125+ Vegan Jokes & Puns: You’ve Bean Warned!

Get ready to laugh your sprouts off, because we’ve compiled the best list of vegan jokes and puns this side of the produce aisle! This collection is bursting with humor so fresh, you’d swear it was just picked. Whether you’re a seasoned vegan or simply veggie-curious, these clever puns and jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. Fun fact: Did you know that globally, the production of meat uses about 83% of agricultural land? Prepare yourself for some seriously funny food for thought!

Top Vegan Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Leaf You In Stitches

1. I’m not vegan for the animals, I’m in it for the beet-root.
2. What’s a vegan’s favorite musical genre? Anything but heavy meta(l).
3. Becoming vegan is a big missed-steak… said no one ever.
4. You know you’ve gone full vegan when you see kale and get a salad erection.
5. I used to hate facial hair…then I went vegan and grew to love my mustash.
6. How do you know someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
7. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to a vegan restaurant.
8. Going vegan is like riding a bike. Except the bike is made of vegetables, and you’re powered by tofu.
9. What do you call a vegan with trust issues? A skeptic-tibble.
10. Why did the vegan cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.
11. Veganism: Because life’s too short to stuff a sausage.
12. I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once considered becoming vegan just to avoid doing the dishes.
13. Did you hear about the vegan couple that broke up? They couldn’t agree on what to put in their split pea soup.
14. My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess I’ll have that bacon cheeseburger.
15. What do you call a vegan zombie? A no-brainer.

Funny Vegan One-Liner Jokes To Leaf You In Stitches

1. I met a vegan butcher the other day… He only sold plant-based meats, what a load of bologna!
2. Why did the vegan cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken, duh!
3. How do you know someone is vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
4. What do you call a vegan with a bad attitude? A bad tempeh!
5. I tried to make a vegan leather jacket… but it turned out to be a very berry bad idea!
6. Never ask a vegan what they eat for breakfast. You’ll be stuck listening to them kale all about it!
7. What’s the difference between a vegan and a tennis player? One loves a good serve, the other hates to see one!
8. My friend said going vegan was a piece of cake… Turns out they meant tofu cheesecake!
9. Why did the vegan lawyer lose the case? He couldn’t produce any whey!
10. Did you hear about the vegan who broke up with the fruit salad? He thought she was seeing too many dates!
11. Being vegan is a missed steak… said no one ever!
12. Why don’t vegans ever tell secrets in a garden? Too many beets around!
13. I’m friends with all the mushrooms, even the magical ones. I’m a fungi-vegan!
14. You know you’ve been vegan too long when… you can list off the entire Impossible Burger ingredient list by heart!
15. What’s the vegan version of “Talk to the hand?” Talk to the kale!
16. I’m starting to think my vegan friend doesn’t like me… Every time I go to his place, he gives me the cold beets!
17. Life is too short to eat boring food. Go vegan, live mushroom for adventure!

QnA Jokes & Puns about Vegan Lifestyle

1. Q: Why did the vegan bring a ladder to the grocery store? A: They heard the prices were sky-high!
2. Q: What do you call a vegan with a bad attitude? A: A bad tempeh!
3. Q: What’s the difference between a vegan and a comedian? A: One roasts vegetables, the other gets roasted by them!
4. Q: What do you call a vegan dragon? A: A Herbivore!
5. Q: What’s a vegan’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but heavy metal!
6. Q: Why did the tofu cross the road? A: It was trying to prove it wasn’t chicken!
7. Q: What does a vegan zombie crave? A: “Graaaaaaaains!”
8. Q: How do you know someone is a vegan at Thanksgiving? A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
9. Q: What do you call a vegan who secretly eats meat on the weekends? A: A “week-gan”.
10. Q: Why did the vegan get lost in the woods? A: They couldn’t find their bearings (bear-ings)!
11. Q: How do you make a vegan protein shake? A: Give a lentil a good workout!
12. Q: Why don’t vegans like telling secrets in a garden? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
13. Q: What do you call a vegan who lifts weights? A: Soy strong!
14. Q: What’s a vegan’s favorite pick-up line? A: “Are you made of kale? Because I’m falling for you!”
15. Q: Did you hear about the vegan couple that broke up? A: They just weren’t meant to bean!
16. Q: What’s a vegan ghost’s favorite food? A: I haven’t a ghost-pepper of an idea!

Dad Jokes about Vegan: The Corniest and Funniest

1. Why did the vegan cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.
2. I met a vegan guy who owned a dairy farm. I asked him, “What’s your beef?”
3. My daughter’s been vegan for a week. It’s driving me crazy. I miss speaking in queso.
4. I used to date a vegan butcher. She was pretty cut out for the job.
5. I saw a vegan wearing camouflage the other day. I guess he was trying to blend in with the salad bar.
6. My son told me he wanted to be a vegan comedian. I said, “Good luck getting material that everyone will kale for!”
7. I told my friend all about this new vegan restaurant. He looked surprised and said, “For real?” I said, “No, seitan!”
8. My wife made me vegan lasagna last night… I’m not sure how to tell her, but I think she layered the pasta wrong.
9. Never tell a vegan your problems. They have enough on their plate already.
10. How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
11. Just read a book about covert vegan operations. Turns out it was all undercover eggplant.
12. I accidentally hit a vegan with my car. He was totally chill about it. Just turned to me and said, “Don’t worry, I’m tofu.”
13. I tried to make a vegan omelet the other day… It was egg-sastrous.
14. Why don’t vegans like to play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
15. Got a job at a vegan deli. It gets a little crazy slicing all that seitan.
16. Bought some vegan wine the other day. It tasted grape!
17. What do you call a vegan with a bad attitude? A bad tempeh!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Vegan Lifestyle

1. Just went vegan! Don’t worry, I’ll only mention it every time someone asks what I’m eating. 😉🌱
2. I’m not saying I’m better than you because I’m vegan… but my grocery bills sure are. 💸🥬
3. What do you call a vegan with a bad attitude? A bad tempeh!
4. I’m at that point in my vegan journey where I can smell cheese from 50 paces away. And honestly, it’s both impressive and terrifying. 👃🧀
5. Me trying to explain to my dog that sharing is caring, but he can’t have my veggie burger. 🐶🍔
6. Life is too short to eat boring food. Luckily, I’m vegan. 😎🥑
7. You know you’re vegan when you get excited about a new type of tofu. 🎉
8. I’m not a full vegan, I’m more of a “cheegan.” I just can’t resist the cheesy goodness! 🤫🍕
9. How do you know someone’s vegan? They’ll tell you! …Just kidding… mostly. 😂
10. I’m convinced that hummus is the answer to all of life’s problems. 😌 hummus = happiness, prove me wrong.
11. Sometimes I wonder what life was like before I was vegan. Then I remember I ate beige food and move on. 🤷‍♀️🌈
12. Trying to explain to my non-vegan friends that plants feel pain too… when I accidentally bite into a hot pepper. 🌶️🔥
13. I’m not saying I’m addicted to avocado toast, but I do have a dedicated Instagram account for it. #sorrynotsorry 🥑📸
14. Being vegan is easy! It’s telling people you’re vegan that’s the hard part. 🤫
15. My spirit animal is a cow judging you from afar while eating a delicious salad. 🐮🥗
16. You think being hangry is bad? Try being “hanGRY” – the vegan version where you’ve only had salad and are ready to fight a watermelon. 😠🍉
17. Veganism: because eating delicious food and saving the planet shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. 🌎❤️

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Vegan: Plant-Based Hilarity and Tofu Tidbits

1. Early to bed and early to rise makes a vegan healthy, wealthy, and buys plant-based ties.
2. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it eat kale. Unless it’s a very open-minded horse.
3. A vegan diet a day keeps the doctor… entertained with interesting case studies. (Just kidding, doctors love vegan diets!)
4. Don’t put all your tofu in one basket… unless that basket is filled with delicious stir-fry ingredients.
5. The vegan apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… because it’s probably being used to make a cruelty-free apple pie.
6. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were these abs. Tofu scramble for breakfast, anyone?
7. An avocado a day keeps the bad vibes away… especially when it’s mashed on toast with sriracha.
8. Where there’s a vegan, there’s a way… to make delicious food without animal products.
9. Don’t cry over spilled plant milk, it’s all part of a balanced breakfast… and a chaotic morning.
10. You can’t judge a vegan by their sandals… unless those sandals are made of sustainable hemp and look super comfy.
11. The grass is always greener on the other side… especially when you’re a vegan eating your veggies.
12. Better to have loved and lost a cheese pizza, than never to have loved at all… said no vegan ever.
13. A watched pot of quinoa never boils… but an unattended one might burn, so keep an eye on it!
14. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two vegan burgers make a very satisfying dinner.
15. Slow and steady wins the race… unless it’s a race to the last vegan cupcake. Then it’s every herbivore for themselves!
16. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you chickpeas, make hummus. Basically, always be prepared to make delicious vegan food.

Vegan Double Entendres Puns: A Plant-Based Comedy Roast

1. Are you vegan? Because you’ve been bean so good to me. (Playing on “been” and the stereotype of beans in a vegan diet)
2. I’m not saying I’m a hardcore vegan, but I did once boycott a piñata. (Playing on the violence towards a typically animal-shaped object)
3. I’m such a committed vegan, I won’t even eat animals alphabetically. (Absurdly emphasizing commitment to veganism)
4. I met this vegan guy at the gym, we really got our protein shake on. (Humorous take on the stereotype of vegans struggling with protein)
5. This vegan restaurant is so exclusive, even the plants have a waiting list. (Playing on the popularity of upscale vegan restaurants)
6. My love life is like a vegan burger: dry, crumbly, and always falling apart. (Self-deprecating humor about dating life)
7. She said she wanted a vegan bad boy. So I showed her my tofu-powered motorcycle. (Playing on the irony of a “vegan bad boy”)
8. This vegan cheese is amazing! Said no one ever. (Satirizing the common criticism of vegan cheese)
9. I’m starting to think my dog is vegan… he just keeps judging my diet. (Playing on the stereotype of judgmental vegans)
10. You know you’re a true vegan when you can identify milk alternatives by sound alone. (Exaggerating the knowledge of vegan alternatives)
11. Dating a vegan is great! …Until you have to listen to them explain why bees aren’t vegan. (Poking fun at the complexity of veganism)
12. I went to a vegan comedy show last night. It was hilarious…ly bad. (Playing on the perceived lack of humor in veganism)
13. My doctor said I need more iron in my diet. Guess it’s time to make friends with a fence. (Ironically implying a literal interpretation of iron intake)
14. That vegan influencer has really grown on me. Like, literally, I saw a picture from last year and… fungus. (Implying they physically resemble fungi due to their diet)
15. I tried to have a philosophical debate with a vegan… It’s like arguing with a well-seasoned wall. (Building upon the stereotype of stubborn vegans)
16. They say veganism is all about peace and love. Then they hit you with those protein deficiency statistics. (Humorously contrasting the ideals of veganism with its potential drawbacks)

Funny Vegan Tom Swifties: Plant-Based Puns for the Soul

1. “I’m thinking of opening a bakery that only sells lentil loaf,” Tom said loafingly.
2. “This seitan stir-fry is delicious!” Tom exclaimed seitanly.
3. “Pass the nutritional yeast, please,” Tom said cheesily.
4. “I only eat plant-based burgers,” Tom stated plainly.
5. “These vegan leather shoes are amazing!” Tom said suedely.
6. “This plant-based milk froths perfectly!” Tom said latterly.
7. “I prefer my tofu scrambled,” Tom said egg-spressively.
8. “I’m going to the farmer’s market to stock up on tempeh,” Tom said temperamentally.
9. “This vegan ice cream is fantastic!” Tom said coldly.
10. “My favorite snack is roasted chickpeas,” Tom said chickpea-ishly.
11. “I’m making a lentil and vegetable stew for dinner,” Tom said heartily.
12. “I’m participating in a tofu sculpture contest,” Tom said firm-ly.
13. “This vegan lasagna is layered to perfection,” Tom said flatly.
14. “I could eat avocado toast every day,” Tom said toastally.
15. “This vegan chili is really flavourful!” Tom said meatingly.
16. “This jackfruit pulled ‘pork’ sandwich is divine!” Tom said fruitfully.
17. “Let’s go to the new vegan restaurant,” Tom said herbivourously.

Knock-knock Jokes about Vegan: Lettuce In!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan see you’re happy, it makes me feel grate!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan believe it’s not butter!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan be friends, even if we don’t see eye to tofu!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan access this party? I brought kale chips!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan out on a limb and say, you look great!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan convince you to try this lentil soup, it’s amazing!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan have a little fun, it’s not just about salad!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan you believe I used to love steak? What a mis-steak!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan-a have a good time tonight, I can feel it!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan to agree, life’s better with more hummus!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan not talk about this right now? I’m a little hangry.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vegan. Vegan who? Vegan see the future, and it looks plant-based!