125+ Squash Jokes & Puns: You've Been Served!

Get ready to giggle because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of squash puns this side of the vine! We’ve got more humor than a pumpkin patch on Halloween, and each joke is guaranteed to be funnier than the last (well, we tried our best!). So, prepare your funny bone, embrace your silly side, and get ready for some squash-tastic puns. Did you know? A squash is technically a fruit because it contains seeds! Now that’s some food for thought (and laughter). Let’s dive in!

Top Squash Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Fresh From the Vine

What happens when you get stepped on by a giant squash? You get squashed 😅
Why did the squash cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken! 🐔
I tried to explain a pun about squash… It went right over their head! 🤯
What’s a squash’s favorite type of music? Anything BUT squash rock! 🎶
Felt really squashed in that elevator… Good thing it wasn’t a long ride! 🏢
Don’t invite a squash to a party… They’ll hog all the dip! 🫕
That squash competition was intense! Talk about a heated match! 🔥
What do you call a lazy squash? Couch potato, obviously! 🥔
Heard a rumor about a squash winning an Olympic medal… Must be squash gossip! 🤫
Life is like a game of squash… You never know how it’ll bounce! 🎾
Went to a squash restaurant… Everything was served on a racket! 🍽️
My friend said he was afraid of squash… I told him, “Get a grip!” 💪
That squash is starting to look a little past its prime… Time to compost the evidence! 🗑️
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A squash saying “Squawk!” 🦜
Did you hear about the squash who became a lawyer? He’s now a gourd-ian! 🧑‍⚖️
Why did the squash quit playing music? It kept getting mashed! 😫
I’m starting a squash band… We’re called “The Pumpkins!” 🎃

Funny Squash Jokes With One Liner Clever Squash Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Squash One-Liner Jokes To Make You Laugh

I tried to make squash soup in my food processor, but it just ended up being a big racket.
What’s a squash’s favorite genre of music? Anything BUT heavy metal!
Why did the squash lose the staring contest? He blinked first!
My friend told me squash is good for your eyesight. I’m starting to see the appeal.
Did you hear about the squash that went to court? It was trying to squash the competition!
I’m starting a squash band called “The Pumpkins.” We’re sure to be a smash hit!
Never underestimate a squash, it might be small, but it has the potential to squash your dreams of victory!
I tried to explain to my friend how squash is grown, but he just wouldn’t vine to my way of thinking.
What do you get if you cross a squash with a sheep? A gourd-geous sweater!
You know you’ve been playing too much squash when you start seeing court lines everywhere.
I’m making a squash sculpture. I call it “Abstract Gourd.”
My attempts at growing squash have been fruitless… literally.
Why did the squash blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
The squash was feeling insecure about its size. It needed some gourd-geous encouragement!
My friend said I should try squash, because it’s all the rage. I said, “Calm down, it’s not that gourd-breaking!”

QnA Jokes & Puns about Squash: Get Ready to Giggle Gourd Times

Q: Why did the squash go rolling down the hill? A: Because it lost its squash-buckle!
Q: Why did the butternut squash win the beauty contest? A: It had the most a-peeling complexion!
Q: What do you call a dishonest zucchini? A: A squashbuckler!
Q: Why don’t they play cards in the squash court? A: Because someone always ends up saying, “A-corni-ng!”
Q: Why did the squash go to the doctor? A: Because it felt like it was going to sprout!
Q: What’s a squash’s favourite music? A: Anything but squash metal!
Q: What did the acorn squash say to the butternut squash? A: Hey! You’re looking gourd-geous today!
Q: How did the squash family get to the farmer’s market? A: They rode in a courgette!
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A butternut squash! (“Butternut…butternut…”)
Q: What happens when two squashes have a competition? A: It’s always a squash match!
Q: Why was the baby squash crying? A: It was having a real wail of a gourd time!
Q: Why did the squash cross the road? A: It saw a salad dressing it liked on the other side!
Q: Have you heard about the squash musician? A: He really rocked the gourd!
Q: How do you fix a broken squash? A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Why didn’t the squash get invited to the party? A: It was known to hog all the dip!
Q: What’s a squash’s favorite sport? A: Racket-ball, of course!
Q: I just bought a new car with extra seating. What should I name it? A: The Squash Mobile!

Dad Jokes about Squash: Get Ready to Groan

I tried to make squash soup in the bathtub once… I regret to say it was a total organizational failure.
Why did the butternut squash get sent to his room? He sass-quashed his mother!
Heard a rumor that squash is good for your eyesight… Gotta see it to believe it!
My kid asked me how to make squash less messy… I told him, “Practice, son. It’s all about squash-nique.”
Went to a party with all my vegetable friends. It was a real… squash mob.
Someone stole my recipe for butternut squash risotto! Now I’m absolutely… crushed.
My wife said I was watching too much tennis on TV. I told her it was only fair since she’s obsessed with competitive squash. She said, “We need to talk.” Apparently, it was a trick… and there’s no such thing as competitive squash!
Tried to explain to my son that you can’t make a real car out of squash… He looked awfully sad, so I reassured him, “Hey, maybe some day… it’s not out of your gourd yet.”
For Halloween, I’m going as a giant squash. I think it’ll be a… smashing success.
What do you call a group of squashes playing music? A squash-ket!
My son told me he was starting a squash-throwing business… I told him, “Sounds interesting, but what’s your business model?”
Just bought the world’s largest squash… It’s officially the biggest gourd on the market!
Why are squash such bad dancers? Because they have no rhythm gourd!
I’m making a car powered entirely by squash. It’s still in development, but I’m hoping it will really… pump-kin things up.
My friend tried to convince me that squash is a fruit. I told him, “Quit trying to mislead me, that’s acorn-sense!”
I used to play squash, but I had to quit… Couldn’t handle the raquet-eers!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Squash: Guaranteed to Squash Your Boredom

“I’m not saying I’m good at squash, but I can make a racket.”
“What’s a squash player’s favorite type of music? Anything but squash!”
“Life is like a game of squash – you get served, you try not to get squashed, and occasionally you have a smashing time.”
“I used to think squash was a vegetable… Turns out, it’s a workout in disguise.”
“My workout routine: Squash, then collapse.”
“Just saw a ghost on the squash court. Guess you could say he was… transparently out of bounds.”
“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot cheering at a squash match!”
“My opponent keeps winning points by barely hitting the ball. Talk about a soft touch!”
“You know you play too much squash when your dreams are in four-walled dimensions.”
“My love life is like my squash game – constantly hitting a wall.”
“I’m not sure what’s more satisfying, a perfect drop shot or watching your opponent completely miss the ball.”
“The only thing harder than playing squash? Explaining the rules of squash.”
“Hitting the ball so hard it comes back to your side before your opponent moves? That’s what I call a ‘squashbuckling’ return!”
“Went to a squash-themed party. It was… intense. And there were a lot of racquets.”
“You know you need to work on your fitness when the squash ball is in better shape than you are after a game.”
“Sure, size matters. Especially when you’re trying to fit your ego back into the car after losing a squash match.”
“Squash: The only sport where you can work up a sweat inside a box.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Squash: Guaranteed to Squash Your Boredom

A watched squash never boils… it just stares back at you with judgmental seeds.
Don’t judge a squash by its color, judge it by how badly it makes you cry when you chop onions next to it.
You can lead a zucchini to water, but you can’t make it squash its fear of the deep end.
The early bird gets the worm, but the patient gardener gets the prize-winning butternut squash.
A squash in hand is worth two in the compost bin… unless you forgot about them for a month, then it’s just a science experiment.
Many hands make light work, especially when wrestling a giant zucchini onto the scale at the county fair.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a perfect pumpkin pie… unless you count opening a can “building” from scratch.
Don’t cry over spilled milk, cry over accidentally pureeing your prize-winning squash for soup.
Too many cooks spoil the broth, but too many squash just make a really heavy wheelbarrow.
Good things come to those who wait, but even better squash comes to those with aggressive pest control.
The squeakiest wheel gets the grease, but the loudest squash at the farmer’s market gets the blue ribbon (and probably a noise complaint).
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you squash… you’re going to need a bigger recipe book.
Curiosity killed the cat, but a lack of curiosity will leave you wondering what the heck to do with that spaghetti squash.
You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole, and you definitely can’t fit a giant zucchini in your crisper drawer without playing veggie Tetris.
All good things must come to an end, like that giant pot of squash soup you made… in two weeks, maybe.

Squash Double Entendres Puns: Served With a Side of Racket

“I tried to join the squash tournament, but they said I wasn’t ripe for competition yet.” (Playing on the dual meaning of squash as a sport and a fruit/vegetable)
“This elevator is so crowded, I feel like I’m in a game of squash, but without the rackets.” (Squash as a sport known for close quarters)
“I’m not saying my car is small, but I have to use squash tactics to parallel park.” (Squashing something to fit and the tactics of the sport)
“Dating a ghost is weird. Every time I try to hold her hand, I just squash the moment.” (Crushing a moment and physically squashing)
“My dreams of becoming a professional squash player were squashed when I realized I had zero hand-eye coordination.” (Dreams being crushed and a literal squash game)
“I told my friend his new girlfriend was bad news, but he wouldn’t listen. Now he’s just a squash buckle on her designer handbag.” (Controlled by someone and referring to decorative squash)
“Trying to have a rational argument with my toddler is like playing squash with a marshmallow. Messy, unpredictable, and ultimately pointless.” (Squash as chaotic and the act of physically squashing)
“My attempt at baking a squash pie was an epic fail. It looked like I’d just let a toddler play squash with the crust.” (Ruined pie and a literal game)
“They say opposites attract, which is probably why I fell for a guy built like a refrigerator. I, on the other hand, resemble a particularly fragile butternut squash.” (Body shape comparison to a squash)
“My therapist told me to squash my negative thoughts. I told her I preferred to pickle them and put them on a cheese board.” (Getting rid of thoughts and preparing squash for eating)
“My boss told me to ‘think outside the box.’ I told him I preferred to ‘think inside the squash,’ it’s much cozier.” (Thinking differently and referring to the inside of a large squash)
“Love is like a game of squash: intense, unpredictable, and you usually end up sweaty and slightly bruised.” (Physicality of the game compared to the ups and downs of love)
“My diet is going great! This week, I’ve successfully replaced all my bad habits with squash. Now I just sit around feeling orange and judging people.” (Eating squash and the stereotype of a judgmental person)
“I’m writing a horror novel about a killer squash that rolls around town, squashing people. It’s going to be called ‘The Great Pumpkin Massacre.'” (Playing on the size and weight of a large squash and a horror movie trope)
“My love life is like a neglected squash in the back of the fridge: wrinkled, forgotten, and slightly mushy.” (State of a neglected squash and a failing love life)
“Breaking up with someone is never easy. It’s always awkward, emotional, and you usually end up feeling like you got run over by a squash.” (Emotional turmoil and physically being squashed)
“Life is like a game of squash: you never know what’s going to be thrown at you, so you just have to roll with it… unless it’s an actual squash, then you should probably duck.” (Life’s unpredictability and playing squash)

Funny Squash Tom Swifties: Served with a Racket of Laughter

“I need to get my racquet restrung,” Tom said tautly.
“This game is more one-sided than I expected,” Tom said squashily.
“My opponent is really putting me through the wringer,” Tom said pressingly.
“I’m starting to feel the pressure,” Tom said, with a strained expression.
“Don’t serve it there! It’s out!” Tom called crossly.
“I completely dominated that last set,” Tom boasted winningly.
“That’s the third time I’ve hit the ball into the tin!” Tom groaned metallically.
“Did you see that lightning-fast volley?” Tom asked quickly.
“I can’t believe I lost the match on a double fault,” Tom said dejectedly.
“I’m going to squash you like a bug!” Tom declared menacingly.
“Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing,” Tom said ruthlessly.
“Did you bring enough water?” Tom asked thirst-quenchingly.
“That was a really close call!” Tom exclaimed narrowly.
“Let’s get this game started!” Tom said eagerly.
“I’ve been practicing my backhand all week,” Tom said reversedly.
“This court plays a lot faster than I’m used to,” Tom said speedily.
“I’m completely exhausted,” Tom said flatly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Squash You’ll Love

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your face! Just kidding, let me in!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash you miss me? I brought cookies!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Actually, it’s zucchini, but don’t tell anyone I’m impersonating a squash!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your worries, I brought pizza!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash I say, open this door right now!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your bad mood, it’s time for fun!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash it good to see you, come give me a hug!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your doubts, I come in peace (and with snacks!).
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash those negative thoughts, you’re awesome!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your boredom, I brought a board game!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash the competition, we’re having a squash-off!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your disbelief, I actually grew this giant zucchini myself!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash those tears, there’s always more squash soup!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash your fears, it’s just a little vegetable!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash the silence, let’s have a good laugh!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Squash. Squash who? Squash you later! (Run away quickly!)