120+ Turtley Awesome Jokes & Puns 🐢😂

Get ready to shell-abrate the best of turtle humor! This list of turtle jokes and puns is turtly awesome and guaranteed to make you laugh. From clever wordplay to shell-arious situations, we’ve got all the turtle-themed humor you need to brighten your day. Did you know a group of turtles is called a bale? Get ready for some turtle-y funny puns, because this list is going to be absolutely turtle-rific!

Top Turtle Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Shell-ebrity Approved

1. What did the turtle say to his sweetheart? I’m shell-shocked to meet you!
2. Heard about the turtle with an attitude problem? Total shell-out.
3. What’s a turtle’s favorite soup? Shell-fish bisque!
4. Never tell a turtle a secret. They’re terrible gossipers!
5. My turtle’s so slow, he thought “fast food” was a typo.
6. That turtle’s got style. He’s rocking the shell-toe Adidas.
7. Life as a turtle: Shell-f made, gotta crawl.
8. Why don’t turtles play hide and seek? They’re always shell-tering!
9. The turtle won the race? Must have been a slow news day.
10. Looking for a reliable pet sitter. Must handle a shell-raiser.
11. Don’t interrupt a turtle’s thoughts. It takes them a while to shell out wisdom.
12. That turtle’s an artist? He must do amazing shell-f portraits.
13. Dating a turtle is great. They’re always down to shell-ebrate.
14. What’s a turtle’s favorite song? Anything by the Shell-eagles!
15. “I’m not slow,” the turtle argued. “I’m just shell-paced!”
16. My kid wants a turtle named “Shelldon.” I approve, obviously.
17. Relationship status: Officially dating a shell-ebrity (he’s a turtle).

Funny Turtle One-Liner Jokes: Shell We Get Cracking?

1. I met a turtle who was also a lawyer, turns out he was a shell-f made man! 🐢👨‍⚖️
2. Turtles are terrible singers, they have such low shell-f esteem. 🐢🎤
3. Never accuse a turtle of being slow, they get really shell-shocked. 🐢😲
4. Turtles are surprisingly good dancers, they have an extensive shell-ection of moves.🐢💃
5. I used to have a turtle named Shelldon, but he came out of his shell. 😎🐢
6. That turtle’s love life is in the dumps; he can’t seem to find the right shell-mate.🐢💔
7. Life as a turtle is tough, you carry your home wherever you go but the rent is still sky-high! 🐢🏡
8. I tried to make a turtle stew once, but I think I made a shell-f-ful mistake.🐢🍲
9. Heard about the turtle who lost his job at the library? He got caught shell-ving books under the table. 🤫🐢📚
10. That turtle comedian really cracked me up, he was a real shell-arious dude. 😂🐢
11. You know what they say about turtles and their problems? They just shell it out! 🐢🗣️
12. What happens when a turtle gets into a fight? It’s a shell-shocker! 🤜💥🐢
13. Turtles are surprisingly good listeners, they’ve got endless shell-p to give.👂🐢
14. I took my turtle to the races, but he just kept shell-shoving the other contestants. 😡🐢🏁
15. That turtle’s got some serious musical talent, he plays a mean shell-lo. 🎻🐢
16. My turtle is a little shy, he’s always retreating into his shell-ter. 🐢🏠

QnA Jokes & Puns about Turtle: Shell Yeah, We Got ‘Em!

1. Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: To shell it to the other side!
2. Q: What do you call a turtle that’s always in trouble? A: A shell-shocked delinquent!
3. Q: Why did the turtle bring a backpack to the beach? A: He wanted to pack a shell!
4. Q: What do you call a turtle with a drinking problem? A: A shell-aholic!
5. Q: What kind of music does a teenage turtle listen to? A: Shell-shock rock!
6. Q: Why did the artist paint a turtle? A: He needed a new muse-turtle!
7. Q: What does a turtle use to surf the internet? A: A shell-phone!
8. Q: What’s a turtle’s favorite vegetable? A: Shell-ery!
9. Q: What do you call it when a turtle wins a race? A: A shell-shocker!
10. Q: What’s a turtle’s least favorite day of the year? A: Valen-slime’s Day!
11. Q: Where do turtles go to borrow money? A: The shell-f-service!
12. Q: Why did the turtle get lost in the library? A: He forgot to shellve his book!
13. Q: Why did the turtle need a therapist? A: He kept feeling withdrawn into his shell!
14. Q: What do you get if you cross a turtle and a porcupine? A: A slow poke with a shell-ection of defenses!
15. Q: What do you call 100 turtles on a ship? A: A turt-illennium cruise!
16. Q: What did the turtle say on his birthday? A: It’s been a shell-abration!
17. Q: Why don’t turtles like poker? A: They’re terrible bluffers – you can always see their hand!

Dad Jokes about Turtle: Shell We Laugh Now?

1. Asked my son to name our new pet turtle… He said, “Shelldon!” I gotta hand it to him, pretty shell-arious.
2. Why did the turtle cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
3. Why are turtles terrible dancers? Two left flippers!
4. What do you call a sea turtle who sings? A shell-ebrity!
5. How do turtles talk to each other? By shell-phone!
6. You know, I used to have a pet turtle… But he ran away. Turns out, it was my fault for buying him a slip-lead.
7. What does a turtle wear to a job interview? A turtle-neck!
8. I saw a turtle racing a rabbit yesterday… Clearly, someone hadn’t tortoise the rabbit about slow and steady wins the race.
9. What did the turtle say after getting his car cleaned? “Looks shell-tastic!”
10. Why are turtles such good athletes? They’re always carrying their homes, gotta be great for shell-ter-in-place drills.
11. My wife told me to take the turtle out for a walk… I told her, “He’s been walking all day, just very slowly!”
12. What did the ocean say to the turtle? Nothing, it just waved!
13. Just took the shell off my turtle… Think I’m in trouble, he looks really mad. Hope it doesn’t become a shell-ebrity scandal!
14. What’s a turtle’s favorite soup? Shell-fish chowder!
15. Why did the turtle bring a backpack to the beach? He wanted to pack a shell!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Turtle: Shell-abrate Laughter 🐢 😂

1. “Life is like a turtle: You either shell-ebrate the small victories, or you get eaten by a bigger turtle.”
2. “My therapist told me to come out of my shell. I think they underestimated my commitment to turtle life.”
3. “Never underestimate a turtle’s intelligence. They’ve mastered the art of always having a home on their back.”
4. “Just saw a turtle couple holding hands. Guess you could say it was turtle love at first sight!”
5. “Went to a turtle race yesterday… It was neck and neck the whole time!”
6. “Asked a turtle what his biggest fear was. He said, ‘Shell-shocked to tell you, it’s a fast-food restaurant.”
7. “‘Shell we dance?’ said the turtle, smoothly sliding across the dance floor.”
8. “My spirit animal is a turtle. Not because I’m wise or live long… I just relate to carrying my house everywhere.”
9. “Tried to explain to my friend what ‘turtle power’ meant. It got out of hand.”
10. “The struggle is real when picking a turtle name. ‘Shelldon’ is so overdone.”
11. “Don’t tell the snail, but I think the turtle won the race fair and square… millimeter by millimeter.”
12. “For my turtle’s birthday, I got him a tiny party hat and a worm. He’s now a year wiser… and a little fatter.”
13. “What do you call a sea turtle that loves to play baseball? A shell-ebrity pitcher!”
14. “Sea turtles are basically the hippies of the ocean: chill, ancient, and always going with the flow.”
15. “I think I’m part sea turtle in my past life. Or maybe I just really like naps and the ocean.”
16. “You know you’ve reached peak adulthood when you consider getting a turtle instead of going out on a Saturday night.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Turtle: With a🐢Shell-shockingly🐢Good Sense of Humor

1. A turtle in the hand is worth two on the racetrack. (Because let’s be honest, they’re not winning any speed contests!)
2. Slow and steady wins the race… eventually. What’s the rush? -Said the Turtle (Turtles are famously patient… or just unbelievably slow.)
3. Don’t judge a turtle by its shell, judge it by the awesome sandcastles it makes. (Who knew turtles were such talented architects?)
4. You can lead a turtle to water, but you can’t make it come out of its shell if it’s having a bad day. (Everyone needs a little personal space sometimes.)
5. Like a fine wine, a turtle just gets better with age…and a bit more resistant to predators. (Talk about aging gracefully!)
6. The early bird gets the worm, but the turtle gets to sleep in. (Prioritize sleep, friends. That’s turtle wisdom.)
7. A watched pot never boils, and a turtle on its back never asks for help. (Stubborn? Independent? You decide.)
8. Shell we dance? – said no turtle ever. (Some turtles just don’t have rhythm.)
9. Never underestimate a turtle with a dream… especially if that dream involves pizza. (We all have our motivations.)
10. Life is like a box of chocolates, a turtle carries its home on its back. (Deep, man. And slightly confusing.)
11. Don’t shell out bad advice – ask yourself, what would a turtle do? (Think before you speak, or you might end up looking like a shell-shocked reptile.)
12. You’ve gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet, and you’ve gotta crack a few smiles to make a turtle laugh. (Turtles are tough critics, okay?)
13. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans… unless your plan involves a turtle wearing a tiny hat. Then he might actually be impressed. (Because that’s objectively adorable.)
14. Happiness is a warm rock and a full belly of lettuce. – Every Turtle, probably. (Simple pleasures for a simple reptile.)
15. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, and you can’t make a turtle fly… without some serious modifications and a team of engineers. (Never say never, but also, maybe don’t try this at home.)

Turtle Double Entendres Puns: Shell We Start?

1. I met a turtle pacing back and forth on the beach. He said he was trying to pick up sea shells…and female turtles. (Playing on “picking up”)
2. This turtle at the bar told me he was really into speed dating. I guess he likes to take things slow…and then mate for life. (Playing on “slow and steady”)
3. My friend said his pet turtle was bilingual. I said, “Show me.” He just shrugged and said, “He’s being shellfish today.” (Playing on not coming out of shell)
4. This turtle walked into a seafood restaurant and said, “I’ll have the clam chowder…and hold the shellfish shaming.” (Playing on turtle’s own shell)
5. Heard about the turtle who got elected mayor? He promised a platform of “slow and steady progress”…and lower property taxes on beachfront nests. (Playing on political platforms)
6. Dating a turtle is great. Sure, it takes forever to get anywhere, but at least you always know the relationship is going swimmingly. (Playing on “swimmingly” and pace of turtles)
7. Never lend a turtle money. They’re notoriously slow payers…and their homes are hard to repossess. (Playing on slow movement and shell as home)
8. You know you’re spending too much time online when you start seeing “shellfie” as a legitimate word. (Playing on “selfie” and turtle shells)
9. The turtle won first prize in the hide-and-seek competition. He was a master of shell-concealment. (Playing on hiding in shell)
10. My therapist told me to come out of my shell. I guess I just need to find my inner turtleness. (Playing on introversion and turtle nature)
11. That turtle is so smooth, he could sell sand to a beach. And he’d probably finance it over 100 years. (Playing on turtle lifespan and slow deals)
12. I saw a turtle ordering a drink at a bar called “The Watering Hole.” He said, “Make it a Seabreeze…and hold the straw.” (Playing on turtle environment and lack of need for straws)
13. The turtle’s autobiography was a huge success. Critics called it “a captivating tale of resilience”…though they did admit it took a while to get through. (Playing on long life and slow reading)
14. The turtle won the office lottery pool. He said he was going to invest it wisely…and then finally take that trip to the Galapagos. (Playing on long-term thinking and turtle habitat)
15. You know, turtles are very romantic. They mate for life. Of course, sometimes it takes them a while to find the right shellmate. (Playing on long lifespan and finding a mate)

Funny Turtle Tom Swifties: Shell-arious Jokes 🐢 😂

1. “That turtle took off in a hurry!” Tom exclaimed snappily.
2. “I’m going to name my turtle Shelldon,” Tom said inshellishly.
3. “My pet turtle got loose again!” shouted Tom unhinged.
4. “See that turtle basking on the rock? He’s my oldest friend,” Tom said wistfully.
5. “Don’t tell anyone, but I secretly talk to turtles,” Tom said in a hushed tone.
6. “I can’t find my turtle’s favorite rock,” Tom said stonily.
7. “This turtle chowder is delicious!” Tom said chompily.
8. “The turtle won the race by a hair… or rather, a neck,” Tom said slowly but surely.
9. “My turtle just laid some eggs!” Tom whispered shell-shocked.
10. “This turtle costume is a bit tight,” Tom said restrictedly.
11. “I’m worried about my turtle, he’s been swimming in circles all day,” Tom said roundly.
12. “Let’s celebrate the turtle hatchlings!” Tom cheered ex-shell-ently.
13. “Oops, I dropped my turtle,” Tom said sheepishly.
14. “I just saw a sea turtle laying eggs on the beach,” Tom said awestruck.
15. “That turtle just snapped at me!” Tom said taken aback.
16. “My turtle loves hiding under his shell,” Tom said coyly.
17. “This turtle documentary is fascinating!” Tom said engrossedly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Turtle: Shell We Start?

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Turtle. Turtle who? Turtle-ly awesome to meet you!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Turtle. Turtle who? Turtle-y didn’t see you there!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sea. Sea who? Sea any turtles around here? I have a shell-phone message for one!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shell. Shell who? Shell we dance, or are you too chicken, turtle?
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Slow. Slow who? Slow down! It’s my turtle’s birthday and we’re shell-ebrating!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shelldon. Shelldon who? Shelldon’t tell anyone, but I think that turtle has a crush on you!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? Tank goodness it’s Friday! Time to relax like a turtle in the sun.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It’s cold out here and this turtle needs a hug!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Myrtle. Myrtle who? Myrtle be a turtle lover in this house somewhere!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shelly. Shelly who? Shelly come back, my love! I’ve got a salad for two!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snappy. Snappy who? Snappy birthday to the slowest, shell-ebrity I know!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Percy. Percy who? Percy-vere and you’ll find the perfect name for your new pet turtle!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ocean. Ocean who? Ocean me a home, I’m a turtle on the go!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Flipper. Flipper who? Flipper you a shell-phone, it’s time for turtle trivia night!