ll just camp out under this blanket all day.”
2. “Blanket: The adult version of sucking your thumb.”
3. “In a committed relationship with my blanket. We just get each other.”
4. “Don’t tell my blanket, but I think I need a bigger blanket.”
5. “Fact: Everything is funnier from under a warm blanket.”
6. “Netflix and blanketed sounds much better than Netflix and chill.”
7. “I’m not lazy, I’m just really good at conserving heat. Go blanket, go!”
8. “My blanket is basically a wearable hug with optional drool stains.”
9. “Blanket hair, don’t care. It’s called winter chic, darling.”
10. “Found my soulmate. Turns out it’s made of fleece and comes with a lifetime supply of naps.”
11. “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a weighted blanket, and that’s pretty much the same thing.”
12. “I’m at that age where a good blanket is more exciting than a night out.”
13. “Blanket burrito: The only burrito I’ll ever need.”
14. “I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastination’ by cleaning my entire apartment… just so I could enjoy this blanket in peace.”
15. “Relationship Status: Happily taken… by this blanket.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Blanket: Guaranteed to Keep You in Stitches

1. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless you have a blanket. Then you can catch them all.
2. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise…to invest in a good blanket.
3. Don’t cry over spilled milk; snuggle up in a blanket and order takeout.
4. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it trade its blanket for a swim.
5. The early bird gets the worm, but the one with the warmest blanket gets to sleep in.
6. A watched pot never boils, but a well-wrapped burrito in a heated blanket is a guaranteed win.
7. Measure twice, cut once, unless it’s a blanket fort. Then all bets are off.
8. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, find a cozy blanket, and binge-watch a show about lemons.
9. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a weighted blanket keeps existential dread at bay.
10. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a person by their blanket choice.
11. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but a weighted blanket makes everything feel a little less heavy.
12. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two blankets make a perfect cuddle puddle.
13. Good things come to those who wait, but great things come to those who already have a warm blanket.
14. The grass is always greener on the other side, especially if they have a heated blanket.
15. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a blanket snuggle is priceless.
16. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was my blanket fort, but both are architectural marvels.

Blanket Double Entendres Puns: Warm and Fuzzy Wordplay

1. I tried to make a blanket fort with my girlfriend, but it quickly turned into an adult sleepover. (Implies both fort-building and a more intimate activity)
2. This new blanket is amazing! It’s like sleeping with a warm hug…that doesn’t talk back. (Highlights the comforting nature of a blanket with a humorous jab at relationships)
3. My therapist told me to find a safe space. Turns out, it’s under this weighted blanket. (Refers to both a mental safe space and the literal feeling of security under a weighted blanket)
4. Dating apps are a lot like blankets. You gotta swipe through a lot of fluff to find the one that keeps you warm at night. (Compares the process of finding a partner on dating apps to finding a good blanket)
5. My partner said I have a blanket addiction. I just call it being “well-covered.” (Implies an excessive love for blankets masked by a more acceptable term)
6. My love for you is like a high-quality blanket: expensive, hard to find, and something I never want to let go of. (Ironically compares love to a desirable blanket while poking fun at the cost and rarity of both)
7. I thought about joining the air force, but decided to become a quilt maker instead. You could say I prefer grounding techniques. (Wordplay using “grounding” in the context of both the air force and the weight of a quilt)
8. My doctor said I need to reduce my stress levels. Looks like I’ll be needing a bigger blanket fort. (Implies using a blanket fort as a coping mechanism for stress)
9. My partner and I are like two peas in a pod…if the pod was a king-size bed and the peas were constantly fighting for the blanket. (Humorous take on compatibility while acknowledging the struggle for covers)
10. They call it a “throw blanket”, but I’ve never felt the urge to toss this thing across the room. It’s just too comfy! (Plays on the name “throw blanket” against its actual usage)
11. I’m not sure what’s softer, this blanket or my dog’s belly. Good thing I don’t have to choose! (Highlights the softness of both a blanket and a dog’s belly)
12. I tried explaining the concept of a weighted blanket to my cat. He just gave me a judgmental stare and sat on my face. (Uses cat behavior to poke fun at the idea of seeking comfort from a blanket)
13. I’m at that age where a Friday night consists of a good book, a cup of tea, and fighting my cat for dominance of the blanket. (Humorous take on relaxing weekend activities)
14. My therapist told me to embrace my flaws. So, I guess I’m just going to be this cozy burrito wrapped in a blanket forever. (Humorous take on self-acceptance while referencing the act of snuggling in a blanket)
15. Life is like a box of chocolates, and I’m the blanket you snuggle under when you get disappointed by the lack of caramel fillings. (Compares life’s disappointments to a lack of desired chocolate fillings and offers comfort through a blanket)

Funny Blanket Tom Swifties: Puns to Keep You Warm

1. “This blanket is so soft!” Tom said smoothly.
2. “I think I need a bigger blanket,” Tom stated expansively.
3. “My blanket is covered in dog hair!” Tom said furtively.
4. “I can’t believe I spilled grape juice on my new blanket!” Tom said stainedly.
5. “I’m going to wrap myself in my blanket and watch a movie,” Tom said contently.
6. “I love the feeling of a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer,” Tom said toastly.
7. “I wonder where the cat dragged my blanket?” Tom said curiously.
8. “This old blanket has definitely seen better days,” Tom said threadbarely.
9. “Don’t hog the blanket!” Tom exclaimed selfishly.
10. “This weighted blanket is incredibly calming,” Tom said heavily.
11. “My grandma made me this quilt,” Tom said patchworkly.
12. “This electric blanket is a lifesaver in winter,” Tom said warmly.
13. “I’m never leaving this blanket fort!” Tom said defensively.
14. “I just washed this blanket, it’s still damp,” Tom said moistly.
15. “This blanket is perfect for a picnic,” Tom said spread out.
16. “I think I left my favourite blanket at the dry cleaners!” Tom said pressingly.
17. “I can’t sleep without my lucky blanket,” Tom said superstitiously.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Blanket: Guaranteed to Keep You Warm

1. Knock, knock. \ Who’s there? \ Blanket. \ Blanket who? \ Blanket you didn’t see that coming!
2. Knock, knock. \ Who’s there? \ Blanket. \ Blanket who? \ Quit hounding me, I just came to blanket statement!
3. Knock, knock. \ Who’s there? \ Blanket. \ Blanket who? \ We’re having a blanket drive, can you spare a laugh?
4. Knock, knock. \ Who’s there? \ Blanket. \ Blanket who? \ Blanket get cold feet, I’m going to tell another one!