100+ New York Jokes & Puns: You'll ❤️ NY Even More!

Get ready to laugh your way through the best borough in the world (we’re not biased, promise!). This list of New York jokes and puns is the perfect way to experience the city that never sleeps, even from your couch. We’ve got humor as tall as the Empire State Building and puns cleverer than a Wall Street banker. Fun fact: Did you know more books are edited in New York City than anywhere else in the United States? Well, get ready to edit your vocabulary with these hilarious New York jokes!

Top New York Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me!

I ❤️ NY, it’s a real suite spot.
Ever get the feeling you’re being Wattched in Times Square? Just me?
New York? More like New Yolk! Get it? 🍳 (said no one ever)
Someone stole my pizza in NYC…Take the cannoli seriously!
Tried hailing a cab. Turns out they’re farely expensive.
My friend from Iowa visited NYC. He said, “I’m in a New York state of mind.” I said, “That’s Empiresive!”
Crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. Hope I don’t fall for it.
My trip to NYC was amazing! Though, the subway was a bit train-ing.
Just saw a rat wearing a Yankees cap… Guess you could say he’s a real New Yorker. 🐀
Planning a trip to NYC. Trying to find a good deal on Broadway tickets.
Moved to New York for the bagels. Turns out, they’re everything.
Visited the Empire State Building. Now that’s what I call a high point!
Walking around Central Park. Hope I don’t get lost in the concrete jungle.
New York City…Where dreams are made of…and so are pizzas, apparently.
Just tried a New York hot dog. It was relishly good!
Dating in New York is tough. It’s hard to find someone who likes you for you…and not your apartment. 😂
That’s all, folks! Gotta jet to another borough. ✈️

Funny New York Jokes With One Liner Clever New York Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny New York One-Liner Jokes: Only The Best From NYC

Someone told me New York is extremely overpriced. I told them, “Give me a concrete example!” They said, “Okay, $20 for a cup of coffee!”
New York is the city that never sleeps…because someone’s always trying to sell you a mixtape at 3 am.
I wanted to try the authentic New York experience, so I rode the subway…turns out, I also like to live dangerously.
I went to a comedy club in New York and asked for a table close to the comedian. They said, “Don’t worry, everyone gets heckled here.”
I tried to explain to a New Yorker the concept of “personal space”…they looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
A tourist asked me, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” I said, “Practice? I don’t know, I just live here.”
I saw a sign in New York that said “Lost Dog, Answers to ‘Whatever’.” Figured that dog must be a real New Yorker.
The pigeons in New York are so fearless, they should rename them “Raptors Lite.”
Finding an apartment in New York is tough; it’s like playing a real-life game of Tetris…with your entire life savings.
I knew I wasn’t in Kansas anymore when I saw a rat wearing a tiny Yankees hat.
The traffic in New York is so bad, I saw a taxi driver honking at a bicycle…which was also honking at a pedestrian.
They say New York City never sleeps…but they clearly haven’t seen my apartment after I eat a big slice of dollar pizza.
I went to a Broadway show in New York and the actors were incredible! Though, to be fair, the guy who stole my wallet earlier was pretty convincing too.
New York is known for its bagels, but I’m holding out for the “New York minute” sale at the bakery… gotta be quick!
I think they should rename Times Square to “Elbow Square”…you get a free jab with every souvenir purchase.
In New York, even the ghosts are ambitious, they’re not called ghosts, they’re “freelance apparitions.”

QnA Jokes & Puns about New York: The Empire State of Hilarious

Q: Why did the tourist think the Statue of Liberty was a librarian? A: Because she kept telling him to be quiet and “read” the room!
Q: Why don’t they play poker in Times Square? A: Too many cheetahs! (Get it? Cheaters… like the dense crowds…)
Q: What do you get when you cross a Broadway show with a pizza place? A: A pizza the action!
Q: I went to an art gallery in SoHo last night, and it was completely empty except for one dog in the middle of the room. A: Sounds like ruff competition for the artist!
Q: Why did the bagel break up with the pizza slice? A: He said she was too cheesy, and she said he was always trying to bagel-ize her!
Q: What’s the most energetic neighborhood in New York City? A: Times Square, baby! It’s always lit!
Q: I saw a guy walking a dog down Fifth Avenue wearing a “I ♥ NY” shirt. A: That’s nothing. I saw a pigeon wearing a tiny Yankees cap! Bird gotta rep its city, right?
Q: Why don’t pigeons ever get lost in Central Park? A: They have their own “coo-riers” to show them the way.
Q: I just bought a tiny apartment in New York. It’s so small… A: Yeah, I hear those micro-studios are the real “estate” of the matter!
Q: How does a true New Yorker make a cup of coffee? A: They order it on their phone while running down the street and it’s magically waiting for them at the corner.
Q: Why are bridges so important to New Yorkers? A: They’re the only things keeping the boroughs from getting into arguments!
Q: What do you call a group of tourists who refuse to take directions in NYC? A: A lost cause!
Q: I wanted to hail a taxi in New York, but they were all taken. A: Don’t worry, just stand on the curb long enough, you’ll eventually become a New Yorker and then you won’t need one!
Q: I just tried my first New York bagel! A: Welcome to the club! We meet every Tuesday… just kidding, we meet at the bagel shop every day.
Q: Did you hear about the subway musician who was amazing at playing the trumpet, tuba, and drums? A: Turns out he was a one-man band…wagon!

Dad Jokes about New York: Empire State of Mind-ing My Own Business

I wanted to buy a book about New York’s history, but it was all blank pages. Turns out, I accidentally bought a copy of “What to do in Buffalo.”
Went to a restaurant in NYC that serves breakfast at any time. I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Why did the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor? Because she couldn’t sit down!
I told my friend, “I’m so lost in New York City I can’t even find my way out of this text message.”
Heard someone complaining about the high rent in New York City. I told them, “Hey, at least when it rains, you can swim to work!”
What’s the most energetic part of New York City? Times Square after a few Red Bulls!
Someone stole my map of New York City. I guess I’ll have to find a new way to get around.
I wanted to see a show about a Broadway sandwich, but the line for “Hamilton” was too long.
How do you make a New Yorker cry? Show them their apartment’s square footage.
My friend from Iowa said New York City has too many cabs. I told him, “Don’t worry, they’re just trying to hail a good time!”
Just found out my New York City apartment is haunted by the ghosts of rent-controlled tenants.
Why was the Empire State Building so confident? It knew it had New York covered.
I went sightseeing in New York City and saw a sign that said “Statue Liberty, Next Exit.” I missed it.
What do you call a pigeon wearing a tiny tuxedo in Central Park? A New Yorker’s worst nightmare dressed for success!
I’m starting a new band called “New York Rent.” We mostly play one long, high-pitched scream.

Funny Quotes and Captions about New York That Are Hilarious!

“In New York, the only thing cheaper than therapy is another cup of ambition.”
“I love New York, even though it doesn’t sleep and always eats my leftovers.”
“Trying to find an affordable apartment in Manhattan is like searching for a unicorn riding the subway – mythical.”
“New York: Where your rent is higher than your hopes and dreams, but the pizza is worth it.”
“My therapist told me to avoid stressful situations… so I moved to New York. Kidding! (Am I?)”
“NYC: Where “casual wear” means a $500 sweater and ripped jeans you strategically stepped on for six months.”
“Found my soulmate in New York today. Turns out it was a bagel. We’re getting married in Central Park.”
“Yes, I live in a shoebox in New York City. No, you can’t stay over. Unless you enjoy sleeping in a shoe.”
“You know you’re a New Yorker when you’ve mastered the art of power walking and simultaneous coffee consumption.”
“My bank account may be crying, but my heart is singing show tunes on the Brooklyn Bridge. #OnlyInNewYork”
“I moved to New York for the anonymity. Turns out, everyone here knows your name AND your coffee order.”
“Date night in New York: $200 dinner, $50 show, $2 slice of pizza that saves the whole night.”
“If you can’t make it here, you’re definitely on the wrong subway platform. This is New York!”
“Spotted: A New Yorker smiling. They must’ve found a rent-controlled apartment.”
“New York: Where your dreams are made of, and your apartment is made of…dreams?”
“I left my heart in New York… along with my entire paycheck.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about New York: Big Apple Bites of Wisdom

A penny saved is a cab fare almost earned. (Because let’s face it, you’ll need a few more pennies for that ride.)
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… especially not in Central Park. (Those squirrels are notorious food thieves!)
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but in New York, a bagel a day keeps the hunger pangs at bay. (And the pizza…and the dumplings…and…)
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it hail a taxi in the rain. (Good luck with that one, even New Yorkers struggle.)
The early bird catches the worm, but in New York City, the early bird catches the only empty subway seat. (And it’s a victory worth celebrating.)
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they didn’t have to deal with NYC building permits either. (Construction in the city that never sleeps…takes a while.)
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in New York, climb like a Spider-Man, you’ll get there faster. (Just maybe not on the outside of skyscrapers, okay?)
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket…unless that basket is a New York City street vendor selling amazing food. (In which case, go all in!)
Good things come to those who wait, but whoever said that has never waited for the subway during rush hour in NYC. (Patience is a virtue, but so is a good podcast to pass the time.)
A watched pot never boils, and neither does waiting for the price of rent in Manhattan to drop. (It’s a long game, my friend.)
All roads lead to Rome, but in New York City, all subways lead to Times Square…eventually. (Though sometimes you end up in Queens wondering how you got there.)
The grass is always greener on the other side…unless you’re talking about Central Park, then it’s pretty darn green here. (Find a patch, relax, and enjoy the concrete jungle oasis.)
Too many cooks spoil the broth, but in New York, too many food trucks just means more delicious options. (The struggle to choose is real.)
You can’t judge a book by its cover, and you can’t judge a New Yorker by their grumpy morning face. (They’re just fueled by coffee and dreams.)

New York Double Entendres Puns: A Big Apple of Laughs

“My date last night said I was the most interesting person they’d met in New York. I guess that’s a pretty low bar.” (Plays on the stereotype of New Yorkers being self-absorbed)
“I wanted to open a bakery in New York, but the rent was un-bread-lievable.” (Plays on the high cost of living)
“My therapist told me to get out of my comfort zone. So I moved to New York. Turns out, everyone else did too, and now there’s no room.” (Plays on the city’s density)
“I went to a Broadway show in New York, and the acting was so bad, even the pigeons were leaving.” (Plays on the abundance of pigeons)
“Dating in New York is like trying to hail a cab: impossible when you need one, but they won’t leave you alone when you don’t.” (Plays on the competitive dating scene and aggressive taxi drivers)
“I went to a speakeasy in New York last night. It was so secretive, even the address gave me the wrong directions.” (Plays on the city’s hidden bars and speakeasies)
“I tried to explain the concept of personal space to a New Yorker. They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.” (Plays on the lack of personal space in the city)
“The pizza in New York was amazing. The traffic? Not so much.” (Plays on the city’s famous pizza and infamous traffic)
“I asked a New Yorker for directions. They said, ‘Follow me.’ I’ve been walking for an hour. I think they were just trying to lose me in the crowd.” (Plays on the city’s bustling crowds and locals’ familiarity with them)
“They say New York is the city that never sleeps. They must not be talking about my apartment building with the paper-thin walls.” (Plays on the city’s 24/7 energy and noisy apartment buildings)
“Trying to find an affordable apartment in New York is like trying to find a unicorn riding the subway: a mythical creature I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist.” (Plays on the difficulty of finding affordable housing)
“I tried to get my friend from Iowa to try a bagel and lox in New York. He said, ‘I’ll stick to my white bread and bologna.’ Some people just can’t handle the big city sophistication.” (Plays on the contrast between NYC food and more traditional American fare)
“My friend said he wanted to move to New York to find himself. I told him he should probably bring a map – it’s a big city.” (Plays on the city’s size and overwhelming nature)
“I saw a sign that said ‘New York: Love it or leave it.’ I guess I’ll just be standing here forever then, with a deep sense of ambivalence.” (Plays on the love-hate relationship people have with the city)
“People say if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. But honestly, if I can make it out of this subway car during rush hour, I can make it anywhere.” (Plays on the city’s challenging environment)

Funny New York Tom Swifties: A Big Apple of Laughs

“I’m heading straight to Broadway,” Tom declared theatrically.
“This pizza is amazing!” Tom exclaimed crust-ily.
“Let’s take the Staten Island Ferry,” Tom decided shorely.
“I think I’ll have another bagel,” Tom said schmear-ingly.
“I just love the hustle and bustle!” Tom exclaimed excitedly.
“It’s impossible to find a cheap apartment here,” Tom said rent-lessly.
“This hot dog is surprisingly good,” Tom remarked frankly.
“Be careful crossing the street!” Tom cautioned taxi-ngly.
“Did you see that rat?” Tom asked squeak-ingly.
“I rode the subway all the way here,” Tom said track-tically.
“I’m going to see the Statue of Liberty!” Tom announced liberally.
“This cheesecake is heavenly,” Tom said divinely.
“Look at all the yellow cabs,” Tom said cabbie-ously.
“I can’t believe how expensive this coffee is,” Tom said bean-counteringly.
“Let’s take a walk through Central Park,” Tom suggested centrally.
“This city never sleeps,” Tom yawned tiresomely.
“I want to live here forever!” Tom declared empire-statically.

Knock-knock Jokes about New York: You’ll Want to Empire State-ment

Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing on my fitness, wanna join my gym in Central Park?
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York your manners! Hold the door for people in the subway.
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York the way to Carnegie Hall? Practice!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ed my socks off! That Broadway show was amazing!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York mind if I hail this cab?
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing out about this rent increase!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing on my dreams, one Broadway audition at a time!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing up the courage to try a bagel with lox.
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing hard or hardly working? ‘Cause this city never sleeps!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing off this Empire State Building view is incredible!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing on some street vendor hotdogs – wanna join me?
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing my calendar – when can we go to the Met Museum?
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York-ing but good about finally visiting the Statue of Liberty!
Knock, knock. > Who’s there? New York. > New York who? New York, New York – it’s a helluva town!