115+ Pirate Jokes & Puns: Aye, Treasure Yourself to a Laugh!
Ahoy there, mateys! Get ready to embark on a hilarious journey with the best pirate jokes and puns this side of the Seven Seas! We’ve plundered a treasure chest full of humor, from clever wordplay to side-splitting one-liners. Did you know that real pirates used to wear earrings because they believed it improved their eyesight? Well, get ready to feast your eyes on this bounty of fun – it’s shore to leave you feeling positive-ly entertained!
Top Pirate Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Ahoy-larious Laughs Await!
- Why don’t pirates take showers before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later!
- Most pirates retire early. The rest just go out to plunder.
- What does a pirate use to see in the dark? A PIRate-eye!
- Where do pirates keep their valuables? In a treasure chest of drawers!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? You might think it’s “R” but it’s actually the “C”!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always go off key!
- Don’t trust atoms. Pirates made them on the high Cs.
- Heard about the pirate who couldn’t learn the alphabet? He got lost at C.
- Did you hear about the constipated pirate? He had to walk the plank.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plunder!
- Where do one-legged pirates get their peg legs? Second hand stores!
- Why is pirating so addictive? They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of tea? Booty-licious!
- How do you make a pirate furious? Take away the “p”!
- Why don’t pirates ever tell secrets in a vegetable garden? Too many ears!
- Always be kind to pirates. They just have a lot of arrrrrrguments.
Funny Pirate One-Liner Jokes To Shiver Your Timbers
- Why did the pirate get rejected from the music school? He kept saying “Aye” instead of “A.”
- You know you’re dating a pirate when they say, “Prepare to be boarded!” on Valentine’s Day.
- Being a pirate is the only profession where “retirement plan” and “buried treasure” mean the same thing.
- The pirate couldn’t work out how to use his new computer. It came with no instructions, just a Jolly Roger.
- I met a pirate today with a steering wheel in his pants. I asked, “How’s it going?” He said, “A little rough.”
- What’s a pirate lawyer’s favorite part of a trial? The plunder objections.
- Heard about the pirate who went to art school? He specializes in still-life drawings of stolen goods.
- The frustrated pirate couldn’t find his treasure map, then it hit him.
- Why don’t pirates ever take showers before they walk the plank? They want to go down clean.
- Why are pirates so good at poker? They know when to hold ’em and when to seize ’em!
- Just saw a pirate with an eye patch reading an interesting book titled, “How to Improve Your Vision.”
- What do you call a pirate who mumbles? A buccaneer with lockjaw.
- The pirate wasn’t hired for the construction job. Apparently, he had too many “yarrrr”ds of experience instead of yards.
- I told the pirate I was reading a book about anti-gravity. He said, “Sounds boring, can’t you put it down?”
- Pirates are always cold. That’s why they wear treasure chests.
- The introverted pirate quit his crew. He was tired of the privateering life.
QnA Jokes & Puns about Pirate Life
- Q: What do you call a pirate who’s always cold? A: A shiver me timbers!
- Q: Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? A: He heard they had iPatchs for his eye!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? A: Plank-ing!
- Q: Why are pirates so good at poker? A: They always have an ace up their sleeve… or hook!
- Q: Where do pirates park their cars? A: In the car-ribbean!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? A: “R,” it’s always after me mateys!
- Q: Why did the pirate fail his history exam? A: He got all the dates mixed up with his ‘dates’!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good “hook”!
- Q: How did the pirate escape from jail? A: He used a skeleton key!
- Q: Why are pirates considered bad at relationships? A: They always leave you stranded!
- Q: What do you call a pirate who sells fake art? A: A con-artist!
- Q: How do you make a pirate birthday cake? A: First, you take the P… and throw it overboard, ’cause it’s a pirate birthday, not a regular one!
- Q: Why don’t they let pirates play golf? A: They spend too much time in the water hazards!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite element? A: Arrrrr-gon!
- Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate ship? A: Nothing, it just waved!
- Q: Why did the pirate cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop for a new hand!
Dad Jokes about Pirate: Ahoy-larious Puns and Jokes
- Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean? He heard there was a “treasure” trove of sandcastles!
- What does a pirate use to keep his pants up? A belt-ay!
- Why don’t pirates ever take a bath before they have to walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!
- My son drew a picture of a pirate ship on his homework about ancient Greece. I told him, “That’s a little out of Athenian!”
- You know what’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? You might think it’s “R”, but it’s actually the “C”.
- How do pirates know they are pirates? They think it, they feel it, they are…a pirate!
- Why was the pirate staring at the carton of juice? He was trying to spot the “C”!
- I told my son his pirate costume for the party needed more stripes. He said, “Aye, aye, captain. More stripes it is!”
- Why do pirates love parrots? Because they can make them walk-the-plank!
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants… The bartender says, “Hey, you know you have a steering wheel on your pants, right?” The pirate replies, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
- How do pirates say happy birthday? Shippy hooray!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always go off on tangents!
- What music do millennial pirates listen to? Post Ma-drone!
- Where can you find a pirate who’s gone to retirement? In the Carob-bean!
- I tried to explain to a pirate how phones work, but he just kept looking for the string. He must have thought it was a “tele-squawk”!
- How do you make a pirate angry? Take away the “p”!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Plank-ing!
Funny Quotes and Captions about Pirate Life
- “Just met a pirate who gave up plundering for pottery. He said he wanted to try a craft with less yarrrrguments.”
- “What’s a pirate’s favorite type of socks? Arrrrgyle, of course!”
- “Being a pirate is all fun and games until someone forgets to buy the parrot crackers.”
- “Always thought it was weird how pirates say “aye” when agreeing to things. Seems like they’re perpetually one letter away from changing their minds.”
- “Dating a pirate is tough. Every time they say ‘I love you,’ you have to wonder, is it me or the booty?”
- “You know you’re at a real pirate party when even the cake has a plank you can walk.”
- “Just saw a pirate ordering a latte with oat milk and sugar-free syrup. What happened to the days of rum and sea shanties?”
- “The worst part about living with a pirate? They never fold the treasure maps.”
- “They say the life of a pirate is all treasure and adventure. They don’t mention the paperwork involved in burying it.”
- “Heard there’s a new dating app for pirates called “Sea-OkCupid”. Apparently, it’s all the rage on the Seven Seas.”
- “My therapist told me to channel my anger into something healthy and productive. So I bought an eyepatch and started talking like a pirate. Problem solved.”
- “The most terrifying thing a pirate can say? ‘I’ve got a terrible idea…'”
- “Give a pirate an inch and they’ll take a nautical mile. It’s in their nature.”
- “Life’s like a pirate ship: you never know what treasures tomorrow will bring. But you can be sure there’ll be some swabbing involved.”
Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Pirates: Ahoy, Matey, Laugh and Learn!
- A pirate without a parrot is just a sailor with a PR problem. 🦜
- You can lead a pirate to treasure, but you can’t make him share it. 💰
- A smooth sea never made a skilled pirate captain (or a good bar story). 🌊
- Never trust a pirate with a clean shirt… they’re probably up to something. 👔
- The early bird gets the worm, but the pirate gets the whole ship. 🐦
- A penny saved is a penny a pirate can steal later. 🪙
- Where there’s a will, there’s a pirate trying to find the treasure map. 🗺️
- Don’t judge a pirate by their peg leg… unless it’s a really cool peg leg. 🦵
- Like father, like son… unless the son becomes a pirate, then all bets are off. 👨👦
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away… but a banana keeps the scurvy at bay. 🍎🍌
- Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it probably would have been faster with pirates. 🏛️
- Good things come to those who wait, but pirates aren’t known for their patience. ⏳
- The enemy of my enemy is probably also a pirate, so watch your back. ⚔️
- There’s no “i” in “team”, but there’s two in “pirate booty”. Just sayin’. 🤔
- Always be yourself… unless you can be a pirate, then always be a pirate. 🏴☠️
Pirate Double Entendres Puns for Swashbuckling Laughter
- “That pirate captain really knows how to make an entrance… by sea!” (Playing on the literal entrance of a ship)
- “He tried to become a pirate, but they said he couldn’t pass the plank test.” (Playing on both a physical test and decision-making)
- “The pirate wanted to join the navy, but he just couldn’t see eye to eye with them.” (Playing on pirates wearing eye patches)
- “That pirate’s got a real treasure chest… He keeps his heart in it.” (Playing on emotional vs. literal treasure)
- “The pirate went to the dentist for a check-up. Turns out he had a cavity creepin’.” (Playing on ‘creeping’ and the sea-shanty phrase ‘What shall we do with a drunken sailor?’)
- “I accidentally called my boss Captain. Good thing he has a sense of humor… or maybe I just walked the plank?” (Playing on facing consequences)
- “Went to a pirate-themed restaurant. The food was great, but the service was a little ship-shape.” (Playing on the phrase ‘ship-shape’ meaning orderly)
- “Heard there’s a new dating app for pirates. It’s called “Sea-OK Cupid”.” (Playing on the dating app ‘OkCupid’)
- “The pirate was struggling to pay his bills. Said he was up to his eyepatch in debt.” (Playing on the phrase ‘up to his eyeballs’)
- “Why are pirates such bad singers? They always hit the high seas.” (Playing on ‘high seas’ and singing off-key)
- “Never ask a pirate for dating advice. They’re stuck in the past and always go for the booty call.” (Playing on ‘booty’ as treasure and slang for a sexual encounter)
- “She broke up with the pirate because he kept ghosting her. Literally.” (Playing on actual ghosts of pirates)
- “What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? A-shanty music, of course!” (Playing on ‘sea shanty’)
- “The pirate’s business venture failed. He said it was all just a wash up.” (Playing on items washing ashore and something being a failure)
- “Heard the pirate had a really good pirate birthday. He said it was keel-ebratory!” (Playing on ‘keel’ of a ship and celebratory)
Funny Pirate Tom Swifties for Landlubbers
- “Ahoy, I’ve lost my voice!” said Tom hoarsely.
- “Did you find the buried treasure?” asked Tom intently.
- “I just bought myself an island!” boasted Tom privately.
- “My parrot is missing!” squawked Tom empathetically.
- “Shiver me timbers, it’s cold!” chattered Tom toothlessly.
- “That’s a fine bottle of rum!” hiccuped Tom drunkenly.
- “We’ll never surrender!” shouted Tom defiantly.
- “Prepare the cannons!” boomed Tom explosively.
- “Look, dolphins!” spouted Tom excitedly.
- “Walk the plank, ye landlubber!” commanded Tom aboardly.
- “Avast, I’ve spotted a ship!” exclaimed Tom visibly.
- “Man overboard!” cried Tom swimmingly.
- “That kraken gave me quite a scare!” said Tom calamari-ly.
- “My hook gets stuck in everything!” complained Tom sharply.
- “I love celebrating my birthday,” said Tom with a yarrr.
- “A pirate’s life for me!” declared Tom with swagger.
- “I think we’re lost at sea,” said Tom compass-ionately.
Knock-Knock Jokes about Pirate: Ahoy-larious Fun for All
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-y good thing I have a map to this party!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ty as charged, this treasure be mine!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ful for all this gold, ain’t I?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-nts these days! Always makin’ me walk the plank.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate a little patience, the treasure ain’t going anywhere.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ty sure you’d be sea-sick on me ship, matey!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-nting out that you forgot Talk Like a Pirate Day is a grave offense!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ful for small favors, eh? Now hand over the map!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ty good one! That almost fooled this old salt.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ly don’t recognize yer own first mate?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate as well get this party started – I brought the grog!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ty hard to find good crew these days! Everyone wants to be captain.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ly amazing what ye find at the bottom of a treasure chest!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pirate. Pirate Who? Pirate-ty sight for sore eyes, you are! Thought I’d walk the plank from boredom.
