105+ Broccoli Jokes & Puns: Stop, My Sides Are Stemming!

Get ready to laugh your head off because we’ve compiled the best list of broccoli jokes and puns this side of the vegetable patch! 🥦😂 If you’re looking for some clever and positive humor to brighten your day, you’ve come to the right place. Did you know that a single serving of broccoli has more Vitamin C than an orange? It’s true! And these jokes are packed with even more laughs than a broccoli stalk has florets. Get ready for some seriously funny wordplay!

Top Broccoli Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Fresh from the Word Garden

1. Bro, you look fantastic! …coli.
2. Don’t be a brocc-hater, appreciate the florets!
3. Having a bad day? Try a brocc-tail.
4. What’s green and pretends to be a tree? Broc-faux-li.
5. I’m so full, I couldn’t eat another floret… said broc-noli-one ever.
6. Asparagus and broccoli walk into a bar… a broc-tender says, “We’ve got a great two-for-one deal!”
7. Feeling adventurous? Take a walk on the wild side… eat your broccoli stems!
8. You’re looking quite broc-ing today!
9. Did you hear about the broccoli protest? They were fighting for floret power!
10. Keep calm and broc-on! 💪🥦
11. What’s a ghost’s favorite vegetable? Spook-coli!
12. My therapist told me to eat my greens. Guess I’m having broc-therapy.
13. Roses are red, violets are blue, broccoli loves you! …Okay, maybe not the last part.
14. Life is like a bowl of broccoli. Some parts are tough, but it’s all good for you.
15. What does broccoli say when it’s complimented? “Aw, you’re florettering me!”
16. I tried to make broccoli cheese soup once… it was broc-lumpy.
17. Be there or be broccoli… wait, no, be there!

Funny Broccoli One-Liner Jokes To Floret You Over

1. I met a guy at a vegetable stand who could tell the future with broccoli; I said, “Tell me about my future!” He said, “It’s looking pretty green.”
2. What’s a broccoli’s favorite music genre? Anything but heavy metal – they prefer to be steamed.
3. I saw a sign at the grocery store: “Organic Broccoli: Now Gluten-Free!” I thought to myself, “Since when did broccoli have gluten?”
4. Why did the broccoli get a job at the library? Because it was great with Dewey decimals.
5. I tried to explain to my friend why broccoli is better than cauliflower. It was an argument that stemmed from my childhood.
6. My friend said he wanted to live in a world made entirely of broccoli. I told him to be careful what you wish for – it might be a little stalk-ing.
7. You know you need to eat more vegetables when even the word “broccoli” starts to sound exciting.
8. I’m not a huge fan of cooked broccoli. To be honest, it’s just not my cup of tea… or should I say, cup of florets?
9. My therapist told me to eat broccoli because it’s good for my head. I think she’s wrong; it keeps falling off my plate.
10. What did the broccoli say to the carrot during the race? “Lettuce win this thing!”
11. I used to hate broccoli, but then I spent some time in the produce aisle and it really grew on me.
12. Why don’t they allow broccoli on airplanes? They’re afraid it might start a floret fight!
13. I tried to make broccoli jewelry once… but it was too hard to string along.
14. My friend said he wanted to start a broccoli farm but didn’t know where to begin. I told him, “Just take it one stalk at a time.”
15. I told my friend my spirit vegetable was broccoli. He said that was a bunch of florets.
16. Why don’t broccoli and cauliflower get along? They have too many unresolved family trees.
17. What did the hipster say to the broccoli? “Hey man, I knew you before you were cool.”

QnA Jokes & Puns about Broccoli: Get Your Green Giggles On!

1. Q: What did the broccoli say to the mushroom who was hogging the space in the stir-fry? A: “Hey! Give me some room to floret!”
2. Q: Why did the broccoli get sent to the principal’s office? A: For being a bad influence and starting a food fight in the cafeteria. Apparently, he was one bad stalk!
3. Q: What did the grateful broccoli say to the farmer after a long day in the sun? A: “Thanks for raisin’ me right!”
4. Q: What’s green, healthy, and knows how to travel light? A: Broccoli with a boarding stalk!
5. Q: What’s the difference between a bad comedian and a head of broccoli? A: You can at least force yourself to eat broccoli.
6. Q: Why don’t they let broccoli into fancy clubs? A: They’re too stalk-y and always try to sneak in extra florets.
7. Q: What do you call a group of broccoli playing music? A: A stalk band.
8. Q: You’re trapped on a deserted island and can only choose one vegetable to grow. What do you pick? A: Broccoli, duh! It’s the only one with a built-in raft for when I’m rescued (points to stalk).
9. Q: Why did the broccoli cross the road? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!
10. Q: What’s green and goes “Brrrt! Brrrt!”? A: Broccolicopter!
11. Q: What’s the broccoli’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but heavy metal…it gives them stalk-holm syndrome.
12. Q: Heard about the broccoli who went on a diet? A: Yeah, it lost its stalk in the stock market and had to sell its condo-miniums!
13. Q: What does a broccoli use to surf the internet? A: Chrome-mium!
14. Q: Why did the broccoli break up with the cauliflower? A: It said cauliflower was too headstrong and never wanted to do anything floret-tatious!
15. Q: What do you call a broccoli that’s really good at karate? A: A Bro-coli Bruce Lee!
16. Q: Why is broccoli always winning arguments? A: Because it’s always right! …Get it? Right? Like, it’s the “right” thing to eat? Okay, I’ll stalk myself out.

Dad Jokes about Broccoli: They’re florets of fun!

1. Why didn’t the broccoli win the talent show? Because it florets in front of a large audience!
2. I tried to explain to my son that broccoli is just a baby tree… He just looked at me and said, “Are you sprucing me?”
3. Did you hear about the broccoli that joined the orchestra? It played the trom-bone-jour!
4. Why did the broccoli cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken!
5. My wife told me to take the broccoli out, like it’s going somewhere fancy. I told her, “Don’t get your hopes up, it’s still gonna be steamed.”
6. You know you’re eating too much broccoli when… you start seeing green giants in your dreams.
7. My son thinks he hates broccoli, but I know the truth… It’s just a phase he’s going through.
8. What do you call a group of broccoli playing music? A stalk band.
9. What’s broccoli’s favorite type of music? Anything but heavy metal – they prefer light stalks.
10. Why is broccoli always invited to parties? Because it’s such a fun-ghi!
11. My friend told me he adds broccoli to his smoothies for good luck. I said, “Hey, whatever floats your boat-ccoli.”
12. I tried to make broccoli cheese soup, but I think I used the wrong cheddar… It tasted a bit stalk.
13. What’s green and goes up and down? Broccoli in an elevator!
14. I saw a sign that said “Broccoli Festival Today!” I thought, “Well, that sounds like a bunch of florets.”
15. Why don’t they allow broccoli on airplanes? They’re afraid they’ll hijack the plane and turn it into a salad bar.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Broccoli: From Stalk to Remarkable

1. “Just saw a broccoli with a six-pack. Guess you could say it was ripped.”
2. “My therapist says I need to share my feelings more. Maybe I’ll start leaving passive-aggressive broccoli florets on people’s desks.”
3. “What do you call it when broccoli is being mean? A veggie tale.”
4. “I used to hate broccoli, but then I spent $10,000 on therapy and realized it’s actually quite delicious. Thanks, childhood trauma!”
5. “They say money can’t grow on trees, but have you ever seen a broccoli farm? Those farmers are definitely onto something…”
6. “I tried to explain to my broccoli that it was time to change for dinner. It just kept saying, ‘I’m already floret-ready!'”
7. “You know you’re an adult when you get genuinely excited about leftover broccoli in the fridge.”
8. “My life is like a plate of broccoli: some parts are enjoyable, some are a little tough, and some I just push around with my fork hoping nobody notices.”
9. “What’s green and always points fingers? A judgmental piece of broccoli.”
10. “Dating is just like broccoli. You have to wade through a lot of stalks to find the real head of the relationship.”
11. “My attempt at making broccoli cheddar soup went so badly, I’m calling it “Broccoli Cheddar Regret”.”
12. “Just saw a guy jogging with a head of broccoli in his hand. I guess he’s on a…bro-tein shake diet?”
13. “Never trust a skinny chef who says they love broccoli. They’re clearly not eating enough of their own cooking.”
14. “If broccoli wants to be taken seriously as a vegetable, it needs a better publicist. Or maybe a catchy jingle…”
15. “Bought a self-help book called ‘How to Make Friends and Influence Broccoli’. Turns out it’s a cookbook.”
16. “Remember, every time you eat your broccoli, a child somewhere gets their dessert. Wait…that’s not how it works? Never mind, eat the cookie!”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Broccoli: Florets of Wisdom

1. A watched pot of broccoli never boils… because no one wants to watch broccoli boil.
2. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and smell like steamed broccoli.
3. Don’t count your broccoli florets before they sprout… because it’s just sad.
4. A broccoli a day keeps the doctor… well, the doctor will still see you, but maybe you’ll feel a little smug.
5. Give a man a broccoli, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to love broccoli, and you’ll be stuck making it for every meal.
6. You can lead a horse to broccoli, but you can’t make it think it’s a carrot.
7. The early bird gets the worm. The late bird gets the leftover broccoli casserole. (Consider yourself lucky.)
8. One man’s trash is another man’s… still unwanted broccoli.
9. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Where there’s broccoli, there’s someone trying to sneak it onto your plate.
10. The grass is always greener… unless it’s covered in melted cheese, then it’s probably broccoli cheddar soup.
11. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two florets of broccoli don’t make a pizza.
12. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it definitely wasn’t built on a foundation of steamed broccoli.
13. You can’t judge a broccoli by its color… unless it’s bright yellow, then run.
14. All good things must come to an end, especially when it comes to leftover broccoli casserole.
15. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A broccoli a day keeps everyone at arm’s length (because, let’s be honest, the smell).
16. The pen is mightier than the sword, but a fork is no match for a determined toddler and a plate of broccoli.
17. Love is blind, but it can still smell when you’ve been hiding broccoli in your teeth.

Broccoli Double Entendres Puns: Only the Best Jokes

1. “I tried to make a sculpture out of broccoli once. Turns out, it was just a head of its time.” (Plays on “ahead of its time”)
2. “This broccoli is so fresh, it’s practically floretsing.” (Plays on “flourishing”)
3. “Feeling stressed? Just take a deep breath and eat some broccoli. It’s like meditation, but with more florets.” (Plays on “more flowers,” referencing meditative gardens)
4. “Heard a rumor that broccoli is secretly a superfood. It’s about to be a stalk market darling.” (Plays on “stock market”)
5. “That broccoli farmer is rolling in dough. Guess you could say he’s got the Midas stalk.” (Plays on “Midas touch”)
6. “My friend’s a broccoli farmer. He’s got a pretty good stalk portfolio.” (Plays on “stock portfolio”)
7. “Tried to cook broccoli in the oven. Ended up burning the house down. Apparently, I used too much stalk market.” (Plays on “stock market,” referencing kindling for fire)
8. “Don’t tell anyone, but I think those broccoli florets are plotting something. They’re up to something stemy.” (Plays on “schemy”)
9. “Got caught trying to steal broccoli from the grocery store. Guess you could say I choked under the stalk.” (Plays on “pressure”)
10. “That broccoli is so fresh, you can practically hear it growing. It’s practically stalk-ing out loud.” (Plays on “talking out loud”)
11. “My date last night was like a plate of broccoli: green and boring.” (Plays on the stereotypical view of broccoli as boring)
12. “My love for broccoli? It’s head over florets.” (Plays on “head over heels”)
13. “Trying to get my kid to eat broccoli is like negotiating a peace treaty. It’s a stalk order.” (Plays on “tall order”)
14. “Caught my dog chewing on the broccoli again. He’s got a real stalk-er problem.” (Plays on “stalker”)
15. “Sure, broccoli is healthy, but I’d rather eat something with a little more… zest. Broccoli just doesn’t cut the mustard, or any other condiment for that matter.” (Plays on the phrase “cut the mustard,” highlighting broccoli’s perceived blandness)
16. “Broccoli may be good for you, but let’s be real – it’s the Robin to the steak’s Batman. You know, always there, but not the main attraction.” (Plays on the dynamic duo, referencing broccoli’s common side-dish status)
17. “They say ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away,’ but what about broccoli? Maybe it keeps everyone away because of the smell.” (Plays on the idiom, poking fun at the sometimes strong smell of broccoli)

Funny Broccoli Tom Swifties: Veggie Puns to Stalk About

1. “This broccoli is steamed perfectly,” Tom said crisply.
2. “I love eating my broccoli raw,” Tom said boldly.
3. “This broccoli casserole is missing something,” Tom said blandly.
4. “Don’t forget to separate the broccoli florets,” Tom remarked divisively.
5. “My favorite way to eat broccoli is with cheese sauce,” Tom said gratuitously.
6. “This broccoli is a little tough,” Tom choked out.
7. “This broccoli grew quite large!” Tom said tree-mendously.
8. “That’s the last of the broccoli,” Tom said stalk-ingly.
9. “Oops, I overcooked the broccoli,” Tom said limply.
10. “This broccoli is too expensive!” Tom exclaimed cost-ly.
11. “I could eat broccoli every day,” Tom said healthily.
12. “Did you know broccoli is a flower?” Tom said bud-dingly.
13. “Pass the broccoli, please,” Tom requested stemly.
14. “This broccoli is organic,” Tom declared naturally.
15. “Is there any more broccoli?” Tom asked hungrily.
16. “I dipped my broccoli in ranch dressing,” Tom said saucily.
17. “Let’s have broccoli again tomorrow!” Tom repeated.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Broccoli for Kids

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly! It’s a vegetable!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brocc. Brocc who? Brocc-n the door down! I brought snacks!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli tell you a secret? Your fly is down!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Colin. Colin who? Colin all broccoli lovers, dinner is served!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Branch. Branch who? Branch out and try the broccoli, it’s delicious!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broc. Broc who? Broc ‘n roll! Let’s get this veggie party started!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bro. Bro who? Bro, have you seen how much broccoli they have? We’re set!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It’s cold out here and I have broccoli soup!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Barb. Barb who? Barb-ecue and broccoli, a match made in veggie heaven!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like your broccoli cooked? Steamed or roasted?
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, the broccoli dip is running out!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Artie. Artie who? Artie-choke, not the broccoli again! (Just kidding, it’s good!)
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you of your broccoli, hand it over!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Carrie. Carrie who? Carrie on with your day, but first, have some broccoli!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli just wanted to say hi! Have a great day!