Ring in the Laughter: 135+ Hilarious Lord of the Rings Jokes & Puns
Welcome to The Shire of humor, where we’ll be taking a journey through the best puns about our favorite fantasy world, Lord of the Rings. These jokes are so clever, they’ll have you laughing like a hobbit on second breakfast. And don’t worry, they’re all positive and perfect for kids, because even Gandalf needs a good chuckle every now and then. So grab your ring and get ready for a list of jokes that are sure to leave you saying “my precious!
Ruling Over Humor: Editor’s Picks of “Lord Of The Rings” Puns & Jokes
- What do you call a hobbit who loves to cook? A Frodo Baggins!
- Why couldn’t the elves figure out how to open the door? Because they couldn’t Legolas it!
- What did Sauron say when he lost his ring? Oh Orc no!
- How did Bilbo feel about his unexpected journey? He was Gandalfied!
- Why did the ringwraith go to the doctor? Because he had a hobbit lodged in his throat!
- What does a dwarf call his favorite drink? His Precious Brew.
- What did Aragorn say when he couldn’t find his horse? Where the Legolas did he go?
- What’s the one thing the elves and dwarves can agree on? Orc-estra music!
- What’s a hobbit’s favorite workout? The One Ring around the track!
- Why did Samwise Gamgee make such a good gardener? Because he had green fingers!
- What did Gollum say when he won at a game of riddles? My precious won!
- How do you know if someone is from Rohan? They’re always horsing around!
- What do you call a group of orcs playing music? A Morgoths band!
- Why did the fellowship cross the river? To get to the other side, of Orc course!
- What did Merry and Pippin say when they ran out of food on their journey? This is un-Baggins!

Find Middle-Earth hilarity with these Funny “Lord Of The Rings” One-Liner Jokes!
- Why did the hobbit have to go on a diet? He had too many second breakfasts!
- What did Frodo say to his companions when they got lost in Mordor? “Looks like we took a wrong turn at Smaug’s lair!”
- What did Aragorn say to Legolas when he asked him how he stays so trim? “It’s all that Elvish waybread, mate!”
- How does Sauron keep his tower so clean? He uses One Ring to rule them all and in the brightness bind them!
- What did Sam Gamgee say when he saw a giant spider in Shelob’s lair? “I see why they call it the web!”
- What did Merry and Pippin start calling themselves after drinking Ent-draught? Tree-huggers!
- How does Gollum stay in shape? He does One Ring Pilates!
- What does the Eye of Sauron use to decorate his tower for Halloween? Orc-a-lanterns!
- Why did Gandalf go to Rohan instead of flying on an eagle? He has a fear of heights!
- What did Arwen say when Aragorn asked her to be his Queen? “I’ll have to think Elf and hard about it!”
- Why did the Balrog refuse to go to the dentist? He didn’t want anyone poking around in his Moria!
- What does Gollum call his precious mug that he drinks tea out of? His pre-cup!
- How does Treebeard drink tea? He takes a large leaf out of his cup and legquambers it!
- What did Bilbo say when he saw a dwarf climbing into a barrel in The Hobbit? “Looks like he’s having a barrel of fun!”
- Why did the Uruk-hai cross the road? To get to the other side of Isengard!
QnA Jokes & Puns fit for a “Lord Of The Rings”-sized quest
- Q: What do you call a disgruntled elf? A: A grumpy Legolas.
- Q: Why did Bilbo Baggins go on a diet? A: Because he didn’t want to be a round dwarf anymore.
- Q: What do you call an orc who’s late for work? A: An unproductive cave-dweller.
- Q: Why was Frodo hesitant to throw the One Ring into Mount Doom? A: Because he didn’t want to be responsible for destroying precious jewelry.
- Q: What do you get when you cross a hobbit with a snowman? A: A Frosted Flakes cereal mascot.
- Q: How do hobbits like their coffee? A: Second breakfast blend.
- Q: Why did Gandalf turn down the offer to become Sauron’s apprentice? A: He didn’t want to work for a “Dark Lord” with a title that rhymes with “Bord”.
- Q: What’s Aragorn’s favorite type of music? A: Pop music and trees – he can’t decide between being a poplar or a pop star.
- Q: How do you fix a broken sword? A: With Gandalf’s magic super glue, “Gondoral-paste”.
- Q: What do you call an Ent who’s always on time? A: Chrono-tree-wizard.
- Q: How does Gimli keep his beard so shiny? A: He dwarfs himself in conditioner.
- Q: How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they have magic light crystals – they’re just showing off.
- Q: What do you get when you mix a hobbit with a dwarf? A: A pint-sized warrior with hairy feet and a beard.
- Q: What’s Arwen’s favorite type of poetry? A: Elf-abetically rhymed sonnets.
- Q: How does Gollum make his bed? A: With one ring, to rule them all – he’s a pro at making “My Preciousssss” sheets.
One Ring to Dad Joke Them All: Lord of the Rings Laughs
- Why did Sauron refuse to go to the beach? Because he couldn’t stand the eye-candy.
- What do you call a group of hobbits discussing politics? A “Fellowship of the Ring.”
- How does Frodo get across the river? With a “Tolkien” ferry.
- What do you call an elf who loves to party? Lord of the Dance.
- Why did Bilbo ask Gollum for his ring back? Because he wanted to “Gollum” back his precious.
- What did Gandalf say to the Balrog before their epic battle? “You shall not pass, but I will.”
- What did Aragorn say to Legolas when he saved him from drowning in the river? “Thanks for your elf-ing hand.”
- Why did Samwise Gamgee start a vegetable garden? Because he wanted to be a “ground-keeper.”
- What do you call an orc with a sense of humor? A laughing stalk.
- Why did the hobbit buy a second home? He wanted to “Bilbo” a bigger and better one.
- What do you call a dwarf who can run really fast? “Gim-li-moment.”
- How does Aragorn get his laundry done? With a “Loth-lorien” elf-service.
- Why did Frodo and Sam have to take the long way around? Because inserting a DVD of “The Two Towers” would have been too easy.
- What did Legolas say when he couldn’t find his bow? “I must have shot it into the wrong “Elf” quadrant.”
- Why did Treebeard start a band? Because he heard there was a “ringing” endorsement for his music.
Bringing Middle-earth to Hilarious Heights: Funny Quotes about Lord of the Rings
- “I can’t decide if I want to be Arwen or Legolas when I grow up. #ElvishStruggle”
- “One does not simply walk into Mordor…they take an Uber.”
- “Gandalf may be a wizard, but my phone’s predictive text knows more spells than he does.”
- “I like my hobbits how I like my coffee: short, sweet, and guaranteed to give me a kick in the morning.”
- “The real reason Frodo was chosen to carry the ring? No one else wanted to deal with Sam’s cooking for that long of a journey.”
- “You shall not pass…unless you have snacks.”
- “All these epic battles for Middle Earth and not one mention of how hard it must’ve been to get toilet paper.”
- “If Aragorn and Arwen had a reality show, it would be called ‘Keeping Up with the Kings.'”
- “Sauron is like that one coworker who always leaves dirty dishes in the sink, except he wants to control all of humanity.”
- “The only thing worse than stepping on a Lego is stepping on the ring of power.”
- “You know it’s a rough day when even the trees are throwing shade at you.”
- “Gollum may be obsessed with the ring, but at least he always has good dental hygiene.”
- “If my workouts were as intense as Frodo’s journey to Mount Doom, I’d have abs of steel by now.”
- “Smeagol may have turned into Gollum, but let’s not forget that Bilbo basically became a hoarder after finding the ring.”
- “I would volunteer as tribute in the Hunger Games before I went on a quest with a group that included Boromir.”
Lighthearted Lessons From Middle Earth
- “A Hobbit’s second breakfast is always better than his first.”
- “One does not simply walk into Mordor…without a good pair of walking shoes.”
- “The only thing more precious than the One Ring is a hot slice of elvish lembas bread.”
- “The true test of friendship? Whether your friend can resist the power of the One Ring…or a second serving of buttered potatoes.”
- “Gandalf may be a wizard, but even he can’t save you from the wrath of a hangover after a night of drinking like a Dwarf.”
- “The way to a Dwarf’s heart is through his beard.”
- “If you want to defeat Sauron, just remember: all you need is love…and some well-crafted armor.”
- “One does not simply get rid of a stubborn Orc without a can of Bug Spray.”
- “The key to a happy marriage? A powerful Elvish ring…or just good communication skills.”
- “They say ‘Not all who wander are lost,’ but I’ve been wandering for hours and I still can’t find my way out of this forest.”
- “Better to be safe than sorry – always bring a spare cloak when traveling through the Misty Mountains.”
- “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and I’ll unleash the wrath of the Balrog.”
- “They may have magic powers, but wizards still can’t parallel park a horse-drawn carriage to save their lives.”
- “A true hero isn’t measured by the size of their sword, but by the size of their heart…and the amount of ale they can drink.”
- “You know what they say – ‘Speak friend and enter’…unless you forgot the password, then you’re stuck outside with the trolls.”
The One Ring to Rule Them All: Lord of the Rings Double Entendres Puns
- “Bilbo always gets a rise out of Gollum with his ‘precious’ ring.”
- “Frodo and Sam’s journey to Mordor was quite a ‘ring’-ty affair.”
- “Gandalf’s staff always seems to ‘stand’ at attention when he’s in battle.”
- “Legolas may be an elf, but he’s definitely not ‘Gimli’ endowed.”
- “Aragorn may be the rightful heir to the throne, but his sword skills show he’s also a master of the ‘shaft’.”
- “Gimli may be a dwarf, but he’s got a ‘big’ heart and an even bigger sense of humor.”
- “Eowyn’s love for Aragorn was obvious, but her shieldmaiden skills showed she wasn’t afraid to ‘go down’ in battle.”
- “Pippin and Merry may be small, but their appetite for adventure is definitely not ‘hobbits’-sized.”
- “Saruman may have lost his Palantír, but he’s still got a ‘crystal ball’.”
- “The Ents may move slowly, but their ‘tree-tment’ against Isengard was like ‘branching’ out for revenge.”
- “Gollum may have been obsessed with his ‘precious’, but it was Sam who helped Frodo ‘keep it up’ throughout their journey.”
- “The Balrog’s whip may have been deadly, but Gandalf’s comeback was even deadlier: ‘you shall not ‘pass gas’!'”
- “Boromir’s ‘one does not simply walk into Mordor’ catchphrase may have been iconic, but it still didn’t save him from ‘biting the arrow’.”
- “Sauron may be the ultimate dark lord, but his ‘all-seeing eye’ can’t see through the humor and wit of the fellowship.”
- “In the end, it wasn’t the armies or weapons that decided the fate of Middle-earth, it was the ‘ring’ that brought about the downfall of the Dark Lord.”
Hobbit-ually Amusing: Recursive Puns about Lord Of The Rings
- Why did the hobbit go to therapy? Because he had dwarfism!
- What did the hobbit say when he finally reached Mount Doom? “I’m feeling a little burnt out.”
- Why is Gandalf always so calm? Because he practices Gand-alpha meditation.
- What did Frodo say when he couldn’t find the Ring? “I must’ve misplaced it in Mordor places.”
- What do you call a group of elves who love to party? A Tolkien of elves.
- Why didn’t the eagles help Frodo and Sam until the very end? They were busy with their “eagles only” band rehearsal.
- How does Sauron like his coffee? Dark and bitter, just like his soul.
- What do you get when you cross Gollum with a tree? A twig-ollum.
- Why did the Fellowship take so long to destroy the Ring? Because they kept getting sidetracked by second breakfast.
- What did Legolas say when Aragorn asked him to help with the dishes? “Sorry, my hands are full with hair care products.”
- How many Ringwraiths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer to keep everything in darkness.
- Did you know Gandalf’s full name is Gandalf the White and Wise? His friends just call him “Gandalf in the know.”
- Why was Arwen so good at horseback riding? She had a LOTR of practice.
- What did Treebeard say after drinking too much entwater? “I’m feeling a little trunk.”
Bringing Middle-earth to life with Lord of the Rings Tom Swifties
- “I can’t seem to find my precious,” said Gollum darkly.
- “Give me your sword, I’ll handle them,” said Legolas elfishly.
- “Do not simply walk into Mordor,” said Gandalf sternly.
- “I’m feeling a bit dwarfed by this task,” said Gimli reluctantly.
- “I’ll just take a little nap, for hobbits sake,” said Frodo innocently.
- “I’ll take the ring to Mount Doom, no worries,” said Sam determinedly.
- “We’re not in the Shire anymore,” said Merry and Pippin together.
- “His eye is always on us,” said Aragorn intently.
- “I need to consult with the Ents,” said Treebeard woodenly.
- “I feel like I’m caught between rock and Isengard,” said Legolas stonily.
- “This battle is taking a toll on my armor,” said Boromir rustily.
- “I’ll take my leave, with haste and hobbitry,” said Treebeard quickly.
- “I can hear the mountains calling,” said Galadriel softly.
- “Bilbo’s ring caused quite a stir,” said Elrond in the past tense.
- “We need to destroy the ring, pronto!” said Gandalf urgently.
Ring in the laughs with Tolkien-inspired knock-knock jokes!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sam. Sam who? Sam-wise Gamgee, ready to continue the journey!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frodo. Frodo who? Frodo my goodness, can I borrow some more eagles to fly me home?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gandalf. Gandalf who? Gandalf the Grey, but now I’m Gandalf the White.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bilbo. Bilbo who? Bilbo Baggins, and you shall not pass!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gollum. Gollum who? Gollum tired of all these riddles and rhymes.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Legolas. Legolas who? Legolas of Mirkwood, ready to shoot some arrows.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sauron. Sauron who? Sauron out of power because the ring was destroyed.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Treebeard. Treebeard who? Treebeard, the protector of Fangorn Forest.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eowyn. Eowyn who? Eowyn feel like destroying some Nazgul today?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isildur. Isildur who? Isildur, king of Gondor, destroyer of the One Ring.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pippin. Pippin who? Pippin Took, ready to serve as your loyal squire.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Elrond. Elrond who? Elrond Half-elven, keeper of Vilya, ring of air.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Saruman. Saruman who? Saruman the White, but I may have dabbled in a little black magic.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gimli. Gimli who? Gimli son of Gloin, ready for battle with my trusty axe.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rohan. Rohan who? Rohan, land of the horse lords, home to Eomer and Eowyn.
Farewell to Fellowship: Closing Riffs on Rings
And with that, we have reached the end of our journey through 135+ Lord of the Rings jokes and puns. But fear not, brave adventurers! There are still many more humorous adventures to be had in Middle Earth. Don’t forget to check out our other related puns and joke posts, because as they say, “all those who wander are not lost…they’re just looking for more jokes to laugh at!” Keep the puns alive, my friends. Until next time, may your sword stay sharp and your wit sharper.