125+ Boot Jokes & Puns: You'll "Kick" Yourself for Missing!

Get ready to stomp your feet with laughter because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of boot jokes and puns this side of the Mississippi (and trust us, cowboys wear boots, so we know what we’re talking about!). We’ve got a whole passel of clever puns and funny quips that are sure to lift your spirits higher than a brand new pair of cowboy boots. And here’s a fun fact to boot (see what we did there?): Did you know that the oldest boot in existence is over 5,000 years old? Now that’s some positive footwear history! So, buckle up, because this list is about to boot you straight into a world of humor.

Top Boot Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: For Kicking Off Laughter

Why did the computer get kicked out of school? It kept trying to boot up other students’ tests.
What did the stylish shoe say to the winter boot? “You’re looking lace-up today!”
What happens when a pirate wears a waterproof boot? He achieves boot-y protection.
How do cowboy boots make money? They round up interest.
Why don’t skeletons wear boots? They can’t find any that fit their bones of contention.
Heard about the kidnapping at the shoe store? The suspect got away with a boot-y.
My friend got fired from the boot factory. Apparently, his work was sub-par.
What did the boot say to the foot? “Hey, let’s kick it this weekend!”
Why was the boot so sad? It had sole-crushing news.
How do boots stay informed? They read the shoe-spaper.
Why do boots make terrible detectives? They always track dirt everywhere.
Why didn’t the boot win the race? It got toed the starting line.
What do you call an old, worn-out boot? Retired.
Went to a shoe store called “Deja Shoe.” I swear I’d booted there before.
Why did the boot quit its job? It was tired of being walked all over.
My new boots are so comfortable, they’re like walking on cloud nine-and-a-halfs.”
What’s a boot’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good kick drum solo.

Funny Boot Jokes With One Liner Clever Boot Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Boot One-Liner Jokes To Tickle Your Sole

I tried to make a dessert inspired by footwear… but the boot-berry pie was a total flop.
I used to hate running, but then I got a new pair of shoes and it was a game-changer. Turns out, all I needed was a little boot-ivation.
My computer’s running slow, guess it needs a re-boot.
I saw a sign that said “Boots for Sale, Very Reasonable.” I wondered, “What constitutes a boot-able price?”
You can’t pull your boots up by the bootstraps if you’re wearing loafers. That’s just boot-legging.
A cowboy walks into a bar with his pet parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s pretty neat! Where’d you get him?” The parrot replies, “Texas! They’ve got millions of the little boots!”
What do you call a boot that’s always happy? Chirpy-boot-ful!
I accidentally dropped my phone in my boot this morning. It was a real booty call.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs and too much boot-y!
What do you call a boot made of grapes? A wine-boot, but don’t try to drink from it!
My friend said he wanted to be a pirate, so I bought him a new pair of boots. I guess you could say I helped him achieve his booty goals.
I used to be addicted to wearing boots, but then I got help. Now I’m boot-ifully recovered.
Heard a rumor that footwear is getting really expensive in Europe. Guess that’s just the cost of boot-ique these days.
I accidentally glued my boots to the floor this morning… talk about starting the day on the wrong boot!
Never start a fight with a boot salesman. They always have a leg to stand on. Or maybe that’s a boot to stand on? 🤔
I told my friend I wanted to open a shoe store that only sells boots, but he thought it was a terrible idea. I guess he just doesn’t see the boot-ential.
Why did the boot go to the hospital? It had boot-ulism!

QnA Jokes & Puns about Boot: Get Your Kicks Here!

Q: Why did the computer get sent to his room? A: For booting up too much attitude!
Q: What do you call a boot that’s always covered in mud? A: A well-grounded fashion statement.
Q: Why did the boot go to the doctor? A: It had a sole problem!
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of footwear? A: Boot-y!
Q: What did the cowboy say to his new boots? A: You’re lookin’ sharp! Let’s ‘boot-scoot’ outta here!
Q: How do trees get on the internet? A: They log in!
Q: Why did the boot break up with the shoelace? A: They felt tied down!
Q: What do you get when you combine a boot and a lizard? A: A shoe with a reptile dysfunction!
Q: You’re riding a horse at full speed. There’s a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? A: Get off the carousel!
Q: What’s a gardener’s favorite type of boot? A: A rain boot, they’re always down for a little ‘sprouting’ around!
Q: Why are boots always invited to parties? A: Because they really know how to ‘kick’ things off!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato!
Q: Why was the old computer so slow? A: It had a hard drive but no real ambition!
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick!
Q: How did the shoe apologize to the boot after their fight? A: “Hey, sole-mate, I’m sorry. Can we lace things up again?”
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs!
Q: What do you call a computer that sings? A: A-Dell!

Dad Jokes about Boot: Prepare to Groan

Why did the boot go to the doctor? It had a sole problem.
I told my son to try pulling himself up by his bootstraps. He just looked at me funny. Guess he needs a bigger boot.
You know what they say about guys with big boots… Big socks!
I used to work in a boot factory. It was sole-crushing.
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of footwear? Booty!
My wife got mad at me for keeping my boots on in the house. I told her to shoo!
Heard about the boot thief who got caught? He was totally laced!
Why are boots so awkward in social situations? They always put their foot in their mouth.
My son asked me how I polish my boots so well. Elbow grease! And a little spit shine never hurt.
What did the one boot say to the other boot? Hey, what’s keeping you laced?
You know, I tried making a pair of boots entirely out of duct tape once… It was a terrible idea. I got totally stuck.
I went to a shoe store that only sold boots. It was a very exclusive boot-ique.
My wife said she wanted a romantic dinner and new boots. Guess who’s sleeping in the doghouse tonight?
You know what’s a chef’s least favorite kind of footwear? Steel-toe boots in the kitchen! Talk about a recipe for disaster…
How can you tell if someone’s a true cowboy? They’re always boot-scootin’ around!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Boot That Will Make You Chuckle

“I’m not saying I have an expensive boot addiction, but my credit card company just offered me frequent flier miles.”
“Life is short, buy the boots (and then justify it by wearing them with everything).”
“Weekend forecast: 99% chance of wearing boots. Please adjust your plans accordingly.”
“Boot hair don’t care. (But seriously, does anyone have a lint roller?)”
“My therapist told me to fill my life with joy. So, I bought another pair of boots.”
“You can never have too many boots. Said every woman ever…and I stand by it (in my fabulous boots, obviously).”
“Relationship status: Sole-mate searching. (Must love boots).”
“I’m not bossy, I just have really authoritative boots.”
“Some girls are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. I was born with a boot on my foot. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Warning: May spontaneously buy boots. It’s a medical condition, I can’t help it.”
“Behind every successful woman is a good pair of boots…and a closet full of other good pairs.”
“Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life. But a new pair of boots? That’s next level magic.”
“Coffee in hand, boots on feet, let’s do this thing called life.”
“I like my men like I like my boots: tall, rugged, and able to handle a little mud.”
“I’m not kicking you out, but the door is looking awfully tempting right now. (P.S. Nice boots.)”
“Walking in someone else’s boots might give you blisters. Walking in your own boots with confidence? Now that’s style.”
“Sure, money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy boots, and that’s basically the same thing.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Boot: Kickin’ Up Some Laughter

A boot in time saves nine… toes from a stubbing.
Never judge a boot by its laces, but by the mud it’s conquered.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure… unless it’s a smelly boot.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him wear boots. (Especially not stilettos.)
The early bird gets the worm, but the boot wearer doesn’t have to worry about stepping on it.
Don’t put all your boots in one basket… unless you’re going on a really long hike.
A watched boot never boils… unless you throw it in the pot by accident.
A penny saved is a penny earned… towards a new pair of boots.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire… and someone probably needs their boots re-soled.
Two wrongs don’t make a right… unless you’re talking about mismatched boots, then it’s a fashion statement.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the boot… tree.
Good things come to those who wait… for their backordered boots to arrive.
Rome wasn’t built in a day… especially not by people wearing uncomfortable boots.
Don’t cry over spilled milk… unless it soaked your favorite pair of suede boots.
If the boot fits… wear it!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder… especially when you’re stuck wearing uncomfortable dress shoes instead of boots.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too… but you can wear boots and eat cake, and that’s basically the same thing.

Boot Double Entendres Puns: Kick Your Funny Bone with These

I tried to make a computer out of old boots… Turns out it had way too many laces and not enough RAM.
Did you hear about the cobbler who won the lottery? He finally got his boot-y call.
Why did the boot go to the doctor? It had a sole-ful cough.
My friend tried to sell me waterproof boots… He said they’d make a splash.
I saw a boot eating a bowl of chili… I guess you could say it was really “spicing” things up.
What do you call a boot that’s always getting into trouble? A real heel.
Someone stole my custom-made boots yesterday… Now I’ve got the boot-legging blues.
Why did the old cowboy refuse to wear new boots? He was afraid of breaking them in.
Never ask a boot for advice… They’re notoriously bad listeners.
I told my friend his boots were looking a little rough… He said, “Well, they’ve been through a lot together.”
You’re looking quite boot-iful today… especially from the ankle down.
I met a charming cobbler at a party… He really swept me off my feet.
Why did the boot get fired from its job at the shoe store? It kept putting its foot in its mouth.
I’m starting a new exercise class for boots… It’s called “Sole-Cycling.”
My dog loves chewing on old boots… I guess you could say he has expensive taste.
Those boots are made for walking… But they look better on you than on the shelf.
I used to hate wearing boots… Then it hit me.

Funny Boot Tom Swifties: A Country-Sized Collection

“These boots were made for walking,” Tom said pointedly.
“My new boots are surprisingly light,” Tom said weightily.
“I love the smell of new boots!” Tom declared sweetly.
“My boots feel a bit tight,” Tom said pressing-ly.
“I think I need a bigger size boot,” Tom said defeat-edly.
“These cowboy boots are so stylish,” Tom drawled handsomely.
“I tripped over my own boots!” Tom exclaimed stumblingly.
“These boots were a total bargain,” Tom said cheaply.
“I polished my boots for three hours,” Tom said brightly.
“I just can’t seem to get this mud off my boots,” Tom said dirt-ily.
“I think I left my other boot in the car,” Tom said forlornly.
“These boots make me feel so powerful,” Tom said boot-ifully.
“Look at my new hiking boots!” Tom said excitedly, taking a walk in the park.
“Watch out, that puddle is deep!” Tom said wellingtonly.
“My boots are starting to feel a little snug,” Tom said after a hearty Thanksgiving meal.
“I wonder if they make these boots in space?” Tom said astronaut-ically.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Boot: You’ll Boot-ifully Laugh at These

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot-iful day, isn’t it?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot don’t worry, be happy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot are you staring at? Got a problem with my footwear?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot-u-tiful, absolutely boot-u-tiful! I win again!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot it’s cold out here, aren’t you going to invite me in?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot scoot over, you’re sitting on my side of the porch!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot you guessed it, I came to talk about your car’s extended warranty!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot-lieve it or not, I used to be a pair of sandals!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Just boot to let you know, your Amazon package arrived!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot it doesn’t matter who I am, what matters is… I have the cake!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot-er up, buttercup! We’ve got a big day ahead of us.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot to be perfectly frank, your shoelaces are untied.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot scoot and boogie your way out of this one!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boot. Boot who? Boot it doesn’t matter who I am, I’m only here for the footwear convention! 😉