110+ Purse-onal Jokes & Puns: You’ll Totally Tote-ally Laugh!

Get ready to laugh your tote-ally off because we’ve got a list of the best purse jokes and puns that are absolutely packed with humor! Did you know that the most expensive purse ever sold went for a whopping $380,000? Talk about putting all your eggs in one very stylish basket! But whether your style is designer or discount, this collection of clever and positive jokes is sure to brighten your day. Get ready for some punny fun!

Top Purse Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: You’ll Get a Carry-On About These

1. Wanted: A soulmate who understands my need for a new purse-onality every season.
2. Just spent my entire paycheck at the store. My bank account is feeling very…purse-ecuted.
3. That awkward moment when you open your purse looking for cash and find only cobwebs and disappointment.
4. Life is too short to worry about what’s in your purse…said no woman ever.
5. Never underestimate a woman who knows how to accessorize. Her purse game is always on purse-point.
6. My therapist told me to carry all my worries in a purse. Now I have heavy baggage.
7. You know you’re an adult when “going out” just means bringing the good purse.
8. I’m not saying my purse is heavy, but I’m pretty sure it qualifies for its own zip code.
9. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I buy a new purse.
10. Found a lost dog. My purse is now a “purse-on” carrier.
11. My financial advisor told me to put my money where my mouth is. Now my purse is overflowing.
12. I tried to explain to my husband that “purse” and “tote” are not interchangeable. He just rolled his eyes and sighed. Men!
13. My ideal relationship? One where my partner doesn’t question the sheer volume of my purse collection.
14. Don’t ever ask a woman what’s in her purse. It’s a black hole of mystery and half-eaten granola bars.
15. Just found a $20 bill in my purse from last year. See, honey? I AM good at saving money!
16. Sleeping is my second favorite thing to do in bed. Right after organizing my purse.
17. You can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse… just kidding, it’s probably just a black hole in there.

Funny Purse One-Liner Jokes To Make You Laugh

1. My wallet told my purse it was feeling flat, so she gave it a hug.
2. Never ask a woman to empty her purse, it’s a bottomless pit guarded by receipts and a half-eaten granola bar.
3. My purse is like a magician’s hat – you never know what you’ll pull out of it. Yesterday it was a banana from 2019.
4. My therapist told me to carry all my worries in a purse. Now I have a heavy purse and a lighter heart…until I have to find my keys.
5. You know you’re an adult when “going out” just means bringing a bigger purse.
6. They say money talks… but all I hear from my purse is “Where’d all my friends go?”
7. My purse is a time capsule of forgotten hopes and dreams…and probably some loose cough drops.
8. Crossbody, clutch, tote – it’s not about the style, it’s about how much a purse can carry without requiring a back brace.
9. Life is like a purse: you can fill it with whatever you want, but it’s easier to find things when it’s organized.
10. My bank account is like an empty purse – all I have is the weight of its potential on my shoulder.
11. You know your purse is too heavy when it starts attracting its own gravitational field.
12. If you ever feel useless, just remember: someone invented a solar-powered flashlight and put it in a purse.
13. I tried to explain to my dog that she couldn’t eat my purse. She looked at me like I was barking mad.
14. My purse is like a black hole—what goes in, never comes out… unless it’s crumbs.
15. Relationship Status: Dating my purse. It’s always there for me, never judges, and understands the importance of snacks.
16. My purse might be messy, but it’s a happy mess. A bit like my life, really.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Purse: Carrying You Away With Laughter

1. Q: Why did the purse refuse to go out with the wallet? A: It said, “Get out! I need some space!”
2. Q: What did the fashionista say to her overflowing purse? A: “Whoa, you’re carrying a lot of baggage!”
3. Q: Why did the purse get sent to the principal’s office? A: It was caught carrying too many lipsticks and not enough pencils.
4. Q: Why was the purse feeling so smug? A: It knew it was always one step ahead of the fashion police.
5. Q: What’s a purse’s favorite genre of music? A: Hip-pop!
6. Q: How does a purse apologize after an argument? A: It says, “Look, I’m sorry. Can we just make up already?”
7. Q: What’s a purse’s least favorite yoga pose? A: Anything that requires emptying your pockets.
8. Q: Why don’t purses ever get lost? A: They’re always held close and dear.
9. Q: Why did the purse cross the road? A: To get to the other handle!
10. Q: What’s a purse’s favorite type of movie? A: Anything with a gripping plot.
11. Q: Why are purses such good listeners? A: They hold all your secrets without ever spilling a word.
12. Q: Why did the purse blush? A: Someone complimented its new zipper!
13. Q: What do you call a purse that’s always running late? A: Fashionably delayed.
14. Q: Why are purses and wallets always arguing? A: They’re constantly fighting for your attention!
15. Q: How do you fix a broken purse? A: With a little “tender loving clasp!”

Dad Jokes about Purse: The Punchlines You Can Carry

1. Why did the purse fail its driving test? It kept running out of change lanes!
2. I saw a purse on sale for a dollar… I guess you could say it was a real steal!
3. My wife asked if I’d ever leave her for a younger woman… I said, “Sweetheart, how much younger? We need to stay within our purse-ameters!”
4. They should make purses out of mirrors… Then you’d see your reflection and realize how much money you’ve spent!
5. You know what’s strange about my wife’s love for purses? The more expensive they are, the less is in them!
6. Asked my wife what her favorite brand of purse was… She said, “Anything with a zipper that closes!” I guess she’s not a fan of open relation-ships.
7. What does a purse use to surf the internet? A tote-ally secure connection!
8. I used to think my wife had a shopping problem… Turns out, she just needed bigger purses!
9. A pickpocket tried to steal my wife’s purse… But she fought back with her bare hands. I guess you could say it was a purse-onal victory!
10. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… So I took it to the mall and left it in a designer purse.
11. Someone stole my wife’s credit card, but luckily they only bought groceries. I guess you could say they had good purse-pectives!
12. Don’t ever stick your hand in a talking purse… You might get a hand purse-alization!
13. My daughter is obsessed with unicorns and wants a purse shaped like one. I told her they’re hard to find because they’re marely purses!
14. Went to an art museum that was exhibiting famous purses. I only stayed for a minute… okay, maybe a clutch more!
15. Why did the designer put a lock on the purse? To keep all its valu-abulls safe!
16. My wife says I don’t understand the pressures of her job. I replied, “Honey, I’ve seen the size of your purse, I know you’re carrying a lot.”

Funny Quotes and Captions about Purse: Tote-ally Hilarious

1. My purse is like a bottomless pit… filled with receipts and hopes of finding my keys.
2. Found my soulmate. Turns out, it’s just a really cute purse.
3. I’m not saying I’m high maintenance, but my purse requires its own carry-on bag.
4. You know you’re an adult when “going out” just means your purse gets to leave the house too.
5. The most dangerous game of chance? Reaching into your purse for a pen.
6. Life is too short for boring purses. Sparkle on, my friends.
7. My bank account may be crying, but my purse collection is thriving.
8. Just did a purse cleanout. Turns out I’m carrying enough snacks to survive the apocalypse.
9. Sleep? Who needs sleep when you can be online shopping for a new purse?
10. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves. I wear my entire life savings in mine.
11. Warning: May spontaneously buy new purses. It’s a medical condition, I can’t control it.
12. Relationship status: Devoted to my purse and its endless storage possibilities.
13. Not sure what’s heavier, my purse or the emotional baggage I’m carrying. Probably both.
14. Sure, I work out. Gotta stay strong enough to carry this heavy purse, right?
15. My purse is basically a Mary Poppins bag. You need it? It’s probably in there somewhere.
16. “Tote-ally” obsessed with purses? Yeah, you could say that.
17. You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a new purse, and that’s kind of the same thing.

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Purse: Unzipped and Unfiltered

1. A penny saved is a penny someone else probably dropped in your giant purse.
2. Don’t judge a purse by its cover… unless it’s covered in diamonds, then judge away.
3. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it fit in your purse. (Though, some people try.)
4. Early bird gets the worm, but the fashionable one snags the last designer purse.
5. A stitch in time saves nine, unless you’re talking about a broken purse strap – then it’s time for a new purse.
6. Good things come to those who wait, but even better things come to those who shop the sale rack for purses.
7. The early bird catches the worm, but it’s the night owl who finds the perfect sparkly purse for a night out.
8. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch – unless they hatched into tiny, adorable purses. Then count away!
9. A cluttered purse is a sign of a creative mind… or someone who needs a designated snack compartment.
10. Many hands make light work, but only one hand is needed to clutch your favorite purse protectively.
11. There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but finding a twenty-dollar bill in your purse is pretty darn close.
12. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was the perfect purse collection (it takes dedication).
13. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… to justify buying another fabulous purse.
14. Don’t cry over spilled milk, especially not on your designer purse! Seriously, what did that milk ever do for you?
15. The grass is always greener… inside a brand-new green handbag.
16. All that glitters is not gold, sometimes it’s sequins… on a fabulous, eye-catching purse.

Purse Double Entendres Puns: A Clutch of Wordplay

1. She told me to hold her purse while she robbed the bank. I guess you could say I’m an accomplice-sory.
2. Tried to make a quick buck selling fake designer purses. The whole scheme just unzipped before my eyes.
3. My wife’s purse is so heavy, I swear it has its own gravitational pull. It’s a real pocketful of sunshine.
4. Always wondered what the zipper on my wife’s purse was hiding. Turns out, it was my missing car keys and sanity.
5. My girlfriend said she needed a man who could handle her purse. Turns out, she meant emotionally, not as her personal shopper.
6. They say money talks, but all I hear from my purse is “You’re broke!””
7. Went to a purse auction. Bidding got out of hand, and I ended up losing my wallet.
8. My therapist suggested I confront my biggest fear. So, I opened my wife’s purse.
9. You know you’re in a committed relationship when you can locate anything in your significant other’s purse… blindfolded.
10. Picked up a hitchhiker who asked if I had ever seen a talking purse. I said, “Only in my dreams and my wife’s closet.”
11. My wife’s purse is like a black hole. Once something goes in, it’s gone forever. Except for the crumbs, they always resurface.
12. I tried to pay with confidence, but my credit card whispered from the depths of my purse, “Don’t even think about it.”
13. My purse is so messy, it’s practically a biohazard. I like to call it my portable ecosystem.
14. Found a map in my purse today. Turns out it was a journey to the bottom of my bag.
15. My wallet tried to escape my purse last night. Said it couldn’t handle the pressure and lack of breathing room.
16. Lost my phone, but I’m not worried. It’s probably just hanging out with the loose change and cough drops at the bottom of my purse.
17. My purse isn’t just an accessory, it’s a survival kit, a mystery box, and a portal to another dimension. Mostly just a mystery box though.

Funny Purse Tom Swifties: Puns You’ll “Carry” With You

1. “My purse is empty!” Tom said, poorly.
2. “I can’t believe I forgot my purse!” Tom said absentmindedly.
3. “Let me hold your purse, honey,” Tom said gallantly.
4. “I think I just bought the smallest purse possible,” Tom said minutely.
5. “This purse used to belong to Marie Antoinette,” Tom said reignedly.
6. “I only buy designer purses,” Tom said Gucci-ly.
7. “My new purse is made from vegan leather,” Tom said pleather-ly.
8. “This purse is overflowing with receipts!” Tom said expensively.
9. “Let’s go shopping for some new purses!” Tom said bag-garedly.
10. “I hid the money in the secret compartment of my purse,” Tom said slyly.
11. “I stitched this purse together myself,” Tom said seamlessly.
12. “My purse collection could rival a museum’s,” Tom said archivally.
13. “This purse perfectly matches my shoes,” Tom said coordinatedly.
14. “Oops, I dropped my purse again,” Tom said clumsily.
15. “I think someone’s been snooping in my purse,” Tom said suspiciously.
16. “These coins are weighing my purse down,” Tom said heavily.
17. “This old purse has seen better days,” Tom said shabbily.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Purse: You’ll Get a Kick Out of These

1. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Purse. > Purse who? Purse-onally, I think you’re looking fabulous!
2. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Purse. > Purse who? Purse-sue your dreams, they’re worth chasing!
3. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Cents. > Cents who? Cents you asked, this purse is on sale!
4. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Harry. > Harry who? Harry up, I need to borrow your purse!
5. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Cash. > Cash who? No time for questions, this purse is a steal!
6. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Alpaca. > Alpaca who? Alpaca the snacks, you bring the purse for the picnic!
7. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Howard. > Howard who? Howard you like to borrow my new purse?
8. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Ivana. > Ivana who? Ivana new purse, wanna go shopping?
9. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Lettuce. > Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It’s cold out here and this purse is heavy!
10. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Wanda. > Wanda who? Wanda borrow my purse? I know you love this one!
11. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Ash. > Ash who? Bless you! And this purse is blessed with good style!
12. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Kenya. > Kenya who? Kenya believe this purse was only ten dollars?
13. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Norma Lee. > Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t let anyone borrow my purse, but you can!
14. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Luke. > Luke who? Luke into my purse and tell me what you find!
15. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Adore. > Adore who? Adore your new purse! Where did you get it?
16. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Justin. > Justin who? Justin time to buy a new purse, this one’s falling apart!
17. Knock, knock. > Who’s there? Ben. > Ben who? Ben shopping for a purse all day, I need a break!