110+ Coffee Jokes & Puns – You’ve Bean Warned!
Get ready to laugh your beans off! This list of coffee jokes and puns is the best way to brew up some humor. Did you know that coffee beans aren’t actually beans at all? They’re fruit pits! We think that’s pretty funny, but not as funny as the clever and positive puns you’re about to enjoy. So grab your favorite mug, pour yourself a cup of joe, and get ready for some seriously funny coffee puns!
Top Coffee Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Brew-tiful Laughs Guaranteed
- What did the caffeine addict name their child? > Joe
- Met my partner at a coffee shop. > A true latte love.
- Feeling bitter? > Just add coffee!
- You’re brew-tiful! > Have a coffee-licious day!
- What’s a coffee lover’s favorite work of art? > “A Mug-na Carta”
- Don’t worry, be frappe!
- Wedding gift? > How about a coffee percolator? Sounds like a good match!
- Espresso yourself! > But don’t over-caffeinate.
- Words cannot espresso how much you mean to me.
- Teacher’s fuel? > It’s a latte learning!
- Rise and grind! > Then drink coffee and be kind.
- Coffee break? > More like a coffee escape!
- Relationship status: > Fully caffeinated and committed.
- What did the coffee bean say to the hot water? > It’s going to be a brew-tiful day!
- Coffee, because adulting is hard.
- Sorry for what I said before I had coffee.
Funny Coffee One-Liner Jokes To Get You Through The Day
- Did you hear about the coffee shop on the moon? The line was out of this world!
- I’m not saying I need coffee, but I am saying I haven’t slapped anyone yet today.
- I just got a job at a coffee shop. They said I had all the right mocha-fications.
- What did the coffee bean say on its wedding day? “I’m bean looking forward to this!”
- Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged!
- You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy coffee… and that’s pretty close.
- My doctor told me to give up coffee for a week. I almost had a latte withdrawal symptoms.
- Coffee: Because adulting is hard and so are mornings.
- My love for coffee is brewing strong. It’s definitely not a latte love!
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around… to coffee.
- Coffee is always a good idea, unless it’s 3 a.m. and you have work in four hours.
- Words cannot espresso how much I love coffee.
- Life is like a cup of coffee: It’s all about how you blend it.
- I like my coffee like I like my men: hot, strong, and preferably fair-trade.
- Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee… or someone who makes it for them.
QnA Jokes & Puns about Coffee: Brew Up Some Laughs
- Q: Why did the coffee bean keep checking its watch? A: Because it was pressed for time!
- Q: What did the coffee lover say to their valentine? A: “Words cannot espresso how much you mean to me.”
- Q: What should you do if you’re cold at a coffee shop? A: Go sit in the corner, they usually have a latte heat there!
- Q: What’s a coffee lover’s favorite type of dog? A: A pug-kin spice latte!
- Q: Why did the coffee shop close early? A: They had too many grounds to leave!
- Q: What’s it called when two baristas fall in love? A: A brewing romance!
- Q: How does a coffee enthusiast say “thank you”? A: “Thanks a latte!”
- Q: What’s a teacher’s favorite type of coffee? A: Grade A, of course!
- Q: What do you call a coffee bean who’s a great singer? A: An espresso-nality!
- Q: Why did the coffee go to the police? A: It got mugged!
- Q: What do you call a positive coffee bean? A: An opti-mist-o!
- Q: What kind of coffee was served at the ice skating rink? A: Iced coffee, naturally!
- Q: Why was the coffee cup always smiling? A: It was full of good cheer-i-o’s (and coffee)!
- Q: What should you do if you’re feeling sluggish? A: Don’t worry, be happy… and drink some coffee!
- Q: What music do coffee beans listen to? A: Anything that’s got a good bean-at!
- Q: What did the coffee say to the sugar? A: “Hey sugar, you’re looking sweet today!”
- Q: How do you take your coffee on a cold day? A: Seriously, like I’m going to share?!
Dad Jokes about Coffee: Brew-tiful and Caffeinated
- Why did the coffee bean keep checking its watch? It was pressed for time!
- What did the coffee say to the sugar? We’re looking pretty sweet together!
- My doctor said I need to cut back on caffeine. Now I can only do my parkour in half-caf.
- I met a barista who was so strong, he could espresso himself with his bare hands. Talk about a real pick-me-up!
- Why don’t they serve coffee at the library? They’re afraid it would end up in volumes!
- I finally finished reading that book “How to Make a Latte Money.” Turns out it was just a brew-haha.
- My wife got mad at me for buying a $12 bag of coffee. I told her it’s actually a good price, it’s called “inflation” now.
- Why did the coffee shop go out of business? It ran out of grounds!
- My kid asked me if decaf coffee is healthy. I said, “Of corpse it is!”
- What’s it called when you steal someone else’s coffee? Mugging!
- You can tell it’s going to be a good day when the toughest decision you have to make is between latte or cappuccino. Don’t you just love those bean-counters?
- My friend tried to tell me his coffee was handcrafted. I said, “Don’t you mean hand-ground?”
- I wanted a hot cappuccino, but the barista gave me an iced one instead. He said, “My apologies, looks like I iced the coffee.”
- What’s a coffee lover’s favorite type of music? Anything that goes well with a good brew!
Funny Quotes and Captions about Coffee to Perk Up Your Day
- “Sure, I have a caffeine dependency. But on the plus side, I’m supporting a bean farmer’s kid’s college fund.” ☕️💰
- “My blood type is Coffee+, I checked.” 🩸😂
- “Relationship Status: In a committed relationship with my coffee machine. We have our own language.” 💕☕️ (Whisper: “Extra shot…”)
- “I like my coffee like I like my life choices… strong, hot, and with a good shot of regret later.” 🔥💀
- “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy iced coffee. And that’s basically the same thing in a much cuter cup.” ☀️🥤
- “My therapist told me to journal my feelings. So I showed her my coffee stain collection. Turns out, I’m “extra expressive” today.” 📓😭
- “Forget the gym, I got my daily grind right here.” 💪 (Holds up coffee mug)
- “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate… by making another cup of coffee.” 😎☕
- “I’d offer you some coffee, but I like you the way you are: quiet and uncaffeinated.” 🤫
- “BRB, going to participate in my favorite extreme sport: staying awake after 2 pm.” 😴 ☕️🏃♀️🏃♂️
- “Coffee: The magical elixir that turns “leave me alone” into “good morning, world!”” ✨🌎
- “My love language is acts of coffee.” ❤️☕
- “I tried to have a serious conversation with my coffee this morning… turned out to be pretty one-sided.” 🗣️☕ (cricket sounds)
- “Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee… and a desperate need for a nap.” 😴🏆
- “Life is too short for weak coffee and even weaker excuses.” 💪☕
- “Don’t worry, be frappe.” 😌✌️
Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Coffee: Brew-tiful Blends of Wisdom
- A watched pot of coffee never boils, but an unwatched one probably means you already had too much.
- The early bird gets the worm. But I’m no bird, pass the coffee and donuts.
- Don’t cry over spilled coffee, there’s always more in the pot…hopefully.
- You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink coffee. But really, why would you?
- Where there’s a will, there’s a way to make coffee, even if it means sacrificing sleep.
- Good things come to those who wait, but great coffee comes to those who grind their own beans.
- A penny saved is a penny earned. But a penny spent on coffee is a penny well-invested.
- You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a coffee shop by its latte art.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But coffee keeps everyone away until at least noon.
- Patience is a virtue, but so is a quick coffee break.
- You are what you eat, so eat coffee beans for maximum productivity. (Disclaimer: please don’t actually do this).
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the need for coffee grow stronger.
- Don’t put all your beans in one basket. Unless it’s a coffee basket, then go for it.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two shots of espresso make everything seem possible.
- Life is short, drink good coffee. Preferably while it’s still hot and before the world demands your attention.
Coffee Double Entendres Puns To Get Your Caffeine Fix
- “I like my coffee like I like my partners… strong, hot, and able to keep me up all night.” 😏
- “You can’t rush a good cup of coffee… unless you’re late for work, then it’s chug-a-lug time!” 🏃♀️💨
- “I’m addicted to coffee. I’d quit, but I don’t want to go through the grind.” 😉
- “This coffee is brewed so perfectly, it’s practically illegal.” 👮♂️ (whispering) “Don’t tell anyone.”
- “I’m not saying I need coffee, but I am saying I haven’t slapped anyone yet today…” 😬
- “They say coffee is a hug in a mug… I think someone needs to tell my mug to loosen up.” ☕
- “Life is too short for bad coffee… or boring drinking companions.” 😉
- “I judge a restaurant by its coffee… and whether they’ll let me bring my dog.” 🐶
- “This coffee is so strong, it’s starting to ask me existential questions.” 🤔
- “My ideal date? Coffee, conversation, and maybe a side of “I can’t believe you just said that.” 😂
- “I’m having a serious relationship with my coffee maker. It’s really brewing into something special.” 🥰
- “I’d like to thank coffee for making me the person I am today… slightly jittery and overly enthusiastic.” 🤪
- “Forget diamonds, I want a significant other who brings me coffee in bed.” 🛌 💍☕
- “I tried to tell my therapist about my coffee obsession, but he just kept yawning.” 😴
- “Good morning world! Or at least good morning to anyone who’s had their coffee.” 😎
- “You know it’s true love when you share your last cup of coffee without even thinking about it.” 💕
- “Coffee: because adulting is hard and requires caffeine.” ☕️🙌
Funny Coffee Tom Swifties That’ll Make You Percolate with Laughter
- “This coffee needs more sugar,” Tom said sweetly.
- “I love the aroma of freshly ground coffee,” Tom said aromatically.
- “I’m going to name my new coffee shop ‘The Daily Grind’,” Tom said predictably.
- “This espresso is incredibly strong,” Tom said intensely.
- “I take my coffee black, just like my metal music,” Tom said darkly.
- “My coffee date went horribly wrong,” Tom said bitterly.
- “I spilled coffee all over my new shirt!” Tom said stainedly.
- “This decaf tastes exactly the same as regular coffee,” Tom said deceitfully.
- “I can’t seem to focus without my morning coffee,” Tom said absentmindedly.
- “This coffee shop is always so crowded,” Tom said pressingly.
- “I put too much creamer in my coffee,” Tom said lightly.
- “This Irish Coffee will warm you right up,” Tom said spiritually.
- “This coffee is way too hot!” Tom said shortly, before spitting it out.
- “I think I need another cup of coffee,” Tom said weakly.
- “Ever since I started drinking coffee, I can’t sleep,” Tom said restlessly.
- “This coffee is outrageously expensive!” Tom said bucks-in-the-mugedly.
Knock-Knock Jokes about Coffee That Will Perk You Up
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee you happiness this morning!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee haven’t you let me in? It’s cold out here!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee love to stay and chat, but I gotta run!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee’ve tried to reach you all morning, your coffee break started ten minutes ago!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee you a question, but I’ll have to ask later. I’m on my first cup!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee and cream, that’s my dream team!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee you later, I’ve got a latte to do!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee not, I’m coming in! I smell cookies!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee break is over, time to espresso yourself back to work!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee you love me forever and a latte?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee think this is funny? Because I’m mugged!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee to think of it, I did leave the stove on…
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee right in, the door is always open for a friend with caffeine!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee-ently, I can’t believe you forgot International Coffee Day!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee you a hug? You look like you need a pick-me-up!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? Coffee-ever you are, I’m glad you brought donuts!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coffee. Coffee who? “Coffee” is my middle name… Just kidding! Or am I…?
