Clean Up Your Act: 135+ Hand Sanitizer Jokes & Puns for a Good Laugh

Welcome to the best post you’ll read today! We’re here to give you a good laugh with our list of hand sanitizer jokes and puns. We promise it’ll be a “clean” humor, so get ready to scrub away those frowns. These jokes are perfect for kids (and kids at heart) and will leave you feeling positively cleansed with laughter. So without further ado, let’s get sanitized with some clever humor and funny puns about hand sanitizer. Trust us, this is one list you won’t want to “gel” away from. Let’s go!

Clean Comedy: Our “Hand Sanitizer” Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

“I tried a new hand sanitizer, but it just didn’t rub me the right way.”
“Sanitizing my hands is like washing away all my bad decisions from the day.”
“I swear, the scent of hand sanitizer is so strong, I can practically taste it.”
“They say cleanliness is next to godliness, but I prefer to just use hand sanitizer.”
“My hand sanitizer is so effective, I could probably sanitize an entire army.”
“I don’t always use hand sanitizer, but when I do, I make sure it’s the fancy kind.”
“If hand sanitizer was a person, it would definitely be a germaphobe.”
“They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but I prefer to use hand sanitizer.”
Forget about diamonds, hand sanitizer is a girl’s best friend.
“Hand sanitizer: because sometimes soap and water aren’t available…or required.”
“I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in my pocket just in case I encounter a handshake enthusiast.”
“Hand sanitizer: the only thing that can clean up after a hot mess like me.”
“I prefer my hand sanitizer like I prefer my humor: dry and witty.”
“I hate to break it to you, but hand sanitizer won’t solve all your problems. It’s not a magic wand…or is it?”
“Sorry, I can’t come to your party, I’m busy hanging out with my favorite pal, hand sanitizer.”

funny Hand Sanitizer jokes with one liner clever Hand Sanitizer puns at PunnyFunny.com

Cleansing with Comedy: Funny Hand Sanitizer Jokes

Why did the hand sanitizer go to therapy? Because it was always rubbing people the wrong way!
Did you hear about the new hand sanitizer for gamers? It’s called “Anti-Bac-tivision.”
I used to think hand sanitizer was expensive, but then I realized it’s basically liquid gold.
My friend said he bought 100 bottles of hand sanitizer and 80 rolls of toilet paper. I think he’s preparing for a different kind of pandemic.
They say you should wash your hands for at least 20 seconds, but does that include the time it takes to sing “Happy Birthday” twice or the entire chorus of “Bohemian Rhapsody”?
Hand sanitizer is like a magical potion – it’s able to kill 99.9% of germs and also transform regular people into temporary germaphobes.
What did the hand sanitizer say to the cut on my finger? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”
I tried to open a bottle of hand sanitizer with my teeth, but I ended up getting a mouthful of clean, sanitized teeth instead.
Hand sanitizer is just like a vaccine, except instead of protecting you from diseases, it protects you from awkward handshakes.
I heard there’s a new scent of hand sanitizer called “Out of Office.” Apparently, it smells like a tropical vacation and excuses to not do any work.
I don’t always use hand sanitizer, but when I do, I make sure it’s strong enough to kill not just germs, but any hope of me getting sick.
My grandma keeps a bottle of hand sanitizer in every room of her house, which explains why her hands are so soft and her furniture sticky.
Hand sanitizer was always a staple in my bag, but now it’s like the star player on my team. It’s like “sanitize, pass, rinse, repeat.”

Clean and clever: QnA jokes about hand sanitizer

Q: Why did the hand sanitizer go to therapy? A: It was feeling a little too attached.
Q: What’s the best way to make sure your hands are always clean? A: Hand sanitizer, hands down.
Q: What do you call a hand sanitizer that procrastinates? A: Sanitizerella.
Q: Why couldn’t the hand sanitizer get a date? A: It was too needy and always wanted a hand.
Q: Did you hear about the hand sanitizer that went on vacation? A: It had some time to soak up the sun.
Q: Why was the hand sanitizer feeling lonely? A: It was left with no one to hold.
Q: What did the hand sanitizer say to the hand soap? A: “You’re just too slippery for me.”
Q: How does a germ avoid getting killed by hand sanitizer? A: It pretends to be invisible.
Q: Why did the hand sanitizer break up with the tissue? A: Their relationship was just too one-sided.
Q: What did the hand sanitizer say to the cut? A: “I’ve got you covered.”
Q: Why did the hand sanitizer join the army? A: It wanted to fight against germs on the front line.
Q: What’s the best type of hand sanitizer? A: The kind that doesn’t smell like tequila.
Q: Why was the scientist confused when he tested the hand sanitizer? A: The results were inconclusive; it cleaned everything except for his hands.
Q: How does hand sanitizer greet its friends? A: It gives them a handy shake.

Dad Jokes about Hand Sanitizer: Clean Humor for Germ-fearing Fathers

What did the hand sanitizer say to the soap? “You’re always so sudsy, get a grip!”
Did you hear about the hand sanitizer that fell in love? It’s now engaged… with a moist towelette.
Why did the hand sanitizer go to therapy? It had issues with attachment!
What did one germ say to the other germ after using hand sanitizer? “High five!”
What do you call hand sanitizer that’s emotional? Sanitizer tears!
Why did the hand sanitizer need therapy? It had separation anxiety from its pump.
How does hand sanitizer clean its hands? With antibacterial soap opera!
What’s the best way to catch a germ? With hand sanitizer!
Why shouldn’t you trust hand sanitizer? It’s always up to no good!
What do you call a hand sanitizer that’s always running late? Fashionably sanitized.
How does hand sanitizer keep its cool? With antibacterial ice!
What do you get when you mix hand sanitizer and glue? A sticky situation.
Why did the germ refuse to use hand sanitizer? It’s too sanitized for its liking.
What did the hand sanitizer say when it saw a bottle of lotion? “Well, aren’t you the smooth talker!”

Clean Hands, Dirty Minds: Funny Quotes about Hand Sanitizer

“Hand sanitizer: the only thing that promises to kill 99.9% of germs and also your skin’s natural moisture.”
“Hand sanitizer: because washing your hands is just too much effort.”
“Why bother washing your hands when you can just use hand sanitizer? It’s basically the same thing, right?”
“The world’s strongest muscle is the human tongue, but the world’s weakest muscle is the finger used to dispense hand sanitizer.”
“Hand sanitizer: the ultimate cure for major ocd.”
“You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you start using hand sanitizer as a refreshing scent.”
“Forget diamonds, hand sanitizer is a girl’s best friend.”
“Hand sanitizer: making public transportation slightly less disgusting since 1966.”
“I don’t always use hand sanitizer, but when I do, it’s because someone sneezed on me.”
“Hand sanitizer: for those times when you can’t tell if it’s dirt or chocolate on your hands.”
“Hand sanitizer should come with a warning label: may cause loss of sensation in hands and inability to taste food properly.”
“They say laughter is the best medicine, but I’m pretty sure hand sanitizer comes in a close second.”
“One small squirt for man, one giant leap for germ-kind.”
“Hand sanitizer: because touching things is overrated.”
“Who needs hand sanitizer when you have a perfectly good sleeve to wipe your hands on?”

Don’t sanitize your wit, let these sayings do the job!

A clean hand is worth two pumps of hand sanitizer.
It’s better to be safe than sticky with germs.
An ounce of hand sanitizer is worth a pound of soap.
A squirt of hand sanitizer a day keeps the germs at bay.
Don’t count your chickens before you’ve sanitized your hands.
A clean hand is a happy hand, but a sanitized hand is pure bliss.
A penny saved is a penny you can spend on more hand sanitizer.
Like mother, like daughter, both love their hand sanitizer.
A sanitized hand is a blessing, but two sanitized hands are a miracle.
Don’t bite the hand that gives you hand sanitizer.
A bird in the hand is worth two pumps of hand sanitizer.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but hand sanitizer works just as well.
Good things come in small bottles of hand sanitizer.
When life gives you germs, use hand sanitizer.
A sanitized hand is a happy hand, and a happy hand is a clean hand.

Cleanse your hands and your mind with these hand sanitizer double entendres puns!

“I always keep my hands clean and my mind dirty, thanks to my trusty hand sanitizer.”
“When life gives you germs, grab some hand sanitizer and kill ’em off!”
“I’m a firm believer in a strong handshake and an even stronger hand sanitizer.”
“Forget Prince Charming, all I need is a bottle of hand sanitizer to protect me from germs.”
“Hand sanitizer: the ultimate wingman for germaphobes.”
“My hands may be dry from all this hand sanitizer, but at least they’re germ-free!”
“In a world full of germs, be the hand sanitizer.”
“I never leave home without my trusty sidekick, hand sanitizer!”
“My motto: always carry hand sanitizer and a sense of humor.”
“They say cleanliness is next to godliness, but a bottle of hand sanitizer comes pretty close.”
“Never underestimate the power of a hand sanitizer-wielding mama.”
“I’d rather be caught with a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse than without one when I need it.”
“Hand sanitizer: the superhero of personal hygiene products.”
“If life hands you lemons, use your hand sanitizer to make lemon-scented cleanliness.”
“A little dab of hand sanitizer is all it takes to keep the germs at bay and the laughs coming.”

Kill Germs, Not Your Sense of Humor: Recursive Puns about Hand Sanitizer

“Did you hear about the hand sanitizer that couldn’t stop cleaning itself? It had an OCD (obsessive cleaning disorder).”
“I tried to tickle my friend with hand sanitizer, but it just gave him a high five instead.”
“Why did the hand sanitizer go to therapy? Because it couldn’t handle germs-aphobia.”
“I saw a bottle of hand sanitizer with a label saying ‘kills 99.9% of germs’, so I asked what happened to the other 0.1%. It said it was in germ hell.”
“My wife thought I was cheating on her with hand sanitizer, but I told her it was just a hygiene affair.”
“I told my friend to put some hand sanitizer on his hands, and he asked why. I said, ‘Because cleanliness is next to handliness.'”
“What do you call a germ that’s not afraid of hand sanitizer? A rebel without a cleanse.”
“My doctor told me I have a deficiency of hand sanitizer in my system. I need an emergency germ-infusion.”
“I accidentally spilled hand sanitizer on my phone and now it’s squeaky clean. Goodbye fingerprint reader.”
“Why did the hand sanitizer want to be friends with the soap? Because it didn’t want to be anti-bacterial.”
“I asked my dad if he wanted some hand sanitizer and he said, ‘No thanks, I already have enough hands.'”
“I heard about a new brand of hand sanitizer that’s also a moisturizer. It’s called Germolene.”
“Why couldn’t the hand sanitizer find love? Because it kept killing all its bacteria.”
“If you ever get lost in the jungle, just remember to bring some hand sanitizer. It’s the real palm-tree-oil.”

Tom Swifties Cleans Up with “Hand Sanitizer” Ingenuity

“I can’t believe we’re all out of hand sanitizer,” Tom disinfected.
“I need to stock up on hand sanitizer,” Tom said germaphobically.
“Thanks for reminding me to wash my hands,” Tom clean-handed.
“I just got a big bottle of hand sanitizer,” Tom pumped.
“Ugh, these sanitizer shortages are making me sick,” Tom sanitized.
“I’ll never forget my hand sanitizer again,” Tom gelled.
“I’m glad I have my trusty hand sanitizer with me,” Tom sanitized smugly.
“I’m a big fan of hand sanitizer,” Tom said with a gel-tastic grin.
“No need for a soap opera, I’ve got my hand sanitizer,” Tom quipped cleanly.
“I always keep a travel-sized hand sanitizer in my pocket,” Tom bared germ protection.
“I think I’ve officially become addicted to hand sanitizer,” Tom confessed germly.
“Ah, the sweet smell of hand sanitizer,” Tom inhaled sanitizedly.
“I’ll never shake hands again without first using hand sanitizer,” Tom disinfected socially.
“I could really use a hand sanitizer refill,” Tom said with a clean conscience.

Sanitized punchlines to tickle your funny bone!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer who? Hand sanitizer, open up, it’s me, your germ-fighting friend!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alcohol. Alcohol who? Alcohol you need for a good time? Just like hand sanitizer, always within reach!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Germs. Germs who? Germs who? I can’t hear you over the sound of my hand sanitizer defeating you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squirt. Squirt who? Squirt, squirt, I’m like hand sanitizer, making everything feel clean and new!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rubbing. Rubbing who? Rubbing alcohol may be a good substitute for hand sanitizer, but I’ll stick with the good stuff!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bacteria. Bacteria who? Bacteria who? Not on my watch, I’ve got my trusty hand sanitizer with me!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? The flu. The flu who? The flu who? Not here, not today! Hand sanitizer to the rescue!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Aloe. Aloe who? Aloe you vera much, hand sanitizer! You always have my back!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isopropyl. Isopropyl who? Isopropyl right, hand sanitizer is essential for staying clean and healthy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scented. Scented who? Scented who? Not me, I’ve got my trusty hand sanitizer with a fresh scent!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gel. Gel who? Gel who? Just the best hand sanitizer ever, that’s all!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Virus. Virus who? Virus who? Not on my watch, I’ve got hand sanitizer to protect me!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cleanse. Cleanse who? Cleanse who’s here to make sure your hands are always germ-free? Hand sanitizer, that’s who!

Cleanly Concluding this Sanitizingly Funny Post!

So there you have it, folks! 135+ hilarious hand sanitizer jokes and puns to keep you sanitized and entertained. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, but hand sanitizer is a close second. And if you enjoyed these puns, make sure to check out our other posts on puns and jokes – trust me, they’ll have you in stiches! Now go out there and make germ-fighting fun with these puns and don’t forget to keep your hands clean! 😉