100+ Train Jokes & Puns: Full Steam Ahead!

All aboard the laughter express! Get ready to embark on a journey filled with the best train puns and jokes this side of the locomotive. If you’re tired of the same old humor, it’s time to switch tracks and hop on board. We’ve got a whole list of clever and positive jokes that will have you chugging with glee. Did you know the world’s oldest operating steam locomotive is over 165 years old? Well, get ready for some jokes that are anything but dusty!

Top Train Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Choo-Choo-Choose Laughter

1. Never ask a train its age. It’ll go off on a tangent.
2. What’s a train’s favorite drink? Loco-motive.
3. I tried to catch the train to London. I ran out of steam.
4. Beware of railroad tracks. You’ll get trained for life.
5. That train’s got real drive! Shame it’s always running late.
6. Trains are always on track. They have ironclad schedules.
7. Parents told me to pursue my dreams. So I became a train conductor.
8. What do you call a happy train? Anything it wants to!
9. What’s a train’s favorite snack? Choo-choo chews!
10. Where do baby trains sleep? In the train-ing center!
11. That comedian’s train of thought derailed quickly.
12. Relationship on the rocks? Try taking a train trip together.
13. Afraid of heights? The fear of trains is much more down-to-earth.
14. Heard that musician on the train was amazing. Such a sound track.
15. Train station announcements: Your daily dose of track and field updates.

Funny Train One-Liner Jokes: Short & Loco-motive

1. I tried to catch the train of thought, but it left the station without me.
2. My friend said his workout routine was “on track,” but I think he needs to train of thought.
3. Why did the train go to the doctor? It went, “Ah-choo choo!”
4. I saw a sign that said “Watch for Trains.” How can they watch anything without eyes?
5. My friend said he was “trained” in wine tasting. Turns out, he just drinks really fast.
6. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet, even on the same train track!
7. You know, dating is a lot like riding a train. You have your missed connections, and sometimes, you end up on the wrong track entirely.
8. I tried explaining to my dog that the vacuum cleaner wasn’t a tiny, angry train. He didn’t buy it.
9. People who sleep on trains must have a really high tolerance for strangers’ dreams.
10. If you ever feel lonely, remember even a runaway train still has a track.
11. Why did the train get in trouble at school? It kept going off the rails.
12. I tried riding the emotional rollercoaster, but I ended up on the anxiety train instead. It’s a much bumpier ride.
13. You’re telling me a train can be powered by steam? Sounds like a lot of hot air to me!
14. What’s a train’s favorite snack? Cheetos, of course. They love anything cheesy.
15. Be careful not to make a train of thought too long, it might get derailed.
16. I’m starting to think my love life is a circular track. I keep ending up at the same destination: alone.
17. You’d think with all those cars, a train would be able to drive itself to the mechanic.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Train: Get On Track for Laughter

1. Q: Why did the train go to the doctor? A: It went, “Ah-choo choo!” and thought it might be engine-itis.
2. Q: What’s a train’s favorite type of candy? A: A Choco-locomotive!
3. Q: Why was the train always late? A: It kept missing its station in life.
4. Q: How do you find a missing train? A: Follow the tracks! What else are they there for?
5. Q: Why did the math book look so sad on the train? A: It was full of problems it couldn’t work out on the commute.
6. Q: What do you call a train with a sense of humor? A: A steam-powered laughing machine!
7. Q: Why don’t they play poker on trains anymore? A: Too many cheaters… and too many conductors!
8. Q: Did you hear about the train obsessed with cleaning? A: It loves keeping things on the right track.
9. Q: What’s a train conductor’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good tracklist!
10. Q: Why was the train conductor so good at his job? A: He really knew how to conduct himself!
11. Q: I want to name my pet parrot after a train part. Any suggestions? A: How about “Axel”? He’ll be the cutest little “bird” on wheels!
12. Q: What do you call a cow on a train track? A: A mis-steak! Hopefully, it moo-ves out of the way!
13. Q: If a train leaves New York going 60 mph, and another leaves Chicago at 70 mph… A: …Forget the trains, let’s go get some pizza!
14. Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle keep up with the train? A: It was twoTIRED!
15. Q: What do you call a magical train ride? A: An encantaboose journey!

Dad Jokes about Train: They’re Really Rail-arious

1. Why did the train go to the doctor? It went, “Ah-choo choo!”
2. I tried to catch the train to New York last week… But I was already on the wrong track!
3. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it for a ride on the train.
4. Did you hear about the restaurant on the train? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
5. What’s the most polite form of transportation? A train, because it always uses its “choo-choos” and “thank-yous.”
6. Why are trains such bad dancers? They have too much cargo!
7. I wanted to name my pet parrot after a train station… But my wife said, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s too Cheyenne!”
8. Where do baby trains sleep? In a choo-choo train bed!
9. Why did the train conductor punch a ticket with a hole in it? He wanted to pass the time.
10. Did you hear about the runaway train wheel? It’s still missing, but they’re on track to finding it!
11. I saw a sign that said, “Watch for Trains.” So I looked everywhere, but couldn’t find a single wristwatch!
12. How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks!
13. What do you call a train with a cold? A cough-cough-choo-choo!
14. What’s the difference between a train and a teacher? A teacher says “Spit that gum out” and a train says “CHEW CHEW!”
15. Why do trains always travel in straight lines? Because they can’t turn their heads!
16. Never take advice from a train… They’ll always steer you down the wrong track!
17. My son asked me what the fastest type of train is. I said, “A gravy train! Because it’s always on time!”

Funny Quotes and Captions about Train Travel

1. “I tried to catch the train to “On Time Land”… turns out it left without me.”
2. “My love life is like a train station… constantly witnessing departures, but never an arrival.”
3. “I’m not saying the train was slow, but we hit rush hour… in a cornfield.”
4. “Just saw a sign that said ‘Quiet Zone’ on the train. Apparently, my stomach didn’t get the memo.”
5. “Sure, tell me again how taking the scenic route by train will be relaxing. Did you factor in the screaming toddler?”
6. “You know you’ve been on the train too long when you start narrating the scenery like David Attenborough.”
7. “My bank account after booking a train ticket? Let’s just say it’s seen better days… and more zeros.”
8. “Whoever said ‘life is a journey, not a destination’ clearly never got stuck on a delayed train.”
9. “Don’t worry, I’m not always this tired. I just took the ‘red-eye’ train… yes, apparently, that’s a thing now.”
10. “I’m convinced the snack cart lady on this train is secretly a magician. How else does she make my money disappear so fast?”
11. “Train travel: Where you pay exorbitant fees to be squished next to strangers and their questionable life choices.”
12. “Trying to find a power outlet on this train is like searching for a unicorn riding a first-class ticket.”
13. “Sleep on a plane? Overrated. Sleep on a train while using your backpack as a pillow? Now that’s the real travel experience.”
14. “Just overheard someone on the phone say they’re ‘on the right track.’ I really hope they’re talking about their career and not this train.”
15. “Just saw a pigeon casually strolling down the train aisle like it paid for a ticket. Now that’s a brave bird.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Train: With a Locomotive Dash of Humor

1. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a delayed train gathers plenty of complaints.
2. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him pull the express to Yuma.
3. Don’t judge a train by its engine, but by the quality of its snack cart.
4. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and likely to get a seat on the morning train.
5. The early bird gets the worm, but the early commuter gets the quiet train car… before the mariachi band boards.
6. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny on the train tracks won’t derail anything but your common sense.
7. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire… unless you’re on a steam train, then it’s probably just Tuesday.
8. A watched pot never boils, and a watched train schedule never seems to arrive on time.
9. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it certainly wasn’t accessible by high-speed rail.
10. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, and people on sleeper trains shouldn’t forget their earplugs.
11. Good things come to those who wait, but passengers on platform four for the delayed 9:15 are starting to lose their patience.
12. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step… onto the wrong train, apparently.
13. Silence is golden, unless you’re stuck next to a loud talker on a cross-country train trip. Then, noise-canceling headphones are golden.
14. The grass is always greener on the other side… of the tracks, but only if your train doesn’t arrive first.
15. You can’t always get what you want, especially if what you want is a window seat on a sold-out train.

Train Double Entendres Puns: Tracks to Punny Perfection

1. I tried to have a serious conversation with my girlfriend about our relationship on the train, but it quickly went off the rails.
2. My therapist told me to picture my problems on a train and watch them leave. Turns out, it was a freight train – they’ve been circling back all week.
3. They say love is a journey… guess that’s why I feel like I keep hitting the brakes in this relationship.
4. Dating is like riding the rails. Sometimes you find a great connection, other times you get sidetracked.
5. I’m starting to think my love life is a runaway train… headed straight for Disaster Junction.
6. She said she wanted a man who could handle her baggage. I should have known she meant literal suitcases on an Amtrak.
7. He said he was a conductor on the love train. Turns out, he was just a passenger with a really bad pickup line.
8. I tried to write a song about my train of thought, but it was a bit of a slow track.
9. My therapist told me to hop on the emotional expressway. So far, it’s just been one long, uncomfortable layover.
10. My love life’s a lot like a model train set – I keep trying to lay down new track, but it just goes in circles.
11. He said he was a train enthusiast, but I soon realized his only interest was derailing my emotions.
12. My friend said my dating app photos were a real “wreck.” Guess I took the wrong train of thought on that one.
13. My dating life is like a commuter train – packed with possibilities, but they all seem to be going in the opposite direction.
14. She called me her “little engine that could.” Turns out, I was just chugging along on a one-way track to Heartbreak Hotel.
15. I told my therapist my anxiety makes me feel like I’m going off the rails. He said, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you back on track.” It cost me $200 to realize he meant literally.
16. I used to think I had commitment issues. Now I realize I’m just waiting for the right love train to pull into the station.

Funny Train Tom Swifties: On the Right Track to Humor

1. “We’re traveling at 80 miles an hour!” Tom said rapidly.
2. “Let’s uncouple the dining car,” Tom said detachedly.
3. “Don’t forget your luggage in the overhead compartment,” Tom said highly.
4. “This train needs to lose some weight,” Tom said engine-uinely concerned.
5. “The conductor just punched my ticket!” Tom said wholeheartedly.
6. “We’re approaching Grand Canyon National Park!” Tom said gorgeously.
7. “The train is running on time!” Tom said punctually.
8. “I think I’ll sleep in tomorrow,” Tom said sleepily as he boarded the sleeper car.
9. “Someone just jumped off the train!” Tom exclaimed, beside himself.
10. “I love the rhythmic sound of the train,” Tom said tracktively.
11. “I hope this tunnel ends soon,” Tom said lightlessly.
12. “Someone stole my watch in Chicago,” Tom said timelessly.
13. “This train needs more coal!” Tom said fuelishly.
14. “The engineer just blew the whistle!” Tom said alarmingly.
15. “We just crossed the state line,” Tom said borderline delirious.
16. “This is the end of the line!” Tom said terminally.
17. “I think I left the iron on,” Tom said presently.

Knock-knock Jokes about Train: Choo-Choo-Choose Laughter

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train to be funny, you’ll get there eventually!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train your brain, it’s platform 9 3/4, not 4 3/9!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-sylvania, where all the vampire conductors live!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-ing for a marathon? Better chug along!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train your dragon to fetch the newspaper, it’s faster than the mail!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train of thought…oh never mind, it just left the station.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-osaurus Rex wants to know if you’ve seen his choo-choo chew toy.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train your pet parrot to say “Tickets, please!” It’ll be the cutest conductor ever.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-ing to be a comedian? I can tell, you’re on the right track!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-ing wheels are for bicycles, not love lives – go get ’em!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-ing to be a ninja? You’ve got to be loco-motive!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-ing your goldfish to do tricks? That’s a little fishy…
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train to be patient, the conductor said this line is moving slowly.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-quil as a mouse, that’s how you sneak onto a train without a ticket… allegedly.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train-sitioning wardrobes for fall? Don’t forget a conductor hat! It’s all the rage.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Train. Train who? Train your cat to use the litter box? Good luck with that, you’ll need all the catnip on the tracks!