110+ Cotton Jokes & Puns: You'll Be Flipping Seeds!

Get ready to laugh your cotton socks off because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of cotton puns and jokes this side of the Mississippi! We’ve combed through fields of humor to bring you the funniest, most clever, and positive cotton-related witticisms. Did you know that a single cotton plant can produce over 1,000 cotton balls in its lifetime? Well, get ready to add some laughter to your life with these cotton jokes, because we’re about to blow your mind more times than that!

Top Cotton Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Thread Carefully

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too much cheetah fabric.
I tried to make a shirt out of candy… Turned out, it was sew-crose.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
Feeling stressed? Just cotton up to a nice cup of tea.
Why did the quilt win an award? It was out standing in its field!
What’s a sheep’s favorite music? Anything with a good fleece.
I used to be addicted to soap… But I’m clean now.
Heard about the sheep who went on vacation? He had a wool time!
Why don’t they have cotton in the desert? Because it’s too des(s)icated.
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
What kind of thread do you use to sew a banana peel? A s-peel-ial kind!
Where do sheep go to get their wool done? The baa-baa shop.
Life is like a fabric… Any way you seam it, it’s gonna unravel eventually.
What’s a king’s favorite type of fabric? Royal blue velvet. 😉

Funny Cotton Jokes With One Liner Clever Cotton Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Cotton One-Liner Jokes To Share

What did the cotton say to the fabric softener? Hey, lighten up!
I’m allergic to cotton, but I think I’ve found a comfortable alpaca-mise.
Did you hear about the farmer who was outstanding in his field? He grew cotton candy.
I used to be addicted to cotton, but I’m trying to be more fabric-ally neutral now.
Why don’t they play poker in the cotton field? Too many cheaters and too much fluff.
What’s a boxer’s favorite type of fabric? Cottonelle.
My friend said his new shirt is made of sustainable cotton. I said, “That’s tear-ific!”
If you’re cold, cotton blankets will help. They’re very quilt-y pleasures.
Where did the cotton go on vacation? To Spin-alonga!
I tried to buy organic cotton balls, but they were way too expensive. They cost a pretty peony!
Always be kind to your cotton farmers. They have a tough row to hoe.
What do you call a sheep in a cotton field? Lost and very confused!
You can’t plant cotton in a cornfield. That’s sew wrong!
If you’re feeling stressed, just remember: Take a deep breath and count to ten…sion.
That cotton gin is looking a little “wore” down these days.
Dating a scarecrow is tough – especially when he’s got his eye on a cotton picker.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Cotton: Thread Carefully

Q: What did the cotton ball say to the fabric softener? A: “Hey! I’m feeling really drawn to you!”
Q: Why did the farmer plant a cotton field shaped like a foot? A: He wanted to grow his own socks!
Q: What do you call a sheep covered in cotton candy? A: A fluffy baa-dashery!
Q: What did the cotton plant say to the farmer after a long day? A: “I’m completely picked out!”
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the cotton field? A: Too many cheaters and their little white lies!
Q: What’s a cotton ball’s favorite type of music? A: Anything soft rock!
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep and a cotton gin? A: A sweater that makes itself!
Q: How do you make a cotton candy tornado? A: Start with a sugar rush and spin it!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo that lives in a cotton field? A: A pouch potato!
Q: What’s a cotton farmer’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Measure for Measure (of cotton)!
Q: Where do cotton balls go on vacation? A: Sew-where warm!
Q: Why don’t ghosts like wearing cotton sheets? A: They prefer boo-tiful linens!
Q: What happens when two cotton farmers fall in love? A: It’s a sew-weet romance!
Q: What do you call a sheepdog that works in a cotton field? A: A fluff herder!
Q: How do you fix a hole in a cotton field? A: With a cabbage patch!

Dad Jokes about Cotton: The Fluffiest Jokes Around

My wife told me to take the spider webs down instead of making decorations out of them. I said, “But they’re natural cotton!”
Did you hear about the cotton farmer who won the lottery? He’s got a whole lot of bills to bale now!
What concert costs just 45 cents to see? 50 Cent featuring Cotton Eye Joe.
Where does cotton go on vacation? Sear-sucker.
Why don’t they play poker in the cotton field? Too many cheaters.
My kid asked me how cotton is picked. I said, “Very carefully!”
If you’re cold, go stand in a corner, they’re usually around 90 degrees. But if that doesn’t work, grab another bale of cotton.
What do you get if you cross a sheep and a cotton plant? A sweater you have to shear yourself!
I used to be a cotton farmer, but it was just too much fluff for me.
My friend said he was going to grow his own cotton. I said, “Be careful, that’s a sew-sew business!”.
I thought about starting a cotton farm, but I was already in too deep with my other job.
Why was the cotton ball always invited to parties? Because he was such a great listener!
What did the detective find at the scene of the crime involving a cotton thief? Lint-erprints!
You know what they say about cotton? Always trust your gut – or in this case, your boll.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Cotton: Soft Sayings for a Fluffy Life

“I told my friend to pick out any gift they wanted for their birthday. They chose cotton balls. Guess I’m going to need a bale more ideas.”
“Life is like a cotton candy machine – you spin, you spin, and sometimes all you get is a sticky mess.”
“What’s a sheep’s favorite music? Anything baaa-rock…or maybe just the sound of someone picking cotton.”
“My relationship with cotton candy is complicated. We’re very close, but it always disappears on me too soon.”
“Just saw a documentary about cotton farming. Turns out, it’s a very threadbare existence.”
“‘Sea Island Cotton: for pajamas so luxurious, you’ll never want to leave the house again (not that you could afford to after buying them).'”
“My bank account after buying new bed sheets? Let’s just say it’s looking a little… threadbare.”
“You know you’re getting old when you start getting excited about high thread count cotton sheets.”
“They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy a really soft cotton t-shirt, which is basically the same thing.”
“Don’t tell anyone, but I’m convinced my dryer is powered by tiny lint gnomes who steal socks and hoard cotton fluff.”
“Sure, love is grand, but have you ever experienced the joy of finding a matching pair of socks in the laundry? Made with 100% pure cotton love, baby!”
“What do you call a sheep that practices law? A baa-rister… specializing in cotton contract disputes.”
“Finally organized my sock drawer. It was a very thread-voking experience.”
“Tried to make a shirt out of cotton candy once. Let’s just say it was a very unraveling experience.”
“I’m starting a band called “100% Cotton.” We’re guaranteed to be soft, comfortable, and a little bit boring.”
“Went to a cotton farm today. It was fluffy.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Cotton: Freshly Picked 😉

A stitch in time saves nine, but a cotton boll in time makes a comfy pair of jeans. (Efficiency is key, especially in fashion.)
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, and don’t count your cotton before the boll weevil flinches. (Be patient and prepare for pests.)
Early to bed and early to rise makes a farmer healthy, wealthy, and wise to cotton prices. (Successful farming requires dedication and market savvy.)
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and the cotton seed doesn’t stray far from the boll. (Like produces like, even in the plant world.)
A watched pot never boils, and a watched cotton field never sprouts conspiracy theories about crop circles. (Overthinking leads to odd conclusions…or does it?)
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a really comfortable cotton t-shirt. (Good things take time and skilled craftsmanship.)
The early bird gets the worm, but the early farmer gets first pick of the cotton gin schedule. (Timing is everything, especially in the agricultural industry.)
Too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many opinions on thread count will ruin your good night’s sleep. (Just pick a sheet and get some rest!)
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and one man’s lint trap is another man’s cotton candy experiment. (Waste not, want not, even if it’s a little fuzzy.)
Life is like a box of chocolates, and a cotton field is like a box of surprises. They both come with weevils. (Expect the unexpected, especially in nature and confectionery.)
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and where there’s cotton candy, there’s a sticky-fingered child nearby. (Some things are inevitable, especially sugary treats and sticky situations.)
Birds of a feather flock together, and cotton balls tend to cling to socks fresh out of the dryer. (Static electricity: it’s more than just a science lesson, it’s a laundry day phenomenon.)
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, diversify with cotton futures! (A playful jab at investment advice and the unpredictable nature of commodities.)
A penny saved is a penny earned, and a cotton ball saved…well, it’s probably just a fire hazard. (Seriously, don’t hoard flammable materials.)
You can’t judge a book by its cover, and you can’t judge a cotton field by its boll weevil infestation… Okay, maybe you can a little. (First impressions aren’t always accurate, except when they are.)

Cotton Double Entendres Puns: Thread Carefully

“I tried to explain to my dog why cotton balls are bad for him… it went right over his head.” 🐶 (Playing on grabbing cotton with ear)
“I saw a sign that said ‘Beware: Picking Cotton Can Be Addictive.’ Guess I’m hooked already.” 🧵 (Playing on sewing addiction)
“My friend’s a successful cotton farmer, but he started from the bottom. Literally.” 🌱 (Playing on cotton plant growth)
“Date went well? Did you two cotton on?” 💕 (Playing on “hit it off”)
“They say cotton is the fabric of our lives… must be why I’m feeling so threadbare lately.” 😩 (Playing on feeling worn out)
“My grandpa’s old cotton shirts? They’ve really stood the test of thyme.” 👴 (Herb pun, as if shirts are seasoned)
“Went to a cotton farm-themed escape room… turned out to be a total fluff piece.” 🧩 (Playing on easy/unsubstantial)
“Don’t get me started on organic cotton…it’s a whole different yarn.” 🙄 (Playing on long/boring story)
“Relationship advice? Honey, just cotton up to ’em and tell ’em how you feel!” 😌 (Playing on approaching gently)
“Tried to make cotton candy, but I think I used the wrong type of cotton… this shirt tastes awful.” 🤢 (Absurd humor)
“Heard the cotton gin was feeling down… guess it needed a little gin and tonic.” 🍹 (Playing on the alcoholic drink)
“My therapist told me to confront my problems head-on. Guess it’s time to face the cotton.” 🧘‍♀️(Playing on cotton balls for makeup removal)
“They say to sleep like a baby… personally, I prefer to sleep like I’m wrapped in a thousand-thread-count Egyptian cotton cocoon.” 👑 (Playing on luxury and comfort)
“Broke up with my girlfriend. Apparently, I wasn’t giving her enough… space. At least that’s what she wrote on my going-away cotton t-shirt.” 😭 (Playing on break-up message)
“New business idea: Cotton candy floss for dogs. I’m calling it ‘Pup’ Fluff.” 🐾 (Playing on dog treats)
“The secret to a happy marriage? It’s all about compromise. He gets the remote, I get the Egyptian cotton sheets. It’s all about picking your battles.” 🤫 (Playing on choosing comfy bedding)

Funny Cotton Tom Swifties: A Fluffy Collection

“This fabric is so soft and fluffy!” said Tom cottonly.
“I think I need a bigger shirt,” Tom said tightly.
“I’m feeling lightheaded,” Tom said woozily.
“These pants shrunk in the wash!” Tom exclaimed shortly.
“Let’s go to the fabric store,” Tom suggested shearly.
“That cloud looks just like a sheep,” Tom said sheepishly.
“This thread keeps breaking!” Tom cried unravelingly.
“You’re pulling my leg!” Tom said yarnestly.
“I’m feeling a bit under the weather,” Tom said wringingly.
“This quilt is incredibly warm,” Tom said comfortably.
“My t-shirt collection is out of control!” Tom declared habitually.
“I can’t believe I spilled grape juice on my new shirt,” Tom said stainedly.
“This cotton candy is delicious!” Tom exclaimed sweetly.
“That magician’s disappearing act was amazing!” Tom said awestruckly.
“I love the feeling of new sheets,” Tom said freshly.
“The boll weevil infestation has really hurt my crops,” Tom said despondently.
“I wonder how they make fabric so thin,” Tom pondered finely.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Cotton: You’ll Be Softened Up

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton you looking so glum, cheer up!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton an argument with the fabric softener. Things got heated.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton see the resemblance, but people say we’re like two peas in a pod!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton be kidding me, you forgot the snacks again?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton a feeling we’re gonna have a lot of laughs today!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton tell you a secret, but then it wouldn’t be a secret!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton you believe it’s already Monday again?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton-pickin’ minute, I’ll be ready in a jiffy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton idea! Let’s have a picnic in the park!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton you hear the one about the sheep who went to the baa-ber?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton eye on you, you little rascal!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton let this go, you stole my heart!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton think straight with all this fluff in my head!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton get used to this weather, it’s always sunny here!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton touch this! It’s hot off the loom!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cotton. Cotton who? Cotton tell ya, life’s a breeze when you’re this comfy!