100+ Vegetable Jokes & Puns To Veg Out Over

Get ready to laugh your stems off because we’re serving up the best veggie jokes this side of the salad bar! That’s right, folks, if you’re looking for puns and humor that’s as fresh as a ripe tomato, you’ve come to the right garden. This list of clever and positively hilarious vegetable jokes is sure to entertain. Did you know, by the way, that a tomato is botanically a fruit? Don’t worry, our jokes are funnier than that fun fact… probably. So, lettuce begin!

Top Vegetable Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Fresh From the Punny Fields

I’m rooting for that new vege-table at the restaurant.
You seem sad, wanna peas out together?
Having a farm is in my genes.
Quit stalking and just tell me what you think!
I yam what I yam, and that’s a sweet potato.
Just saw a sign that said “No Dumping,” guess they really don’t carrot all.
You’re looking radish today!
I love you from my head tomatoes.
Why did the vegetables blush? Because they saw the salad dressing!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
This produce aisle is looking pine!
Give peas a chance!

Funny Vegetable Jokes With One Liner Clever Vegetable Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Vegetable One-Liner Jokes To Keep You In Splits

I met a girl at the supermarket who worked in the produce section. I told her, “Lettuce get together sometime.”
I’m starting a band called “The Root Vegetables.” We mostly play underground gigs.
Tried to explain to a vegetable what a vegetarian was… tough crowd.
I’m friends with all the vegetables, you could say we have a close stalk.
My therapist says I need to be more open-minded… so I started meditating in a salad bar.
Why did the vegetable refuse to strike? Because it was a-salaried!
My friend tried to make a car entirely out of vegetables. Turns out it had a huge leek.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite type of music? Anything beet-hoven.
Can’t tell if my social life is sad or not… my friends are mostly root vegetables.
What’s green and goes to a concert? A cello-flower!
Why did the tomato turn red at the party? It saw the salad dressing!
Why don’t they play poker in the produce aisle? Too many cheatin’ onions.
To eat or not to eat, that is the question… Every time I walk by the vegetable aisle.
Just broke up with my girlfriend, guess I’ll go drown my sorrows in…kale juice. At least I’m being healthy.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Vegetable: Veggie Funny Edition

Q: Why did the lettuce win an award? A: Because it was truly out-standing in its field!
Q: What’s a cucumber’s favorite game to play? A: Pickle-boo!
Q: Why did the beet go to the hospital? A: It was feeling really run-down.
Q: What did the vegetable say to the lawyer? A: Lettuce sue ’em!
Q: What do you call a vegetable that’s a sore loser? A: A bitter gourd.
Q: What’s a potato’s favorite dance move? A: The Mash Potato, of course!
Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: It saw the salad dressing!
Q: What does a veggie enthusiast say on their birthday? A: Lettuce celebrate!
Q: Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties? A: He’s a real fungi!
Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin? A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Have you heard about the vegetable band? A: They’re really rockin’ the salad bowl!
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: Where’s pop-corn?
Q: Did you hear about the vegetable who became a detective? A: He always got to the root of the problem!
Q: Why don’t they allow asparagus on planes? A: They tend to spear their opinions!
Q: What’s green and goes to a concert? A: Celery Dion!

Dad Jokes about Vegetable: Ready to sprout some laughter?

Why did the vegetable refuse to participate in the salad competition? It was a little stalk-averse.
What’s a cucumber’s favorite dance move? The Salsa!
Heard about the vegetable that’s a real people-pleaser? It’s always in-the-celery.
Why did the tomato blush in the salad? Because it saw the salad dressing!
You know what sounds like a fake vegetable? A lie-chi.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high… She seemed surprised. Now, I have cauliflower ears.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
I finally started a band for vegetables… We’re called “The Root Notes.”
What do you call a fast zucchini? A courgetta!
Why don’t they play poker in the produce department? Too many cheatin’ chards.
My son’s really into healthy eating. He wants to name his first son after a vegetable. I told him, “Calm down, Kale.”
Where do sick vegetables go? To the salad bar clinic!
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… So I took it to the movies. Now we’re dating. Turns out she’s a real cutie-pie-pumpkin.
Why did the lettuce win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field!
My friend said she wanted to meet me for a salad date… I think she’s a real fungi.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Vegetable to Make You Laugh

Just got dumped. Guess I’ll go cry on my friend’s coleslaw. #Lettucebefriends
My therapist told me to eat my feelings. I think I took it too far. Now I’m dating a potato.
You know you’ve reached peak adulthood when you get excited about a sale on bell peppers. #adultingishard
My love life is like celery: crunchy, a little bit bland, and nobody really wants it all.
I’m not saying I eat a lot of vegetables, but I do know asparagus on a first-name basis. #Asparabro
Don’t be a zucchini. Have courage, be bold, and stand out from the crowd! #MotivationMonday
My attempt at a vegan diet lasted until I realized donuts don’t count as vegetables. #GiveMeAllTheCarbs
I’m not sure what’s more impressive: the size of this zucchini or the fact that I managed to carry it home from the grocery store without a car. #Zucchinistr struggles
Life is like a bowl of guacamole: enjoy the good times before someone adds onions. #avocadodreams
You’re the kale to my quinoa! #veganpickuplines
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you were a vegetable, I’d pick you! #SmoothOperator
Found out broccoli is a flower… Does this mean I can give it to my crush instead of roses? Asking for a friend. #budgetdating
Happy Birthday! Hope your day is filled with cake and only a reasonable amount of vegetables.
“Keep your friends close and your vegetables closer” – Sun Tzu, probably. #WordsToLiveBy

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Vegetable: From the Garden to Your Funny Bone

A potato a day keeps the doctor away… if you throw it hard enough.
Don’t judge a vegetable by its skin, unless it’s a watermelon. Then, judge away!
Give a man a vegetable, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to garden, and you’ll never see him again.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him eat kale.
The early bird gets the worm. The early gardener gets yelled at by the neighbor for using a leaf blower at 7 am.
An onion a day keeps everyone away…because, onions.
A watched pot never boils, but an unwatched garden will definitely go to weed.
Don’t cry over spilled milk. Cry over onions, because those actually hurt your eyes.
You can’t make a salad without romaine calm.
Too many cooks spoil the broth, but a single carrot can’t save a bad soup.
Lettuce be real, vegetables are just side dishes pretending to be healthy.
The grass is always greener… unless you forget to water it. Then it’s just brown and crunchy.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, except for when it comes to avocados. Those things go bad way too quickly.
Two peas in a pod? More like two peas competing for space and nutrients.
Slow and steady wins the race… unless you’re a zucchini. Then you better grow fast before you become a giant, inedible boat.
Good things come to those who wait. But honestly, if you wait too long to eat your veggies, they just go bad in the crisper drawer.

Vegetable Double Entendres Puns To Make You Laugh

“I’m not saying I’m bad in bed, but I once got kicked out of a farmers market for being a vegetable.” (Implies being both literally a vegetable and incredibly dull/uninteresting)
“Baby, you must be a squash, because I’m feeling all mushy inside.” (Plays on both the vegetable “squash” and the feeling of being romantically overwhelmed)
“I’m bringing sexy back… to the vegetable patch.” (Implies bringing excitement/spice to a usually mundane activity like gardening)
“Are you a root vegetable? Because I’d love for you to get right to the root of my problem.” (Implies both a physical desire and a need for assistance/solution)
“I tried to explain to my zucchini why it couldn’t enter the carrot cake competition. It took a while for the news to sink in.” (Plays on the idiom “sink in” literally in relation to a vegetable)
“I’m such a vegetable on the weekends. I literally lettuce do whatever it wants.” (Plays on laziness and the sound of “let us”)
“Want to come back to my place and see my root vegetables? I promise, I’m not as dirty as I sound.” (A classic innuendo with the “root vegetable” double meaning)
“This zucchini is practically begging to be grilled. And by zucchini, I mean…” (Look suggestively towards significant other) (Implies both cooking and romantic/physical desire)
“I’m a real fungi to be with, but just don’t take me for a mushroom.” (Plays on “fun guy” and the negative connotation of being a “mushroom”)
“Is that a cucumber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me… again?” (Classic pick-up line innuendo adapted to a vegetable)
“They said I could be anything I wanted. So I became a cucumber. I’m living the dream, but it’s pretty seedy.” (Plays on achieving aspirations with a pun on “seedy” implying a less glamorous reality)
“I’m feeling a bit melon-choly today. I think I need some vitamin D… and a date with you.” (Wordplay on “melancholy” and the fruit/vegetable ambiguity of a melon)
“You’re hotter than sriracha sauce on a jalapeno popper!” (Spicy food metaphor for describing someone’s attractiveness)
“My therapist told me to talk to my vegetables. Turns out therapy is really expensive when they talk back.” *(Humorous take on the common advice and playing on the absurdity of vegetables talking)
“I met my significant other at the farmers’ market. It was love at first sight. Or maybe it was just the asparagus in their pants.” (Ambiguity between romance and a potentially suggestive visual)
“Let’s make this a night you’ll never forget,” she whispered, seductively holding up a head of cauliflower. “I’ve got the florets for romance.” (Unexpected and silly use of “cauliflower” and “florets” in a romantic context)
“I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once joined a marathon… as a spectator. I was rooting for the vegetables.” (Plays on being a spectator and “rooting” in the context of supporting and cheering)

Funny Vegetable Tom Swifties: Served With Wordplay Dressing

“That’s the last of the kale,” Tom stated emptily.
“These radishes could use some spice,” Tom remarked radically.
“I just planted some potatoes,” Tom said groundedly.
“These peas are absolutely perfect!” Tom declared pleasingly.
“Did you know carrots improve your vision?” Tom asked clearly.
“I think I overcooked the broccoli,” Tom sighed limply.
“This salad is missing something,” Tom decided dill-iberately.
“I’m making butternut squash soup,” Tom announced smoothly.
“My prize-winning pumpkin is missing!” Tom cried seedily.
“I prefer my cucumbers pickled,” Tom admitted sourly.
“These tomatoes are incredibly juicy!” Tom exclaimed succulently.
“This beanstalk is growing rather quickly,” Tom said stalk-ingly.
“These onions are making me cry!” Tom confessed choppily.
“Cauliflower is so versatile,” Tom remarked flowerily.
“These asparagus stalks are awfully long,” Tom commented lengthily.
“I think I’ll have another helping of spinach,” Tom declared Popeye-ly.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Vegetable That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean a while, haven’t you? You owe me a salad!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pea. Pea who? Pea-lease let me in, I have the guacamole!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Artichoke. Artichoke who? Artichoke-ing to you from my garden!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Turnip. Turnip who? Turnip the beet, this party’s about to get started!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Watermelon. Watermelon who? Watermelon you doing later? We’re having a fruit salad party! (Okay, a little fruity cheat!)
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zucchini. Zucchini who? Zucchini it to win it! Veggie power!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you! Will you be my veggie valentine?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tomato. Tomato who? Tomato, tomahto… Just let me in! I brought the veggie dip!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Celery. Celery who? Celery-brate good times, come on! It’s National Veggie Day!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Collard. Collard who? Collard greens are my favorite! What’s yours?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Asparagus. Asparagus who? Asparagus me why you don’t like vegetables! They’re delicious!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cauliflower. Cauliflower who? Cauliflower I be of service? I brought the veggie platter!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yam. Yam who? Yam not going to stand out here all day! Let me in!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Carrot. Carrot who? Carrot-ly believe you ate all the veggie burgers!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Radish. Radish who? Radish the roof! We’ve got the winning veggie chili recipe!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Parsley. Parsley who? Parsley because I told you to open this door, I’m starving!