Rock the Laughs: 230+ Stone-ishing Jokes & Puns!

Welcome to the “Best” list of “Puns about” stones! Get ready to rock and roll with laughter as we share some of the most “humorous” and “funny” jokes about these inanimate objects. Don’t worry, these jokes are appropriate for “kids” of all ages, so feel free to share them at your next family gathering. From clever wordplay to positive punchlines, this list is guaranteed to have you “cracking” up. So, without further ado, let’s dive into this rock-solid collection of hilarious “stone jokes”!

Rock Your Socks Off with These Laugh-Worthy Stone Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks!

1. How did the geologist react when he found out he won the lottery? He was rolling in the dough.
2. Why did the stone always feel exhausted? It was always so sedimentary.
3. What did the rock say when it was feeling down? I need a little pebble-up.
4. Did you hear about the pet rock that got lost? It was a quarry tell.
5. I asked the geologist if he wanted to grab lunch, but he said he was busy studying rocks. I guess he’s really stuck on his work.
6. I couldn’t resist buying that sculpture made of petrified wood. It’s a real gem.
7. What did one boulder say to the other? I’m glad we have such a rock-solid friendship.
8. I don’t trust atoms, they make up everything. But I do trust rocks, they’re the foundation of everything.
9. What did the sedimentary rock say when it got lost? I really need to get a quarry map.
10. I tried to take a picture of some granite, but it kept photobombing me.
11. Did you hear about the mineral that went to therapy? It had some issues with its self-esteem.
12. Why was the geologist always sad? He had a lot of pressure on his shoulders.
13. What do you call a pile of rocks in a sneaker? A boulder-socks.
14. I’m glad I’m not a rock, I wouldn’t want to be taken for granite.
15. Why was the cliff such a great storyteller? It had a lot of shale-ing experiences.
16. I overheard some rocks talking about their favorite music genre. One said, “I’m into heavy metal.”
17. Did you hear about the mineral that got in a fight with another mineral? It was really charged up.
18. What did the sedimentary rock say when it was turned into a statue? That’s not what I meant by being petrified.
19. I don’t trust sandstone, it’s too unstable. It’s always shifting.
20. Why did the geologist go on a diet? He was tired of carrying around so much schist.

Rock Your World with These Hilarious ‘Funny Stone’ One-Liner Jokes!

1. Why did the geologist quit his job? He couldn’t take the pressure.
2. I thought it was weird when rocks started telling dad jokes, until I realized they were just being pun-rock-tual.
3. The rock concert was a smashing success.
4. The stone had a rough night – it was feeling pretty sedimental.
5. What did the avocado say to the geologist? “You rock my world.”
6. I have a lot of rocks in my collection, but my favorite is the singing one. It’s a little rock and roll.
7. Did you hear about the geologist who opened a restaurant? The food was great, but the service was a little boulder.
8. The geologist was always so busy, he never took time for granite.
9. Why did the limestone refuse to talk? It had a calcite-it.
10. I asked the rock if it wanted to go to the party, but it said it was stoned.
11. What did the geologist say when his shovel broke? “Well, that’s a little un-granite.”
12. Rocks are the ultimate hipsters – they’re always cliff-hanging.
13. The rock was feeling insecure, but then it realized it was just going through a phase.
14. Why did the pet rock go to therapy? It was feeling a little metamporp-HISS-ed.
15. Did you hear about the mineral that kept failing its tests? It had a quartz-er-grade-ation.
16. People often say I have a heart of stone, but I prefer to think of it as being unbreakable.
17. The geologist had a rock-star moment when she discovered a new mineral.
18. The rock thought it had a great sense of humor, until someone told it that its jokes were a little rocky.
19. What do you call a stone that thinks it’s a philosopher? Sedi-mental.
20. The pet rock was always so still and silent, it was like it was sedi-mentalizing.

Rock Your World with These Hilarious QnA Jokes & Puns about Stone!

1. Why did the pebble decide to go on a diet? Because it wanted to become a rolling stone!
2. How do you make a rock laugh? Tickle its funny bone!
3. Why don’t stones play hide and seek? Because they’re always stoned!
4. What did the geologist say when he found a new type of rock? This one rocks!
5. What do you call a funny stone? A comedian-dite!
6. Why was the boulder feeling lonely? Because it didn’t have any pebbles to hang out with!
7. Did you hear about the geologist who got stuck between two boulders? He was caught between a rock and a hard place!
8. How do you turn a stone into a musical instrument? By giving it some rock and roll!
9. What did the stone say when it was afraid of getting wet? I’m just petrified!
10. How do you know if a rock is a male or female? It has a little fracture!
11. What do you call a group of stoned rocks? A rock band!
12. Why did the stone break up with the other stone? Because it was taking her for granite!
13. How do you catch a rock? With a rock and roll-net!
14. Did you hear about the stone that told dad jokes? It was always on the pun-ter!
15. What type of stoner gives you the cold shoulder? An icicle!
16. Why are rocks good at math? Because they always know their angles!
17. What did the rock say when it got married? I’ll never take you for granite!
18. Why did the stone refuse to dance? Because it had no moves!
19. How do you organize a rock concert? You set up a rock-paper-scissors tournament!
20. Why did the boulder go to therapy? It had some rock-bottom issues to work through!

Rock your dad’s world with these hilarious jokes about ‘Stone’

1. Why did the stone go to therapy? Because it had a lot of issues to work out.
2. Did you hear about the stone who couldn’t keep a job? It was always getting laid off.
3. I heard a rumor that all the rocks started a band. But they couldn’t get any gigs because they had no igneous.
4. Why did the geologist go on a diet? Because he couldn’t stop eating his rock collection.
5. What did one stone say to the other? Nothing, they just gave each other a pebble.
6. How did the stone fix its broken arm? With mineral cast.
7. Did you hear about the rock who won the marathon? It was a real boulder dash.
8. What do you call a stone that plays guitar? A rock star.
9. Why don’t stones ever quarrel with each other? They don’t like to take things for granite.
10. How does a rock greet another rock? With a high gravel-five.
11. What do you call two rocks that are inseparable? Pebble-mates.
12. Why did the stone go to school? To become boulder.
13. What do you call a stone that’s been knighted? Sir Limestone.
14. Did you hear about the rock that went on strike? It was tired of being taken for granite.
15. What do you call a group of stoners? A rock band.
16. Why did the stone refuse to jump off the cliff? It was afraid of sedimental attachment.
17. How does a stone stay healthy? It gets a lot of mineral supplements.
18. What did the rock say when it saw a meteor? “Ore my goodness!”
19. Why did the stone go to the beach? To get a little sand and tan.
20. What did the geologist say when someone asked if they could borrow a rock? “I’m sorry, I can’t lend-a-stone.”

Rock Your World with Hilarious ‘Stone’ Sayings!

1. “I may be as cold as a stone, but at least I’m not as hard-headed as one.”
2. “I’m not stoned, I’m just on a different wavelength.”
3. “My patience is like a stone – it only lasts so long.”
4. “My heart is made of stone, but my wit is as sharp as a diamond.”
5. “I like my men like I like my stones – hard and rough around the edges.”
6. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be stoned, how about you?”
7. “I may be a rolling stone, but I still gather plenty of moss.”
8. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me…unless someone throws a dictionary at me.”
9. “I have a heart of stone, but it’s just because I’m trying to save on heating bills.”
10. “I thought I hit rock bottom, but it turns out it was just a pebble.”
11. “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy – I don’t want to take any chances with my stony exterior.”
12. “I’ve been called cold as ice, but at least my drinks are never watered down.”
13. “Never underestimate the power of a determined woman and a good cup of coffee…or a strategic stone.”
14. “I like my coffee how I like my men – strong, dark, and with no cream or sugar.”
15. “I don’t have trust issues, I have stone-cold intuition.”
16. “My mother always told me I had a heart of gold…but it’s really just a lot of kidney stones.”
17. “I prefer my drama to be fictional…like a good stoner movie.”
18. “They say time heals all wounds, but I bet those people never stepped on a Lego.”
19. “Don’t treat me like a stepping stone, treat me like a skipping stone – skip me along to better things.”
20. “I don’t need a high school reunion to show off my success – I have Facebook for that.”

Rock Your World with these Hilarious Proverbs and Clever Sayings about Stones

1. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it does collect a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.
2. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless they’re both stoned out of their minds.
3. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it skip stones.
4. If you give someone a stone instead of bread, they’ll probably break their teeth trying to eat it.
5. People who live in glass houses should definitely not throw stones.
6. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but throwing stones at your ex’s car makes it grow even fonder.
7. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will just make me cry.
8. A stone’s throw away is much closer than a rock’s toss away.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese that’s probably hidden under a pile of stones.
10. It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes one kid to break a neighbor’s window with a stone.
11. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but throwing an apple-sized stone at them will definitely ensure their distance.
12. Blood is thicker than water, but not as thick as a brick wall or a stone block.
13. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you can definitely use it to prop up a garden gnome made out of stone.
14. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’ll just start throwing stones.
15. The early bird gets the worm, but the clever bird uses a stone to knock it out of the sky.
16. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Probably because it threw a stone at whatever scared it in the first place.
17. Variety is the spice of life, unless all the spices are actually just stones.
18. A watched pot never boils, but an unwatched pot will probably end up cracking your stovetop or breaking a nearby stone.
19. Beauty is only skin deep, but a well-placed rock can cause some serious bruising.
20. Good things come to those who wait, but even better things come to those who throw a stone at the vending machine until the candy finally falls down.

Rolling in Laughter: Hilarious Stone Double Entendres Puns!

1. “I’m sorry, I can’t come to the party tonight, I’m feeling a little stoned.”
2. “That professor really knows how to rock a lecture.”
3. “I can’t believe he asked me to marry him with a ring that small, he must have rocks for brains.”
4. “I hope you’re ready to work hard, because this job is going to be a total grind.”
5. “I may have hit rock bottom, but at least I’m not boulder.”
6. “I tried to lift that boulder, but it was too shale for me.”
7. “Did you hear about the guy who got high on gravel? He said he was pebble-toned.”
8. “Don’t be such a brick, I’m sure you’ll find another one to marry.”
9. “I thought I saw a ghost last night, but it was just a figment of my imagination.”
10. “I never get stoned at the beach, I always prefer sand.”
11. “Why did the geologist break up with his girlfriend? He said she was too clingy and he needed more space.”
12. “I can’t go climbing today, I have Stone-itis.”
13. “Did you hear about the rock band that broke up? They couldn’t handle the pressure and crumbled under it.”
14. “I don’t know if I can trust him, he’s as slippery as a smooth stone.”
15. “I really need to get a new phone, this one is too rocky and keeps dropping calls.”
16. “I used to be afraid of rocks, but now I’m pretty sedimental about them.”
17. “How do you know if a rock is male or female? Just give it a squeeze and see if it’s marble or granite.”
18. “I have to admit, that was a pretty clever pun, it really rocked my world.”
19. “Why was the statue feeling down? Because he was feeling a little concretely depressed.”
20. “I can’t believe you’re giving up on your dream of becoming a geologist, that’s just another rock in your road to success.”

Let’s get stoned on these recursive puns about stones!

1. Why did the rock have a bad attitude? Because it was stuck in a hard place!
2. What did the geologist say when he found a limestone? “This is sedimentally amazing!”
3. Why did the marble feel depressed? Because it was just dumped by its quarry!
4. What do you call a stone that gets lost? A pebble in the rough!
5. How does a stone keep track of its appointments? With a rock-clock!
6. What do you get when you cross a stone and a tree? A petrified forest!
7. Why did the boulder yell at the tiny rock? Because it wanted to crush its dreams!
8. How do you make friends with a giant stone? You just have to be sedimentary to its needs!
9. Why did the rock skip its breakfast? Because it was trying to stay on in-cobblestone!
10. What do you call a rock band that only plays sad songs? The Lamented Stones!
11. Why do rocks make great comedians? Because they have such dry humor!
12. What did the pebble say when it joined a rock band? “I’m really stoned right now!”
13. Why did the sculpture feel insulted? Because it heard someone call it “limestone-y!”
14. How does a rock express its love? It gives its crush a pebble of its heart!
15. What do you call it when two rocks go on a date? Sedimentary!
16. Why did the kid throw a tantrum in the quarry? Because they wouldn’t let him take a sandstone home!
17. How do you know if a stone is happy? It’s always grinning from ear to boulder!
18. What do you get when you mix a rock and gooey melted cheese? A rocken bola!
19. Why did the piled-up stones feel exhausted? Because they were getting stoned!
20. What does a stone say when it stubs its toe? “I’m so rocks-sured!”

Stone Cold Humor: Crafting Clever Tom Swifties with a Touch of Wit

1. “I can’t believe my statue disappeared,” Tom said stonily.
2. “I’ll never take my pet rock for granite again,” Tom said stonewalled.
3. “I’ve been living under a rock all these years,” Tom said stonefaced.
4. “This is the oldest stone tool known to man,” Tom said petrified.
5. “I can’t lift this giant boulder,” Tom said gravely.
6. “I’m getting stoned later,” Tom said defiantly.
7. “I’m feeling a little rocky today,” Tom said unsteadily.
8. “I’m feeling stonewalled by this puzzle,” Tom said bewilderedly.
9. “I need to cut down on my rock collection,” Tom said gravely.
10. “I’m going to rock this exam,” Tom said confidently.
11. “I think I’m turning into a statue,” Tom said stoned-faced.
12. “I’m the king of the stone age,” Tom said flintily.
13. “My pet rock is my only friend,” Tom said stone-heartedly.
14. “I can’t believe I got stoned by a pebble,” Tom said incredulously.
15. “I’m not made of glass, I’m made of stone,” Tom said adamantly.
16. “I’m going to make a stone cold decision,” Tom said resolutely.
17. “I’ve hit rock bottom,” Tom said dejectedly.
18. “I feel like a stone in a shoe,” Tom said uncomfortably.
19. “I’m the stone in the shoe of progress,” Tom said stubbornly.
20. “I’m going to party like a rolling stone tonight,” Tom said excitedly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone-cold punchline ready to make you chuckle.

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone Age called, they want their jokes back!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stonehenge! How did you forget me?
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stoney McStonerson, ready for another round?
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone cold killer coming through!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stonehenge again, just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget about me.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Sorry, wrong house. I was looking for Fred Flintstone.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone Age, where dinosaurs still rule. Watch out!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stonewall Jackson, reporting for duty!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Rocky Balboa, at your service.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? The Rolling Stones, here to rock your world.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? The Stone Cold Fox, reporting for duty.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stonemason, here to build our friendship.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone-faced killer, waiting to crack you up.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? The Flintstones, yabba dabba doo!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stony Stark, inventor of the Iron Throne.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone Wall, standing strong and tall.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Rocky Road, ready to take you on a delicious adventure.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stone Age teenager, stuck in a modern world.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? Stoner, always on a high note.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stone. Stone who? The Stone-cold truth, I just made up all of these jokes!

Rock Your Senses with These Hilarious Stone-tinged Malapropisms

1. “I’ll kill two stones with one bird.”
2. “You’re between a stone and a hard place.”
3. “She’s as stubborn as a stone in the mud.”
4. “He’s a rolling stone that gathers no frost.”
5. “I don’t want to rock the boat, but…”
6. “Don’t sit on that cactus, it’s a real stone in the butt.”
7. “He’s been living under a rock since high school.”
8. “Well that’s a different kettle of pebbles.”
9. “Let’s kill two turtles with one scone.”
10. “She’s a diamond in the rough, but closer to the metal.”
11. “I’m in a glass house, better not throw stones.”
12. “He’s got a heart of coal, that one.”
13. “She’s a real gem in the shade.”
14. “Don’t put all your eggs in one stone.”
15. “I’m stuck between a rock and a hard rock.”
16. “Let’s go break some wind on the beach.”
17. “I’m not the sharpest stone in the shed.”
18. “He’s got a chip on his shoulder, but I think it’s more of a pebble.”
19. “She’s the apple that doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
20. “I’m counting my chickens before they hatchling.”

Stone Cold Spoonerisms: Playful Wordplay to Keep You Rolling

1. “Stony Cone” instead of “Tony Stone”
2. “Scone Throne” instead of “Stone Cone”
3. “Bone Stoner” instead of “Stone Boner”
4. “Drone Stone” instead of “Stone Throne”
5. “Tone Scone” instead of “Stone Cone”
6. “Phone Stoner” instead of “Stone Phone”
7. “Loans Tome” instead of “Stone Looms”
8. “Clone Stone” instead of “Stone Clone”
9. “Gnome Stove” instead of “Stone Grove”
10. “Mozart’s Stove” instead of “Stone’s Moth”
11. “Tone Zone” instead of “Stone Zone”
12. “Bone Sticker” instead of “Stone Broker”
13. “Zone Scone” instead of “Stone Cone”
14. “Phone Toner” instead of “Stone Phone”
15. “Stark Boneyard” instead of “Stone Bayard”
16. “Moaning Stone” instead of “Stone Ming”
17. “Mushroom Stealer” instead of “Stone Mushroom”
18. “Lone Stoner” instead of “Stone Loner”
19. “Hone Stove” instead of “Stone Home”
20. “Cone Sloth” instead of “Stone Cloth”

Rock on with these stonerific puns!

Well, it looks like we’ve reached the end of our stone-cold collection of puns and jokes! Hopefully you’ve had a rockin’ good time and maybe even laughed until you pebbled your pants. But don’t worry, the fun doesn’t have to end here. Be sure to check out our other posts for even more pun-derful content. Until then, keep a solid sense of humor and remember – stoners will always have the best jokes 😉