100+ Eye Jokes & Puns: You've Got to See These!

Get ready to see the world through laughter-colored glasses! This list of eye jokes and puns is the best way to brighten your day and give your funny bone a workout. We’ve got more puns than you can shake a stick at (though we don’t recommend doing that near your actual eyes!). From cornea-copia of clever wordplay to hilarious sight-based humor, we’ve got something for everyone. Fun fact: your eyes are capable of distinguishing around 10 million different colors! But can they see how funny these jokes are? Let’s find out!

Top Eye Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks – You’ve Got to See This!

I went to a seafood disco last night… …I pulled a mussel.
My optometrist told me to wear sunglasses whenever I’m outside… …Because even the sun has beautiful eyes.
What do you call an eye doctor who lives in Transylvania? …Count Vacula.
My friend said his eyesight is getting worse… …I told him “Eye see”.
What do you call it when an avocado is stalking you? … Guac and Eye.
I just got glasses with transition lenses… …Now I see eye to eye with everyone.
Never tell secrets in a cornfield… …Too many ears.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? …Between you and me, something smells.
I used to hate my brown eyes… …Then I saw the iris.
Why don’t pirates wear eye patches? …Because they’re too expensive-ate!
What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite type of music? …Anything with a good beat.
My new glasses make me look smarter… …Well, at least people can’t tell where I’m staring anymore.
What’s the difference between an eye doctor and a jeweler? …One removes cataracts, the other cataracts customers.
I used to want to donate my body to science… …But then I realized, they already have one with working eyes.
Why don’t Cyclops use bows and arrows? …They only have one eye-dea for projectiles.

Funny Eye Jokes With One Liner Clever Eye Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Eye One-Liner Jokes To Improve Vision 😂

I went to a seafood restaurant and ordered an oyster Rockefeller…turns out, he just wanted to talk about eye drops.
I told my eye doctor I was seeing double. He said, “Sit in the waiting room, and if you’re still there in an hour, come back.”
My friend said his new glasses were giving him tunnel vision. I told him to look on the bright side.
Why don’t pirates wear eye patches? Because they’re too expensive – they cost an arm and a leg!
What do you call an eye doctor who takes your insurance? In-sight-ful.
My optometrist told me to have cataract surgery. I told him, “No way, I’ve got a cat allergy!”
I used to hate my brown eyes, but then I saw the light.
I’m writing a book about the history of eyeballs. It’s a real page-turner.
What do you call it when a group of potatoes stages a rebellion? An uprising of the Spuds!
I told my optometrist I only see well in the morning. He said, “That’s your morning glory.”
What do you call it when an eye doctor uses Instagram? Eye-Catching content!
I tried to explain to my eye doctor that I wasn’t seeing things, but he was out of his mind.
Eyebrows are always in fashion – they’re above it all.
Don’t be afraid to open your eyes to new possibilities. You might just see eye to eye with them.
If a cyclops winks, does it still count?
I tried to make a belt out of contact lenses. It didn’t go so well, It was a real eye-sore.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Eye: See What We Did There?

Q: Why did the eye exam go well? A: Because the patient had a vision plan!
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye after a fight? A: Between you and me, something smells!
Q: What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat… and vision!
Q: Why did the eye get glasses? A: It wanted to improve its eye-Q!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo’s eye condition? A: A pouch potato eye!
Q: Where do pirates go to get their eye patches? A: Aye-Mart!
Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had so many problems it couldn’t even look at them!
Q: What does an eye doctor collect at home? A: Eye-catching artwork!
Q: How do eyeballs take a vacation? A: They go on a SEE-nic route!
Q: What do you call it when an eye doctor makes a mistake? A: An eye-sore!
Q: What do you call an eyeball that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real eye-full!
Q: What did the optician say to the customer with blurry vision? A: “Can you see me now? Good, because I can’t see you at all!”
Q: Why did the detective with poor eyesight get a job at the art museum? A: He was great at spotting forgeries!
Q: Why did the eyeball go to art school? A: It wanted to learn how to express itself!
Q: My eye doctor said I have a cataract. Is that bad? A: Don’t worry, it’s purr-fectly normal!
Q: I spied on my neighbor with binoculars yesterday. A: Really? How did it go? Q: Eye-opening!
Q: Why are fish so easy to convince? A: They have no eye-dea what’s going on!

Dad Jokes about Eye: You’ve Seen Enough to Know Better

I told my optometrist I wanted 20/20 vision in each eye. He said, “Okay, that’ll be 20/20.”
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato. What about his bad eyesight? Kangaroo-sion!
I went to the eye doctor and asked for some new contacts. He said: “Get out! This is a Wendy’s!”
What’s an eye doctor’s favorite dessert? Focal-pie.
Why don’t pirates wear eye patches in real life? They just can’t see the appeal.
I used to hate going to the eye doctor, but now I see things in a whole new light.
You know what the optometrist said when I asked if my new glasses made me look smarter? “Well, you’re certainly looking at a higher bill this time.”
What do you call a cow that can’t see? Blind as a bat…because, like, everyone knows bats are the ones with bad eyesight. 😜
What musical instrument is found in every eye? The cornea! (cornet…Get it?)
Why wouldn’t the pirate play cards with the ophthalmologist? He knew he was being eye-cheated.
My friend wants to open an eyeglass store themed after famous artists. He’s calling it “Vincent Van Gogh’ggles.”
Remember that time I tried to make pasta to impress your mom? It was a real eye-talian job. 🙄
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Eye to Help You See the Humor

“My eye doctor told me I have perfect vision… if you don’t count all the judgment.”
“I finally got my life together. Now I just need to work on my eye contact.”
“Sure, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but let’s be honest… some beholders need glasses.”
“I always win staring contests. I mean, I never lose.”
“My love for you is like a beautiful sunset. I can’t quite look at it directly.”
“Sleep? What’s sleep? My eye bags have eye bags.”
“I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I do believe in conserving energy… like keeping my eyes half-closed most of the time.”
“My spirit animal is a chameleon… mostly because I, too, change eye color depending on who I’m talking to.”
“Behind every great pair of eyes is a brain wondering why it never learned to wink properly.”
“My bank account is like a scary movie: I avert my eyes at the scary parts.”
“If eyes are the windows to the soul, then mine must be those stained-glass ones nobody understands.”
“Sure, honesty is important… but have you tried squinting? Makes everyone look more trustworthy.”
“Never judge a book by its movie adaptation…or a person by their morning eye boogers.”
“Found my contacts case! Turns out it was hiding in the same dimension as my motivation.”
“Need to work on my poker face. My eyebrows tend to betray the secrets my eyes are trying to keep.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Eye: A Sight for Sore Eyes

A wandering eye might find treasure, but it usually trips over the coffee table first.
Don’t cry over spilled milk; it can irritate your contacts.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him wear your reading glasses.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but it might land in your eye if you’re not careful.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and in desperate need of an eye exam.
An eye for an eye leaves everyone looking like pirates.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but an ugly personality is impossible to miss.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, especially when applying eyeliner.
Don’t judge a book by its cover, or an optometrist by their funky glasses.
A watched pot never boils, but a watched smartphone drains your battery and strains your eyes.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you might convince him he needs cataract surgery.
Good things come to those who wait, but squinting impatiently won’t make them come faster.
Love is blind, but friendship carries a spare pair of glasses.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the eyes more accustomed to the dark.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… then maybe get your vision checked.

Eye Double Entendres Puns: See What We Did There?

I tried to explain to my eye doctor that I see dead people, but he just rolled his eyes and said, “Next patient.” (Playing on dismissing the claim vs. literally moving to the next patient)
My optometrist told me I had a terrible eye for detail. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. (Playing on lack of observation skills vs. being shocked by the news)
Looking for the perfect eye shadow palette is exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I’ve seen it all. (Playing on viewing many palettes vs. feeling jaded and unimpressed)
My friend said she wanted to watch a movie about eye surgery, but I told her it was too graphic. (Playing on gore in surgery vs. graphic design being the focus)
I met a guy at the eye doctor who claimed he could see into the future. I was like, “Yeah, I see right through you.” (Playing on not believing him vs. literally seeing through a transparent person)
The eye doctor asked me, “Better or worse?” I said, “Better, but I still can’t see the point of this appointment.” (Playing on vision improvement vs. questioning the necessity of the visit)
I used to be afraid of getting contacts, but now I’m all eyes. (Playing on being interested vs. literally becoming multiple eyes)
My left eye got into a fight with my right eye. I guess you could say they didn’t see eye to eye. (Playing on disagreeing vs. eyes literally not facing the same direction)
My eye doctor told me to keep taking the drops, but my eye kept running away. (Playing on not applying drops correctly vs. the eye physically running)
I went to a psychic who said she could see everything happening in my life just by looking at my eyes. I paid her extra not to tell me what happened last night. (Playing on embarrassment vs. literally wanting to keep a secret)
I tried to write a song about eyes, but I couldn’t see it going anywhere. (Playing on lack of song potential vs. not being able to visualize the song’s future)
The new eye drops were amazing! I saw an improvement in my vision right before my very eyes. (Playing on fast improvement vs. literally seeing change within one’s own eyes)
I bought an “invisible” eye patch. I can still see why people would buy one. (Playing on the absurdity of the situation vs. understanding the appeal despite seeing it)
I told my friend I was worried about my deteriorating eyesight. He said, “Don’t worry, I see what you mean.” (Playing on understanding the concern vs. literally seeing the problem with the other person’s eyes)
The eye doctor asked if I had any questions. I said, “Can you tell me what it all means? These eye charts are just Greek to me!” (Playing on not understanding eye charts vs. the letters literally being Greek)
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. My eyes must be stuck on pop-up ads, because all I see is spam. (Playing on seeing unwanted content vs. the literal internet meaning of spam)
My eye doctor said I have perfect vision. I guess hindsight really is 20/20. (Playing on clarity of the past vs. the literal meaning of perfect vision)

Funny Eye Tom Swifties: See What We Did There?

“My eyesight is getting worse,” Taylor said blurrily.
“I think I need to see an optometrist,” Taylor said looking back.
“Those concert lights are awfully bright,” Taylor said brightly.
“I can’t believe my ex stood me up at the ophthalmologist’s office,” Taylor said patiently.
“I wrote this song about a guy with heterochromia,” Taylor said eye-ronically.
“That magic trick with the disappearing contact lens was amazing!” Taylor said visibly shaken.
“I only date guys who wear glasses,” Taylor said speculatively.
“That new eye-shadow palette is absolutely fire!” Taylor said smokily.
“I think I got something in my eye,” Taylor said tearfully.
“I always win staring contests,” Taylor said winkfully.
“My eye doctor appointment got rescheduled again?” Taylor said shortsightedly.
“I just can’t seem to find my glasses,” Taylor said blindly.
“My favorite part of the movie was the giant eyeball monster,” Taylor said wide-eyed.
“I always wear sunglasses so people don’t recognize me,” Taylor said shady-ly.
“I’m starting a new trend of wearing monocles,” Taylor said one-sidedly.
“I’m thinking of getting laser eye surgery,” Taylor said with laser focus.
“Did you get a good look at the setlist?” Taylor said with a wink.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Eye You’ll See Right Through

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eye. Eye who? Eye see what you did there!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cataract. Cataract who? Cataract now or you’ll miss the eye-poking spectacle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, my eye appointment is in ten minutes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iris. Iris who? Iris you a happy birthday with my eye closed!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vision. Vision who? Vision you were here, let’s go get some eye-cream!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Optic. Optic who? Optic-ian says you need new glasses!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben looking for my glasses all day, have you seen them?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ash. Ash who? Bless you! Must have been something in your eye!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lena. Lena who? Lena in a little closer, I want to see your beautiful eyes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Otto. Otto who? Otto see a doctor about that twitching eye!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Art. Art who? Art you even listening? I said I lost my contact lens!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ida. Ida who? Ida know you were trouble when you walked in with that black eye!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for my eye exam, gotta run!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cornea. Cornea who? Cornea believe it’s not butter! Those are just my new contact lenses!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pupil. Pupil who? Pupil see you now, said the eye doctor!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olivia. Olivia who? Olivia little, and you’ll see the world in a whole new way!