Laugh Your Scrubs Off: 230+ Nursing Jokes and Puns to Cure Those Shift Blues!

funny Nursing jokes with one liner clever Nursing puns at PunnyFunny.com

Welcome to our list of the best nursing jokes and puns! Whether you work in the medical field or just appreciate clever humor, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. From silly situations to relatable scenarios, these jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike. So put on your scrubs and get ready to laugh with us as we share some hilarious nursing jokes and puns. Trust us, this list is just what the doctor ordered for a healthy dose of positive humor. So without further ado, let’s dive in!

Inject Some Laughter into Your Shift with These ‘Nursing’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

  1. Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? In case she needed to draw blood.
  2. Did you hear about the nurse who was always cold? She was a chill pill.
  3. How do you know if a nurse is having a bad day? She has a CPR doll with a “Do Not Resuscitate” sign on it.
  4. What’s a nurse’s favorite book? The IV League.
  5. Why did the nurse refuse to give the patient pain medication? She couldn’t swallow the thought of it.
  6. How did the nurse react when she found out she had to work night shift? She was night-mare.
  7. What do you call a group of nursing students? A stethoscope.
  8. What did the nurse say when she saw a patient with a broken wrist? “Looks like you’ve got a fracture in your plans.”
  9. Why did the nurse choose to work in the ER? She wanted to see life flash before her eyes.
  10. How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’d just ask the doctor to do it.
  11. What did the nurse say when she found out she got the job? “I’m filled with glee-oma.”
  12. Why was the nurse always the center of attention at parties? Because she gave the best shots.
  13. What did the patient say to the nurse who was struggling to take blood? “Don’t go vein on me now.”
  14. Why did the nurse have to leave her job at the optometrist’s office? She couldn’t see herself doing it for much longer.
  15. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of music? IV Hop.
  16. How does a nurse make a diagnosis? With her stethoscope, she listens to her patient’s heart and soul.
  17. Why do patients love nurses? Because they have the patience to deal with them.
  18. What did the nurse say when she saw a patient with laryngitis? “Speak up, I can’t hear you!”
  19. Why was the nurse always so calm under pressure? She had a calming presence.
  20. What do you call a nurse who only works nights? A nocturnurse.

Tickle Your Funny Bone with These Hilarious Nursing One-Liners!

  1. Why did the nurse need a ladder? To chart patients’ heights.
  2. Why do pharmacists make great nurses? They have a lot of patients.
  3. What do you call a nurse who studies math? A multiplication practitioner.
  4. Why do nurses wear scrubs? To make a clean getaway.
  5. What do you call a nurse who works on a submarine? A sub-acute care provider.
  6. Why did the nurse go to art school? To learn how to draw blood.
  7. How does a nurse prevent a hangover? By administering some IV Aleve.
  8. What do you call a nurse with a sense of humor? A laughing aid.
  9. Why did the nurse decide to become a florist? Because she wanted to administer Petal-amine.
  10. What did the nurse say when her patient’s BP was too high? “Take it down a notch.”
  11. Why did the nurse break up with her doctor boyfriend? Because he kept playing mind games.
  12. How do you make a nurse laugh on a busy shift? Tell them a bad chart pun.
  13. Why did the nurse keep her Halloween costume on during her shift? She wanted to trick or treat smokers into quitting.
  14. What do call a joke told by a nurse? Medic-humor.
  15. Why don’t nurses make good comedians? Because most of their jokes are inside jokes.
  16. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of music? Hip-opera.
  17. Why did the nurse refuse to work on Valentine’s Day? Because she couldn’t deal with all the beeping hearts.
  18. What’s a vampire’s favorite place to get a blood transfusion? The hematology ward.
  19. Why did the nurse refuse to wear socks to work? Because she didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
  20. How does a nurse like their coffee? On-call.

Get Ready to Nurse a Laugh with These QnA Jokes & Puns about Nursing

  1. Why didn’t the nurse want to give the patient a shot? Because she was worried he might get too syringe-y.
  2. What do you call a nurse’s favorite vegetable? A stetho-corn.
  3. How many nurses does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’ll just dim the lights and take a nap.
  4. What do you call a massage given by a nurse? A rub-in care.
  5. Why did the nurse wear sunglasses to work? Because she had a lot of patients in stitches.
  6. What did the nurse say to the patient who kept asking for water? I’m urine-charge of your hydration.
  7. What do you call an overworked nurse? A labor-intensive care unit.
  8. What did the nurse say when the patient asked for a Band-Aid? Sorry, we’re all out of stickers.
  9. Why did the nurse keep a ruler in her pocket? To measure the patient’s patience.
  10. What do you call a group of nurses taking a break together? A break-in shift.
  11. Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work? To be ready for any bleeding emergencies.
  12. What do you call a nurse with a cold? A cough-bologist.
  13. Why did the nurse refuse to work in the maternity ward? Because every time she walked in, she was labor-ed with questions.
  14. What did the nurse say when the patient asked for painkillers? Sorry, I can’t give you aspirin, you need to stop using puncillin.
  15. Why did the nurse wear a tutu to work? Because it made her feel tutu-ful.
  16. What do you call a nurse who works in the cardiac unit? A heart-beat specialist.
  17. Why did the nurse bring a leash to work? To take the patients for a brisk walk.
  18. What do you call a nurse who’s always running late? A clock-stopper.
  19. Why did the nurse go to art school? To learn how to give injections to the point.
  20. What did the nurse say when the patient asked for a blanket? Sure, I won’t be rude-nal about it.

Nursing does a body good, but these dad jokes will cure your laughter pains!

  1. Why did the nurse need a new red pen? Because her patients kept saying she was bleeding out.
  2. Did you hear about the nurse who started a band? They called it the IV League.
  3. What did the nurse say when she saw a patient struggling with their IV? “Looks like you have a case of the running flu-id.”
  4. What do you call a nurse who works at night? A sleep-deprived problem-solver.
  5. Why did the nurse bring a red marker to work? To mark all the critical patients on her patient list.
  6. How does a nurse keep her hair in place during a long shift? With a lot of blood, sweat, and hairspray.
  7. Did you hear the one about the nurse who had a cold? She decongested the patient by sneezing right into their IV.
  8. What do you get when you mix a nurse and a magician? Someone who can make your IV disappear without you feeling a thing.
  9. Why did the nurse’s scrubs have pockets? To hold all the snacks she sneaks during a long shift.
  10. How many nurses does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’re too busy changing bedpans.
  11. Why did the nurse keep tripping over cords in the hospital? To keep her patient intake.
  12. What did the nurse say to the patient who refused to take their medicine? “You better swallow that pill before I lose my patients.”
  13. Why did the nurse cross the road? To get to the other ER.
  14. What do you call a nurse who’s accidentally given a patient too much oxygen? An air-ressponsible care provider.
  15. Did you hear about the nurse who accidentally put the defibrillator on backwards? She was shocked when she found out.
  16. Why was the nurse always dancing at work? She had a lot of patients with high heart rates.
  17. How did the nurse stay calm during a hectic day? She used her therapeutic and restraint humor.
  18. What do you call a nurse with a broken arm? A fracture practitioner.
  19. Why did the nurse put a bandage on her head? To cover up her brainstorming.
  20. What do you call a nurse who works at an eye clinic? A pupil caretaker.

Inject Some Laughter into Your Shift with These Hilarious Nursing Quotes

  1. “Nursing: where coffee, chocolate, and all-nighters are just part of the job description.”
  2. “I’m not a regular nurse, I’m a cool nurse. At least that’s what my patients tell me.”
  3. “Nursing: because beating people up to boost their immune system is frowned upon.”
  4. “Sorry, I can’t come to your party tonight. I have a hot date with my nursing textbooks.”
  5. “Nursing is a work of heart, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a good set of lungs too.”
  6. “If at first you don’t succeed, call a nurse.”
  7. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but have they tried a dose of morphine?”
  8. “I put the fun in functional nursing.”
  9. “Warning: excessive caffeine intake may result in a sudden burst of nursing knowledge.”
  10. “Nursing: where charting becomes an art form and the call button is a constant reminder that you are needed.”
  11. “I don’t always save lives, but when I do, it’s on night shift.”
  12. “Nursing school: where the weak are weeded out and the strong survive on coffee and determination.”
  13. “I may not have superpowers, but as a nurse, I can make a patient’s pain disappear with a click of a button.”
  14. “Being a nurse is like being a detective, except our patients are our mysteries and we don’t always get to solve them.”
  15. “Nursing: because sometimes being a superhero just isn’t an option.”
  16. “If you think my student nurse badge is cute, just wait until you see me in scrubs.”
  17. “Nursing: where bodily fluids become a normal part of your daily conversations.”
  18. “Behind every successful nurse is a caffeine addiction and a strong sense of humor.”
  19. “I became a nurse for the love of science, the thrill of saving lives, and the endless supply of free pens.”
  20. “Nursing is like a roller coaster ride: it’s exhilarating, exhausting, and you never know what’s coming next.”

Laughter is the best medicine for nurses: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Nursing

  1. A good nurse knows how to give shots and take shots.
  2. A stitch in time saves nine, but a nurse knows how to handle all nine at once.
  3. Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re a nurse prescribing actual medicine.
  4. Nursing: where coffee is a food group and caffeine is your lifeline.
  5. You can’t cure stupid, but a good nurse can definitely patch it up.
  6. Nursing is like being a superhero, but instead of a cape, you wear scrubs.
  7. Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of all these bed alarms going off.
  8. A nurse’s motto: “I may not have all the answers, but I have plenty of bandaids.”
  9. They say laughter is contagious, but have they met a nurse during flu season?
  10. Nurses are part therapist, part detective, and full-time miracle workers.
  11. Age is just a number, until you’re a nurse trying to figure out a patient’s birth year.
  12. Pro tip: when in doubt, just give the patient some ice chips and a warm blanket.
  13. Nursing is not a job, it’s a calling. And sometimes that calling has a lot of alarms involved.
  14. The best part of a nurse’s day? When they get to take off their compression socks.
  15. “No, I’m not an angel, but I am a nurse and that’s pretty close.” – Every Nurse Ever
  16. Call light etiquette: 1 blink = check temperature, 2 blinks = fluff pillow, 3 blinks = bring snacks.
  17. Nursing school: where every question has five correct answers and you have to pick the “most correct” one.
  18. Without nurses, the world would be a hot mess…literally, because no one would know how to work an IV pump.
  19. “Don’t worry, I’m a nurse” is basically a fancy way of saying “hold my coffee.”
  20. They may have a PhD, but do they know how to change a bedpan at 4am? I think not.

Nurse Your Way to Laughter with These Double Entendre Puns in the Field of Nursing

  1. “I’m just here for the shots” – said by a nurse holding a vaccine syringe.
  2. “I’ve got a lot of patience” – on a nurse’s name tag.
  3. “Why yes, I do know how to handle a prick” – referring to giving injections.
  4. “I give my patients a ‘shot’ of love every day” – a play on words with injections and affection.
  5. “I put the ‘care’ in healthcare” – a cheeky statement from a nurse.
  6. “I am a master of the anatomy” – a confident statement from a skilled nurse.
  7. “I’m not just a nurse, I’m a heart healer” – talking about both physical and emotional healing.
  8. “Nursing: where every day is a ‘plus’ day” – referring to the use of the plus sign in medical abbreviations.
  9. “I teach my patients how to take their medicine…with a spoonful of sugar” – referencing Mary Poppins.
  10. “I may be dressed in white, but I’m not afraid to get dirty” – referring to the messy nature of healthcare work.
  11. “I save lives and wipe butts – multitasking at its finest” – a humorous take on nursing duties.
  12. “Just call me a ‘bloodhound’ – I can smell an infection a mile away” – teasingly referencing a nurse’s keen senses.
  13. “Being a nurse is like being a superhero…without the cape” – nurses are often unsung heroes in the medical world.
  14. “Nurses don’t wait for Christmas to give out ‘shots’ – we do it all year round” – a playful jab at administering injections.
  15. “The human body is my playground” – a quirky saying from a nurse with a passion for anatomy.
  16. “I have a ‘breast’ feeling about my patients” – making sure patients are comfortable during breast examinations.
  17. “I’m not a magician, but I can make your pain disappear” – a clever twist on pain management.
  18. “I may be small, but I can handle big needles” – a confident statement from a petite nurse.
  19. “I work in ‘code’ blue – it’s never a dull moment” – nurses thrive in fast-paced and unpredictable environments.
  20. “Nursing: where I can chart your vitals and your love life” – nurses often have to document personal information, including relationship statuses.

Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter with these Recursive Puns about Nursing!

  1. Why did the nurse put a bandage on the IV drip? Because it was punctual.
  2. How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day? When she has a temperature and she’s charting it.
  3. What did the patient say to the nurse who kept checking their pulse? “You’re always heartworking.”
  4. Why did the nurse get in trouble for administering medication? She was just too good at Swallowing.
  5. Why did the nurse refuse to draw blood from the arm of a comedian? Because the blood vessels were always punchline!
  6. What did the nurse say to the patient who refused to take their pills? “Stop being so dissolvable.”
  7. What does a short-sighted nurse and a fish have in common? They both have scales!
  8. Why did the nurse keep saying “measure twice, cut once” before administering an injection? Because she was trying to be vein.
  9. How did the nurse measure a fever without a thermometer? By using her tongue as a touchstone.
  10. What did the patient say when the nurse asked them to rate their pain on a scale of 1-10? “Well, this is pain-staking.”
  11. Why did the nurse always wear scrubs with animal prints? She had a great fondness for pet side manners.
  12. What did the patient say when the nurse insisted on checking their vital signs every hour? “You’re one needles!”
  13. Why did the nurse refuse to work on the psychiatric floor? Because her nerves were always on edge.
  14. What did the nurse say when her patient refused to put on a hospital gown? “Fine, suit yourself.”
  15. Why was the nurse always so calm during emergencies? Because she had a lot of patients.
  16. What did the patient say after undergoing surgery with a bald surgeon and a bald anesthesiologist? “I never realized hair-losing two people could make me feel so safe.”
  17. Why did the nurse switch from working in pediatrics to hospice care? Because she wanted to deal with patients who were always bedside.
  18. What was the nurse’s favorite part of the job? Being able to inject a little humor into her patient’s lives.
  19. Why did the hospital hire a blind nurse? Because she had an uncanny ability to see through patients’ complaints.
  20. What did the nurse say when the doctor asked for a urine sample from a patient with bladder infection? “Urinet trouble now.”

Smoothly Saving Lives: ‘Nursing’ Tom Swifties with Care

  1. “I need a band-aid,” he said wound-lessly.
  2. “I can’t handle all these sick patients,” she said ill-prepared.
  3. “I need to take my temperature,” he said feverishly.
  4. “I’m feeling light-headed,” she said dizzily.
  5. “This job is exhausting,” he sighed wearily.
  6. “I’ll pass out if I see one more needle,” she said faintly.
  7. “I could use a break,” he said pulse-lessly.
  8. “I’m really good at giving injections,” she said need-ily.
  9. “This medication is making me loopy,” he said crazily.
  10. “I’ve been on my feet all day,” she said standing-ly.
  11. “This patient needs a bed bath,” he said bathing-ly.
  12. “I’m getting a lot of practice with bedpans,” she said fluent-ly.
  13. “I’m quite the phlebotomist,” he said needo-ingly.
  14. “I could use some coffee to perk me up,” she said perk-ily.
  15. “We’re running out of IV bags,” he said fluidly.
  16. “I could use a dose of humor right now,” she said dry-ly.
  17. “I’m in charge of the Code Blue team,” he said life-saving-ly.
  18. “I have to take a urine sample to the lab,” she said pee-dily.
  19. “I’m going to chart my progress for the day,” he said noting-ly.
  20. “I’m feeling pretty wound up tonight,” she said tension-ly.

Knock, Knock… Who’s There? A Hilarious Collection of Nursing Jokes!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nurse. Nurse who? Nurse-cessary for your health!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bandage. Bandage who? Bandage me quick, I’m the cutest nurse around!
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stethoscope. Stethoscope who? Stetho-skope out this new nurse on the block!
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? IV. IV who? I-ve got the perfect remedy for your laughter needs!
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scrubs. Scrubs who? Scrub-a-dub-dub, it’s time for a good laugh!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Thermometer. Thermometer who? Thermometer busy laughing at these jokes!
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Medication. Medication who? Medication, medication, what’s your recommendation for a good time?
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Patient. Patient who? Patient-ly waiting for you to laugh at these jokes!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sutures. Sutures who? Sutures a funny joke for you!
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gauze. Gauze who? Gauze it up, it’s time for some giggles!
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blood pressure cuff. Blood pressure cuff who? Blood pressure cuff you crack up!
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Syringe. Syringe who? Syringe-in’ up some hilarious jokes for you!
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scalpel. Scalpel who? Scalpel-tacular jokes coming your way!
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pulse. Pulse who? Pulse-e take a moment to laugh at these jokes?
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chart. Chart who? Charting our way to a good time with these jokes!
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nurses’ station. Nurses’ station who? Nurses’ station right here, ready to prescribe some jokes!
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Patient gown. Patient gown who? Patient gown-some jokes coming through!
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gloves. Gloves who? Gloves up, it’s time to laugh!
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Catheter. Catheter who? Catheter-ize your funny bone with these jokes!
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Injection. Injection who? Injection some humor into your day!

Lights, Camera, ‘Nursing’ Malapropisms: A Comedic Look at Medical Mix-Ups

  1. “Rectal thermometer” instead of “oral thermometer”
  2. “Bandage-a-tor” instead of “ambulator” (walking aid)
  3. “Cyst-edration” instead of “hydration”
  4. “Nurse-core” instead of “nurse practitioner”
  5. “Cough-o-meter” instead of “spirometer”
  6. “Glute-injection” instead of “flu shot”
  7. “Pill-up” instead of “pill organizer”
  8. “IV-pole dancing” instead of “pole dancing”
  9. “Birthing” instead of “breathing” exercises for labor
  10. “Code brown” instead of “code blue” (emergency)
  11. “Stethoscope-o-saurus” instead of “stethoscope”
  12. “Bed-pan handling” instead of “bedside manner”
  13. “Fecal” instead of “fiscal” responsibility
  14. “Chart-send” instead of “charting” notes
  15. “IV-drip coffee” instead of “IV hydration”
  16. “Pee-bib” instead of “patient gown”
  17. “Bladder-buster” instead of “respiratory therapy”
  18. “Chest-pupils” instead of “chest tubes”
  19. “Code brownies” instead of “codeine”
  20. “Troll-ley” instead of “tracheostomy tube”

Nursing Spoonerisms: Tending to Verbal Mix-Ups with Care

  1. Pricking Boomster – Bickering Roommate
  2. Sneaky Lurrse – Leaky Nurse
  3. Hairy Sickness – Scary Illness
  4. Sticky Babble – Bicky Stable
  5. Shifting Stills – Stifling Chills
  6. Mopping Hoard – Hopping Board
  7. Flipping Rocks – Ripping Flocks
  8. Bouncing Fever – Founcing Beaver
  9. Dizzy Bladder – Bizzy Dladder
  10. Biting Wound – Writing Bound
  11. Tippy Stocking – Stippy Tocking
  12. Mixing Platters – Pixing Matters
  13. Flopping Pillows – Plopping Fillows
  14. Blubbing Nurse – Nubbing Blurse
  15. Rocking Chair – Chocking Rair
  16. Caring Nuddle – Naring Cuddle
  17. Jogging Walker – Wogging Jalker
  18. Bumbling Doctor – Dumbling Boctor
  19. Sass Broomer – Bass Soomer
  20. Chirpy Heeler – Herbal Cheeper

Check out these puns: Nurses just wanna have fun-ction!

And with that, we have reached the end of our pun-tastic journey through the world of nursing. We hope these puns have given you a much-needed dose of laughter and brightened up your day like a dose of Vitamin C. If you’re still hungry for more, be sure to check out our other pun and joke posts, because let’s be real, laughter is the best medicine. Happy nursing and may your sense of humor never flatline!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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