230+ Knee-Slapping Kids Jokes & Puns: A Playful Collection

Welcome, fellow jokesters and pun enthusiasts! Get ready to laugh until your cheeks hurt with our list of the best jokes for kids. We’ve gathered the most clever and positive puns about kids that are guaranteed to crack a smile on even the grumpiest of faces. Trust us, these jokes are no child’s play – they’re full of humor and hilariousness that even adults will appreciate. So grab your little ones and let’s dive into this playful collection of kid-friendly jokes!

Tickle Their Funny Bones: Kids’ Puns & Jokes Editor’s Picks

1. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
2. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? A doyouthinkhesaurus.
3. What did the little fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam!
4. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
5. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
7. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
8. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
10. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
11. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
12. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
13. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
14. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
15. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
16. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
17. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
18. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
19. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
20. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Tickle Their Funny Bones with These Kids’ One-Liner Jokes!

1. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
2. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. My mom said I should follow my dreams, so I went back to bed.
5. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
7. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
8. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
9. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
10. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
11. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
12. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
14. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
15. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
16. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
17. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
18. I used to be addicted to soap operas, but I’m clean now.
19. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
20. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was intense.

Kidding Around: QnA Jokes & Puns about Kids That Will Have You in Stitches!

1. Q: What did the toddler say when she saw her reflection in the mirror? A: “Wow, I double!”
2. Q: How does a mother transport her child’s toys to the beach? A: In a sand-y wagon!
3. Q: Why did the teddy bear refuse to share his honey with the other teddy bears? A: Because he was a self-proclaimed “honey-bear!”
4. Q: What did the banana say to the strawberry? A: “You’re a real berry good friend!”
5. Q: What’s the best thing about a toddler’s laugh? A: It’s contagious!
6. Q: What do you call a group of well-behaved kids? A: A rare sight!
7. Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems.
8. Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? A: “Ouch, you’re crushing my raisin-d’etre!”
9. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
10. Q: What did the baby corn say to its mother? A: “Where’s my daddy corn?”
11. Q: What do you call a cow who just had a baby? A: DeMomicow!
12. Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: It was feeling crumbly.
13. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? A: The space bar!
14. Q: What did one eye say to the other? A: “Between you and me, something smells!”
15. Q: What do you call vegetables playing hide and seek? A: Where’s-tomato!
16. Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: Because you can see right through them!
17. Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet!
18. Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on? A: It let out a little wine.
19. Q: What do you call a herd of sheep dancing in unison? A: A baa-leet!
20. Q: Why was the tomato blushing? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!

Dad Jokes about Kids: Guaranteed to Make Any Parent LOL!

1. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired from carrying around all those kids!
2. Did you hear about the kid who swallowed a toy whistle? He ended up hospitalized…but you could hear him coming from a mile away!
3. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems…just like your kids!
4. I told my son he was not allowed to play with the umbrellas. He kept lifting up the kids’ spirits!
5. Did you hear about the kid who refused to take a nap? He ended up getting suspended from preschool for being insubordinate.
6. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well!
7. My daughter asked me if she could have some candy. I said, “Why don’t you trick or treat in your own kitchen?”
8. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
9. Why did the little girl put her money in the freezer? She wanted some cold hard cash!
10. Did you hear about the kid who swallowed a dictionary? His vocabulary was very large after that!
11. I told my son to stop acting like a flamingo. He asked, “What’s a flamingo?” I said, “Exactly!”
12. Why did the child cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
13. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!
14. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired from carrying around all those kids!
15. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast!
16. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator!
17. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
18. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired from carrying around all those kids!
19. What do you call it when a kid eats their homework? A fibber-culosis!
20. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open all night!

Lol Worthy: Hilarious Quotes about Kids That’ll Make You ROLK (Roll on Laughing Kids!)

1. “Raising a child is like trying to fold a fitted sheet – no matter how hard you try, it never ends up perfectly.”
2. “I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it – thanks to my kids.”
3. “Parenting is a constant battle between wanting to give your child the world and wanting to lock yourself in a room with a bottle of wine.”
4. “Children are like tiny, drunk adults – they have no filter, they stumble around, and they make a mess everywhere.”
5. “Spare the rod, spoil the child? More like spare the nap and spoil the parent.”
6. “Being a mom means constantly having your hands full – with a toddler, a baby, and a bottle of wine.”
7. “Kids are like farts – you love your own, but other people’s are unbearable.”
8. “A baby’s laughter is like music to a mother’s ears – until they’re up all night crying and then it’s more like nails on a chalkboard.”
9. “Going to the bathroom alone is the ultimate luxury for parents – it’s like a mini spa vacation.”
10. “The best contraceptive for parents is a half-empty bottle of Advil – seeing it reminds you of the pain and makes you think twice.”
11. “Cleaning your house with kids around is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.”
12. “I never knew how many things I could step on until I became a parent.”
13. “Being a mom means having eyes in the back of your head – and on the top and sides too because these kids are sneaky.”
14. “Becoming a parent is like entering a secret society – except everyone knows about it and there’s no way out.”
15. “You know you’re a parent when going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.”
16. “Parenthood is like a never-ending rollercoaster – it’s exhilarating, terrifying, and makes you want to throw up at times.”
17. “Having kids is like having a permanent audience for your embarrassing moments.”
18. “The real reason parents are always tired is because their kids are constantly sucking the energy out of them.”
19. “Parenthood is a constant struggle between wanting to sleep and wanting to binge-watch Netflix.”
20. “Being a parent means learning to love the chaos – because let’s face it, it’s not going anywhere.”

Raising ‘Kids’ with a Side of Humor: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings

1. “A child’s laughter is the best medicine, especially for a parent’s sanity!”
2. “Raising kids is like trying to nail Jello to a tree. Good luck!”
3. “The early bird gets the worm, but the early kid gets all the toys scattered across the floor.”
4. “A clean house with kids is a sign of a boring life.”
5. “Having kids means having someone around to blame for the mess.”
6. “Just when you think you’ve figured out parenting, your kids change the rules.”
7. “A child’s love is unconditional, but their hugs come with an expiration date.”
8. “A child’s imagination is like a boomerang – it always comes back to haunt you.”
9. “Parenting is like riding a rollercoaster, except you can’t get off until the ride is over.”
10. “A messy house is a sign of a happy kid.”
11. “Children are the only creatures who can turn a cozy bed into a warzone in seconds.”
12. “Parents are like referees, constantly trying to keep the peace between their little fighters.”
13. “There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but there are plenty of perfect moments with your kids.”
14. “A toddler’s favorite word is ‘why?’, followed closely by ‘no’.”
15. “The hardest part of parenting is pretending you know what you’re doing.”
16. “If you want to know the true meaning of patience, just try teaching a child how to tie their shoes.”
17. “A child’s backpack is like Mary Poppins’ bag – you never know what you’ll find in there.”
18. “Becoming a parent means learning to appreciate the little things in life, like a full night’s sleep.”
19. “The only people who can make a mess and still be adorable are kids.”
20. “The best part of being a parent is knowing you have someone who loves you unconditionally, no matter how many times you mess up.”

Cleverly Innocent: Kids’ Double Entendres Puns

1. “Why was the math book upset? Because it had too many problems.”
2. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.”
3. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.”
4. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
5. “Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.”
6. “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s ‘R’ but it’s really the ‘C’.”
7. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels.”
8. “Why is a tomato always blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
9. “Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was intense.”
10. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
11. “Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because he was a cold dog.”
12. “What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.”
13. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.”
14. “What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
15. “Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.”
16. “What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me.”
17. “Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they are shellfish.”
18. “How do you know when a joke is a dad joke? When the punchline is a-parent.”
19. “Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to Colonel Sanders.”
20. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.”

Keep ‘Em Laughing: Recursive Puns about Kids That Will Never Get Old

1. Why did the kids who played all day in the sun never get tired? Because they were solar-powered!
2. Did you hear about the school for chickens? It was run by the coop-erintendents.
3. How did the math book make its way into the treehouse? It multiplied and divided until it climbed!
4. I caught my son making a sandwich with hot dogs and jelly. I guess you could say he was on a jelly dog-roll.
5. When the mother kangaroo taught her joey to hop, he just couldn’t get the hang of it. He kept jumping to conclusions.
6. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
7. My daughter asked why pirates have parrots on their shoulders. I told her it’s because they don’t have any hands to hold them with!
8. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
9. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
11. The little girl insisted on counting all the stars in the sky. It was a stellar obsession.
12. What did the baby corn say to its mom after being picked? Where’s my butter and salt?
13. The kids were startled when their friend suddenly disappeared in the corn maze. They were stalked.
14. Did you hear about the kid who invented a new word? He couldn’t understand why it wasn’t in the dictionary.
15. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
16. My son tried to tell me a joke about ghosts, but it was so transparent I could see right through it.
17. What’s a cow’s favorite subject in school? Moosic.
18. The children were disappointed when the magician made all the candy disappear. They were tricked or treat.
19. Why was the letter E the only letter allowed on the trampoline? Because the rest of the letters bounced.
20. What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? Dam!

Punny Playtime: Kids’ Tom Swifties at Their Finest!

1. “I can’t find my socks,” said Tom lackadaisically.
2. “Where’s the remote?” asked Tom lazily.
3. “I’ll never win this game of hide and seek,” panted Tom breathlessly.
4. “I can’t believe I dropped my ice cream,” cried Tom meltingly.
5. “I’m getting dizzy from all this spinning,” Tom said whirlwindly.
6. “This cake is too sweet,” whined Tom cloyingly.
7. “I’m the king of the jungle gym,” roared Tom triumphantly.
8. “I think I’m going to be sick,” moaned Tom queasily.
9. “I can’t see in the dark,” muttered Tom dimly.
10. “I’ll never get out of this maze,” Tom groaned bewilderedly.
11. “I don’t want to go to bed,” protested Tom reluctantly.
12. “I hate getting my hair cut,” groaned Tom trimly.
13. “I’ll never make it across this monkey bars,” Tom swung nervously.
14. “I can’t find my crayons,” lamented Tom colorlessly.
15. “I’m tired of playing tag,” complained Tom exhaustingly.
16. “I’m not afraid of the dark,” boasted Tom dimly.
17. “I’m going to be late for my tea party,” fretted Tom teapot-like.
18. “I can’t believe I fell off my bike,” moaned Tom pedaling maniacally.
19. “I’ll never master this jump rope trick,” grumbled Tom jumpropingly.
20. “I hate broccoli,” grimaced Tom vegetable-ly.

Tickle Your Funny Bone with These Kid-Friendly Knock-Knock Jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alex. Alex who? Alexplain later, let’s go play!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie alone, I’m busy coloring my walls!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jenny. Jenny who? Jenny-usly, you’re still here? Let’s go to the park!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen-go when we finish this game?
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lila. Lila who? Lila bit closer, I can’t hear what you’re saying!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sam. Sam who? Sam ting new for us to do today?
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zoe. Zoe who? Zoe-lightful to see you again!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke behind you, it’s me, your little brother!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sara. Sara who? Sara little kid with a big imagination!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Max. Max who? Max you happy you came over to play?
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amy. Amy who? Amy-zing how much fun we can have together!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Caleb. Caleb who? Caleb you and I go dig for treasure in the backyard?
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mia. Mia who? Mia ha ha, that was a funny joke!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gabe. Gabe who? Gabe me a high five, I just learned a new knock-knock joke!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Natalie. Natalie who? Natalie with me to the candy store?
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jack. Jack who? Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, let’s see who can jump the highest!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ava. Ava who? Ava idea for a fun game, let’s pretend to be pirates!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chris. Chris who? Chris-cross applesauce and let’s have a tea party!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leah. Leah who? Leah-ve me alone, I’m trying to hide from my little sister!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jake. Jake who? Jake off some time to hang out with your best friend!

No More Malaprop-oopsies: Kids’ Hilarious Verbal Mix-Ups

1. “I had a lot of dragonflies in my stomach before my big test.”
2. “I love giraffes because they have such long elevators.”
3. “My mom loves to take pictures of flowers, she’s a real snapdragon.”
4. “I can’t wait to go on vacation and see all of the historical land mines.”
5. “I have a bad case of the pickle-overs, can I have some water?”
6. “My grandma always wears leopard print clothes, she’s a real cheetah.”
7. “I can’t eat dairy, I’m lactose intolerant.” “No you’re not, you’re a boy.”
8. “I have a really itchy tonsil, can I have a cough drop?”
9. “I want to be an egg-ineer when I grow up and design cool bridges.”
10. “I can’t have that dessert, I’m on a chocolate-free diet.”
11. “I accidentally swallowed a seed and now I have a watermelon tree in my stomach.”
12. “My dog is so smart, she can even do grandes on her hind legs.”
13. “I can’t tie my shoes, I have very long bunny ears.”
14. “My brother has a pet rock, but I have a pet pillow because he’s allergic to fur.”
15. “I don’t like getting my hair wet, I’m afraid I might catch head-lice.”
16. “My teacher always tells me to stay in the “horizon” during recess.”
17. “I have a science project on venereal diseases.”
18. “Can I have a slice of that chocolate pie-a-notta?”
19. “My mom said she’s going to take me to an optometrist to get my virgin eyes checked.”
20. “I wish I had a pet hamster but my mom says we don’t have enough room for a carnivorous animal.”

Kooky Spoonerisms: Fun with Kid’s Wordsmithing!

1. “Crazy Hide” instead of “Hazy Clyde”
2. “Snacky Bill” instead of “Cracky Sill”
3. “Mighty Pea” instead of “Petty Me”
4. “Flutterbuggins” instead of “Butterfly”
5. “Giggly Muffin” instead of “Miggle Guzzin”
6. “Tattle Cale” instead of “Cattle Tale”
7. “Wacky Billy” instead of “Billy Whack”
8. “Hippo Jumps” instead of “Jippo Humps”
9. “Cinderella Vine” instead of “Venderella Sine”
10. “Noodle Cap” instead of “Coodle Nap”
11. “Kitty Farts” instead of “Fitty Karts”
12. “Muddy Gum” instead of “Guddy Mum”
13. “Sunny Spots” instead of “Snunny Pots”
14. “Booger Bear” instead of “Beager Boar”
15. “Doodle Hopper” instead of “Hoodle Dopper”
16. “Grumpy Socks” instead of “Stumpy Gocks”
17. “Poopie Cat” instead of “Coopie Pat”
18. “Silly Squishy” instead of “Quilly Sishy”
19. “Fuzzy Pickles” instead of “Puzzy Fickles”
20. “Lollipop Fights” instead of “Follipop Lights”

Little Jokesters, Big Laughs: Puns About Kids!

Well, folks, I hope you’ve got a full arsenal of kid-friendly puns after reading this post! I mean, what did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine. *cue laughter and eye rolls* Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from in other related Puns and Joke posts. So go ahead and dive into the world of wordplay and let the jokes fly! And remember, when it comes to puns, always keep a-dad-titude and a-mom-mentum. Happy punning!