Get Spellbound with these 230+ Harry Potter Jokes & Puns!

funny Harry Potter jokes with one liner clever Harry Potter puns at PunnyFunny.com

Calling all wizards, witches, and Muggles! Are you ready for a dose of magical humor? Look no further, because I’ve compiled a list of the BEST puns about our beloved Harry Potter. These clever jokes will have you and your kids rolling with laughter, and maybe even casting a few spells of your own. Get ready to enter the world of silly wand-waving and mischievous mischief with this list of hilarious Harry Potter jokes. Let’s kick the humor up a notch and spread some positive vibes in the wizarding world!

Hilarious Harry Potter Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks to Cast a Spell on Your Sense of Humor!

  1. What do you call a magical school for owls? Hogwarts of course!
  2. Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? To see if he could survive the Half-Blood Prince!
  3. How do wizards tell time? With their witches watches!
  4. What does a Ravenclaw do when they can’t solve a problem? Call up their Hufflepuff friend, they always have the solution!
  5. How many Death Eaters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer to live in darkness!
  6. How do you make a fire spell even hotter? Add some Ginny!
  7. Why did the Gryffindor get detention? Because they were playing Quidditch in the halls again!
  8. Knock knock. Who’s there? You-Know-Who. You-Know-Who who? Exactly, that’s the point!
  9. Why is Voldemort terrible at making jokes? Because he always nose the punchline!
  10. What did the Gryffindor say when they lost their wand? Oh, wand-erful!
  11. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By riding his Nimbus 2000 broomstick!
  12. Why did Hermione keep getting detention? Because she was brewing up trouble in Potions class!
  13. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite type of music? Soul-gryph!
  14. How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes five years and a lot of spells!
  15. Why did Moaning Myrtle never make it as a comedian? Because she was always feeling down in the bathroom!
  16. What do you call a Hogwarts student with no hair? Baldemort!
  17. What do you call a frog that becomes a wizard? A toad-ini!
  18. Why was Professor Trelawney always predicting doom and gloom? Because she was always crystal ball in’!
  19. What kind of socks do Dementors wear? Holey ones!
  20. How do you know if a hippogriff is happy? You’ll hear them Gryffin-dore!

Get Your Wand Ready for These Hilarious ‘Funny Harry Potter’ One-Liners!

  1. Why did Professor McGonagall give up fortune-telling? She couldn’t see the future in it.
  2. What did Harry Potter say when he dropped his wand? “Abracadammit!”
  3. Why was Hermione always the smartest witch in her class? She was always studying “witch”craft.
  4. I asked a Death Eater for directions, but he just told me to “Avada Kedavra” myself there.
  5. Why did Professor Snape never need to use a mirror? He could always look at his own reflection in the potions.
  6. How does Voldemort like his coffee? Dark, with a little bit of charm.
  7. What do you call a group of Hufflepuffs playing a game of Quidditch together? The Hufflepuff Squad.
  8. What did the Sorting Hat say to the nervous first-year student? “Don’t worry, I’m just trying to sort things out.”
  9. How many Death Eaters does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they’ll make sure it’s a dark one.
  10. Why was the Hogwarts kitchen always stocked with food? Because it had a great Head cook.
  11. Why did Ron and Ginny start a band? They wanted to call it The Weasley Rockers.
  12. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just use electricity.
  13. What do you call a group of Dementors on vacation? A Death-tour.
  14. What did Hermione say when she saw Ron fail at a spell? “Looks like you’ve got some hex-splaining to do.”
  15. Why did the Slytherin cross the road? To get to the dark side.
  16. What’s Hagrid’s favorite type of music? Rock with a little bit of hippogriff.
  17. What do you call a group of Aurors partying? The Magical Enforcement Squad.
  18. Why did the Deathly Hallows go bowling together? They wanted to strike fear into their opponents.
  19. How does Harry Potter get ready for bed? He puts on his Slytherin pajamas.
  20. Why did Harry Potter refuse to believe his fortune cookie? It said he would be “drawn into something sinister”…but he was already a part of it.

Sorting laughs with QnA Jokes & Puns about Harry Potter

  1. ) Q: What does Harry Potter use to keep his potions organized? A: Hermione-icals!
  2. ) Q: How does Harry Potter get rid of a cold? A: He takes a Quidd-itch pill!
  3. ) Q: How do you know if a wizard is good at their job? A: They have a Sirius-track record!
  4. ) Q: What do you call a Hufflepuff with a cold? A: A snuffle-puff!
  5. ) Q: What do you get when you cross a wizard and a dinosaur? A: A spells-saur!
  6. ) Q: What do you call a group of wizards in a band? A: The Wizarding Wrockers!
  7. ) Q: How does Harry Potter like his eggs in the morning? A: Eggers-all-in-one-basket!
  8. ) Q: What’s Hagrid’s favorite type of music? A: Rock, Hogwarts-style!
  9. ) Q: Why did Harry Potter go to the pet store? A: He needed to buy some owl-treats!
  10. ) Q: What do you call a pack of werewolves playing a game? A: A full-moon amusement-park!
  11. ) Q: Why did the Death Eater go to the doctor? A: He had a Voldemortile dysfunction!
  12. ) Q: What does a Slytherin say when they’re feeling confident? A: “I’ve got this snake-under-control!”
  13. ) Q: Why couldn’t the Hogwarts students successfully throw a surprise party for Dumbledore? A: Because he always knew how many candles were on his cake with Diviner-candles!
  14. ) Q: How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but they also need a Luminos-caster!
  15. ) Q: Why didn’t Professor Trelawney have any real friends? A: Because she was always Seer-iously wrong about her predictions!
  16. ) Q: What do you call Luna Lovegood after she studies for exams? A: Luna-particle!
  17. ) Q: What do you get when you mix Harry’s scar, Ron’s nose, and Hermione’s brain? A: The smartest, bravest, and most famous wizard of all time!
  18. ) Q: Why did Dobby bring extra socks to the Yule Ball? A: Just in case he wanted to Elf-a change of clothes!
  19. ) Q: How do you know if you’re a true Gryffindor? A: You never back down from a Dumbledore!
  20. ) Q: Why did Professor Snape regret becoming a potions master? A: He couldn’t handle the Huffle-puff of smoke that always came with brewing!

Magical Laughter: Dad Jokes about Harry Potter

  1. Why did Harry Potter cross the road? To get to the Diagon Alley.
  2. What did Severus Snape say when he saw a paralyzed student? “Looks like someone’s Petrified of me!”
  3. How does Harry Potter get rid of a pimple? With an Expelliarmus spell.
  4. Why did Ron Weasley go to bed with his wand? To have sweet dreams.
  5. What does a Death Eater say when they see a group of muggles? “Expecto Patronum? More like expecto to be stupefied!”
  6. Why did Hermione quit Divination class? She couldn’t see herself doing it.
  7. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite kind of exercise equipment? A Quidditch treadmill.
  8. Why was Sirius Black afraid to go to the hairdresser? He was worried he’d end up with a bald spot-kissed haircut.
  9. What’s Voldemort’s favorite pizza topping? Extra dark arts.
  10. Why did Harry Potter refuse to eat peas? He heard they were part of Lord Voldemort’s army.
  11. How does Harry Potter keep his glasses from breaking? With a Reparo spell.
  12. What do you call an angry Hogwarts student? A Gryffin-ROAR!
  13. Why did the owl get sent to detention? It was caught playing with a quill-ity toy.
  14. How does Hagrid decorate for Christmas? With Hogwarts wreath and slither-een lights.
  15. What do you call a Potions class without Snape? A remedial potion-tasting class.
  16. How does Harry Potter keep his hair looking so neat? With a daily styling of Leviosa.
  17. Why did Harry Potter quit his job as a janitor? He kept finding basilisks in the bathroom.
  18. Why does Professor McGonagall love Muggle technology? Because she can transform a laptop into a cat-puter!
  19. What did the Sorting Hat say to Harry when he tried to wear it as a hat? “I’m sorry, Harry. I’m not your HAT-rick!”
  20. Why did Ginny break up with Harry? She couldn’t handle his constant Dumbledore jokes.

Spellbindingly Hilarious: Funny Quotes about Harry Potter

  1. “I solemnly swear I’m up to no good…at finding more time to read Harry Potter.”
  2. “Accio coffee! Because even wizards need caffeine.”
  3. “If I had a galleon for every time someone asked me if Quidditch is a real sport, I’d be a rich wizard.”
  4. “Why did the Ministry of Magic choose an owl as their main method of communication? Because #emailspellscantbeforged”
  5. “I may not be a Hogwarts graduate, but I’ve got my N.E.W.T.s (Netflix, Exercise, Wine, and Takeout) down pat.”
  6. “Of course Snape turned out to be a good guy. Look at that hair. Only the purest of souls can rock that greasy look.”
  7. “I’m pretty sure the real reason Snape hated Harry was because he was jealous of Harry’s luscious head of hair.”
  8. “Forget the Deathly Hallows. The real challenge is finding socks that actually match.”
  9. “If someone ever tells you that you’re too old for Harry Potter, just leviosa and walk away.”
  10. “They really missed out on a great marketing opportunity by not having Butterbeer flavored ice cream.”
  11. “I never understood why Ron was so afraid of spiders until I saw Aragog. #nightmarefuel”
  12. “How do muggles see invisible cloaks? Do they just think we’re walking around naked?”
  13. “Why didn’t anyone ever tell Neville he could just use a shrinking charm on his clothes instead of walking around in oversized hand-me-downs?”
  14. “I can relate to Bellatrix in that I also obsess over things I love and have a slight tendency towards violence.”
  15. “You know you’re a hardcore Harry Potter fan when you’ve already planned which house your future kids will be sorted into.”
  16. “I wish I could cast a spell to make my bank account larger. Maybe it’s called ‘expelliarmus funds’?”
  17. “I don’t trust people who don’t like Harry Potter. It’s like not liking chocolate.”
  18. “I’ve never felt more judged than when I accidentally said ‘Voldemort’ instead of ‘He Who Must Not Be Named’ in public.”
  19. “The hardest part of being a Hufflepuff is living up to the expectations of being relentlessly kind and accepting. I just want to be sarcastic sometimes.”
  20. “The one thing Harry Potter taught me is that even if you have a rough start in life, you can still grow up to defeat evil wizards and save the wizarding world.”

Magically Hilarious: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Harry Potter

  1. “Always beware of a wand with a mind of its own.”
  2. “A bad Quidditch player always blames their broomstick.”
  3. “You can’t Apparate out of your problems, but you can always use a Time-Turner.”
  4. “Love potions don’t work on dragons – trust me, I’ve tried.”
  5. “A Galleon saved is a Galleon earned – unless you’re at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, then you’ll end up spending it all.”
  6. “No spell is strong enough to fix a broken heart – except maybe Obliviate.”
  7. “Hogwarts would be a lot quieter if the portraits learned to mind their own business.”
  8. “You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can definitely judge a wizard by their wand.”
  9. “Good friends are like Hogwarts Houses – they may be different, but they always stick together.”
  10. “Dumbledore wasn’t great because he was perfect, he was great because he owned up to his mistakes.”
  11. “A closed Chamber of Secrets gathers no basilisks.”
  12. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with just a few Portkeys.”
  13. “In the end, it doesn’t matter if you’re a pureblood, half-blood, or Muggle-born – we all end up with the same amount of homework.”
  14. “An Unbreakable Vow is great for keeping a commitment, but not so great for flexibility.”
  15. “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of Hogwarts bathrooms.”
  16. “Wands may choose the wizard, but real friends choose each other.”
  17. “A true Gryffindor never backs down from a challenge – especially if it involves jumping off a moving staircase.”
  18. “The only way to truly defeat a Dementor is with a patronus and a strong dose of chocolate.”
  19. “When life gives you lemons, add some floo powder and visit Hogsmeade.”
  20. “Never trust a wizard who says they have all the answers – unless they’re Hermione Granger.”

Spell-binding wordplay: Harry Potter’s Double Entendres Puns

  1. “I’m just going to wingardium leviosa my way out of this awkward situation.”
  2. “Forget polyjuice potion, I need a drink after that potions class.”
  3. “I must have invisible cloak powers because I keep disappearing from this party.”
  4. “I don’t need a time turner to know that I’ll be late to class again.”
  5. “Can you be my patronus and defend me from this boring conversation?”
  6. “I don’t need muggle medicine, just give me a chocolate frog.”
  7. “They say the wand chooses the wizard, but I think I chose the wrong size.”
  8. “I may not be a Weasley, but I sure know how to charm a broomstick.”
  9. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good, except for maybe some mischief.”
  10. “I’ve been practicing my spells, but my charm game is still weak.”
  11. “Is your name Felix Felicis? Because everything is going right when you’re around.”
  12. “I don’t need a crystal ball to see that your future is looking bright.”
  13. “I must be under an Imperius Curse because I can’t stop staring at you.”
  14. “I may not be a skilled seeker, but I’ll still catch your snitch.”
  15. “I may not have Dumbledore’s beard, but I definitely have his wisdom.”
  16. “I may not be a quidditch player, but I can be your keeper any day.”
  17. “I must be a Parselmouth because you have me tongue-tied.”
  18. “I may not have magical powers, but I can still make your heart skip a beat.”
  19. “Forget apparating, I’ll just ride my broomstick into your heart.”
  20. “I may not be a potions master, but I can brew up some serious chemistry with you.”

Spell-binding humor: Recursive Puns about ‘Harry Potter’

  1. Why was Harry Potter bored in Potions class? Because he could never potion up.
  2. What did Harry Potter say when he saw the Hogwarts ghosts? “Boo-dy, bo-dy, bo-dy!”
  3. Why did Harry Potter cross the road? To get to the other Siriu(s) side!
  4. What do you call a Hufflepuff who’s also a ghost? A Helga-haunt!
  5. What’s the best way to communicate with a basilisk? Speak snake-on-tongue!
  6. Why was Harry Potter afraid to play Quidditch? He was afraid of the flying Voldemorts!
  7. How does Dumbledore like his tea? In a draco-nut-filled cup!
  8. What do you call a Slytherin who’s also a werewolf? A lupin-snake!
  9. Why was Hermione Granger not good at divination? She never saw it coming!
  10. What’s the most magical tree in the Forbidden Forest? The Lupin-tree!
  11. What did Professor Snape say when Harry failed his potions exam? “I’m sorcer-sorry, Potter!”
  12. Why was Harry Potter scared of the Forbidden Forest? Because he heard it had a bad her-mawni!
  13. What do you call a spell that turns people into llamas? A Hairy Potter-turnus!
  14. What’s a Dementor’s favorite candy? Choco-moldy!
  15. Why couldn’t Hermione open the Chamber of Secrets? She didn’t speak par-snake-tongue!
  16. What kind of car does Severus Snape drive? A potion-wagon!
  17. Why didn’t Voldemort get a haircut? He was afraid of being Harry-potted!
  18. What did Hagrid say when he saw a griffin with a bad attitude? “That one’s got a lot of Risus-minervus!”
  19. Why was Professor Flitwick always out of breath? Because he was always flight-making!
  20. What did Fred and George Weasley name their joke shop? Wee-spinner’s Jokes!

Bringing Magic to Tom Swifties: Hilarious Harry Potter Edition

  1. “I can’t believe I just Apparated into that lake!” Sirius joked, waterlogged.
  2. “I’m trying to brew a powerful potion, but these new ingredients are really messing with my cauldron,” Snape muttered, cauldron-frustrated.
  3. “I just found out I’m a wizard and my new teacher is a giant named Hagrid,” Harry marveled, Hagrid-sized.
  4. “I can never remember which spell to use, I wish there was a wandcyclopedia,” Hermione exclaimed, spell-struggled.
  5. “I feel like I’ve been playing Quidditch for days, my muscles are aching,” Ron groaned, Quidditch-axed.
  6. “Malfoy keeps trying to hex me, but I’ll always have a trick up my sleeve,” Neville bragged, Malfoy-defeated.
  7. “I don’t understand how the Basilisk moves through pipes, it’s just so Slytherin,” Ginny pondered, Slytherin-cunningly.
  8. “I’m not sure how I became Head Boy, I’ve been Hufflepuffling around all my life,” Cedric joked, Hufflepufflily.
  9. “I’m going to set up a joke shop and call it Weasley Wizarding Wheezes,” Fred announced, Weasley-trademarked.
  10. “I can’t help but feel like that Horcrux is playing mind games with us,” Dumbledore mused, Horcrux-Tom-Riddled.
  11. “I accidentally turned my hair blue while trying out a new spell, now I look like a Daring Dobby,” Luna giggled, Dobby-dared.
  12. “I never thought I’d have to use Divination in real life, but here I am trying to find Voldemort’s hideout,” Harry remarked, Divination-unexpectedly.
  13. “I’m convinced this broom has a mind of its own, it always takes me on a wild ride,” Neville complained, broom-possessed.
  14. “I can’t believe I spent all that time trying to find a way into the Chamber of Secrets, turns out I just needed a password,” Hermione sighed, Chamber-guarded.
  15. “I think I saw Snape smiling today, but it might have just been gas,” Ron snorted, Snape-sleuthing.
  16. “I don’t need Felix Felicis to win this Quidditch game, I have a Slytherin Seeker on my team,” Cedric boasted, Felix Felicis-skippered.
  17. “I’m not sure what house I want to be in, I keep Gryffindor-ing between them,” Harry joked, Gryffindor-torn.
  18. “I bet Voldemort’s skin care routine involves a lot of Dark Magic,” Luna stated, Voldemort-well-moisturized.
  19. “I’m starting a club for students who are terrible at flying, we can call it the Bumbling Broomsticks,” Neville suggested, Bumbling-fliers.
  20. “My Patronus is a chipmunk, but I don’t think he’s very intimidating,” Hermione smiled, Patronus-chitteringly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry Potter and a wizard sense of humor!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry Potter!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ron. Ron who? Ronald Weasley!
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hermione. Hermione who? Hermione Granger!
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dumbledore. Dumbledore who? Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts!
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snape. Snape who? Severus Snape, the Potions Master!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Voldemort. Voldemort who? He-who-must-not-be-named!
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hagrid. Hagrid who? Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts!
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ginny. Ginny who? Ginny Weasley, the youngest of the Weasley siblings!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luna. Luna who? Luna Lovegood, the eccentric Ravenclaw!
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sirius. Sirius who? Sirius Black, Harry’s godfather!
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fred and George. Fred and George who? Fred and George Weasley, the mischievous twins!
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cho. Cho who? Cho Chang, Harry’s first crush!
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Percy. Percy who? Percy Weasley, the prefect and Head Boy!
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fawkes. Fawkes who? Fawkes, Dumbledore’s loyal phoenix!
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dobby. Dobby who? Dobby the house-elf, Harry’s loyal friend!
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Moaning Myrtle. Moaning Myrtle who? Moaning Myrtle, the ghost in the girls’ bathroom!
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cedric. Cedric who? Cedric Diggory, the Tri-wizard champion!
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Muggle. Muggle who? A muggle trying to get into Hogwarts!
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butterbeer. Butterbeer who? Butterbeer, the favorite drink at the Three Broomsticks!
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Accio. Accio who? Accio laughter, because that’s what these jokes are all about!

Hilarious Harry Potter Malapropisms: Mischief Managed Meant Madness Ensued

  1. “Haggis Patter’s” – an incorrect pronunciation of “Harry Potter’s”
  2. “Wizened Witches” – instead of “Weasley twins”
  3. “Ron Weasel” – mixing up Ron Weasley’s first and last name
  4. “Dobbyknockers” – instead of “Knockturn Alley”
  5. “Dragon’s Laughter” – instead of “Diagon Alley”
  6. “Hogwarts Hottie” – instead of “Hogwarts house”
  7. “Voldemort Ramen” – instead of “Voldemort’s name”
  8. “Hermi-oh-my!” – instead of “Hermione”
  9. “He Who Should Not Be Named Rebecca” – a mistaken combination of Lord Voldemort and Harry’s aunt, Petunia Dursley
  10. “Chamber of Secretaries” – instead of “Chamber of Secrets”
  11. “Dumbledore Dumpling” – instead of “Dumbledore’s Army”
  12. “Hermione Granger-ger” – a mix-up of Hermione’s first and last name
  13. “Moaning Mencius” – instead of “Moaning Myrtle”
  14. “The Prancing Flaw” – instead of “The Forbidden Forest”
  15. “Sirius Blackberry” – instead of “Sirius Black”
  16. “Meows of Time” – a misheard version of “Marauders’ Map”
  17. “Gryffindor Goblet” – instead of “Goblet of Fire”
  18. “Prankster’s Stone” – instead of “Sorcerer’s Stone”
  19. “Deathly Hallows Queen” – mixing up “Deathly Hallows” with the nickname for Queen Elizabeth II, “Queenie”
  20. “Wizards and Wahinis” – instead of “Wizards and Witches”

Magical Misperceptions: Hilarious Spoonerisms about Harry Potter

  1. Hairy Plotter
  2. Wingardium Legiosum
  3. Snarry Potlock
  4. Ron Weasley
  5. Harry Poppet
  6. Vampire Draco Malfroy
  7. Mad-Eye Bumbledore
  8. Gobbyrogue Snarglesnout
  9. Hagrid’s Hut
  10. Diagon’s Whiz-zap Alley
  11. Whistle-tocks Blissard
  12. Sorting Hat Dome
  13. Hedwig’s Flight Night
  14. Dobby the Knitty Doorkeeplet
  15. Quidditch Pitch Quirks
  16. Chocolate Void Cards
  17. Marauder’s Mood Map
  18. Potions Master Mumblesworth
  19. Wands and Witches Broomery
  20. Voldemort’s Nose Duality

Accio Laughs: Harry Potter Puns That Slytherin

So there you have it witches and wizards, 230+ magical puns about our favorite boy wizard, Harry Potter. But don’t stop here, be sure to check out our other posts filled with pun-derful Harry Potter jokes. Let’s keep the laughter going and put a spell on our funny bones. Until next time, “Slytherin” to some more jokes and “Hufflepuff” while you’re at it. “Ravenclaw” your way through these puns and “Gryffindort” yourself a good time. Okay, I’ll “see-what-I-can-Sayre” myself out now. Avada-ke-Dad-jokes!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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