120+ Kiwi Jokes & Puns: You've Gotta Be Zes-ting Me!

Get ready to laugh your feathers off because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of kiwi jokes this side of New Zealand! We’ve got puns so clever, they’re practically extinct. (Just kidding, these puns are anything but extinct!). If you’re looking for a dose of positive vibes and humor that’s funnier than a kiwi trying to fly, you’ve come to the right place. Fun fact: did you know kiwis lay the largest eggs in relation to their body size of any bird in the world? Prepare to be equally amazed by these egg-cellent jokes!

Top Kiwi Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Guaranteed to Tickle Your Funny Bone

What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Kiwi-pop!
Feeling down? Eat a kiwi! They’re little bundles of vitamin see.
I tried to explain to a kiwi what a kiwi was. It was a very fruitless conversation.
Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A kiwi on vacation!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato…just like a kiwi!
What’s a kiwi bird’s favorite sport? Rugby, of course! They’re practically egg-shaped for it!
Why don’t kiwis play hide and seek very well? They’re really easy to spot!
I used to hate facial hair… Then I met this kiwi, now I mustache you a question!
Ever tried kiwi jam? I hear it’s quite the spread!
What do you call it when a kiwi wins a race? An upset!
Why are kiwis such good detectives? They always find the clues.
If you mix a kiwi with a bear, what do you get? A furry fruit with REALLY sharp claws.
What do you call a kiwi in a suit? The defendant! (They’re always getting into sticky situations!)
Why are kiwis such good listeners? Because they’re all ears!

Funny Kiwi Jokes With One Liner Clever Kiwi Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Kiwi One-Liner Jokes To Make You Laugh

I tried to explain to my friend what a kiwi was, but I think he got the wrong idea. He keeps asking me where the fuzzy brown skin is!
Did you hear about the kiwi who won an award? He was recognized for his outstanding achieve-mint.
Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
You know you’ve been in New Zealand too long when you start saying “kiwi” instead of “cool.”
I tried to make a kiwi smoothie, but I couldn’t figure out how to get the shell off.
The life of a kiwi is tough. Every day is a struggle to not get eaten by a kiwi.
My friend said she was going to teach her kiwi how to fly. I told her to be careful, that’s how you get kiwi jam!
What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but kiwi-pop!
I met a kiwi who was a stand-up comedian. He was hilarious! He really cracked me up…get it?
What do you call a kiwi with a six-pack? An absirdity.
My attempt at kiwi farming failed. Those birds are real flight risks.
I’m writing a children’s book about a kiwi who wants to be a pilot. It’s called, “The Little Kiwi That Could Fly.”
Why are kiwis such bad dancers? They have two left feet!
I tried to make a kiwi pie once. It was delicious, but it took forever to peel all those tiny grapes!
You know, kiwis are actually quite good at keeping secrets. They’re real pros at keeping things hush-hush.
Why don’t kiwis ever give up? Because they’re always kiwi-ing on!

QnA Jokes & Puns about Kiwi: Feathery Fun for Everyone

Q: Why don’t kiwis ever carry cash? A: Because they pay with their bills!
Q: What do you call a kiwi who’s really good at solving mysteries? A: A Sherlock Homie-a!
Q: Why was the kiwi late to the fruit salad party? A: It had a hard time peeling itself away!
Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but the blues!
Q: Where do baby kiwis go to learn? A: Elementary, my dear kiwi!
Q: Why did the kiwi cross the road? A: To prove it wasn’t chicken!
Q: What do you call a group of kiwis playing music? A: A fuzzy band!
Q: Why did the kiwi get lost in the forest? A: It followed the wrong branch of directions!
Q: What do you get if you cross a kiwi with a sheep? A: A woolly kiwi, but good luck trying to shear it!
Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite board game? A: Twister! They’re surprisingly flexible.
Q: Why don’t kiwis like playing hide and seek? A: They’re always getting spotted!
Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of shoes? A: Open-toe, of course!
Q: What do you call a kiwi who’s also a lawyer? A: A legal beag-le!
Q: Why are kiwis good at keeping secrets? A: They’re excellent at keeping things under their wings.
Q: How do you make a kiwi smoothie? A: Just wing it!
Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite sport? A: Rugby, naturally! They love a good scrum.

Dad Jokes about Kiwi: They’re Zespri good

I tried to make kiwi jam yesterday… but I couldn’t find a jar big enough for all the seeds!
What do you call a kiwi with a mohawk? A punk rock-a-doodle-kiwi!
This little guy walks into a library looking for books about kiwis… he asks the librarian, “Hey, got anything for a kiwi?” The librarian whispers, “They’re over in the nonfiction section!”
My kid asked me how kiwis hug… I said, “They just wing it!”
I saw a kiwi wearing a tiny tuxedo at this fancy restaurant… Turns out, he was a kiwi-terer!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato… What do you call a lazy kiwi? Just plain lazy – they can’t jump!
Why don’t kiwis ever lend each other money? Because they’re always short a few bills!
Heard a rumor about a kiwi escaping from the zoo… Must have been kiwi-flying the coop!
What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but beak-box!
Why did the kiwi fail his driving test? He kept using his wings instead of the steering wheel!
You know, kiwis are excellent detectives… They’re always sticking their noses where they don’t belong!
My wife asked me if I’d ever cheat on her for a million dollars… I said, “Honey, with that kind of money, we could buy all the kiwis in the world and live happily ever after!”
If you’re ever feeling down, just remember that somewhere out there, a kiwi is trying to fly. And failing.
A kiwi walks into a bar and orders a drink… He looks the bartender dead in the eye and says, “Hey, if I don’t pay, will you still kiwi-ep it a secret?”
Why are kiwis such bad dancers? They have two left feet!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Kiwi: From Bird to Fruit

“You know you’ve spent too much time with a kiwi when you start saying ‘gidday’ to your houseplants.”
“My spirit fruit is a kiwi. Small, fuzzy, and occasionally bursts with unexpected tartness.”
“Don’t be a sourpuss, be a kiwi! They’re sweeter on the inside.”
“Life is like a kiwi: sometimes it’s fuzzy, sometimes it’s messy, but it’s always worth getting into.”
“I tried to explain to my dog that kiwis weren’t tennis balls… he wasn’t buying it.”
“My dating life is like a kiwi seed – tiny, hard to find, and I always end up spitting it out.”
“I’m not saying I’m obsessed with kiwis, but I did just knit a tiny hat for mine.”
“Went to a kiwi tasting party. It was… in-tents.”
“Just saw a kiwi wearing a tiny backpack. Guess he was on a foraging mis-kiwi-on.”
“I’m convinced my sleep schedule is determined by a kiwi on a unicycle – round and round we go, with no clear beginning or end.”
“Wrote a song about a kiwi… turns out it was already a hit! Guess it had mello-tones.”
“Sure, kiwis are fuzzy on the outside, but inside they’re pure delicious chaos.”
“You can’t make a smoothie without a kiwi. It’s the law. I don’t make the rules.”
“Found a kiwi with a tiny spoon today. Guess he really wanted to dig into that deliciousness.”
“If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you kiwis, make a tiny fruit salad and post it on Instagram. #KiwiLife”
“My therapist told me to find inner peace. I think I left it next to the kiwis at the grocery store.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Kiwi: A Little Bird Told Me

A kiwi a day keeps the blandness away. (twist on “An apple a day…”)
Don’t count your kiwi birds before they hatch. (twist on “…chickens before they hatch”, referring to New Zealand’s iconic bird)
Early to bed and early to rise makes a kiwi healthy, wealthy, and wise. (twist on “…makes a man…”, emphasizing the fruit’s health benefits)
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it eat kiwi. (twist on the original, highlighting the sometimes divisive taste)
The early bird gets the worm, but the kiwi gets the nap. (playing on the nocturnal nature of the kiwi bird)
One man’s trash is another man’s kiwi smoothie. (a humorous take on taste preferences)
Too many cooks spoil the kiwi jam. (a funny adaptation emphasizing the fruit’s delicate flavor)
A watched kiwi never ripens. (a play on the saying about watched pots, playing with the fruit’s ripening time)
Don’t put all your kiwis in one basket. (twist on the proverb about eggs, highlighting the importance of variety)
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a kiwi fruit salad. (a comical comparison suggesting the effort required for a good salad)
You can’t judge a kiwi by its skin. (a play on judging books, implying the inside is what matters)
A bird in the hand is worth two kiwi in the bush. (twisting the proverb, acknowledging the elusive nature of the kiwi bird)
A kiwi shared is a friendship paired. (a rhyme highlighting the social aspect of sharing the fruit)
Life is like a kiwi: you have to peel away the rough exterior to enjoy the sweet center. (a metaphorical proverb with a humorous twist)
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you kiwis, make a delicious mess. (a funny take on resourcefulness, acknowledging the fruit’s juicy nature)

Kiwi Double Entendres Puns: Ripe with Laughter

“Feeling peckish? This party needs some serious kiwi-atering!” (Playing on “catering” and the bird’s beak)
“He’s got that kiwi confidence – small, fuzzy, and doesn’t fly under pressure.” (Playing on size/flightlessness of kiwi bird and confidence)
“She’s a real kiwi at heart – rough on the outside, sweet on the inside.” (Playing on kiwi fruit texture and personality)
“Dating a kiwi? Be prepared for a long-term relationship, they mate for life!” (Playing on kiwi bird mating habits and relationships)
“Don’t be a kiwi in the headlights, make a decision!” (Playing on the nocturnal nature of kiwi birds and indecisiveness)
“That’s one kiwi idea…and by that, I mean flightless.” (Playing on kiwi bird flightlessness and impractical ideas)
“His dance moves were about as smooth as a kiwi trying to fly.” (Playing on kiwi bird lack of flight and awkward dancing)
“She’s got a real kiwi sense of humor – dark, a little weird, and absolutely delightful.” (Playing on New Zealand humor and kiwi birds)
“Trying to find a kiwi in the daylight? Good luck with that, mate.” (Playing on the nocturnal nature of kiwi birds and difficult tasks)
“The only thing fuzzier than this kiwi is my memory after last night.” (Playing on the kiwi fruit’s fuzzy texture and being forgetful)
“Don’t underestimate the kiwi – they might be small, but they’ve got a powerful kick!” (Playing on the powerful legs of kiwi birds and being underestimated)
“She’s got a real kiwi spirit – adventurous, independent, and always ready to explore the unknown…even if it’s just the back of the fridge.” (Playing on New Zealanders’ adventurous spirit and the kiwi bird foraging for food)
“I tried to explain kiwi slang to him, but it just went straight over his head…like a kiwi trying to fly.” (Playing on kiwi bird flightlessness and not understanding something)

Funny Kiwi Tom Swifties: A-peel-ingly Witty

“This fruit salad needs more kiwi,” Tom stated pit-ifully.
“I just saw a kiwi fly overhead!” Tom exclaimed impossibly.
“This kiwi is surprisingly tart!” Tom said acidly.
“Don’t worry, this kiwi won’t bite,” Tom reassured fruitlessly.
“I prefer my kiwis peeled,” Tom remarked barely.
“This kiwi is native to New Zealand,” Tom informed geographically.
“I love the taste of kiwi and avocado together,” Tom declared smoothly.
“This kiwi is a bit hairy,” Tom observed fuzzily.
“I dropped the kiwi on the floor!” Tom cried regretfully.
“This kiwi is perfectly ripe,” Tom proclaimed brightly (referring to the color).
“I used to have a pet kiwi,” Tom recalled birdly.
“That’s the last kiwi for the smoothie,” Tom sighed emptily.
“This kiwi bread is delicious!” Tom mumbled crumbily.
“I’m carving this kiwi into a flower,” Tom announced artfully.
“This kiwi is smaller than I expected,” Tom admitted minutely.
“These seeds are stuck in my teeth!” Tom complained seedily.
“This kiwi is the perfect snack,” Tom remarked fruitfully.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Kiwi You’ll Love

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-t to you later, alligator!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-lieve in magic? Because you’re my lucky charm!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-member what time it is? It’s kiwi time!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-ng me softly with his song… (Hum a tune)
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi are friends, and friends share, right? Got any snacks?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-ng you were here! Come in, the door’s open.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi gotta go, my Uber’s here!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Sorry, I don’t kiwi you! Are you sure we’ve met?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi be going to the beach later, wanna come?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Just “kiwi-ding” around! How’s it going?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-dn’t help but notice you looked amazing today!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi-ng me that smile, you brighten my day.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi go out and play now? Please, Mom!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi have a problem? Because you’re looking sharp!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Are you kiwi-ding me right now? That’s hilarious!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi you a Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi who? Kiwi ever meet again? I hope so, this was fun!