100+ Deli Jokes & Puns: A Meating of Minds
Get ready to slap some salami on your funny bone, because you’re about to feast your eyes on the best list of deli jokes and puns this side of the sourdough! We’ve piled high the freshest, most clever humor around, all guaranteed to tickle your pickle. Did you know the word “deli” actually comes from the German word “Delikatessen,” meaning “delicacies?” Well, get ready for a delicatessen of laughter, because these puns and jokes are positively divine!
Top Deli Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Freshly Sliced Humor
- What’s a deli worker’s favorite pickup line? “Want to go split a salami?”
- I’m making a TV show about a deli…it’s still in development.
- What did the deli say when it closed for the night? “That’s a wrap!”
- Why don’t delis ever tell secrets? They’re full of counterintelligence.
- What’s red and bad for your cholesterol? Deli meat-rious.
- I went to a deli that only served pastrami. Honestly? It lacked ham-bition.
- My friend opened a Shakespeare-themed deli. I think it’s a solid business plan, but he’s got a lot of rye-vals.
- Never ask a deli worker what their least favorite part of the job is. They’ll give you the cold cuts truth.
- Why did the cheese stand alone? Because the deli cut all his friends.
- Always be nice to deli workers. They have a lot on their plate.
- What’s the most popular meat in the deli? The trendiest.
- If you’re ever feeling lost, just remember the deli’s motto: “Meat your maker.”
- What do you call a fake pickle in the deli? A dill-usion.
- What happens when a deli owner gets in trouble with the law? They get served with a cease and desist order.
- Don’t ever start a fight in a deli. They’ll make a salami outta you.
- I wanted to open a seafood deli, but I couldn’t find a good plaice.
Funny Deli One-Liner Jokes To Make You Smile
- I tried to explain to the deli worker that I wanted my sandwich toasted, but he just gave me a blank stare. Guess you could say he was deli-rious.
- Why did the deli worker lose their job? They kept getting things mixed up – seems they weren’t very deli-berate!
- My friend opened a Shakespeare-themed deli. I think it’s going to be a real ham-let.
- I went to a deli that only served pastrami. It was a bit much, even for a meat-a-holic like me.
- That deli owner is rolling in dough…literally. He makes his own bagels!
- What’s red and bad for your cholesterol? Deli-meat-ed to please!
- What’s the most musical part of a deli? The salami-nder!
- Life is like a deli – you never know what you’re gonna get. But you can bet there’ll be a line.
- I started a band called “Deli Meats.” We mostly play cold cuts.
- You know you’re at a good deli when the sandwiches are stacked higher than your hopes and dreams.
- Never ask a deli worker what they recommend. You’ll be stuck there for an hour listening to the daily specials.
- Why don’t they allow card games in the deli? Too much cold-cuttin’ and dealin’!
- My doctor told me to eat more deli meat for my health. I told him, “Hey, don’t go bacon my heart!”
- Breaking news: Local deli worker arrested for slicing and dicing the competition!
- A pickle walks into a deli and asks for a job. The owner says, “Sorry, we already have someone in a pickle here.”
- You can tell a lot about a person by the way they order their sandwich at a deli. It’s a real window into their soul…or at least their hunger level.
QnA Jokes & Puns about Deli: Guaranteed to Make You Meat-Laugh
- Q: Why did the deli worker win an award? A: He was outstanding in his field!
- Q: What did the deli say to the rude customer? A: That’s baloney!
- Q: Why don’t they serve chocolate milk at the deli? A: Because the cows haven’t learned the recipe yet!
- Q: What’s a deli worker’s favorite dance move? A: The bologna swing!
- Q: Why did the sandwich go to the doctor? A: It was feeling a little deli-rious!
- Q: Why did the deli owner hire a clock? A: To see thyme fly!
- Q: What’s a pickle’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but dill-iband!
- Q: What’s a deli worker’s worst nightmare? A: A bread shortage! They’d be in a real pickle!
- Q: Did you hear about the deli that got lost? A: It took the wrong deli-very!
- Q: Why don’t they allow card games in the deli? A: Too much risk of a salami!
- Q: What do you call a fake noodle at the deli? A: An impasta!
- Q: Why was the deli owner so successful? A: He always kept his customers in high spirits!
- Q: What does a deli worker say when they’re surprised? A: Well, cheese and crackers!
- Q: Why don’t they serve alcohol at this deli? A: Because they don’t want any salami-nars!
Dad Jokes about Deli: Sliced for your amusement
- What did the pickle say to the deli worker? Dill with it!
- A guy walks into a deli and asks, “Do you have any bologna?” The deli worker whispers, “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re all out of ham!”
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… So I took it to the deli for a roast beef on rye.
- Why was the deli meat sweating? Because it was under a lot of pressure!
- Did you hear about the deli owner who won an award? He was outstanding in his field!
- I tried to explain to my son that they didn’t have his favorite turkey at this deli… But he wouldn’t salami the truth!
- My wife got mad at me for using the last of the pastrami from the deli… I told her to just chill!
- Did you hear about the deli worker who got fired from the bank? Seems he kept losing his lox!
- Why did the bread go to the deli after work? To loaf around!
- I wanted a specific cheese from the deli but didn’t know the name… So I just pointed and said, “I’ll have that one, please. Gouda be here!”
- What do you call a fake noodle dish at the deli? An im-pasta!
- Why did the comedian go to the deli? He heard the meatball sub had a great delivery!
- I wanted to order a thousand sandwiches from the deli… But the guy behind the counter told me to hold my horses-radish.
Funny Quotes and Captions about Deli: Guaranteed to Make You Laugh Out Loud
- “Life is like a deli line – you think you’re next, then someone orders a pastrami on rye with a side of existential dread.”
- “I’m on a strict deli-tarian diet. I only eat what I crave.”
- “Just saw a guy get cut off in the deli line. He was absolutely pickle-d!”
- “My therapist told me to take things one day at a time. So, I ordered a week’s worth of pastrami from the deli.”
- “They say money can’t buy happiness. They clearly haven’t experienced a good deli platter.”
- “You know you’re a deli-aficionado when you judge people based on their sandwich order.”
- “Don’t go bacon my heart, I’ve got my eyes on a Reuben from the deli.”
- “My love for you is like a deli pickle – kind of sour, kind of crunchy, and absolutely irresistible.”
- “I’m not saying the deli overcharged me, but I had to take out a small lox to pay for my bagel.”
- “Never underestimate the power of a good pastrami sandwich. It can cure anything, except maybe a gambling addiction.”
- “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they eat a sandwich. Especially if it’s from a deli with a questionable health rating.”
- “I’m starting a support group for people who are addicted to deli mustard. It’s called “Yellow Is The New Crack”.”
- “Went to a speed dating event at the deli. It was love at first bite…of my corned beef sandwich.”
- “They say home is where the heart is. But my heart is wrapped in a toasted everything bagel from that deli on 8th street.”
- “The only thing better than the smell of fresh baked bread is the smell of fresh baked bread with a side of impending deli meat.”
- “I’m not sure what’s more beautiful, the Mona Lisa or a perfectly stacked Reuben sandwich from my favorite deli. Okay, it’s the Reuben.”
Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Deli: Sliced and Served With a Smile
- A pastrami in time saves nine…dollars on your sandwich combo.
- Don’t cry over spilled pickle brine, there’s always more in the jar…hopefully.
- Early to bed, early to rise, makes a deli owner wealthy and wise.
- You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him try the spicy mustard.
- Where there’s smoke, there’s a brisket slowly reaching perfection in the back.
- Good things come to those who wait… in the deli line patiently.
- A penny saved is a penny… you can use towards a delicious deli pickle.
- Rome wasn’t built in a day, but this Italian sub surely was.
- Don’t judge a sandwich by its rye bread, but by the generous fillings inside.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese from the deli platter.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a pastrami on rye keeps boredom at bay.
- Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to make a Reuben, he’ll open a deli and eat for a lifetime.
- Fortune favors the bold… especially when ordering the mystery meat special at the deli.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two slices of salami make a pretty good sandwich.
- You can’t have your cake and eat it too… unless you order two slices from the deli.
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder… of that amazing corned beef you had last week.
- The proof is in the pudding… or in the perfectly seasoned potato salad at the deli counter.
Deli Double Entendres Puns: Sliced For Your Amusement
- “I told the deli worker I wanted my sandwich with everything. He looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘That’s a big dill.'” (Play on “big deal”)
- “Met someone interesting at the deli counter today. Turns out, they were a real rye-bread winner.” (Play on “ribbed for her pleasure”)
- “This deli meat is past its prime. Looks like it’s time to meat our maker.” (Play on “meet”)
- “I used to be addicted to the deli’s Italian hoagies, but I’m trying to turn over a new panini leaf.” (Play on “turn over a new leaf”)
- “That deli owner is rolling in dough. Literally, he fell asleep in the bread section again.”
- “Went on a date to the deli. It was love at first bite.”
- “My friend told me he’s starting a deli-themed escape room. I said, ‘Well, that sounds like a real pickle.'” (Play on “predicament”)
- “My therapist told me to confront my fears. So I walked straight into that deli and ordered the extra-spicy mustard.”
- “I’m starting to think my relationship with this deli is getting too saucy.” (Play on “saucy” meaning risqué)
- “The deli’s new slogan is ‘We meat again.’ A little morbid, but I appreciate the commitment.” (Play on “we meet again”)
- “My doctor told me to eat more greens. Guess I’ll be adding extra lettuce to my deli sandwiches.”
- “Heard the deli down the street was giving away free sandwiches. Turns out it was just a salami tactic to get more customers.” (Play on “scare tactic”)
- “Don’t get on the deli owner’s bad side. He’s got a real chip on his shoulder. A potato chip, that is.”
- “I asked the deli worker for a recommendation. He said, ‘Try the turkey and swiss. It’s got a cult following.'”
- “I’m feeling very conflicted. On one hand, I want a delicious deli sandwich. On the other hand, I also want a delicious deli sandwich.”
- “Breaking news: This just in, the deli has officially run out of pastrami. More on this developing cold cut story at eleven.” (Play on “developing story”)
Funny Deli Tom Swifties: Sandwiched Between Hilarity and Puns
- “That pastrami was incredible!” Tom said deli-riously.
- “I’ll take my sandwich to go,” Tom said wryly. “This deli is too crowded.”
- “I think I’ll have the Reuben,” Tom decided meat-ingly.
- “This corned beef is a bit on the salty side,” Tom said brine-ily.
- “I love the atmosphere in this place,” Tom said counter-productively.
- “Do you have any gluten-free bread?” Tom asked wheatenly.
- “This sandwich is massive!” Tom exclaimed heroically.
- “Make sure you slice that salami thin,” Tom said coldly.
- “What kind of pickles do you have?” Tom inquired dill-igently.
- “I’m craving something sweet,” Tom said mustard-ly.
- “I’ll take everything on my sandwich,” Tom said whole-heartedly.
- “Can I get a side of potato salad?” Tom ordered spud-denly.
- “They forgot my pickle!” Tom said sadly. “That’s a real dill.”
- “This coleslaw needs more mayonnaise,” Tom said dressing-ly.
- “This pastrami is giving me heartburn,” Tom said ruebenly.
- “This soup is lukewarm,” Tom remarked tepidly. “Could you heat it up chopp-chopp?”
- “Wow, that was fast service!” Tom said swiftly. “I’m really impressed with this deli.”
Knock-Knock Jokes about Deli: The Cheesiest You’ll Ever Hear
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Deli-cious. Deli-cious who? Deli-cious looking, is that a new sandwich in your hand?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the sandwiches at this deli!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rye. Rye who? Rye-diculously good pastrami on rye, please!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pastrami. Pastrami who? Pastrami the mustard, I’m starving!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pickle. Pickle who? Pickle little patience, this line at the deli is long!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Salami. Salami who? Salami get you a sandwich, you look hungry!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Deli-shus. Deli-shus who? Deli-shus flavors will tantalize your taste buds!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more pastrami left? I need a sandwich!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Deli-ver. Deli-ver who? Deli-ver up that secret ingredient in your potato salad!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cole. Cole who? Coleslaw wrestling is messy business, but someone’s gotta do it!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Swiss. Swiss who? Swiss you a river, gotta run to grab a sandwich from the deli!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Provolone. Provolone who? Provolone you love a good Italian sub, you should try this deli!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mustard. Mustard who? Mustard be lunchtime, I’m craving a deli sandwich!
