120+ Jokes & Puns About Trash Pandas: Raccoon Fun!

Get ready to laugh your trash pandas off! This isn’t just any list of raccoon jokes and puns – it’s the BEST, most FUR-rociously funny collection you’ll find. If you’re looking for puns with a positive message, you’ve come to the right place. Did you know a group of raccoons is called a gaze? Well, get ready to gaze upon some seriously clever humor! These jokes are so funny, you’ll be raving about them for weeks!

Top Raccoon Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: For Trash Pandas and Pun Lovers

Trash panda? More like fashion panda!
What do you call a raccoon that loves to gamble? A high roller!
This party is trash without you… said the raccoon.
I’m feeling very masked and mysterious today. – Every raccoon, ever
What’s a raccoon’s favorite kind of music? Anything trashy!
Life is like a box of chocolates…If you’re a raccoon, it’s already been in the trash.
Caught a raccoon wearing a tool belt. Guess he’s a contrac-tor.
He’s got some serious bandits under his eyes!
That raccoon stole my heart! And my wallet…and my phone…
Raccoon dating is rough. They always ghost you after the first trash.
What does a raccoon use to surf the internet? Chrome!
Wanted: Raccoon chef specializing in dumpster delicacies.
Don’t be trashy, be like a raccoon – recycle!
You’re looking sharp today! Thanks, I went to the raccoon barber.
I’m so raccoon-ected to my phone, I sleep with it under my mask.
My spirit animal is a raccoon. We both love naps and snacks!
“I’m telling you, this dumpster is designer!” – A raccoon, probably

Funny Raccoon Jokes With One Liner Clever Raccoon Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Raccoon One-Liner Jokes: Trash-Talking Edition

A raccoon stole my wallet last night. I guess you could say I got… raccoon mugged.
That raccoon looks really suspicious, I think he’s up to some trash-canny business.
Never challenge a raccoon to a climbing contest, they’re automatically masked as pros.
Raccoons are terrible singers, they always try to hit the high notes in the trash-o section.
I saw a raccoon wearing a tiny tuxedo. He looked very… trash-isticated.
A raccoon walked into a bar and asked for a “Gin and Tonic. And hold the tonic, I’m on a trash budget.”
The raccoon DJ was known for his sick beats and trashy drops.
Raccoons are such picky eaters. It’s all about finding the cream of the trash for them.
What do you call a group of raccoons who start a band? Trash Talk.
What do you call a raccoon that loves to cook? A trash chef.
I saw a raccoon wearing a gold chain. He was such a trash-talking hustler.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite song? Trash by Tyler, the Creator.
That raccoon is a total heartbreaker. He’s a trash-talking Romeo.
Raccoons are expert negotiators, they’re always willing to bargain for your trash.
If you need something stolen but you’re on a budget, hire a discount raccoon.
A raccoon stole my phone! I tried calling him, but it went straight to voice-mail-box.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Raccoon: Get Your Paws On These!

Q: Why don’t raccoons ever wash their food before they eat it? A: Because they always wash it after!
Q: What do you get if you cross a raccoon with a skunk? A: I don’t know, but it sure would clear out a room!
Q: Why are raccoons such good neighbors? A: They’re always willing to lend a helping paw… especially when it comes to your trash!
Q: What do you call a raccoon that won’t share its loot? A: A trash panda-monium hog!
Q: How did the raccoon get into the cookie jar? A: He used his mask and his little bandit hands!
Q: Why did the raccoon get a job at the carwash? A: He heard they offered competitive wages and all-you-can-eat trash!
Q: What’s a raccoon’s favorite kind of music? A: Anything they can trash-talk to!
Q: Why did the raccoon cross the road? A: To get to the tastier trash cans on the other side!
Q: What do you call a group of raccoons planning a heist? A: A mask-erade ball!
Q: Why are raccoons always getting in trouble? A: They’re notorious trash talkers!
Q: How is a raccoon like a thief in the night? A: They’re both masked and after your valuables… just not the kind you’d expect!
Q: What’s a raccoon’s favorite movie? A: Guardians of the Trash-laxy!
Q: Why did the raccoon fail his driving test? A: He kept trying to parallel park in the dumpster!
Q: Why did the raccoon get kicked out of the library? A: He kept trying to check out books with his sticky little paws!
Q: What’s black, white, and trashy all over? A: A raccoon who just hit the jackpot!
Q: What position does a raccoon play in baseball? A: Catcher, of course! They’re experts at snagging things.
Q: Why don’t raccoons ever tell secrets in a cornfield? A: Because the corn has ears, and the potatoes have eyes!

Dad Jokes about Raccoon: Guaranteed to Trash Your Mood

You know, they should call raccoon circles “trash pandasmonium.”
My wife got mad at me for feeding the raccoons in the backyard. I said, “Hey, I was just taking out the trash pandas!”
A raccoon walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water and a straw. Bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The raccoon says, “What? You have a drink called Steve?”
Why are raccoons always invited to parties? Because they’re excellent trash talkers!
What’s a raccoon’s favorite kind of music? Anything with a good beat… because they love to drum on trash cans!
My son asked me if raccoons eat snails. I said, “I don’t know, they move too fast for me to see!”
What’s the difference between a raccoon and a tax collector? One washes its hands before dinner, and the other washes its dinner before it eats!
My wife asked me how to pronounce “raccoon” correctly. I said, “It depends, are you talking about the animal or the car?”
What do you call a raccoon who’s a master chef? A trash-panda gourmet!
Why didn’t the raccoon go to work? He called in sick – said he was feeling a little “trashy.”
Saw a raccoon wearing a mask in the park today. Guess he wasn’t taking any chances, even outdoors.
What’s a raccoon’s favorite Shakespeare play? Hamlet… because they love a good “To be or not to be” garbage feast!
My neighbor keeps accusing my dog of tipping over his garbage cans. I told him, “Don’t be silly, it’s those racoons framing him!”
Heard a rumor about a secret society of raccoons planning world domination. They call themselves “The Trash Masters.”
What’s black and white and red all over? A raccoon who’s really embarrassed about getting caught in the trash!
Why did the raccoon cross the road? To get to the other side… where the garbage is probably tastier!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Raccoon: For Trash Pandas and Trash Talk

“Never trust a raccoon with a shopping list. They always have ‘take-out’ on their minds.”
“Raccoons: Proof that you can be adorable and a public menace at the same time.”
“I’m not saying my life is trash, but a raccoon did try to drag it away last night.”
“My spirit animal is a raccoon. We both like shiny things and napping in weird places.”
“Heard there’s a new heist movie coming out…starring a group of raccoons. It’s called ‘Guardians of the Trash Galaxy’.”
“My therapist told me to confront my demons. Turns out, they have tiny hands, wear masks, and steal my cat food.”
“If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you raccoons, invest in heavy-duty trash cans.”
“Just saw a raccoon wearing a tiny tuxedo. Must be going to the Trash Panda Prom.”
“Raccoon dating app tagline: ‘Looking for someone to knock over trash cans and steal grapes with’.”
“What do you call a raccoon who’s really good at parkour? A trash-robat!”
“My sleep schedule is basically identical to a raccoon’s. We’re both up all night causing mischief.”
“It’s always a ‘masked bandit’ situation when you leave your snacks unattended around here…” (whispers) “Raccoons.”
“Friendship goals: Be the kind of friend that helps a raccoon escape a trash can, instead of filming it.”
“Don’t be fooled by their cuteness. Those little bandits are plotting their next heist as we speak.”
“My neighbors think I have a cat problem. It’s not cats, it’s a very organized gang of raccoons wearing tiny cat costumes.”
“Raccoons are basically furry little ninjas with a penchant for shiny objects and mischief.”
“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. Unless you’re a raccoon. Then it’s always trash…and they love it.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Raccoon: For Trash Pandas Only

A raccoon in hand is worth two in your trash. (Because let’s be honest, you’re not getting them out empty-handed).
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a raccoon confused about your garbage schedule.
Don’t judge a raccoon by its mask, but by the treasures it has stashed.
The early bird might get the worm, but the raccoon gets the leftovers… and the unattended picnic basket.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Where there’s trash, there’s a very happy raccoon.
A watched pot never boils, and neither does a raccoon in your compost bin… unless it’s really, really hungry.
You can lead a raccoon to water, but it’d rather raid your unattended cooler.
One man’s trash is a raccoon’s all-you-can-eat buffet.
Curiosity killed the cat, but it made the raccoon a master thief.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it belongs to someone offering a raccoon a marshmallow. (Those are serious business).
Good things come to those who wait, but raccoons usually just sneak in and take them.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, especially if you’re a raccoon whose favorite dumpster just got emptied.
Love is blind, but raccoons have terrible eyesight anyway. (Explains the trash-can love affairs).
A penny saved is a penny earned, unless a raccoon mistakes it for shiny garbage.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. That’s the raccoon motto for getting into your bird feeder.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but a raccoon can dismantle a campsite in an afternoon.
Life is like a box of chocolates, and raccoons are the ones who ate all the good ones.

Raccoon Double Entendres Puns: Trash Talk Included

“I tried to join a raccoon support group, but they said I wasn’t trashy enough.” (Plays on raccoons being associated with garbage)
“This heist is going to be legendary! We’re gonna be the Oceans Eleven of the raccoon world.” (Refers to raccoons’ reputation for being clever thieves)
“Dating a raccoon is intense. One minute it’s all cuddles and stolen snacks, the next they’re washing their food in your drink.” (Plays on raccoons’ habit of “washing” their food)
“He thought he could pull one over on me in the used car lot? Please, I’m practically a raccoon when it comes to spotting a bargain.” (Alludes to raccoons’ ability to find and procure things)
“I asked the librarian for books on raccoon mating rituals. She gave me a weird look and whispered, ‘They’re in the stacks.’ I still don’t get it.” (Wordplay on stacks of books and raccoons’ agility)
“Don’t tell my boss, but I’m starting a raccoon-themed escape room. Let’s just say I’ve got a lot of experience with breaking out of tight spots.” (References raccoons being known for getting into enclosed spaces)
“My love life is like a raccoon in a dumpster – messy, unpredictable, and I usually end up with something I didn’t expect.” (Highlights the chaotic and surprise-filled nature of both)
“Sure, they’re cute and fuzzy, but never trust a raccoon with your heart. They’re masters of mask-erade.” (Wordplay on “mascarade” and raccoons’ facial markings)
“I’m convinced my landlord is a raccoon in disguise. He’s always lurking around, and the rent seems to vanish into thin air every month.” (Plays on raccoons being stealthy and rent being a “taken” resource)
“He said he was a self-made millionaire. I knew he was lying when I saw his car – a beat-up minivan with a bumper sticker that said ‘I brake for raccoons.'” (Implies a less glamorous lifestyle than a millionaire’s)
“My dreams are like raccoons – wild, unpredictable, and often involve me rummaging through things I shouldn’t.” (Connects the unpredictable nature of dreams with raccoons’ behavior)
“They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Look into a raccoon’s eyes and you’ll see nothing but pure, unadulterated mischief.” (Plays on the mischievous perception of raccoons)
“My attempt at gardening is going poorly. Let’s just say I’m attracting more raccoons than tomatoes.” (Implies the garden is being raided by raccoons)
“They told me I could be anything I wanted to be. So, I became a raccoon whisperer. Now if only I could get them to pay their therapy bills…” (Humorously assigns human-like qualities to raccoons)
“Life is like a box of chocolates, and I’m feeling like a raccoon – always going for the ones with the nutty, caramel-filled centers.” (Compares indulging in life’s pleasures with raccoons’ food preferences)

Funny Raccoon Tom Swifties: Trash Talking Edition

“That raccoon stole my wallet!” Tom said, purse-onally offended.
“The raccoon ate all the trash!” Tom exclaimed trashed-ly.
“Look at that raccoon’s little hands,” Tom remarked dexterously.
“I saw the raccoon climb that tree in seconds!” Tom stated swiftly.
“That raccoon seems to be napping,” Tom observed sleepily.
“That raccoon only comes out at night,” Tom whispered darkly.
“The raccoon just wants to be friends,” Tom said amiably.
“That raccoon certainly loves those grapes,” Tom mused vine-ly.
“The raccoon is covered in mud,” Tom declared filthily.
“The raccoon family is right on time for dinner,” Tom noted punctually.
“I think the raccoon wants to share its cookie,” Tom offered crumbily.
“That raccoon got into the cat food again,” Tom sighed, canned-idly.
“The raccoon escaped through the doggy door!” Tom exclaimed doggone-ly.
“See how the raccoon washes its food?” Tom questioned cleanly.
“That raccoon looks exactly like the one from last night,” Tom said mask-ingly.
“I think I outsmarted that raccoon,” Tom said triumphantly, grabbing his uneaten sandwich.

Knock-knock Jokes about Raccoon for Kids

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-ize your blessings, it’s Friday!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-mend you lock your trash cans tonight!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon you open this jar? My little paws aren’t strong enough!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-sider a career change, this mask-wearing gig is getting old!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-cile yourself with the fact I’m stealing these snacks!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-nect with your wild side, dig through some garbage!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-struct this mess I made in your garden? Never!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-d of mind, all I want is that delicious compost!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-ize this fur coat? I think it’s last year’s style.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-siderate of you to leave the cat food outside!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-vene at my place for a midnight snack, bring the kibble!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-noying, this lock on your pet door is!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-cile your differences with squirrels, there’s plenty of nuts to go around!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-firm your address, this looks like the right trash can…
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-struct your thinking, raccoons ARE cute!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon-gratulations on having the tastiest garbage on the block!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Raccoon. Raccoon who? Raccoon you believe it’s already trash day again?! Time to feast!