110+ Police Jokes & Puns: You're Under A-rest Of Laughter!

Buckle up, because we’re about to take you on a hilarious ride-along with the best police jokes and puns this side of the thin blue line! Get ready for a list of clever quips and side-splitting humor that’s guaranteed to leave you in stitches. Did you know that in Finland, the highest rank a police officer can achieve is actually “Commissioner General?” Don’t worry, we don’t need a high-ranking official to tell you these jokes are funny – our evidence is rock solid!

Top Police Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Guaranteed To Quip Your Badge Off

“Excuse me, is this the police line?” “No, it’s the parsley line, you got the wrong herb!” 🌿👮‍♀️
Heard about the kidnapping at school? He woke up! 😴😳
To serve and pro-tea. ☕️👮‍♂️
Donut worry, be happy! 🍩😊
Life’s tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid – especially when the police are around! 😅🚔
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear… and a police concern! 🐻🍬
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… so I took it to a police station. 🕷️👮‍♂️
Just saw a police officer chasing a bank robber. Looks like he’s trying to cut down on his debt-ernet connection. 💸💻
What do you call it when a police officer shines a light in your eye? A bit constabulary. 🔦👀
What musical instrument do police officers play? A cop-a-bell! 🔔🎶
The police are looking for a suspect with a wooden leg named Smith. It seems pretty tough. They’ve already interrogated hundreds of people and they haven’t a leg to stand on. 🦿🔍
Heard about the police officer who loved his job? He loved a-rest days the most! 😌👮‍♂️
Always a bad time to be caught red-handed… unless you’re a police officer fingerprinting someone! 🤚🕵️‍♂️
Police work is like a box of donuts. Never know what you’re gonna get. 🍩❓
I got arrested for selling fake wine. Turns out it was a very serious Riesling offense. 🍷🚓

Funny Police Jokes With One Liner Clever Police Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Police One-Liner Jokes To Get You In Trouble

The police arrested a mime last night. They charged him with resisting a rest.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! Oh, you said “police.” My bad, I must have misheard.
Heard about the police officer who loved donuts so much he joined the hole force?
You know, I’d make a terrible police sketch artist – my drawings are always under arrest for impersonating a mirror!
My friend tried to convince me cops love donuts, but I just donut believe it.
The police department got a new printer that can produce fake money. They’re calling it the “counterfeit maker.”
I saw a police officer chasing a speeding toddler on a tricycle. I guess it was a high-speed chase.
Being a police horse must be tough. Imagine the pressure of working a stable job.
My kid wants to be a police officer when he grows up, but he’s having trouble understanding the Miranda rights. He keeps trying to order a soda.
Why did the police officer get lost? He took a wrong turn on the beat!
My friend tried to join the police academy, but he failed the background check. Turns out he had a checkered past…literally, he used to design racing flags.
The police station had a leaky faucet they couldn’t fix, so they charged it with resisting a-rest.
What do you call a group of police officers who love to sing? A choir-enforcement!
Why are police officers so good at solving mysteries? They love to get to the bottom of things!
They say the police are working around the clock, but I swear I saw some of them napping in their cars.
The police are looking for a thief who specializes in stealing punctuation marks. It seems he made off with all the commas and periods. The case is now considered a grammatical error.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Police: Cop or Can’t Stop Laughing?

Q: Why did the police officer sprinkle flour on the crime scene? A: He was looking for the missing knead-les!
Q: Why don’t cops ever play hide and seek with burglars? A: Because they’re always getting a head start!
Q: What’s the difference between a police officer and a magician? A: One arrests you for having an illegal firearm, the other makes you say “how’d you do that!?”
Q: Why did the police officer bring a ladder to work? A: He wanted to get to the bottom of things!
Q: Why are police officers good at solving mysteries? A: They love any excuse to whip out their investi-gator skills!
Q: Have you heard about the new “invisible car” the police department bought? A: So far, it’s been doing an outstanding job of catching speeding tickets!
Q: What’s a police officer’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat… four, to be exact!
Q: How do you make a police officer cry? A: Tell them you saw a robbery happen… in the past. It’s a cold case!
Q: Why did the police officer always carry a thesaurus? A: He liked to use his words carefully and a-rest anyone who misused them!
Q: Why are police officers like great detectives in books? A: They always close the case… and sometimes even read criminals their rights!
Q: How do you find a missing police officer? A: Follow the sound of donuts and justice!
Q: What do you get if you cross a police officer with a skunk? A: Someone who’ll give you a real whiff of the law!
Q: What did the police officer say to the donut? A: “You’re under a-rest… because you’re illegally delicious!”
Q: What’s a police officer’s favorite type of tea? A: Criminal Minds blend! (Get it? Criminal Minds… blend… herbal tea?)
Q: Why did the ghost get arrested? A: He was found sheet-going without a haunting license!
Q: How did the police officer fix his torn pants? A: With a warrant-y patch!
Q: Why don’t they have any crime in the jungle? A: Because the cheetah is always spotted!

Dad Jokes about Police: Officer, Arrest Yourself!

I saw a police officer talking to a mime. I thought, “That’s got to be the quietest interrogation ever.”
Why did the police officer smell bad? He was on duty in the scentral district!
What do you call it when a police officer wins a singing contest? An a-resting performance.
My son asked me what the police use to cut down trees. I said, “I don’t know, but it’s got to be a cop-axe!”
Why do police officers always work in teams of two? Because they love cop-any.
A police officer gave me a ticket for texting while driving today. I told him, “But officer, I wasn’t! I was just changing the song.” He said, “That’s no excuse! You have to pick a playlist and stick to it!”
Why did the police station have a leaky roof? They needed to de-fence the evidence.
How do police officers stay fit? They patrol their waistlines.
My son asked me what police dogs learn in school. I told him, “Basic ap-prehend-ing skills.”
Why are police officers such good storytellers? They always have a captivating tale.
How do police officers get around in the Arctic? By polar patrol, of course!
I saw a police officer chasing a donut thief. He was hot on the pastry thief’s trail!
Why don’t they play hide and seek at the police academy? They’d always find each other too easily; they’re trained professesionals!
What do you call a police officer who loves solving puzzles? An investi-gator.
I asked the police officer for directions to the bank. He said, “Just follow that money truck!”
Why did the police officer bring a ladder to work? He heard reports of a break-in!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Police to Arrest Your Boredom

“I told the officer my coffee was cold. He said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll have that solved in a latte minutes.'” ☕👮‍♂️
“Life is like a police lineup – you never know who you’ll be standing next to, and you always look guilty.” 😨👮‍♀️
“My friend tried to become a police sketch artist. Turns out, his art was… pretty criminal.” 🎨👮‍♂️
“They say trust your gut. But if your gut is yelling, ‘Run!’ while a police officer is chasing you… maybe trust the officer.” 🏃‍♀️💨👮‍♂️
“Being a police officer is tough. You spend all day chasing criminals, then you go home and your toddler is doing the exact same thing.” 🏠😫👮‍♀️
“What do you call a police officer who loves solving puzzles? An investi-gator!” 🕵️‍♀️🐊👮‍♂️
“Saw a police officer doing a crossword puzzle. Turns out, he was looking for a partner in crime.” 📝👮‍♀️
“The police department is holding a ‘Bake Your Own Donut’ competition. They’re calling it ‘The Great Stakeout.'” 🍩👮‍♂️
“I saw a police officer chasing a donut down the street. I guess he really needed to ketch-up!” 🏃‍♂️🍩👮‍♀️
“Being a police dog must be ruff…especially when you have to work the night shift.” 🐕🌙👮‍♂️
“I tried bribing the police officer with a dozen donuts. He said, “Sorry, I’m on a strict no-dough policy.” 🍩👮‍♀️
“You know you’ve been watching too much ‘Cops’ when you start narrating your own life in a dramatic voiceover.” 👮‍♂️🎤📺
“Heard there’s a new reality show about retired police officers becoming bakers. It’s called “Baking Baddies”. 👮‍♀️🎂
“The police station’s lost and found is the one place where you’re actually happy to find something you lost.” 👮‍♂️😅
“My grandpa’s a retired police officer. He’s always saying, “Back in my day, we didn’t need handcuffs, we just used our stern voices!” 👴👮‍♀️
“Just saw a police car with a bumper sticker that said, “I brake for donuts… and justice.” Priorities, people.” 🍩🚓
“The police have really stepped up their social media game. Now they’re using hashtags like #DonutLetUsDown and #WeSeeYouSpeeding.” 👮‍♂️📱🍩

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Police: For Your Amusement & Enlightenment

A patrol car in time saves nine…potential speeding tickets.
Don’t put all your eggs in one squad car…unless you like omelets with flashing lights.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him confess…unless you’re a really persuasive police officer.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a police officer healthy, wealthy, and… ready for the sunrise shift.
The pen is mightier than the sword…especially when it’s writing you a speeding ticket.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away…and a donut a day keeps the police officer nearby.
A watched pot never boils…but a watched suspect might just lead you to the evidence.
Too many cooks spoil the broth…and too many cops at a crime scene just leads to arguments over who gets to dust for prints.
Don’t judge a book by its cover…unless it’s a suspect’s alibi, then judge away.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…and where there’s a siren, there’s probably a speeding ticket about to be issued.
Rome wasn’t built in a day…and neither was a solid case file, it takes time and paperwork.
Silence is golden…unless you’re being questioned by the police, then it’s just suspicious.
A penny saved is a penny earned…unless it’s evidence at a crime scene, then it’s a penny bagged.
Better safe than sorry…which is why you should always wear your seatbelt and obey traffic laws.
The early bird gets the worm…and the early police officer gets to enjoy their coffee before the radio starts buzzing.
You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs…and you can’t solve a crime without interrogating some suspects.

Police Double Entendres Puns: Only the Funniest Crimes Here

“I told the police my wife was missing, and they asked if I wanted to report her stolen. I said, ‘Well, only if you find parts you can use!'” (Playing on the dual meaning of “parts”)
“Dating a police officer is like having a personalized parking spot… it’s great until someone gets towed.” (Playing on the removal of illegally parked cars)
“The police department had a baking contest. The K-9 unit won, hands down.” (Playing on dogs and their lack of hands)
“A detective walked into a bar and said, ‘I’m looking for a man with a scar on his face shaped like a dollar sign.’ The bartender replied, ‘Sounds like you should be talking to your accountant, not me!'” (Playing on the detective looking for financial irregularities)
“My friend joined the police academy, but he dropped out after a week. He couldn’t handle the pressure cooker.” (Playing on the pressure of police work and a literal pressure cooker)
“The police station got a new coffee machine, but they’re still trying to catch the ring leader.” (Playing on organizers of criminal groups and the handle on a coffee pot)
“Why did the police officer get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field!” (Playing on excellent work and literally standing in a field)
“I got arrested for stealing a dictionary from the police station. I told them, ‘I’m at a loss for words!'” (Playing on being speechless and the dictionary containing words)
“They’re starting to train squirrels to work with the police force. Apparently, they’re great at busting nuts.” (Playing on arresting criminals and squirrels cracking nuts)
“The police station had a potluck, and the undercover cop brought the stakeout.” (Playing on surveillance and food representing a dish someone brings)
“Heard about the police officer who loved writing parking tickets? He had a real ticket to write.” (Playing on enjoying the task and having a reason/justification)
“Why did the police officer bring a ladder to work? He heard there was a criminal organization climbing the ranks!” (Playing on career advancement and literally scaling a height)
“I saw a police officer chasing a donut thief earlier. It was a classic case of good cop, bad donut.” (Playing on good cop/bad cop dynamic and the donut being the “bad” one)
“The police had to let the mime go. They couldn’t make him talk.” (Playing on the interrogation process and mimes not speaking)
“I accidentally called the police station a ‘pound’ the other day. Turns out, they get pretty defensive about it.” (Playing on animal control and being protective of their image)
“The traffic cop had to write a speeding ticket for his own mother. He said it was the hardest citation he ever had to give.” (Playing on difficult situations and quoting a reference)
“Being a police officer is like a box of donuts… you never know what you’re gonna get.” (Playing on the unknown nature of the job and the variety within an assorted box)

Funny Police Tom Swifties: On Patrol With Wordplay

“The police dog just sniffed out the suspect’s hiding place!” Tom said, k-9-ly.
“The police sketch artist is really talented,” Tom remarked drawlingly.
“Turn yourself in. It’s the right thing to do,” Tom said arrestingly.
“The police car needs new tires,” Tom stated flatly.
“I hope they make me valedictorian at the police academy,” Tom said honorably.
“Dispatch, what’s the status on that speeding ticket?” Tom asked citationally.
“Let’s analyze this evidence carefully,” Tom said detectively.
“I’m going to write you a warning this time,” Tom said ticketedly.
“Did you see the size of that suspect’s rap sheet?” Tom said lengthily.
“Make sure you log all the evidence properly,” Tom said evidently.
“Don’t move! Anything you say can and will be held against you,” Tom said incriminatingly.
“The commissioner wants to see us both, right now,” Tom said summoningly.
“We’ve got the perpetrator completely surrounded!” Tom said perimeterly.
“The internal affairs investigation really shook things up,” Tom said corruptly.
“Get those sirens blaring!” Tom said alarmingly.
“I love working the night shift,” Tom said darkly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Police for the Lawfully Funny

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Police. Police who? Open up, we have a warrant for your arrest…ing sense of humor!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alma. Alma who? Alma neighbors say you’re due for a visit from the police!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and open the door, it’s the police!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to be caught speeding by the police?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here and we’re the police!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good reason why you shouldn’t let the police in!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya believe I got pulled over by the police for this broken tail light?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin banks is wrong, even if you are dressed as a police officer!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita confess, these police sirens are making me nervous!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice be the police at the door already? Time flies!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Will. Will who? Will you just open the door? We’re the police, not salespeople!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stan. Stan who? Stan back, the police are here to disarm the situation… with laughter!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the other suspects already confessed, it’s your turn! -Police
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal-sly, pretending not to be home won’t work on the police!