Nursing a Laugh: 230+ Witty Jokes and Puns for the Nurse in You!

Are you in need of a little pick-me-up? Look no further, because we’ve got the best nurse jokes and puns that are guaranteed to put a smile on your face! These clever and creative one-liners are perfect for kids (and adults) who appreciate a good dose of humor. Get ready for a positive boost with our list of funny jokes about nurses – because laughter is truly the best medicine! So, sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh at our collection of hilarious nurse jokes.

Top Picks For ‘Nurse’ Puns & Jokes That Will Have You In Stitches – Editor’s Choice!

1. Why did the nurse go to medical school? Because she was tired of being a bench warmer.
2. How many nurses does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’ll just make a doctor do it.
3. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of shoe? A heel-yeah!
4. Why did the nurse refuse to give the patient painkillers? She didn’t want to pill his thunder.
5. What did the doctor say when the nurse asked for a raise? “Nurses make enough bread as it is.”
6. Why was the nurse always so calm? Because she had a lot of patients.
7. What’s a nurse’s favorite kind of humor? Dark chocolate.
8. Why did the nurse quit her job at the morgue? She kept fumbling on the autopsy.
9. What did the patient say to the nurse after surgery? “Am I alive or is this just a hallucination?”
10. Why was the nurse always so forgetful? She kept losing her patience.
11. What’s a nurse’s favorite vegetable? CPRgil.
12. Why couldn’t the nurse work on Sundays? They were her days off.
13. What do you call a group of nurses? A gaggle of gauze.
14. Why did the nurse wear a tutu to work? She wanted to cheer up her patients with a little Tulle Time.
15. What’s a nurse’s favorite band? Maroon Scrubs.
16. Why did the nurse avoid the EKG machine? It gave her too many heartbeats.
17. What did the nurse say to the doctor who kept making mistakes? “You’ve IV’d me crazy!”
18. Why did the patient thank the nurse for giving them a shot? They needed an injection of gratitude.
19. What’s a nurse’s favorite musical instrument? The stethoscope.
20. Why did the nurse stop dating the doctor? She was tired of all the palpitations.

Inject Some Laughter into Your Day with These Hilarious Nurse One-Liners!

1. Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? In case she needed to draw blood.
2. I told my patients a joke about sodium, but they were like “Na, that’s not funny.”
3. I heard a rumor that the nurses in this hospital like to administer placebos just for the hell of it. Guess it’s all just medicine for fun.
4. I used to be a nurse, but I lost my patience.
5. The nurse told me I had type A blood, but it was just a typo.
6. I’m not a doctor, but I know a thing or two about medication and liquor.
7. Some people ask me how I deal with rude patients, but I just take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila.
8. I tried to tell a joke about Ebola, but it never went viral.
9. My co-worker said she’s not a nurse, she’s a unicorn. She’s always stable, but sometimes she’s a little hoarse.
10. They say laughter is the best medicine, but I prefer whiskey.
11. The nurse said I have a magnetic personality, but I think she was just referring to my metal hip.
12. What do you call a nurse who works at night? A nocturnal practitioner.
13. Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a dictionary? She gave some great definitions, but she was also a little thesaurus.
14. I tried to quit my nursing job, but they told me I had to put in my two weeks’ notice.
15. I saw a nurse eating a clock and asked her why. She said it was time for her break.
16. Some people say they need a margarita after work, but as a nurse, I need something a little stronger. Like IV fluids.
17. The nurse accused me of stealing medical supplies, but I swear I didn’t take anything for granite.
18. What do you call a nurse who works in a psych ward? A psyche-ologist.
19. I wanted to tell a joke about chemotherapy, but it would have been too hair-raising.
20. Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work? To get to the next level of care.

Nurse Your Funny Bone with These QnA Jokes & Puns about Nurses

1. Q: What did the nurse say when she accidentally sat on a badger? A: Oops, I must have taken it for a prickly patient.
2. Q: Why did the nurse wear two watches to work? A: She liked to keep an eye on her patients’ vital signs and her break time.
3. Q: What do you call a group of nurses working night shift? A: The Nocturnal Nocs.
4. Q: What does the nurse use to fix her computer? A: A stethoscope, because she likes to check its pulse.
5. Q: How does a nurse stay cool during a busy shift? A: She puts her patients’ fevers on hold.
6. Q: How do nurses communicate with each other during a code blue? A: They use their stethoscopes to whisper.
7. Q: Why did the nurse take a ruler to bed? A: To see how long she could sleep.
8. Q: What did the nurse say when the doctor asked her to fax some documents? A: Do you want that sent through the fax-ill-ity?
9. Q: Why did the nurse refuse to work on Valentine’s Day? A: She didn’t want to get heartbroken.
10. Q: What’s a nurse’s favorite type of exercise equipment? A: The treadmill, because it’s just like running around the hospital all day.
11. Q: How does a nurse keep track of her appointments? A: She writes them down in her “patient-tient” book.
12. Q: Why was the nurse always on time for her shift? A: She gave herself an extra “shot” of caffeine before clocking in.
13. Q: How did the nurse react when she spilled her coffee on her scrubs? A: She was steamed!
14. Q: What’s a nurse’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good “heartbeat.”
15. Q: Why did the nurse always bring her phone to work? A: She liked to take “selfies” with her patients.
16. Q: What’s a nurse’s favorite type of candy? A: Anything with a “cavity-ated” center.
17. Q: How does a nurse know when it’s lunch time? A: Her stomach starts “jello-ing.”
18. Q: Why did the nurse always have a thermometer in her pocket? A: She liked to make sure she was a “hot” commodity.
19. Q: How did the nurse react when her coworker suggested ordering Chinese food for lunch? A: She said, “That sounds egg-ceptional!”
20. Q: What’s a nurse’s favorite subject in school? A: Biology, because it’s all about life.

Scrubs and Laughs: Dad Jokes about Nurses

1. Did you hear about the nurse who quit her job? She said it was due to latex of motivation.
2. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? To draw blood!
3. How does a nurse greet her patients? “I’m here to heal you, so don’t be vein.”
4. What did the nurse say to her patient who had a runny nose? “You’re having a snot-naughty day!”
5. Did you hear about the nurse who played the oboe? She was an asthmatist.
6. How can you tell if a nurse is having a bad day? She’s giving everyone stool softeners.
7. I told my nurse friend she should become a comedian. She said she only knows inside jokes.
8. Why did the nurse give the patient with a broken leg a bell? She said he was in for a-tibia rude awakening.
9. What did the nurse say to the patient who refused to take their medicine? “Quit being pill-y!”
10. Why was the nurse in a good mood during her night shift? She said she had a great “graveyard shift.”
11. Did you hear about the nurse who loved to listen to music at work? She said it helped her “vy-brate.”
12. What did the nurse say to the patient who complained about their intravenous drip? “Don’t be so needy.”
13. How can you tell when a nurse is lying? Their tongue is depressor.
14. Why did the patient refuse to let the nurse draw their blood? They said they had a “vaso-contraption.”
15. Did you hear about the nurse who worked in the maternity ward on Halloween? She dressed as a “catterpillar.”
16. What do you call a nurse who likes to sleep on the job? A nap-practitioner.
17. Why did the nurse give the patient with a stomachache a lollipop? She said it would help “suck-cess” of their pain.
18. Did you hear about the nurse who worked at the beach? She was a “sand-witch.”
19. How did the nurse save the patient who was choking on a penny? She used her spare change.
20. Why do nurses make great painters? They have a lot of “art-eries” to work with.

Laugh Your Scrubs Off with These Hilarious Quotes About Nurses

1. “Nurses are the real heroes of the healthcare system, saving more lives than Superheroes on a daily basis.”
2. “Behind every successful doctor is a badass nurse who knows how to get things done.”
3. “Nurses: because even doctors need heroes.”
4. “Nurses may not have superpowers, but their ability to handle bodily fluids and deal with grumpy patients is pretty close.”
5. “Nursing: where every day is like a game of ‘What bodily fluid will I encounter next?'”
6. “Nurses have mastered the art of calming patients with just a smile and a cup of Jell-O.”
7. “The hardest part of being a nurse is remembering which patient you gave the bad news to yesterday.”
8. “Nurses make the best detectives, always figuring out what’s wrong with patients based on vague symptoms and Google searches.”
9. “Nursing: where compassion and caffeine are essential job requirements.”
10. “Being a nurse means having the bladder of a camel and the calves of a marathon runner.”
11. “Nurses have seen more butts than a proctologist.”
12. “Nursing: where taming unruly patients is just another day at the office.”
13. “Nurses are like unicorns, magical creatures who can handle any situation with grace and efficiency.”
14. “Nursing is just like riding a bike, except the bike is on fire and you’re in hell.”
15. “The only profession where wearing scrubs to work is socially acceptable.”
16. “Nurses don’t get enough credit, they are basically human swiss army knives- able to handle any situation with just a few tools and a smile.”
17. “Nurses have the patience of a saint and the vocabulary of a sailor.”
18. “Being a nurse means mastering the art of multitasking- juggling meds, patients, and bodily fluids all at the same time.”
19. “Nursing: where punching the clock means dealing with actual punches from delirious patients.”
20. “Nurses: the ones who keep the healthcare system running, one bedpan at a time.”

Laughter is the best medicine, but nurses are always on call – Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Nurse

1. You can’t spell ‘Nurse’ without ‘U’, but you also can’t spell it without ‘S’ – as in stress.
2. A good ‘Nurse’ always knows how to cure the aches and pains of others, but rarely knows how to cure her own.
3. They say laughter is the best medicine, but a good ‘Nurse’ with a flask of whiskey comes in a close second.
4. A wise ‘Nurse’ once said, “Don’t worry about avoiding burnout, just embrace it and schedule a spa day.”
5. Behind every great ‘Nurse’ is an even greater stash of emergency chocolate.
6. ‘Nurses’ don’t have bad days, they have “character building experiences.”
7. The best part of being a ‘Nurse’ is getting to wear pajamas to work.
8. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem – which is why we ‘Nurses’ drink together.
9. As a ‘Nurse’, I may not have a cape, but I have plenty of bandages and gauze.
10. A true ‘Nurse’ doesn’t just heal the body, she heals the soul.
11. “Why yes, I do have caffeine running through my veins,” said every ‘Nurse’ ever.
12. Working as a ‘Nurse’ means having the bladder control of a camel and the appetite of a teenage boy.
13. A ‘Nurse’ once said, “You can’t fix stupid, but you can sedate it.”
14. Venting is a necessary part of the job for ‘Nurses’ – that’s why we have each other and happy hour.
15. The best team-building exercise for ‘Nurses’ is surviving a night shift together.
16. Sleep deprivation and caffeine overdose are just two of the many talents of a ‘Nurse’.
17. The only thing a ‘Nurse’ loves more than helping others is a good bargain at the Nurse Scrub Store.
18. As a ‘Nurse’, I have the ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos and also curse like a sailor.
19. Our motto is, “Patients may come and go, but ‘Nurses’ stay forever” – unless we get a better offer.
20. A ‘Nurse’ once said, “If you ever hear me say ‘oops’, it’s because I’m about to have a very bad day.”

Nursing Laughs: Double Entendres and Puns That Will Make You Feel Better

1. “I’m not just a nurse, I’m a medication dispensing ninja.”
2. “I give injections so smooth, they’ll make you forget all about your boo-boos.”
3. “I have a bedside manner that can charm even the grumpiest patient.”
4. “My nursing skills are strong, but my dad jokes are even stronger.”
5. “I may be tiny, but I can still handle your biggest medical emergencies.”
6. “I carry my stethoscope like a boss, because I’m a heart whisperer.”
7. “I haven’t met a good vein I couldn’t find yet.”
8. “Some call me a nurse, others call me a miracle worker.”
9. “Don’t worry, I’m a pro at handling bedpans and bad puns.”
10. “I can handle bodily fluids like a pro, but I draw the line at changing diapers.”
11. “My shifts may be long, but my patience and coffee intake are longer.”
12. “My nursing degree didn’t prepare me for this many dad jokes, but I roll with it.”
13. “I may not be a doctor, but I’m definitely a pro at making you feel better.”
14. “Forget about Prince Charming, I’m the one who saves lives and still looks good in scrubs.”
15. “I may seem sweet and innocent, but I’ve seen some crazy stuff on the job.”
16. “Being a nurse means mastering the art of multitasking, especially when it comes to handling crazy patients and answering calls of nature at the same time.”
17. “I’ve got more medication knowledge in my pinky finger than most people do in their brains.”
18. “I always know the right prescription to cure your ailments: laughter and a healthy dose of sarcasm.”
19. “Some nurses wear capes, but I prefer to wear scrubs and a confident smile.”
20. “I may not have a degree in comedy, but I can still make you laugh while administering your shots.”

Injecting laughter: Recursive Puns about Nurse-sanity

1. Why did the nurse go to the doctor? Because she needed a healthy dose of humor-infused medicine!
2. Did you know nurses have their own version of a playground? It’s called a “laughter clinic”!
3. What do you call a nurse with a sense of humor? A jocular practitioner!
4. I don’t trust atoms, they make up everything. But I do trust nurses, they make everything feel better.
5. Why did the nurse go to the bank? To check her pulse!
6. A nurse walked into a bar… and immediately checked for any bruised codes!
7. What did the nurse say when asked if she had any spare needles? “I have a few pointy jokes, if that counts!”
8. How did the nurse cure the patient’s fear of needles? By administering dad jokes instead!
9. What do you call a group of nurses who love to tell jokes? A humorous corps!
10. Did you hear about the joke-telling competition among nurses? I can’t make any puns about it, they were all too cheesy!
11. Why did the nurse become a comedian? She had a lot of experience dealing with sick humor!
12. What did the nurse say when she saw her own reflection? “Looks like I’m in for a double shift today!”
13. Why did the nurse quit her job? Because she couldn’t handle all the ICU-ties!
14. Did you hear about the nurse who had a side gig as a stand-up comedian? She was always good at finding the funny bone!
15. How do nurses treat sick jokes? With plenty of bed rest and laughter therapy!
16. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of humor? IV-irony!
17. Why did the nurse keep getting asked to tell jokes at the hospital? Because she always knew how to keep the patients in stitches!
18. What did the nurse say when she served up a terrible pun? “Sorry, that was just a medicine joke!”
19. Why did the nurse have a hard time sleeping at night? She kept thinking of all the chart jokes she could have made during her shift!
20. How does a nurse keep the humor in her job? By always remembering to add a dose of laughter to the patient’s daily routine!

A dose of humor: Nurse Tom Swifties administer wordplay remedies!

1. “I can’t believe he let me take his temperature,” Tom said feverishly.
2. “The patient refused to take their medicine,” the nurse said bitterly.
3. “I’m just taking a quick pulse check,” Tom said heartlessly.
4. “I can’t stand the smell of disinfectant,” the nurse said disinfectingly.
5. “Oops, I dropped the patient’s chart,” Tom said carelessly.
6. “I can’t find the vein,” the nurse said needlingly.
7. “I love administering shots,” Tom said needlessly.
8. “That’s not a good sign,” the nurse said worryingly.
9. “I accidentally mixed up the medications,” Tom said medicinally.
10. “The patient’s test results came back negative,” the nurse said positively.
11. “I never get grossed out by bodily fluids,” Tom said bodily fluidly.
12. “I have a bad feeling about this patient,” the nurse said feelingly.
13. “I spilled coffee all over the patient’s charts,” Tom said chart-ily.
14. “I’m afraid I’ll have to give you a shot,” the nurse said needlemouthedly.
15. “The patient’s condition is improving,” Tom said sickly.
16. “I love taking blood pressure readings,” the nurse said pressure-ingly.
17. “This job is so easy,” Tom said lightly.
18. “I’m just going to borrow this pen,” the nurse said pen-tifully.
19. “I’m getting a little too attached to my patients,” Tom said loyally.
20. “I’m not a morning person, but I’ll make an exception for my patients,” the nurse said waking-upingly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nurse-ly hilarious jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nurse. Nurse who? Nurse a broken heart, ’cause I can’t stop laughing at these jokes!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Florence. Florence who? Florence Nightingale, the OG nurse jokester.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scrubs. Scrubs who? Scrubs up and get ready to laugh!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little laugh right about now!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sphygmomanometer. Sphygmomanometer who? Sphygmomanometer get me some tissues ’cause I’m laughing so hard!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bandage. Bandage who? Bandage together all these jokes and we’ve got a killer comedy routine!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stethoscope. Stethoscope who? Stethoscope the beat of my heart when I hear these jokes.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Operating room. Operating room who? Operating room might just explode from laughter!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Injection. Injection who? Injection laughing gas ’cause these jokes are too funny!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thermometer. Thermometer who? Thermometer or not, these jokes are going to make you laugh.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Adhesive. Adhesive who? Adhesive me, I can’t stop laughing at these jokes!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chart. Chart who? Chart-ly loving these jokes!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? IV. IV who? IV seen these jokes before, but they still make me laugh every time!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ambulance. Ambulance who? Ambulancestly can’t handle these jokes, they’re too hilarious!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Prescription. Prescription who? Prescription for laughter, right here!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nursing home. Nursing home who? Nursing home away from all these jokes!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Don’t worry, I’m not stealing your jokes, Nurse!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? EKG. EKG who? EKG-cited to hear these nurse jokes!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Patient. Patient who? Patient-ly waiting for the next nurse joke!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? PPE. PPE who? PPE-pared for laughter with these jokes!

Inject Some Humor with these Hilarious Nurse Malapropisms!

1. “Let’s flush your nose with some whiskey”
2. “I’ll need to take your temperature with this farmometer”
3. “We’ll start you on a strict diet of chocolate minerals”
4. “Can you try to refrain from crying whine-loud?”
5. “I think you have a case of carpal colostrum”
6. “Your x-ray shows a small fracture in your giggle bone”
7. “I’ll just give you a quick shot of stomach acid for the pain”
8. “Remember to put on your sun scream before going outside”
9. “Your blood pressure is a little high, have you been eating enough salad barometer?”
10. “We’ll have to monitor your sugar levels with a corn-o-meter”
11. “Your limbs seem to be experiencing some jelly-rollitis”
12. “I’ll need to administer a dosage of anti-freeze to prevent your fever from going too high”
13. “Your blood count looks good, but your leafy greens are a bit low”
14. “I’m going to need to double check your heartbeats with this measuring cup”
15. “Let’s wrap this bandaid around your elbow bone”
16. “Looks like your liver enzymes are a bit over-egged”
17. “I’ll need to draw some blood through your fleece vein”
18. “Your eye sight seems to be suffering from macaroni degeneration”
19. “We’ll need to take a swab of your phlegm to check for any funky chicken”
20. “Your appendix is acting up, I’ll prescribe you some apple sauce pills”

Nursing a Spoonful of Funny Spoonerisms

1. Purse Noodle
2. Cursed Norse
3. Worse Nurse
4. Hearse Nurse
5. Purr-Snurse
6. Nurse Hooze
7. Nuss Reindeer
8. Thirsty Nut
9. Furse Nanny
10. Nurse Hootie
11. Fierce Nurse
12. Ternoose Nurse
13. Nurse Moose
14. Noodle Nuss
15. Nurse Tupelo
16. Nurse Burb
17. Punny Nurse
18. Nurse Furze
19. Nurse Spoodle
20. Bloomin’ Nurse

Wrapping Up the Nonsense: Nurse Puns Encore!

Whew, after reading all these puns about nurses, my sides are aching more than my head after a flu shot! I hope you got your daily dose of laughter and that these jokes have nursed your soul back to health. And if you’re still craving for more pun-tastic content, be sure to check out our other nurse-related posts. Trust me, they’re no pain in the syringe!