105+ Possum Jokes & Puns: You’ve Opossumbly Never Laughed This Hard!

Get ready to laugh your pouch off! We’ve gathered the best possum puns and jokes, a collection so funny it’s almost criminal. This list of clever quips and possum humor is sure to bring a smile to your face – it’s practically im-poss-ible not to laugh! Did you know a group of possums is called a “passel”? Well, get ready for a whole passel of laughs with these possum jokes!

Top Possum Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Guaranteed to Play Dead

1. “O-possum-bly the cutest critter around!”
2. Just saw a possum carrying a tiny suitcase. Guess he was o-possum-ing for vacation.
3. You’re looking awfully blue. What’s o-possum-ing you?
4. Don’t be such a party o-possum-er! Come join the fun!
5. “What’s a possum’s favorite game? Hide-and-seek, o-possum-ly!”
6. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get…unless you’re a possum. Then it’s o-possum-bly trash.
7. Heard the possum singing in the shower? He’s got some o-possum-ing pipes!
8. What do you call a possum with a GPS? O-possum-tionally lost.
9. “That possum playing piano? O-possum-ing talent!”
10. “This traffic is terrible! It’ll take us o-possum-ever to get there!”
11. “Did you hear about the possum who became a lawyer? He’s an expert in o-possum-ing cases!”
12. “Why don’t possums make good chefs? Too much o-possum-ing in the kitchen!”
13. “What’s a possum’s favorite type of music? Anything o-possum-ing!”
14. “That possum doing stand-up? Now that’s naturally o-possum-ing!”
15. What’s a possum’s favorite Shakespeare play? O-possum-let.
16. I tried to make possum stew once. It was o-possum-ible!

Funny Possum One-Liner Jokes: You’ll Opossum-ly Laugh

1. I tried to explain to a possum that playing dead wasn’t going to solve all his problems… he didn’t seem to get it.
2. My friend said he wanted a pet that was low-maintenance and good at playing dead. I think I’ll get him a possum for his birthday.
3. Possums are such drama queens. One minute they’re fine, the next minute… thud.
4. What do you call it when a possum steals your wallet? Petty larceny. 😉
5. My therapist told me to picture my problems as possums. It works, they all just disappear when I approach them.
6. Never play poker with a possum. They’re always bluffing. 😎
7. I saw a possum eating a grapefruit this morning. I guess you could say he was… possuming.
8. Heard about the possum who became a motivational speaker? He taught everyone how to cope… with playing dead.
9. I went to a possum beauty pageant once. All the contestants just laid there. It was the sleepiest competition I’ve ever seen. 😴
10. What’s a possum’s favorite Shakespeare play? A Midsummer Night’s Scream.
11. Just saw a bunch of possums hanging from a streetlight. They told me they were starting a boy band called “Backstreet Boys… From Down Under.” 🎤
12. Possums have an interesting approach to danger – they just… o-possum it.
13. You know you’ve had a long day when you start seeing double… possums.
14. Why did the possum cross the road? No one knows, it fainted halfway there!
15. What’s a possum’s favorite type of music? Anything they can sleep through. 🎶

QnA Jokes & Puns about Possum: A Possum-bly Funny Collection

1. Q: Why did the possum cross the road? A: To play possum… on the other side!
2. Q: What do you call a possum that loves taking risks? A: A possum-bility!
3. Q: What does a possum magician say? A: Are you ready for my next possum-bility?
4. Q: What do you get if you cross a possum and a ghost? A: A BOO-sum! And some serious trust issues…
5. Q: What does a possum say after a long day? A: “I’m possum-tively exhausted!”
6. Q: Why don’t possums make good chefs? A: They only have one recipe – play dead!
7. Q: Why are possums such bad liars? A: You can always see right through their act!
8. Q: What do you call a possum with a black belt? A: Don’t call him anything, just run! He’s o-possum to be reckoned with!
9. Q: Why did the possum get a job at the theater? A: They wanted to be the understudy for “Sleeping Beauty.”
10. Q: Why did the possum get a job as a security guard? A: He’s an expert at playing dead on the job!
11. Q: What do you call a possum that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real possum-problem!
12. Q: What do you call a musical group of possums? A: An o-possum orchestra!
13. Q: What’s a possum’s favorite board game? A: Pretendios!
14. Q: What’s a possum’s favorite kind of music? A: Anything with a possum-tempo beat!
15. Q: How are possums like pirates? A: They both bury their treasure!
16. Q: Why did the possum get lost in the library? A: He was looking for books on “How to Play Dead… Better”

Dad Jokes about Possum: The Good, The Bad, and the Opossummy

1. I saw a possum at the antique shop yesterday. I asked the owner, “Is that possum real?” He said, “I can’t tell, it keeps playing possum!”
2. What do you call a possum that refuses to play dead? A stubborn-tail!
3. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, I took it out to a movie and dinner… it was a really possum-bly nice evening.
4. Where do possums go when they get lost? The lost-and-found-sum office!
5. Did you hear about the possum who became a lawyer? He was known for his airtight defense… mostly because he kept everyone at a distance.
6. What do you call it when a possum breaks the law? A mis-demeanor!
7. Why did the possum cross the road? Nobody knows, it fainted halfway there!
8. How do you make a possum stew? First, you gotta catch one… but good luck with that!
9. What’s a possum’s favorite genre of music? Anything but heavy metal… they can’t stand the possum-bility of a mosh pit.
10. What do you call a possum that’s always getting into trouble? A little rascal-possum!
11. Why are possums so bad at poker? Because they always have that tell-tail sign!
12. What’s black and white and sleeps upside down? A possum dreaming of a zebra!
13. Why are possums so good at hide-and-seek? Have you ever tried finding one? They’re practically invisible when they want to be!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Possum: Guaranteed to Play Possum with Your Emotions

1. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I aspire to reach the level of ‘playing possum’ commitment.”
2. Just saw a possum carrying a tiny suitcase. Guess he was possumbly moving on up. 😂
3. Never trust a possum with a secret. They’re terrible at keeping things ‘under wraps’. 😉
4. “My spirit animal is a possum. Not because I’m fearless, but because I’m excellent at pretending I’m not here.”
5. “Started my New Year’s resolutions early… turns out, I’m already a pro at ‘playing possum’.” 😴
6. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery… unless you’re a possum. Then it’s just survival.
7. “Find someone who looks at you the way a possum looks at a discarded fast-food bag… full of adoration.” 😍 (Just kidding…maybe?)
8. “Just saw a possum chilling on a porch swing. He looked so relaxed, I almost asked him for life advice.” 🤔
9. You know you’ve reached peak adulthood when your Saturday night plans involve ‘possum watch’ in the backyard.
10. “I’m not saying I hoard things, but I have a feeling a possum could learn a thing or two from me.” 🤫
11. “Sure, possums might not be conventionally attractive, but they’re proof that beauty truly is on the inside… of that trashcan.” 🦝
12. “My therapist suggested I embrace my inner possum… turns out, it involves a lot more hissing than I expected.”
13. “Always be yourself. Unless you can be a possum. Then always be a possum pretending to be dead.” 😎
14. Never underestimate the power of a good nap. Just ask a possum – they’re practically professionals. 💤
15. “Some people are afraid of spiders. Others hate snakes. Me? I’m terrified of disappointing my pet possum, Kevin. He has standards.” (Don’t worry, Kevin doesn’t exist… I think?)
16. Life motto: Be the kind of person you’d want to share your trash with… if you were a possum, of course. 🗑️

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Possum: For a Laugh or a Little Wisdom

1. A possum in a pumpkin patch sees no need to diet.
2. Don’t judge a possum by its teeth, judge it by the trash it can eat.
3. The early possum gets the… well, whatever fell out of that garbage can first.
4. You can lead a possum to a salad, but you can’t make him think it’s a dumpster.
5. One possum’s trash is another possum’s treasure (and probably the first possum’s lunch tomorrow).
6. Where there’s a possum, there’s a way… to make a mess.
7. Better to have loved a possum and lost, than to have cleaned up its sleeping spot.
8. A possum’s work is never done, especially when there’s still food on your porch.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, play possum, then steal the food when nobody’s looking.
10. Don’t count your possums before they hatch… they might be playing dead.
11. The road to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The road to a possum’s heart is through your garage.
12. A penny saved is a penny earned. A crumb dropped is a feast for a possum.
13. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but a possum will take whatever you’ve got.
14. Like father, like son. Like mother possum, like garbage-loving offspring.
15. Slow and steady wins the race? Not if a possum sees a cookie first.
16. Possum see, possum want, possum take a nap right there on your welcome mat.

Possum Double Entendres Puns: A Tail of Two Meanings

1. I tried to explain to the possum that playing dead wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He seemed pretty convinced, though. Guess you could say he was… dead set on it.
2. The possum told me he was going to open a restaurant called “O-Possum’s”. It was a risky venture, but I had to admit… I could see it playing out.
3. Asked the possum to help me with my taxes. He said he couldn’t, something about… not being financially liable.
4. My friend brought her pet possum to yoga class. Said it was great for his… flexibility.
5. I saw a possum band last night that was just awful. They played heavy metal, but called it… possum death metal.
6. Went to a possum-themed magic show. The whole time, I kept thinking… something’s gotta disappear soon.
7. Bought a self-help book called “The Possum’s Guide to Success”. The main takeaway? Learn to play your strengths.
8. The possum started a career in acting. He mostly does… horror and thriller films.
9. There was a possum protest downtown today. They were campaigning for their right to… remain perfectly still.
10. Met a possum who was a motivational speaker. He told us to never give up on our dreams… no matter how motionless we feel.
11. There’s a possum fashion trend where people wear all gray and… pretend to be unconscious. It’s surprisingly popular.
12. The possum won first place at the animal talent show. His secret? A truly captivating performance.
13. Someone told me possums have excellent poker faces. I said, “Well yeah, they have a lot of practice.
14. The possum opened a detective agency. He called it… Plays Dead Investigations. I hear business is booming.
15. “You look stressed,” I said to the possum. “You should try yoga.” He just stared at me. “Don’t you judge my coping mechanisms,” he hissed. “I’m just hanging in there.
16. Heard there’s a possum art thief on the loose. He’s notorious for his… clean getaways.
17. Asked the possum if he wanted to go skydiving. He looked at me like I was crazy. “Are you kidding?” he said. “I’m not falling for that again.

Funny Possum Tom Swifties: A Pouch Full of Laughs

1. “That possum playing dead is so unconvincing,” I said posthumously.
2. “I really love opossums,” she said opposumly.
3. “Don’t worry, that possum is harmless,” he said disarmingly.
4. “Get out of my trash!” I shouted, apossemly.
5. “This possum stew is delicious!” he exclaimed, preposterously.
6. “I think I’ll name my pet possum ‘Fluffy’,” she said softly.
7. “I can’t believe you mistook a cat for a possum!” he said catastrophically.
8. “It seems this possum only comes out at night,” I whispered shadowily.
9. “Watch out, that possum is hissing!” he warned sharply.
10. “This possum is heavier than I expected,” he grunted laboriously.
11. “Maybe if we play dead too, the possum will leave,” she suggested lifelessly.
12. “I’m pretty sure this possum is actually a statue,” he said woodenly.
13. “I’ve had enough of this possum stealing my food,” he declared decisively.
14. “That possum just climbed up that tree lightning fast!” he exclaimed swiftly.
15. “I wonder what this button on the possum’s collar does?” she asked pushingly.
16. “That possum has a surprising amount of babies in her pouch,” he observed pocketably.
17. “I’m going to write a song about this possum encounter,” she sang melodically.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Possum: You’ll O-Possum-Ly Laugh

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum-body better have my snacks!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum enough, let me in! It’s cold out here!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum day, you’ll appreciate my sense of humor!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum-thing tells me you’re going to laugh at this!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum news! I learned to play the banjo!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum-ing you can open the door, I have a delivery of laughter!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum enough with the serious face, let’s have some fun!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Possum. Possum who? Possum-bilities are endless when it comes to possum-themed humor!