105+ Poker Jokes & Puns: You Gotta Ante Up for These!

Get ready to laugh your chips off because we’re about to deal you the best hand of poker puns and jokes this side of the Rio! This list of clever quips and funny observations is sure to leave you feeling positive and amused. Did you know that the odds of getting a royal flush in poker are a staggering 649,739 to 1? Well, get ready to beat those odds with this collection of humor that’s guaranteed to be a full house of laughs.

Top Poker Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Full House of Hilarity

Don’t tell poker players they’re lying. They’re bluffing.
Poker: Where you lose your shirt or win someone else’s.
I’m not saying I’m bad at poker, but I fold pre-flop… sometimes twice.
What’s a poker player’s favorite drink? High-stakes juice.
Folding at a family poker night just hits different.
I played online poker with a guy named ‘All In Al’… I should’ve known better.
My poker face? It’s this one. [deadpan expression]
My therapist told me to avoid high-stress situations. Guess poker’s out.
What do you call a poker player who brags about their losses? A liar.
Always bet on the underdog. Unless it’s me playing poker.
Poker: It’s not gambling when you know you’re gonna win… eventually.
My poker career is on hold. I’m currently experiencing technical difficulties… with money.
What’s a poker player’s favorite snack? Chips… and dip.
I tried to play poker with tarot cards. Turns out, the future is bleak.
Poker: It’s all fun and games until someone loses an imaginary amount of money.
Always fold to a royal flush… unless you have five aces. Then, things get interesting.

Funny Poker Jokes With One Liner Clever Poker Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Poker One-Liner Jokes To Check Out

I told my wife she should learn to play poker. She said, “Honey, I’m already holding all the cards.” I knew I shouldn’t have bet the house.
I’m starting to think my dog is a poker pro. He’s always got his poker face on, and his tail wags suspiciously when I have a good hand.
My doctor told me to avoid stress by taking up a relaxing hobby. So I started playing poker. Turns out, he meant relaxing for him.
I tried to explain poker to my cat, but he just stared at me blankly. No poker face, just a straight flush of indifference.
I met a poker player who could see through walls. Turns out he was just bluffing.
What do you call a poker game in space? A cosmic raise.
My poker skills are so bad, I could lose a hand with five aces… and a time machine.
They say “lucky in love, unlucky in cards.” So with my dating life, I must be a poker prodigy.
The worst thing about playing poker with kleptomaniacs? They keep raising the stakes… literally.
Why did the poker player break up with the blackjack dealer? They had too many differences to resolve.
I’m not saying I’m good at poker, but I once won a hand by folding pre-flop. Skill, I tell you!
You know you’re a bad poker player when the chips you’re stacking are actually Pringles.
My friend tried to pay his poker debt with cryptocurrency. Turns out, it was a huge bluff-chain.
Always be wary of a poker player who’s suspiciously good at origami. They’re masters of folding under pressure.
I once knew a poker player who was so unlucky, he got dealt a royal flush… of spades… during a game of Go Fish.
Life is like a game of poker. You’ll never win if you don’t know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em… especially when it’s laundry day and your spouse has the “chore chart” hand.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Poker: Get Ready to Laugh Your Royal Flush Off

Q: Why did the poker player bring a ladder to the game? A: He heard the stakes were high!
Q: What do you call a poker player who always loses? A: Bluff-astrophe!
Q: What’s a poker player’s favorite dessert? A: A full house pie!
Q: What’s a poker player’s favorite beverage? A: Anything he can get his hands on… except for a straight flush!
Q: Why did the poker game get so heated? A: Because everyone was trying to raise the steaks!
Q: Why was the poker player feeling blue? A: He kept getting caught bluffing – it was a real downer!
Q: How can you tell if a poker player is lying? A: Their lips are moving! (But seriously, their eyes will give them away.)
Q: What do you call a group of poker players who carpool to tournaments? A: The Bluff Riders!
Q: Why did the newbie bring a calculator to the poker game? A: He wanted to see if he could add anything to the pot!
Q: What’s the difference between a poker player and a magician? A: A magician knows how to shuffle the cards!
Q: What’s a poker player’s favorite dance move? A: The All-In Shuffle!
Q: Why was the poker player feeling lucky in love? A: He finally found his Queen of Hearts!
Q: Where do one-eyed poker players win the most money? A: In a game of blind man’s bluff!
Q: What’s a poker player’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Much Ado About Bluff-ing!
Q: What did the poker player say when he had a good hand? A: “Don’t mind if I ante up!”
Q: Why did the poker player wear sunglasses indoors? A: He wanted everyone to think he had a good poker face!

Dad Jokes about Poker: Guaranteed to Make You Fold

Why did the poker player wear sunglasses inside? He said he had a great poker face… but I could see right through it.
My son asked me how to shuffle cards like a professional poker player. I told him I’d teach him later; I’m on a roll.
What do you call a poker game for dogs? A high steaks game!
Why did the poker chip get a job at the bank? Because he was good with his hands.
I used to be addicted to poker, but I folded. Now I’m just sitting here with a deck of cards and a gambling problem.
Why don’t they let chickens play poker? Because they always chicken out!
I thought about becoming a professional poker player, but it’s too risky. Plus, I can’t tell if I’m good or if everyone else is just bad.
How does a poker player like his steak cooked? Rare, medium, or well done… depending on the hand he’s holding.
What’s the difference between a bad poker player and a pigeon? Eventually, the pigeon learns to fly away.
I went to a poker tournament, and it was intense. I folded so many times, they started calling me Origami.
My wife got mad at me for teaching our parrot to say, “Fold!”. She said it was giving me an unfair advantage at our family poker night.
What’s a poker player’s favorite drink? A full house wine!
I’m not saying I’m bad at poker, but I once lost a game to a guy with a Royal Flush tattoo… on his forehead.
You know you’ve been playing too much poker when… you start calling your boss “Dealer.”
Why is it so hard to find a good poker game anymore? Because everyone says they have a great poker face!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Poker: Guaranteed to Make You Fold

“I’m not saying I’m great at poker, but I can bluff my way through a staring contest with a statue.”
“My therapist told me to avoid high-stakes situations… so I just play poker with pennies now. Still thrilling.”
“Life is like poker. You need skill, strategy… and occasionally to convince everyone you have four aces when you really have a pair of twos and a dream.”
“Folding laundry? No thanks, I’d rather be folding a full house.”
“Sure, love is important, but have you ever won a poker hand with a bluff?”
“Some people are born lucky. Others just know how to count cards… and wear a very convincing poker face.”
“I’m all in… on this bag of chips. Gotta fuel the poker dreams.”
“You know you’ve become a poker pro when you can smell a bluff through the computer screen.”
“The only time it’s acceptable to lie to your friends is during a poker game… And even then, they’re expecting it.”
“Forget therapy, I just need a good poker game to tell all my problems to.”
“Poker: It’s cheaper than therapy, but you might need therapy afterwards.”
“I don’t always play poker, but when I do, my opponents can’t tell if I’m holding a royal flush or a grocery list.”
“Just bluffed my way out of a parking ticket. Poker skills do come in handy!”
“Poker is 10% luck, 20% skill, and 70% convincing the person across from you that you have no idea what you’re doing.”
“Some call it gambling, I call it strategic investment in my future happiness (or at least a decent pizza). #PokerLife”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Poker: Folded With Laughter

A chip and a chair is all it takes… to order a drink at the poker table.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… unless you’re bluffing with a pair of deuces.
Early to bed and early to rise… makes a person less likely to lose their entire bankroll at 3 am.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I’ll raise you with nothing but a gut feeling.
A penny saved is a penny earned… unless it’s the last penny you need to call that all-in.
Don’t cry over spilled milk… unless it landed on your winning hand. Then, by all means, weep openly.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire… and where there’s a huge pre-flop raise, there’s probably pocket aces.
The early bird gets the worm… but the late owl cleans up in the cash game.
Rome wasn’t built in a day… but a poker bankroll can be busted in an hour.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t… … convince them to fold their pocket Kings pre-flop.
A watched pot never boils… but a watched poker player might crack under the pressure.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease… and the aggressive bluffer sometimes gets the pot.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket… unless you’re going all-in with the nuts.
Two wrongs don’t make a right… but two pair usually beats one pair in poker.
If at first you don’t succeed… try bluffing with any two cards.
You can’t judge a book by its cover… or a poker player by their sunglasses and hoodie.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder… and your bankroll larger when you’re not playing poker.

Poker Double Entendres Puns: A Royal Flush of Witty Innuendo

“He’s a real poker face… when it comes to expressing emotions, he folds.” (Playing on the dual meaning of “poker face” and “folding” in poker and life)
“She’s holding a royal flush… of laundry, she’s been putting off housework all week.” (Twisting the high-value hand with mundane reality)
“Don’t go all in on that relationship, it smells like a bluff.” (Dating advice disguised as poker strategy)
“He tried to raise the stakes… by bringing a puppy to a cat cafe, bold move.” (Misinterpreting poker actions in absurd scenarios)
“This party is such a gamble… you never know who’s going to show up with a karaoke machine.” (Relating social events to the unpredictability of poker)
“They called her bluff… when she pretended to know Beyoncé personally.” (Exposing a lie using poker terminology)
“He’s got the worst poker face… I swear his eyebrows do a little dance when he’s got a good hand.” (Exaggerating the telltale signs of a bad poker player)
“She went all-in on that haircut… now she looks like a cross between a poodle and a pineapple.” (Commenting on a drastic change with poker jargon)
“He’s got a real tell… every time he lies, his nose lights up like a Christmas tree.” (Making fun of an obvious physical giveaway)
“I think I just lost my shirt… in this windstorm, my clothes are scattered across the neighborhood.” (Playing on the idiom “lose your shirt” in a literal way)
“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… especially if you’re betting on that rooster in the cockfight.” (Combining a proverb with a cheeky gambling reference)
“He’s betting on the underdog… literally, he put all his money on that three-legged chihuahua in the dog race.” (Highlighting a foolish gamble in a humorous way)
“She’s got a heart of gold… and a diamond ring to match, guess who won at the poker table last night?” (Connecting personal qualities to poker winnings)
“They were neck and neck… until one of them tripped over a rake and landed in the koi pond.” (Subverting the expectation of a close competition)
“He’s playing his cards close to his chest… which is difficult because he’s wearing a sweater made of Velcro.” (Creating a comical image around the idiom)
“I folded… my laundry, because procrastinating is my superpower.” (Turning a poker action into an everyday chore)
“Life is like a game of poker… you gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, and know when to fake a coughing fit so you can peek at everyone else’s cards.” (Adding a comedic twist to the classic Kenny Rogers song)

Funny Poker Tom Swifties: All In On Laughter

“I think I’ll play these five cards,” Tom said winningly.
“That’s a terrible poker face!” Tom remarked bluely.
“I’m out of this hand,” Tom folded weakly.
“Those chips are all mine now!” Tom declared rakishly.
“I’ll see your bet and raise you,” Tom stated high-handedly.
“This hand is unbeatable!” Tom boasted full-heartedly.
“Did you see that sneaky hand signal?” Tom whispered tellingly.
“I’m not sure if I should stay in,” Tom pondered drawingly.
“My cards are all mixed up!” Tom shuffled disjointedly.
“That was a risky move,” Tom commented dangerously.
“Don’t let them see your emotions,” Tom advised stone-facedly.
“I can’t believe you bluffed with that hand!” Tom exclaimed incredulously.
“I’m going all-in!” Tom declared bravely.
“That bad beat cost me everything,” Tom lamented poorly.
“Let’s have a friendly game,” Tom suggested disarmingly.
“I’ve got a good feeling about this hand,” Tom said intuitively.
“Maybe I should try a different game,” Tom conceded defeatly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Poker for a Royal Flush of Laughter

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fold. Fold who? Fold up your cards, I’m bluffing!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ante. Ante who? Ante up and let’s play some poker!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? River. River who? River you gonna fold or are you gonna play?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Full. Full who? Full house! Looks like I win again!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raise. Raise who? Raise your game, I’m holding pocket aces!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chip. Chip who? Chip in for some pizza, we’re playing poker all night!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tell. Tell who? Tell me you’re not bluffing with that weak hand!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Check. Check who? Check your pulse, because I just won this hand!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Flush. Flush who? Flush with excitement from winning this poker tournament!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? All in. All in who? All in good fun, unless you’re scared to lose!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blind. Blind who? Blind to your tells, I can see right through your poker face!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Royal. Royal who? Royal flush! Bow down to the poker champion!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pocket. Pocket who? Pocket your excuses, you just got outplayed!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Call. Call who? Call me a winner, because I just cleaned up at the poker table!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gamble. Gamble who? Gamble all you want, but in the end, the house always wins (unless I’m at the table)!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Straight. Straight who? Straight to the bank with my poker winnings!