230+ Medical Jokes: A Prescription for Endless Puns!

funny Medical jokes with one liner clever Medical puns at PunnyFunny.com

Welcome to our list of medical jokes! As they say, laughter is the best medicine, so get ready to cure your boredom and tickle your funny bone with these clever and positive puns about all things medical. Whether you’re a doctor, nurse or just someone with a great sense of humor, these jokes are sure to provide some much-needed humor. So without further ado, sit back, relax and enjoy our humorous take on the world of medicine. And don’t worry, these jokes are suitable for kids too, so get ready for some laughs!

Inject Some Laughter with these ‘Medical’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks!

  1. Why did the doctor tell the patient not to worry about their broken arm? Because it’ll heal in no time.
  2. What did the doctor say when the patient asked for their test results? Sorry, I’m just a doctor, not a magician.
  3. Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
  4. Why did the doctor feel guilty about charging the patient for their check-up? Because it was a sick-visit.
  5. What do you call a group of doctors who make music together? A Band-Aid.
  6. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? Because she kept writing ‘red blood cells’ by accident.
  7. Did you hear about the doctor who could only diagnose patients through interpretive dance? He had a Ph.Dancer.
  8. What do you call a personal trainer for your immune system? A germ yoga instructor.
  9. Why did the surgeon quit his job? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
  10. Did you hear about the doctor who could diagnose patients by smelling their breath? He was known as a gastronaut.
  11. What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? “Some asshole has my pen.”
  12. How does a skeleton call their doctor? On a tele-bone.
  13. Did you hear about the radiologist who got hospitalized? He was X-rayed himself.
  14. Why was the dentist so tired after work? He was filling teeth all day.
  15. What did the surgeon say to the patient who was anxious about their surgery? “Just take a deep breath and count backwards from 10.”
  16. What did the orthopedic surgeon say at the end of a successful surgery? “Looks like we made a bone-anza.”
  17. Why did the proctologist become a doctor? He couldn’t stomach being a lawyer any longer.
  18. Did you hear about the medical student who was always running late? She had to learn to be punctUAL.
  19. What do you call a doctor who is always on time? A doc-trimester.
  20. Why did the skeleton go to the doctor? Because he was feeling bonely.

Inject some humor into your day with these hilarious yet healing one-liners – funny medical jokes to make you LOL!

  1. Why did the doctor tell the patient to stop taking his temperature? Because he was tired of being called a heatwave.
  2. I tried to tell a joke about my broken collarbone, but it didn’t have much of a clavicle.
  3. The inventor of the tanning booth must have been pretty bright.
  4. Why did the nurse use her red pen when making rounds? Because she wanted to keep track of patients with “highlights.”
  5. Life is like a colonoscopy, you never know what’s waiting around the bend.
  6. The patient kept complaining about his broken leg, but the doctor insisted it was just a fracture of imagination.
  7. Why did the skeleton go to the doctor? Because he was feeling bone-tired.
  8. I’m on a seafood diet – I see food and I eat it. Except for my vegetables, they just seem to slip under the radar.
  9. I thought about going on a low-carb diet, but then I remembered how much I love bread.
  10. Why did the doctor ask the patient to turn his head and cough? To make sure he didn’t have a laughing hernia.
  11. I can’t believe I’m feeling down in the dumps. I thought for sure I had allergies.
  12. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized after swallowing a bunch of keys? He claims he was looking for the key to success.
  13. Why did the doctor’s pen stop working? Because it ran out of patience.
  14. They say laughter is the best medicine, but I’m guessing that’s why so many people die from belly-aches.
  15. My favorite type of surgery is rebound, because it always comes back to me.
  16. They say hindsight is 20/20, but after that experimental laser eye surgery, mine is more like 20/200.
  17. Why did the nurse refuse to be in a blood experiment? Because she didn’t want to be a guinea pig.
  18. I went for a check-up and the doctor told me I have a Charlie Horse. I have no idea who he is, but I can’t wait to meet him.
  19. What did the doctor say when the patient came in with a snapped Achilles tendon? “I can’t stand people with weak ankles.”
  20. I think I have a crick in my neck from laying in bed all day. Or maybe it’s just a pain in the neck. Depends on who you ask.

Prescription for Laughter: QnA Jokes & Puns about Medical!

  1. Q: Why did the electron go see the doctor? A: It had a positive charge!
  2. Q: What did the doctor say when asked about his favorite type of cheese? A: “I’m a brie-ologist!”
  3. Q: How does a scientist cure a headache? A: With a pair of ex-sciences!
  4. Q: Why was the skeleton feeling lonely at the party? A: He had no body to dance with!
  5. Q: What did the doctor say to the germ when it asked for medical advice? A: “Sorry, you’re too small to be seen!”
  6. Q: Why did the fruit go to the hospital? A: It was having a melon-coly!
  7. Q: How does a scientist keep his breath fresh? A: By using menthols of proof!
  8. Q: Why did the bacteria get an “A” in biology class? A: It was outstanding in its field!
  9. Q: What happened when the doctor broke up with his girlfriend? A: He had a severe case of lovesick-itis!
  10. Q: Why was the virus always in a bad mood? A: Because it was always feeling celled!
  11. Q: How did the doctor fix his broken arm? A: With a plaster of paris!
  12. Q: What did the x-ray say to the broken bone? A: “I can see right through you!”
  13. Q: Why was the microscope unhappy? A: It couldn’t see through its own tears!
  14. Q: How does a doctor weigh a ghost? A: With a spirit level!
  15. Q: Why did the doctor refuse to operate on the math problem? A: It was a complex equation!
  16. Q: What’s a virus’s favorite type of music? A: Hip-hop! (Because it’s always mutating!)
  17. Q: What do you call a doctor who’s always on time? A: Punctual-ologist!
  18. Q: Why did the science book go to the dentist? A: It had a lot of chemistry problems!
  19. Q: How does a doctor prepare for a surgery? A: By scrubbing in with some good old germ-a-side!
  20. Q: What do you get when you mix a psychologist with a medical doctor? A: A head shrink-ologist!

Making Medical Puns: The Cure for Dad Jokes

  1. Why was the hippie doctor always so calm? Because he had a lot of patient patience!
  2. Did you hear about the doctor who couldn’t perform surgery? He just didn’t have the guts for it!
  3. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the doctor? He didn’t have the stomach for it!
  4. What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea? A molar hater.
  5. I had a dream I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
  6. Why did the nurse need a red pen? To draw blood!
  7. What did the doctor say to the X-ray? “Looks like we have a bone to pick with you.”
  8. What did the pregnant turkey say to her doctor? “Do you think I’ll have a baby in the fall?”
  9. Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
  10. Why did the bacteria hire a lawyer? Because he was charged with cill-illness!
  11. How does a nose ring save lives? It gives you a heads up!
  12. What’s the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
  13. Why did the pharmacy close early? Because the pharmacist needed to make some meds-herinary decisions.
  14. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  16. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investa-gator.
  17. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  18. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
  19. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
  20. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

LMAO Medicine: Hilarious Quotes about the World of Medicine

  1. “Forget about apples, a pill a day keeps the doctor away!”
  2. “I never trust a doctor with bad handwriting, it’s like they are trying to keep us all in the dark!”
  3. “Having medical knowledge is great, but having a medical degree is even better for impressing your parents.”
  4. “I’d rather trust WebMD than a real doctor, at least they don’t charge a fortune for inaccurate diagnoses.”
  5. “I’m pretty sure my medical degree came with a side of insomnia and massive student debt.”
  6. “A visit to the doctor is just like playing Russian roulette, except everything is loaded with germs.”
  7. “If laughter is the best medicine, does that make comedians the best doctors?”
  8. “I don’t need a medical degree to tell you that eating pizza is not a daily recommended serving of vegetables.”
  9. “Why do they call it a ‘practice’ when it’s a matter of life and death?”
  10. “Patient: Doctor, I think I’m a hypochondriac. Doctor: Don’t worry, we have a pill for that.”
  11. “I once saw a study that said 100% of patients who wait in the waiting room get seen by the doctor, so there’s hope for us all.”
  12. “Whoever said ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ clearly never tried french fries.”
  13. “If Google doesn’t have the answer, it’s probably time to schedule a doctor’s appointment.”
  14. “My body is like a temple, a temple that needs frequent repairs and a good health insurance plan.”
  15. “I’m pretty sure my doctor majored in confusing medical terms that no one can pronounce.”
  16. “I don’t always drink water, but when I do, it’s because my doctor told me to.”
  17. “If laughter is contagious, then why is my doctor constantly wearing a face mask?”
  18. “I’m convinced that doctors have the cure for the common cold, they just don’t want to share it and ruin their business.”
  19. “I have a love-hate relationship with my doctor; I love the prescriptions, but hate the side effects.”
  20. “I may not be a doctor, but I can definitely give you some questionable medical advice.”

Inject Some Humor into Your Health with These Medical Proverbs

  1. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away…but a donut a day keeps me happy.”
  2. “Laughter is the best medicine…although antibiotics come in at a close second.”
  3. “A stitch in time saves nine…unless you’re a doctor, then it’s thousands.”
  4. “The early bird gets the worm…but the night owl gets the prescription for Ambien.”
  5. “Better safe than sorry…so I’m always prepared with a Band-Aid and a shot of tequila.”
  6. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…but a gallon of ice cream is worth its weight in gold.”
  7. “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade…but if life gives you a canker sore, stock up on salt and whiskey.”
  8. “When in doubt, get a second opinion…preferably from WebMD.”
  9. “The pen is mightier than the sword…unless you’re fighting off a case of strep throat.”
  10. “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch…unless you’re dealing with a contagious virus, then count them twice.”
  11. “Mama knows best…until she tries to diagnose your symptoms with old wives’ tales.”
  12. “A watched pot never boils…but an actively monitored fever will eventually break.”
  13. “Actions speak louder than words…but a well-timed fart can speak volumes in an overcrowded waiting room.”
  14. “It takes two to tango…but it only takes one sneeze to infect an entire office.”
  15. “What goes up must come down…unless it’s your cholesterol, then it just keeps going up.”
  16. “Honesty is the best policy…unless it’s about how many Reese’s Cups you ate during your diet.”
  17. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks…but a good chiropractor can make him feel brand new.”
  18. “Out of sight, out of mind…until you run out of your prescribed medication.”
  19. “It’s always darkest before the dawn…except when you’re getting a colonoscopy, then it’s just always dark.”
  20. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink…unless you’re giving him a sugar cube with his antibiotics.”

Punny Prescriptions: Medical Double Entendres for a Dose of Laughter

  1. “I’m just your average PHD: Pretty Huge Dispenser of drugs.”
  2. “Patients always tell me I have great bedside manner- I guess you could say I have a way with scalpel.”
  3. “Forget being a heartthrob, I’d rather be a heart surgeon.”
  4. “Don’t make a rash decision, let me give you a proper diagnosis first.”
  5. “As a doctor, I pride myself on always having the right prescription- for puns, that is.”
  6. “Being an optometrist is a sight for sore eyes- and for many dad jokes.”
  7. “I may have a PhD, but I prefer to be called a master of medicine.”
  8. “You can trust me, I have a degree in placebo medicine.”
  9. “My dental skills are unmatched- I always leave my patients with a toothless grin.”
  10. “Being a radiologist means I see through things- figuratively and literally.”
  11. “I may be an ob-gyn, but I’ve delivered more punchlines than babies.”
  12. “I never forget to take my daily dose of vitamins and vitamin P- for puns, of course.”
  13. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but my patients still make me wear a lab coat.”
  14. “I thought about becoming a proctologist, but then I realized it was just a bunch of butt jokes.”
  15. “If you want to get a reaction out of me, just tell me a chemistry pun.”
  16. “All of my surgeon colleagues say I have a surgical precision with my puns.”
  17. “As an anesthesiologist, I’m always putting my patients to sleep- but not with my jokes, hopefully.”
  18. “Being a therapist is easier when you have a strong set of listening muscles.”
  19. “I may have a PhD, but I also have a black belt in dad jokes.”
  20. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but I still charge for my services.”

Doctor, doctor, I’m addicted to recursive puns about medical conditions!

  1. Why did the doctor give the patient double doses of medicine? Because he wanted to cure-ate their illness!
  2. Why did the skeleton go to the doctor? Because he was feeling bone-tired!
  3. Did you hear about the doctor who specialized in foot ailments? He was a sole practitioner!
  4. Why was the doctor always stressed out? Because he had a lot of patients to mend-icinate!
  5. Why was the patient afraid to show the doctor his x-rays? He was worried the doctor would give him a bone-chilling diagnosis!
  6. Did you hear about the doctor who only treated patients with broken bones? He had a cast-iron reputation!
  7. How do doctors diagnose heart problems? With a stethoscope, they listen to each cardio-vascular!
  8. Why was the patient relieved to hear they only had a skin rash? Because they thought it was a hypochondriacal condition!
  9. What did the doctor say when the patient asked about alternative medicine? He said, “It’s just a placebo effect, my dear patients!”
  10. Why did the doctor have to retire early? Because he kept losing his patients!
  11. How does a doctor treat a fever? With a degree in thermometer-y!
  12. Why don’t doctors make good mathematicians? Because they always round off their answers!
  13. What did the psychiatrist say to the patient with amnesia? “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember your name either!”
  14. How does a doctor diagnose a cold? By checking if their nose is running and their feet smell!
  15. What do you call a doctor who specializes in trying different medications until one works? A clinical trial and errorist!
  16. Did you hear about the patient who woke up with stitches all over their body? They realized they had been sewn back together!
  17. Why did the patient refuse to take their medicine? Because they said the side effects were too insufferable!
  18. How did the doctor cure the patient’s fear of needles? By poking fun at it!
  19. Why was the medical student always so nervous? Because they were always being tested and probed!
  20. What did the doctor say to the patient with a broken jaw? “I can’t talk now, I have been rendered speechless!”

Sealing the Diagnosis with Medical Tom Swifties – A Pun-tastic Prescription for Laughter!

  1. “I can’t believe I left my stethoscope at home,” Tom said heartlessly.
  2. “This plaster cast is so heavy,” Tom said with a straight face.
  3. “I think I have a fever,” Tom said hotly.
  4. “I need to take a break from this surgery,” Tom said cuttingly.
  5. “I can’t stop sneezing,” Tom said, running out of tissues.
  6. “My back hurts from carrying this medical bag,” Tom said, feeling dis-stressed.
  7. “I can’t find my pen to take notes,” Tom said, feeling pen-less.
  8. “I didn’t expect so many patients today,” Tom said, feeling overwhelmed.
  9. “I never realized how tiring being a doctor could be,” Tom said, feeling run down.
  10. “I need to order more disinfectant,” Tom said, feeling wiped out.
  11. “I can’t believe I accidentally swallowed my thermometer,” Tom said, feeling feverish.
  12. “I need to call in sick tomorrow,” Tom said with a cough.
  13. “I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of paperwork,” Tom said, feeling paper-cut.
  14. “I should have gone to medical school in Hawaii,” Tom said, feeling tropical.
  15. “Why did I agree to do a double shift?” Tom said, feeling overworked.
  16. “I’m worried about this patient’s condition,” Tom said, feeling pulse-less.
  17. “I should have listened to my gut feeling about that diagnosis,” Tom said, feeling gutted.
  18. “I hate dealing with insurance companies,” Tom said, feeling co-pay-ed.
  19. “I think my scrubs have shrunk in the wash,” Tom said, feeling too snug.
  20. “I need a vacation after dealing with all these hypochondriacs,” Tom said, feeling sick of it all.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A medical expert ready to tickle your funny bone with these knock-knock jokes!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Albuterol. Albuterol who? Albuterol my friends about this great knock-knock joke!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anesthesia. Anesthesia who? Anesthesia knock-knock, who’s there?
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bandage. Bandage who? Bandage at the door for hours, let me in!
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? CPR. CPR who? CPR my hands from all this knocking!
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dentist. Dentist who? Dentist you hear another knock-knock joke before?!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Endoscopy. Endoscopy who? Endoscopy peek at this hilarious joke!
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fever. Fever who? Fever if you don’t let me in, I’ll keep knocking!
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gauze. Gauze who? Gauze the doorbell not working? Because I’ve been knocking for ages!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hospice. Hospice who? Hospice your day is filled with laughter after hearing this joke!
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Insulin. Insulin who? Insulin jokes never get old!
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jaundice. Jaundice who? Jaundice once thought we were done with knock-knock jokes, huh?
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kidney. Kidney who? Kidney believe I’m telling another knock-knock joke?!
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Laboratory. Laboratory who? Laboratory believe I’m still able to come up with more knock-knock jokes?!
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Morphine. Morphine who? Morphine in need of a good laugh, so let me in!
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nurse. Nurse who? Nurse-ly you know it’s time for another knock-knock joke!
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orthopedic. Orthopedic who? Orthopedic you glad I didn’t say banana?
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pharmacy. Pharmacy who? Pharmacy your daily dose of laughter with this joke!
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Quarantine. Quarantine who? Quarantine you just make time for one more joke?
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Radiology. Radiology who? Radiology want to hear another knock-knock joke?
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Surgery. Surgery who? Surgery you want to hear another joke before I operate on your funny bone?

Don’t Get ”Medical’ Malapropisms’ Prescribed As Your Treatment-They’re Not Intended For Laughter

  1. My doctor said I have a touch of paraplegia instead of paraplegia.
  2. The nurse asked if I have an incontinence for incontinence.
  3. The surgeon mentioned that my husband needs a testicle transplant instead of a testicular transplant.
  4. The dentist recommended a dental implant for my missing tooth, but I heard dandelion implant.
  5. My grandmother suffers from dementia, but our relatives often joke that she has diabetus.
  6. My doctor mistakenly wrote a prescription for Xanderex instead of Xanax.
  7. The physiotherapist suggested I try a coregasm instead of a core workout.
  8. The radiologist mentioned seeing some calcified leopard spots on my CT scan, but it was actually liver spots.
  9. The optometrist prescribed bifocals for my vision, but I heard bifurcals.
  10. The chiropractor suggested using a levitating table instead of a vibrating table.
  11. The gynecologist recommended I try a kegel exercise ball, but I thought she said bagel exercise ball.
  12. My friend’s mom has osteoporosis, but she always says osteo-porcupine.
  13. When the dermatologist mentioned using a retinol cream, I thought she said retinol clown.
  14. The orthodontist advised getting braces for my crooked teeth, but I misheard it as laces.
  15. My boyfriend’s mom has a pacemaker, but she often tells people she has a pacemaker instead.
  16. The urologist mentioned doing pelvic exorcises instead of pelvic exercises.
  17. When discussing diet options with my doctor, I thought he said Paleo diet but it turned out to be a Peeing diet.
  18. The nurse asked if I have any family history of Herpes Simplex, but I thought she said Herpes Sprinkles.
  19. The psychiatrist suggested I try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but I heard cognitive beer therapy.
  20. The pharmacist handed me a prescription for X-Lax instead of Xanax.

Playing Doctor with Punny Spoonerisms About Medical Terminology

  1. “Squirt Frother” instead of “Fruit Smoothie”
  2. “Nurse Hugging” instead of “Curse Hurting”
  3. “Painful Dose” instead of “Fainful Pose”
  4. “Stink Murgery” instead of “Mink Surgery”
  5. “Heart Shurt” instead of “Art Shirt”
  6. “Brain Cancer” instead of “Cane Brancer”
  7. “Medicine Catcher” instead of “Kitten Matcher”
  8. “Pulse Checkle” instead of “Chulse Peck”
  9. “Toilet Pissue” instead of “Pilot Tissue”
  10. “Dental Scilling” instead of “Stental Dilling”
  11. “Flu Injection” instead of “Jew Infection”
  12. “Sticky Bitch” instead of “Bitty Stitch”
  13. “Pill Thrusher” instead of “Till Pusher”
  14. “Band-Aid Lumper” instead of “Land-Aid Bumper”
  15. “Burp Syndrome” instead of “Sirp Byndrome”
  16. “Ice Pream” instead of “Nice Cream”
  17. “X-Ray Blaster” instead of “Blax-Ray Asterr”
  18. “Anus Speptoscope” instead of “Space Antoscope”
  19. “Heartrate Flusher” instead of “Fart Heatflusher”
  20. “Tummy Grumble” instead of “Gummy Tremble”

Doctor’s Orders: Keep Laughing with these Puns!

Well folks, I hope you got a good dose of medical humor from these 230+ puns. Don’t forget to check out our other posts for more side-splitting jokes and puns. Just remember, laughter is the best medicine, so keep on reading and sharing the laughs! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to run to the pharmacy and pick up some joke-ecylin. Until next time, stay punny and healthy!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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