125+ Grass Jokes & Puns: You’ll LOL!

Get ready to laugh your stalks off because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of grass puns and humor this side of the pasture! We’ve got enough clever puns to cover a whole lawn, and each one is funnier than the last. Did you know a single blade of grass can hold a dewdrop that weighs up to 50 times its weight? We’re positive these jokes will lighten your mood even more! So, take a seat, get comfy, and prepare for some seriously funny grass jokes!

Top Grass Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Lawn and Order

1. Never trust atoms. They make up everything! (Especially grass… get it?)
2. Did you hear about the award-winning lawn? It was outstanding!
3. What’s a snake’s favorite type of grass? Adderall!
4. I’m starting a band called “Shorter Than.” Our first gig’s in my backyard.
5. What did the mom grass say to the baby grass? Don’t be a lawn wolf!
6. Why didn’t the grass win any awards? It was always high!
7. I tried to explain to my lawn why it needed water… but it was all ears.
8. What’s a gardener’s worst enemy? A lawn shark!
9. My neighbor keeps his grass three inches tall. He’s got a low tolerance.
10. What do you call a grass with a social media problem? Insta-grass!
11. My lawnmower broke down… Guess I’ll have to take it to the grass station.
12. What kind of music do lawns like? Anything but bluegrass!
13. Grass is always greener on the other side… until you get there and realize it’s AstroTurf.
14. Don’t be surprised if I know my grass types… I have a green thumb and a photographic memory!
15. What did the grass say to the wind? Let’s blow this popsicle stand!
16. The grass whispered secrets to me. Turns out, it’s growing on me.
17. This is my turf! …said the grass, rather aggressively.

Funny Grass One-Liner Jokes To Mow You Down 😄

1. I tried to explain to my lawn that I didn’t hate it, I just preferred it shorter – it’s like talking to a brick wall, only greener.
2. Did you hear about the detective who couldn’t solve the grass seed theft? He had nobody to weed out the bad guys.
3. My dog ate all my weed killer. Now he just lays around the yard, high on fertilizer and plotting revenge.
4. My lawn is like a celebrity – always needing more attention than I can give.
5. I saw a sign that said “Keep off the grass,” but I couldn’t read cursive, so I tripped.
6. My neighbor keeps bragging about his award-winning lawn. I told him, “It’s not that impressive, mine’s two-time ‘Participant’ ribbon winner.”
7. If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have so many branches? And while we’re at it, why isn’t my lawn paved with cash?
8. Astrology is a load of bull. I’m a Taurus, and I can’t even grow grass.
9. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to my neighbor’s prize-winning lawn. Now that’s what I call “organic pest control.”
10. They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but I’ve been sneaking over there to fertilize it at night.
11. My lawnmower and I have an agreement: I pretend to fix it, and it pretends to start.
12. My therapist suggested I try journaling to reduce my anxiety. Apparently, screaming “WHY WON’T YOU GROW?!” at the lawn isn’t healthy.
13. My lawn is so patchy it looks like a dog designed a golf course.
14. I bought a self-driving lawnmower. Now I just sit on the porch and watch it get lost.
15. My lawn is a constant battle – me versus the weeds, the moles, and the occasional rogue garden gnome.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Grass: A Cut Above the Rest

1. Q: Why did the lawn refuse to gossip with the flowers? A: It didn’t want to spread rumors through the grapevine…or should I say, grass-vine!
2. Q: What did the grass say to the lawnmower? A: “Hey! Give me a trim, I’m lookin’ kinda shaggy.”
3. Q: What do you call a lawn full of debt collectors? A: Loan sharks!
4. Q: What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good swing grass!
5. Q: Have you heard about the new grass-flavored soda? A: It’s pretty good, but I heard it’s a little tough to swallow.
6. Q: What’s green, smells fresh, and has four legs? A: Grass… I lied about the legs!
7. Q: Why did the gardener get an award? A: He rose to every occasion!
8. Q: What do you get when you combine a cow and a grass stain? A: A moo-stache!
9. Q: Why did the grass go to the doctor? A: It wasn’t feeling so green.
10. Q: What does grass dream of becoming? A: The president! It wants to be the leader of the free world and be walked all over.
11. Q: What did the happy blade of grass say to his friends? A: “Hey guys, the lawn next door is waving back!”
12. Q: I’m starting a band called “The Lawnmowers”. A: We’ll be sure to mow down the competition!
13. Q: Why don’t they play poker on the lawn anymore? A: Too many cheaters…they kept hiding cards in the grass.
14. Q: Did you hear about the grass that joined the circus? A: It ran away and joined the fleas.
15. Q: What’s the only cure for a bad case of grass stains? A: Lawn-dering them!

Dad Jokes about Grass: Lawn and Order

1. Why did the lawn get a Nobel Prize? For its groundbreaking work in photosynthesis.
2. I tried to explain to my kid how grass grows, but it went right over his head. He’s got to be the right height to get it!
3. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the lawn next door. Now it owes me rent.
4. What do you call a lawn full of debt collectors? Loan sharks!
5. Heard a rumor that lawns are outlawed in the Sahara Desert. Apparently, it’s grounds for a sandstorm.
6. What’s a lawn’s favorite drink? Root beer.
7. Why was the lawnmower feeling down? It felt a little run-down.
8. What’s the fastest-growing grass? Artificial turf – it’s always one step ahead.
9. How do you get a lawn to laugh? I don’t know, but you’ve really got to tickle its blades!
10. My lawn is like my golf game. Mostly lies and I barely take care of it.
11. Why do lawns have such bad memories? They’ve got short blades.
12. You know what the worst part about mowing the lawn is? Everything before and after actually cutting the grass.
13. My son asked me how I get the lawn so perfect. I whispered, “Shhh… it’s fertilizer secrets.”
14. A magician offered to make my lawn disappear. I said, “No, thanks. I already lost three gnomes that way.”
15. Why did the grass go to court? It witnessed a weed whack.
16. Why did the lawn blush when the flower winked? It was pollen in love!
17. My wife said the lawn looks rough. I told her it’s just going through a phase. It’s a little grunge period.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Grass: That Will Make You Laugh Out Lawn

1. “I’m at that age where ‘getting high’ means I trimmed the hedges, not the grass.”
2. “My neighbor’s lawn is perfect. It’s like he mows it with a laser and whispers sweet nothings to it.”
3. “I tried explaining to my dog that the grass isn’t actually greener on the other side… he just sniffed and walked away. I think he knows something I don’t.”
4. “My ideal weekend? Feet up, drink in hand, listening to the soothing sounds of… the neighbor mowing their lawn. My lawn can wait.”
5. “Life is like a lawn: full of ups and downs, and you’re always pushing something.”
6. “My therapist told me to touch grass and reconnect with nature. So I went outside and made a grass angel. Progress?”
7. “The only time I enjoy mowing the lawn is when I’m pretending to be a character in a badly dubbed kung fu movie. “HI-YAH!”
8. “Dating apps are like trying to find a four-leaf clover in a field of AstroTurf: It might look greener, but good luck finding something real.”
9. “My grass is so overgrown, it’s practically eligible for a mortgage.”
10. “If money grew on trees, my financial advisor would be a lumberjack. Since it doesn’t, I guess I’ll just keep staring at my sad lawn.”
11. “I don’t need a therapist, I just need to lay in the grass and stare at the clouds. And maybe someone to bring me a lemonade.”
12. “What’s a lawn’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones, of course!”
13. “Some people have green thumbs… I think I have more of a grass-stained finger.”
14. “Why did the gardener plant light bulbs? He wanted a lawn that stayed lit even after dark.”
15. “They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but I’m pretty sure they fertilize with envy.”
16. “I finally understand why dogs love to roll in the grass. It’s their version of a spa day.”
17. “Sure, I could mow the lawn… or I could just lie in a hammock and contemplate the meaning of life. Decisions, decisions.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Grass: That Aren’t Always Green

1. The grass is always greener… until you get a whiff of your neighbor’s fertilizer.
2. Don’t let the grass grow under your feet, unless you’re trying to win a “worst lawn” competition.
3. A watched lawn never mows itself.
4. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it mow the lawn.
5. One man’s weed is another man’s “I totally meant to plant that.”
6. The early bird gets the worm, but the laziest person gets all the dandelions.
7. Don’t cry over spilled milk, it’ll ruin your picnic blanket.
8. A stitch in time saves nine, especially when patching holes dug by the neighbor’s dog.
9. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many feet trample the grass.
10. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the lawn grow wilder.
11. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, unless it’s chewing on your prize-winning rose bushes.
12. Good fences make good neighbors, especially when they come with a lawn service contract.
13. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a decent lawn.
14. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and the dandelion seed doesn’t fall far from the lawnmower.
15. Better to have loved and lost, than to have tried to get rid of crabgrass.
16. All good things must come to an end, like summer vacation and the endless cycle of mowing the lawn.

Grass Double Entendres Puns: A Cut Above the Rest

1. “I tried to start a grass-roots movement about lawn care, but it just wouldn’t spread.” (Playing on the term “grassroots” and literal grass spreading)
2. “The lawnmower salesman told me his products were life-changing. He wasn’t kidding – my grass has never looked better!” (Playing on “life-changing” literally referring to the grass’s appearance).
3. “My neighbor’s always complaining about their grass being greener. I think they just need to chill out.” (Playing on the saying “the grass is always greener” and suggesting the neighbor needs to relax).
4. “I told my gardener I wanted my lawn trimmed to exactly two inches. He said, ‘Sure, that’s a cut above.'” (Playing on “a cut above” referring to both hair length and quality of work)
5. “This weekend, I’m going to listen to some bluegrass music while I mow the lawn. You could say I’m really cultivating my interests.” (Playing on “cultivating” meaning both growing and nurturing).
6. “My lawnmower broke down mid-mow. Looks like I’m back to square one…or should I say, rectangle one?” (Playing on the shape of a typical lawn)
7. “Dating apps are like mowing the lawn. You gotta weed through a lot of options to find something worthwhile.” (Playing on “weeds” being both unwanted plants and undesirable dating profiles)
8. “They say you shouldn’t smoke grass…unless it’s in your lawn and you need to get rid of the evidence.” (Playing on the slang term “grass” for marijuana)
9. “My therapist told me to ‘touch grass’ to reconnect with nature. Now my hands are covered in chlorophyll, and my problems are still here.” (Playing on the idiom “touch grass” and taking it literally)
10. “My lawn is so overgrown, it’s practically a jungle out there. I’m waiting for a wildlife documentary crew to show up any day now.” (Playing on the lawn’s wild appearance)
11. “I used to be addicted to soap operas, but I gave them up cold turkey. Now I just watch grass grow. It’s much less dramatic.” (Playing on “grass growing” being slow and uneventful)
12. “I’m thinking about getting a pet sheep to mow my lawn. It’ll save me time and get rid of all that ‘baaaaad’ grass.” (Playing on the sound a sheep makes and “bad” grass needing to be trimmed)
13. “My lawn is so perfect, it looks completely Photoshopped. My neighbors are green with envy… literally.” (Playing on “green with envy” and the color of grass).
14. “I hate it when people walk on my lawn. They act like they’re on some kind of…grass-roots campaign.” (Playing on the idiom “grassroots campaign” and the literal act of stepping on grass).
15. “My lawn is my sanctuary. It’s the only place where I can truly be ‘grounded.'” (Playing on “grounded” meaning both connected to earth and emotionally stable).
16. “I’m writing a tell-all memoir about my life in lawn care. It’s gonna be called ‘The Grass Whisperer.'” (Playing on the title “The Horse Whisperer” and suggesting an ability to communicate with grass)
17. “They say the early bird gets the worm, but I say the early gardener gets the greenest grass.” (Playing on the saying about early birds and implying that early lawn care leads to better results).

Funny Grass Tom Swifties For Lawn and Order

1. “This lawn is looking a little sparse,” Tom said thinly.
2. “I need to cut the grass this weekend,” Tom said shearly.
3. “I think I’ll start a lawn care business,” Tom said mowingly.
4. “My allergies are acting up from that freshly cut lawn,” Tom said achoo-ly.
5. “This grass is surprisingly soft,” Tom said smoothly.
6. “Did you fertilize the lawn?” Tom asked organically.
7. “The neighbor’s goat got loose and ate my lawn!” Tom said baaa-dly.
8. “Wow, this grass is really tall!” Tom exclaimed highly.
9. “I used to have the greenest lawn on the block,” Tom said wistfully.
10. “Let’s have a picnic on the grass!” Tom suggested spread-out-ly.
11. “This weed whacker needs new string,” Tom said trimly.
12. “I forgot to water the lawn, and now it’s brown,” Tom said dryly.
13. “This lawn mower is making a strange noise,” Tom said cuttingly.
14. “I think I’ll just lie here in the grass and relax,” Tom said lazily.
15. “This grass seed is supposed to be drought-resistant,” Tom said hopefully.
16. “I can’t believe how much it costs to maintain a healthy lawn,” Tom said greenly (as in, enviously of the money).
17. “My, the grass really is greener over here,” Tom said pasture-ly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Grass for Lawn-ing Out Loud

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Grass. Grass who? Grass-p me tightly, I’m falling for you!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lawn. Lawn who? Lawn and order! This overgrown grass is under arrest!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Grasshopper. Grasshopper who? Grasshopper in, we’re having a lawn party!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hay. Hay who? Hay there! You got your lawn mowed yet?
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Green. Green who? Green you seen a lawn this perfectly manicured?
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better get this grass cut before the neighbors complain!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mow. Mow who? Mow about we go for a picnic in the (freshly cut) grass?
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blades. Blades who? Blades of grass are tickling my ankles!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sod. Sod who? Sod you! I just raked those leaves off the grass!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fertilizer. Fertilizer who? Fertilizer information, press one now!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Turf. Turf who? Turf be a better way to tell you, your lawn is looking amazing!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sprinkler. Sprinkler who? Sprinkler little love on your lawn, it looks thirsty!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Clippings. Clippings who? Clippings are starting to pile up, time to empty the mower!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Clover. Clover who? Clover my lawn with kisses, it’s the greenest one I know!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Picnic. Picnic who? Picnic blanket on the grass, it’s time for lunch!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Astroturf. Astroturf who? Astroturf you won’t know the difference!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dandelion. Dandelion who? Dandelion wish I had a lawn as nice as yours!