Laugh Your Heart Out: 230+ Valentines Day Jokes & Puns!

Looking for some clever and positive humor to share with your kids this Valentine’s Day? Look no further, because we’ve got the best jokes and puns about this love-filled holiday! Get ready to LOL with our list of funny and hilarious Valentines Day jokes that are sure to put a smile on everyone’s face. Whether you’re in a relationship or flying solo, these puns are perfect for spreading some love and laughter this Valentine’s Day. So grab some chocolates and get ready for a pun-tastic time!

Searching for a ‘punny’ way to celebrate? Check out our Valentine’s Day puns & jokes editor’s picks!

1. “You stole a pizza my heart, Valentine!”
2. “I’m glad we’re not on a date, because I hate Valentine’s restaurant markups.”
3. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m bad at rhyming, but I still love you.”
4. “You’re my lobster, Valentine.”
5. “I want to spend all nine lives with you, Valentine.”
6. “You make my heart go doki doki, Valentine.”
7. “I lobe you more than I lobe pizza, Valentine.”
8. “I’m so glad we got together, it’s like finding a needle in a stack of heart-shaped hay.”
9. “I’ve got a heart-on for you, Valentine.”
10. “You make my heart skip a beet, Valentine.”
11. “Valentine, you’re one in a melon.”
12. “I’ve fallen for you harder than Cupid’s arrows, Valentine.”
13. “I must be dreaming, because this Valentine’s Day feels too good to be true.”
14. “No one can beet our love, Valentine.”
15. “You’re the missing puzzle piece to my heart, Valentine.”
16. “Let’s make like a double espresso and foam marry me on Valentine’s Day.”
17. “You’re the bacon to my eggs, Valentine.”
18. “I’m nuts about you, Valentine.”
19. “I chews you to be my Valentine.”
20. “I may not be a genie, but I can make all your Valentine’s Day wishes come true.”

Tickle Your Funny Bone with These Hilarious Valentine’s Day One-Liners

1. “I had a date on Valentine’s Day, but it was so cold, instead of holding hands we were holding mittens!”
2. “Why did Cupid decide to go into business? He figured shooting people in the heart was a great way to make a living!”
3. “I wanted to get my girlfriend something special for Valentine’s Day, so I got her a dictionary. Turns out, the word ‘love’ was missing!”
4. “Who needs a human Valentine when you can have a piece of chocolate that will never leave you?”
5. “My perfect Valentine’s Day consists of a bottle of wine, a romantic movie, and my credit card not getting declined when I order takeout!”
6. “They say money can’t buy love, but it can definitely buy my love on Valentine’s Day!”
7. “Valentine’s Day is just like another day for me, except I get to spend it alone with a tub of ice cream!”
8. “Why was the Valentine’s Day message from the dentist so important? Because it was all about filling the cavity of love!”
9. “I was planning on getting my partner some chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but then I remembered they are allergic to happiness!”
10. “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples who dared to take that risk!”
11. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I don’t need a Valentine, and neither do you!”
12. “Why did the man close his eyes before proposing on Valentine’s Day? He wanted to make sure he was seeing a future with his girlfriend!”
13. “Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered ‘y’?”
14. “My favorite part about Valentine’s Day? All the discounted chocolates on February 15th!”
15. “Why was the Valentine’s Day card so loud? Because it had a lot of exclamation marks!”
16. “Roses are red, violets are blue, sorry to break it to you but no one’s ever loved you!”
17. “I thought Valentine’s Day was cancelled this year. Turns out my phone just automatically blocks all unknown numbers!”
18. “People say Valentine’s Day is cheesy, but I don’t mind as long as I get to be the mac to someone’s cheese!”
19. Who needs a bae when you can stay cozy with your furry best friend on Valentine’s Day?
20. “If you want to show someone you love them, just get them a Valentine’s Day present from a thrift store. That way they’ll know you put in the effort, but not too much effort!”

Love is in the QnA-r for these Valentine’s Day jokes and puns

1. What do you call a single Valentine’s Day card? A “solodation”!
2. Why did Cupid start a new business? Because his arrow-making job wasn’t paying enough, he needed another “heartstrings of income”!
3. Which type of chocolate is never late for a date? Tardy Kisses!
4. What do you call a group of people who hates Valentine’s Day? Cynic Lovers!
5. How does a single person celebrate Valentine’s Day? They treat it like a one-sided “love triangle”!
6. What do you call someone who is obsessed with Valentine’s Day? A ” hopeless romantic” – emphasis on the hopeless!
7. Why did the Valentine’s Day candy break up with her boyfriend? Because he was a “sour patch”!
8. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the envelope? “You complete me!”
9. How does a computer say “I love you” on Valentine’s Day? By sending “byte-sized” love letters!
10. What do you call a long distance relationship on Valentine’s Day? A “barely-dating”!
11. How does a groundhog celebrate Valentine’s Day? With a “hug(wait)ty day”!
12. What did the Valentine’s Day flower say when it got rejected? “I guess I’ll never ‘petal’ down again!”
13. How do zombies celebrate Valentine’s Day? With a romantic “cemetery” picnic!
14. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the reader? “You make my heart skip a beat (then return to its regular rhythm)!”
15. How did the Valentine’s Day bouquet propose to the vase? With a ring (of flowers)!
16. Why did the Valentine’s Day candy stay far away from the chocolate? Because it didn’t want to get emotionally “involved”!
17. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to its envelope? “I’m glad we’re sealed together forever!”
18. How does a fireplace celebrate Valentine’s Day? By giving out “hearth-to-hearts”!
19. What do you call a Valentine’s Day card that doesn’t give up? A “love letterman”!
20. What did the Valentine’s Day balloon say to the needle? “Poke me and I’ll pop out some ‘heart-felt’ confessions!”

Spice up Date Night with Hilarious Dad Jokes about Valentine’s Day

1. “Why did the Valentine’s Day card get a job at the post office? Because it was always delivering love letters!”
2. “I was going to give my wife a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but I ate them all. Looks like I’ll have to give her a box of empty wrappers now.”
3. “What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!”
4. “Why don’t skeletons celebrate Valentine’s Day? They have no heart to give.”
5. “I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day. She said ‘Nothing would make me happier than diamonds.’ So I got her a deck of playing cards.”
6. “Why did the apple break up with the orange? They couldn’t find a common core.”
7. “What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you.”
8. “What did one pickle say to the other pickle on Valentine’s Day? You mean a great dill to me.”
9. “Why did the gym close on Valentine’s Day? Because everyone there was lifting hearts instead of weights.”
10. “I found a great Valentine’s Day gift for my wife, but it cost me an arm and a leg. Good thing she’s worth it.”
11. “What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day? The discounted chocolate the day after.”
12. “Why did the Valentine’s Day card send a selfie to its crush? To show them how much they’re ‘picturing’ together.”
13. “Why did the tomato turn red on Valentine’s Day? Because it saw its crush, the ketchup bottle.”
14. “What do you call a Valentine’s Day card that’s not romantic? A platonic greeting.”
15. “Why did the cookie go to the doctor on Valentine’s Day? Because it was feeling crumbly.”
16. “Why was the computer cold on Valentine’s Day? It left its Windows open.”
17. “What did the French chef give his partner for Valentine’s Day? A bouquet of flours.”
18. “Why couldn’t Cupid shoot an arrow on Valentine’s Day? He lost sight of the target because he was too busy swiping on his phone.”
19. “What does a vampire give his significant other on Valentine’s Day? A love bite.”
20. “Why do we always fall in love on Valentine’s Day? Because it’s the only day Cupid is legally allowed to shoot arrows at people.”

Single and loving it: Funny Quotes about Valentine’s Day

1. “Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that I have to be romantic for ONE day out of the year. What about the other 364 days? #relationshipgoals”
2. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t cook, so let’s just order in and watch Netflix”
3. “They say love is blind, but let’s be real – it’s just selective sight on Valentine’s Day”
4. “Who needs a Valentine when you have a fully charged phone and unlimited data for all the memes?”
5. “Valentine’s Day is like a car dealership – you only get the best deals if you wait until the next day”
6. “My love language is giving out sarcastic compliments on Valentine’s Day”
7. “I love you more than chocolate, but please don’t make me choose between the two on Valentine’s Day”
8. “Valentine’s Day? More like National Single Awareness Day”
9. “Roses are red, violets are blue, if you forget Valentine’s Day, your significant other will boo”
10. “The real meaning of Valentine’s Day is when all the discounted chocolate goes on sale the next day”
11. “Valentine’s Day is the one day where my self-control is truly tested by all the heart-shaped goodies”
12. “I have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day – I love to hate it”
13. “Cupid must be on vacation because I’m still single on Valentine’s Day”
14. “If love is blind, why do they sell lingerie on Valentine’s Day?”
15. “I may not have a Valentine, but at least my bank account is happy on February 15th”
16. “Thank you, Valentine’s Day, for reminding me that I’m still single and broke”
17. “Why buy flowers on Valentine’s Day when there are perfectly good weeds outside?”
18. “Valentine’s Day is the one day where couples go out to romantic dinners and singles go out to eat their feelings”
19. “I can’t wait for the day when Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to buy discounted chocolate and drink wine alone”
20. “Valentine’s Day idea: skip the fancy dinner and just order a heart-shaped pizza with extra cheese”

Love and laughter go hand in hand on Valentine’s Day: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Valentines Day

1. “Love is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get…unless you get ones filled with nougat, because nobody likes those.”
2. “Roses are red, violets are blue, please stop singing that cheesy love song, it’s making me barf.”
3. “A true romantic never forgets Valentine’s Day…or their anniversary, or their partner’s birthday, or their dog’s birthday.”
4. “Love is in the air…along with overpriced flowers and chocolate.”
5. “Cupid must be on a budget this year, because my love life feels like a clearance aisle.”
6. “They say all you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
7. “I’m not good at expressing my feelings, so here’s a funny card to make up for it.”
8. “Romance is dead…just like my phone battery on date night.”
9. “Love is blind, but I’m pretty sure my partner can still hear when I chew too loudly.”
10. “Roses are red, violets are blue, if you buy me a gym membership for Valentine’s Day, we’re through.”
11. “If love is a battlefield, then Valentine’s Day must be D-Day.”
12. “They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…well, I’d rather just eat alone then.”
13. “Valentine’s Day is like a game of hide and seek – the longer you’ve been together, the less effort you put into it.”
14. “The only thing I’m committed to on Valentine’s Day is my sweatpants and Netflix.”
15. “Love doesn’t make the world go round, but it does make the ride worthwhile…especially when you’ve got a bottle of wine and a plate of cheese.”
16. “I’d rather have a single rose on Valentine’s Day than a dozen on any other day…because then I know it’s half price.”
17. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m allergic to them and now my face is too.”
18. “Who needs a Valentine when you’ve got a BFF? They come with less pressure and more junk food.”
19. “I may not have a significant other, but at least I have pizza and that’s basically the same thing.”
20. “Love is grand, divorce is fifty grand.”

Love and Laughter: Embrace Valentines Day with Double Entendres and Puns

1. “My heart is melting for you…but so is this chocolate fondue!”
2. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m terrible at poetry…but amazing in bed with you.”
3. “Let’s be like Cupid and shoot for each other’s hearts…with Nerf guns.”
4. “You’re the bee’s knees, the cat’s pajamas, and the love of my life.”
5. “I know we said ‘no gifts’ this year, but I couldn’t resist this box of chocolates…for myself.”
6. “Valentine, you’re hotter than the hot sauce I put on everything.”
7. “I love you more than a single slice of pizza…and that’s saying something.”
8. “Wanna grab a cup of coffee? Because I can’t espresso my feelings for you.”
9. “You stole my heart and then filled it with chocolates…and I couldn’t be happier.”
10. “Forget the candlelit dinner, let’s snuggle up and watch ‘The Office’ instead.”
11. “Roses are red, violets are blue, Vodka is clear, and so are my feelings for you.”
12. “You’re the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut butter to my jelly, and the love of my life.”
13. “I’ve gotta hand it to you…you make my heart skip a beet.”
14. “Valentine, you’re my lobster…but without the weird claw thing.”
15. “I love you more than Kanye loves Kanye…maybe.”
16. “You stole my heart like a thief in the night…but I’m not pressing charges.”
17. “Romeo & Juliet had nothing on us…except maybe a balcony, some poison, and a tragic ending.”
18. “My love for you is like diarrhea…I just can’t hold it in.”
19. “You complete me…and my Netflix queue.”
20. “I want to be the Avocado to your toast, the peanut butter to your banana, and the love of your life.”

Cupid’s Countdown: Recursive Puns about Valentine’s Day

1. Why did the Valentine’s Day card keep repeating itself? Because it was stuck in a recursive loop!
2. I love you more than chocolate… which is a recursive statement, because I love chocolate a lot!
3. Are you a programmer? Because you put a loop in my heart.
4. Roses are red, violets are blue, I love you more than a recursive function, it’s true!
5. You are the missing piece to my recursive algorithm.
6. I asked Cupid to shoot an arrow through my heart, but he ended up creating a recursive love triangle.
7. I love you to infinity and beyond… but beware, it’s a recursive infinity!
8. You turn my binary code into a recursive romance.
9. My love for you is like a recursive function, it just keeps growing and growing.
10. I could never get tired of you… it’s like our love is stuck in a recursive loop!
11. You are my Valentine, valentine, valentine… Oops, my heart got stuck in a recursive loop again.
12. My heart skips a beat every time I see you… and sometimes it accidentally gets stuck in a recursive loop.
13. Let’s make tonight’s date a recursive one, I’ll pick you up at 8… 8… 8…
14. Our love is like a recursive algorithm, it never ends, it just keeps getting better.
15. I don’t need any chocolates on Valentine’s Day, because our love is sweet enough to cause a recursive sugar rush.
16. You complete me in a way that no other variable can… it’s like we were meant to be in a recursive function together.
17. My love for you follows the Golden Ratio, it’s perfectly recursive.
18. Will you be my Valentine for this and all future iterations?
19. I may not be a math genius, but I know our love is an infinite, recursive equation.
20. Happy Valentine’s Day to the one person who always knows how to make my heart skip a beat… or get stuck in a recursive loop.

Tom Swiftly Plans the Perfect ‘Valentines Day’ Surprise!

1. “I’m in love with you,” Tom cooed amorously.
2. “This card is for you,” Tom said heart-achingly.
3. “You are my Valentine,” Tom whispered lovingly.
4. “I give you all my heart,” Tom said whole-heartedly.
5. “I can’t wait to spend the day with you,” Tom said eagerly.
6. “I got you a bouquet of flowers,” Tom said rose-ily.
7. “You make my heart skip a beat,” Tom said heart-flutteringly.
8. “I’ll always be by your side,” Tom said loyally.
9. “You stole my heart,” Tom said thievingly.
10. “You are the apple of my eye,” Tom said fruitfully.
11. “I’m head over heels for you,” Tom said head first.
12. “You’re sweet as chocolate,” Tom said sugar-coatedly.
13. “I’m crazy for you,” Tom said madly in love.
14. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” Tom said unimaginably.
15. “I would follow you to the ends of the earth,” Tom said devotedly.
16. “You’re the missing puzzle piece in my heart,” Tom said fittingly.
17. “I’ll love you until the end of time,” Tom said timelessly.
18. “You’re worth more than all the diamonds in the world,” Tom said priceless-ly.
19. “My heart beats for you,” Tom said rhythmically.
20. “I’m so lucky to have you as my Valentine,” Tom said charmed-ingly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cupid with these hilarious Valentine’s Day knock-knock jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cupid. Cupid who? Just a little arrowed someone looking for love on Valentine’s Day!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? A dozen. A dozen who? A dozen roses for my sweetheart on Valentine’s Day!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beau. Beau who? Beau-lieve me, you’re the only one for me this Valentine’s Day!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Honey. Honey who? Honey, let’s make this Valentine’s Day sweeter with some chocolate!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Arrows. Arrows who? Arrows fly, hearts race, love blooms on Valentine’s Day!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Valentine. Valentine who? Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be complete without you by my side.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Roses. Roses who? Roses are red, violets are blue, I picked these for you on Valentine’s Day, aren’t I smooth?
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hug. Hug who? I hug you this Valentine’s Day, because I’m not good at expressing my feelings in words.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sweetheart. Sweetheart who? Sweetheart, you make my heart skip a beat every Valentine’s Day.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Love. Love who? Love is in the air, can you feel it this Valentine’s Day?
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cherub. Cherub who? Cherub there’s someone special out there for you on Valentine’s Day!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chocolate. Chocolate who? Chocolate makes everything better, especially on Valentine’s Day.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy believe we’ve been together for another Valentine’s Day?
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Flutter. Flutter who? My heart flutters every time I see you on Valentine’s Day.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Valentine’s. Valentine’s who? Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to show you how much I love you.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cupid’s arrow. Cupid’s arrow who? Cupid’s arrow struck my heart when I met you on Valentine’s Day.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Happiness. Happiness who? Happiness is spending Valentine’s Day with you.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Love bug. Love bug who? Love bug, you make me feel all warm and fuzzy on Valentine’s Day.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Heartthrob. Heartthrob who? You’re my heartthrob every day, especially on Valentine’s Day.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kiss. Kiss who? Kiss me, it’s Valentine’s Day!

Love-Filled Laughs with Valentine’s Day Malapropisms

1. Valensteaks Day
2. Cupid’s Bowel
3. Lovebirds of a Feather
4. Sweetheart Attack
5. Courtshipbath
6. Heart Hangover
7. Chocolove Covered Strawberries
8. Erosen Tablecloth
9. Adoration Cards
10. Love Lettersoop
11. Heartbreakfast in Bed
12. Bouquet Bumble
13. Cherub-cheeked Grin
14. Kissmiss Eve
15. Romantic Mushpotatoes
16. Passionate Puzzles
17. Emotion Empanadas
18. Smitten Kittens
19. Boyfriend Benches
20. Cherished Locks of Hairhead

Valentines Day: A Day of Love and Noodle-Slipping Fun with These Spoonerisms!

1. Lovey Vance instead of Dovey Lance
2. My heart is pinking of you instead of My heart is thinking of you
3. Cupid Swap instead of Stupid Cup
4. Be my Valentimes instead of Be my Valentine
5. Chocs of love instead of Locks of love
6. Felt vows instead of heartfelt
7. Bow Melts instead of Mow Belts
8. Baked beans instead of Naked Bees
9. Heartland instead of Landheart
10. Falling start instead of Stalling fart
11. Dear to my fart instead of Near to my heart
12. Kissful Snacks instead of Blissful Stacks
13. Throes of clove instead of Close of throve
14. Puppy love instead of Luppy pove
15. The love of my chow instead of The chove of my low
16. Doozy reds instead of Rosie dews
17. Snuggly Babes instead of Buggly Sabes
18. Love Balloon instead of Glove Balloon
19. Heart Attack instead of Art Heck
20. Hugged and kissed instead of Mugged and hissed

Love is pun-derful with these V-day chuckles!

Well folks, that’s a wrap on our list of over 230 puns about Valentine’s Day. We hope you had a good laugh and a little bit of cringe along the way. And if you’re still in the mood for more pun-derful content, make sure to check out our other related Puns and Joke posts because let’s be honest, we all need a little more wit and humor in our lives. Happy Valentine’s Day, now go and spread some pun-filled love!