120+ Horse Jokes & Puns That Will Make You Neigh

Giddy up for a good time because you’re about to experience the best roundup of horse jokes and puns this side of the stable! We’ve got a list of knee-slappin’, side-splittin’, clever quips that’ll make you laugh your tail off. Get ready for some positive vibes and humor that’s anything but horsing around (okay, maybe just a little horsing around). Did you know a horse’s coat can reflect their mood? Well, get ready for yours to reflect pure joy with these funny horse facts!

Top Horse Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Neigh-ver Disappoints

Neigh-sayers gonna neigh.
Just horsing around. (Classic, but a must-have!)
Feeling a bit under the weather? Go to a horsepital!
What’s a horse’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!
Hold your horses! We’re mane-ly halfway there.
Saw a horse at the bank today. Must be a loaner.
Did you hear about the horse that won the beauty contest? He was really groomed for success!
A racehorse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey!” …The horse says, “Sure.”
Why couldn’t the pony sing? He was a little hoarse.
Horses are such workaholics. They’re always on stable duty!
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!
Life is like a horse race, you gotta stay in the saddle to win.
Feeling a bit down? Just remember, you can always count on a good foal story!
Why don’t horses bet on the races? They’d rather remain steeds of principle.
Need some quiet time? Go to the library – they’ve got tons of books about mares!
What’s a horse’s favorite social media platform? Insta-gram!
Heard about the talented horse artist? He does amazing mane-and-tail portraits!

Funny Horse Jokes With One Liner Clever Horse Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Horse One-Liner Jokes: Neigh-ver a Dull Moment

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, why the long face?”
Did you hear about the horse that went to art school? He was quite the foal of the class.
I met a horse who could write poetry. She was a real thoroughbred wordsmith.
Never try to tell a horse a secret. They’re always horsing around and might spill the beans!
Horses are terrible dancers – they have two left hooves!
I got a job at the stable, but it’s only temp-to-hire.
The horse couldn’t decide what to watch on TV, so he just channel-surfed.
I tried to make a belt out of horse hair once. It was a waist of time.
The horse walked into the library, but it was much too loud. He prefers a stable reading environment.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? Because it was twoTIRED!
The horse bet on himself at the races… that’s a surefire way to win!
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him do a cannonball!
My friend said he wanted to name his horse “Mayo.” I told him to hold your horses!
The horse wasn’t allowed in the casino. He had too many bucks.
That’s one horse of a tale you’re telling!
I used to date a horse. We were inseparable until she kicked me to the curb.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Horse: Neigh-larious Fun for Everyone

Q: Why don’t horses ever bet on the races? A: They prefer to be stallions of their own destiny!
Q: What do you call a horse that loves to win? A: A neigh-sayer to defeat!
Q: Where do horses go when they’re sick? A: The horsepital, of course!
Q: Did you hear about the horse that learned to fly? A: It was shod-ly believable!
Q: What’s a horse’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat!
Q: Why was the horse late to the party? A: He got caught in a traffic mane!
Q: What do you call a horse that’s always complaining? A: A real neigh-sayer!
Q: How did the horse get into the nightclub? A: He used his colt personality!
Q: Why don’t cowboys ever tell secrets in a stable? A: Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk!
Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? A: Un-beat-able!
Q: What do you get if you cross a horse and a kangaroo? A: I don’t know, but I bet it can jump start a car!
Q: Why don’t horses ever play cards? A: They keep getting caught holding the aces!
Q: Did you hear about the horse that went to art school? A: He was quite the stable genius!
Q: What’s as big as a horse, but weighs nothing? A: Its shadow!
Q: How do you take a horse for a walk in the city? A: Put on its sneakers, so it’s a horse and carriage!
Q: What kind of horse works on a computer? A: A silicon pony!

Dad Jokes about Horse: They’re Really Marevelous

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? Because it was twoTIRED!
What does an equestrian sculptor make? A neigh-borhood!
Heard they’re making a film about cloning horses… Seems a bit…stable…don’t you think?
My friend gave his horse the same name as his wife. It’s a bit weird when he tells it to giddy-up!
I tried to make furniture from my horseshoes… I got a table done, but the chairs are a little un-stable.
I wanted to name my horse “Winner”… But then I figured, what’s the point? It’s not like it would come when I call it.
What’s a horse’s favorite type of TV show? Anything with a lot of stable characters.
Why don’t they play poker in the barn? Too many cheaters, and there’s always a neigh-sayer!
Why was the pony always getting into trouble at school? He kept horsing around!
What do you call a horse that hates losing? A sore loser!
Why did the horse cross the road? To get to the WHOA-ther side!
I saw a sign that said “Horse for Sale – Speaks 7 Languages!” I was like, “Wow, that’s amazing! What does it say?”
How do you take a horse on vacation? You have to book it on a horse-pitality website!
What does a horse lawyer study? Horsing Around!
My son keeps asking for a pony for his birthday… I told him, “Whoa there, partner! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Funny Quotes and Captions about Horse Lovers

“My horse is so spoiled, he gets a sugar cube after I ride him. He knows I need the energy to dismount.”
“Horseback riding: the only sport where you can literally eat your mistakes.”
“Tried to explain to my horse that ‘neigh’ means no… He looked at me like I was saddled with stupidity.”
“You know you’re obsessed with horses when your browser history is just different ways to spell ‘neigh’.”
“Relationship status: emotionally attached to a horse who couldn’t care less. But hey, at least someone’s mane is always on point.”
“Horse showing is just a glamorous way to carry heavy things around in circles.”
“My bank account after buying horse supplies: Neigh-gative balance.”
“Life is short. Gallop through it.” (Short and sweet!)
“Warning: May spontaneously talk about horses. You’ve been warned… neigh, informed.”
“Horses: Teaching humility since the dawn of time. Usually by unexpectedly going from 0 to 60.”
“My ideal date: candlelit dinner, good conversation, ends with a moonlit ride… Oh, wait, I meant me and my horse. My bad.”
“My horse thinks he’s a lapdog… a very large, 1,200-pound lapdog.”
“Horses are like potato chips. You can’t have just one. And they’re both surprisingly expensive.”
“Started out the day with a spring in my step. Then I remembered I needed to muck stalls. The spring promptly left my step.”
“Horses: majestic creatures of grace and beauty… until they find the mud puddle.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Horse: With a Kick in Their Tail & Whinny of Wisdom

Don’t lead a gift horse to water, lead it straight to the glue factory – if it’s asking too many questions.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it do a triple axel. Some things just defy nature.
A horse of a different color? Sounds like someone’s been hitting the carrots again.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, especially when a horse is known for its powerful kicks.
Hold your horses! Unless, of course, they’re running towards an all-you-can-eat oat buffet.
Early to bed and early to rise makes a horse healthy, wealthy, and very surprised to be quoted by Benjamin Franklin.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, especially if the tree is being used for shade by a very pregnant mare.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but a horse in the hand is just plain dangerous.
Too many cooks spoil the broth, and too many jockeys spoil the odds of a fair horse race.
Don’t change horses midstream, unless the current horse decides it identifies as a unicorn.
A watched pot never boils, and a watched racehorse never wins. They get stage fright, okay?
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was the stomach of a champion racehorse. It takes pasta, people.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Where there’s hay, there’s probably a horse trying to convince you it’s a salad.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, especially if you’re a horse with a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Oats).
You can’t judge a book by its cover, or a horse by its saddle. Look for the crazy glint in its eye – that’s where the real story is.

Horse Double Entendres Puns for a Wild Ride

“I tried to explain to my horse the concept of a ‘horse whisperer,’ but I think it went in one ear and out the hoof.”
“Dating a horse jockey is exciting, but it’s always a gamble whether they’ll stick around after the race is won.”
“I wanted to name my horse ‘Winner’s Circle,’ but it was already taken. Guess you could say I was out of the running.”
“Being a farrier is a truly hoof-filling career.”
“My horse is a terrible liar. I can always see right through his mane.”
“Never ask a horse for relationship advice. They always say ‘neigh.'”
“I bought a self-help book for my horse. He said it was good, but it didn’t really speak to his stable mindset.”
“Why don’t horses ever get lost? Because they have a built-in ‘neigh’-vigation system.”
“I tried to make a sculpture of a horse, but it just fell apart. Guess I used the wrong kind of horse-power.”
“My horse is a picky eater. He only likes the mane course.”
“I went to a horse birthday party. It was wild!”
“A horse walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, ‘They’re right behind you!'”
“What’s a horse’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!”

Funny Horse Tom Swifties: Neigh Way These Aren’t Hilarious

“That horse is looking quite thin,” Taylor said stably.
“I think my horse might have a cold,” Taylor whinnied hoarsely.
“Winning that race was easy!” Taylor said off-the-cuff.
“I forgot the apples for the horse,” Taylor said reprovingly.
“This saddle is brand new!” Taylor announced leatherly.
“I named my horse after a Greek god,” Taylor neighed Apollonianly.
“Did you see that horse jump?” Taylor exclaimed manely.
“This stable needs a good cleaning,” Taylor said dust-urbingly.
“The vet just left,” Taylor stated horsefully.
“Sorry, I can’t stay, I have a riding lesson,” Taylor said stirruptiously.
“That horse has incredible stamina!” Taylor huffed long-windedly.
“I’m allergic to hay,” Taylor sneezed horsely.
“Watch me groom the horse’s mane,” Taylor said comb-atively.
“Giddy-up, let’s go faster!” Taylor yelled rapidly.
“I think I put my foot in the stirrup wrong,” Taylor mumbled defeatedly.
“That’s the fastest I’ve ever ridden a horse!” Taylor exclaimed gallopingly.
“I need to replace this horseshoe,” Taylor said nailingly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Horse for Neigh-sayers

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Horse. Horse who? Horse-ly help me, I can’t reach the doorknob!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, I think I hear a horse outside!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you load the horse, we’re going on a trip!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard you like to ride a horse through a car wash?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal-sly, I think that horse wants a sugar cube!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hoof. Hoof who? Hoof hearted you think I am to leave before the horse race?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to see the horse jump over the fence!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hay. Hay who? Hay there! What are you doing feeding sugar cubes to my horse?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t ride horses, but I’ll make an exception today!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stan. Stan who? Stan back, this horse is about to sneeze!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to brush this horse’s mane? It’s almost showtime!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ken. Ken who? Ken you believe it? My horse just won the race!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke out the window, it’s a horse of a different color!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore you tell me I can get a pony for my birthday!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Amanda. Amanda who? Amanda the stables is hiring! You think we should apply?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walter. Walter who? Walter you waiting for? Let’s saddle up and go for a ride!