Laugh Out Loud: 230+ Veggie Jokes & Pun-tastic Humor

Looking for some good laughs and clever vegetable puns? Well, you’ve come to the right place! This list of veggie jokes is sure to have you and your little ones rolling on the floor with laughter. Whether you’re a seasoned vegan or just someone who loves a good humor, these jokes will have you saying “lettuce turnip the beet!” So get ready for some funny and positive veggie humor that will have your whole family cracking up. Lettuce begin the fun!

Adding Some Humor to Your Plate: ‘Veggie’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

1. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
2. “What do you call a squash that’s afraid of commitment? A commitment-phobe gourd.”
3. “Did you hear about the carrot that won the marathon? It was rootin’ for the finish line!”
4. “What do you get when you cross a potato and a porcupine? A spudhog!”
5. “Why did the pea refuse to go out with the carrot? Because it heard he was a rotten date.”
6. “What did the lettuce say to the celery? Nothing, they just gave each other a stalk-eyed look.”
7. “Why did the cucumber hire a bodyguard? Because it was getting picked on by the other veggies.”
8. “Did you hear about the broccoli who ran for office? It polled really well with vegetarians.”
9. “What did the tomato say to the celery at the party? ‘Lettuce turnip the beet!'”
10. “Why did the bell pepper go to therapy? It had some serious capsicum issues.”
11. “What do you call a vegan dinosaur? A herbivore-raptor.”
12. “Why couldn’t the radish find its missing seed? It was all rooted up.”
13. “What did the corn say to its friend who had a cold? ‘Aww, shucks.'”
14. “Why did the carrot go to the doctor? It was feeling a little beta-carrotene.”
15. “What do you call a rude onion? A shallot of trouble.”
16. “Why did the asparagus win an award? Because it was spearheading change in the vegetable community.”
17. “What did the mushroom say to the host of the party? ‘I’m a fungi to be with!'”
18. “Why couldn’t the green bean make a decision? It was too indecisive.”
19. “What did the cauliflower say when it found out it was adopted? ‘I was never romanesco.'”
20. “Why did the potato chip go to the doctor? It felt a little chip-shape.”

Crack Up Your Friends with These Hilarious ‘Funny Veggie’ One-Liner Jokes

1. Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
2. I’m not a fan of steamed vegetables… they always seem to have a lot of baggage.
3. I was going to tell a joke about broccoli, but it’s too stalky.
4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
5. They made a movie about carrots, it was a real blockbuster.
6. Why don’t skeletons like vegetables? They have no stomach for them.
7. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
8. I used to hate vegetables, but then I turnedip my taste buds.
9. How do you make a vegetable laugh? Tell it a corny joke.
10. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high… She looked surprised.
11. What did the lettuce say to the celery? Let us be friends!
12. Why did the pea get pushed off the plate? It was too green!
13. I’m so good at cooking, even my microwave tells me my food is ready.
14. I told the onion to stop being so nosy, but it just cried.
15. What do you call a vegetable that is always putting on a show? A corny performer.
16. Why did the cabbage win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.
17. I named my dog Cauliflower because he’s always floretting around.
18. I told my friend she had a huge zucchini… She said, “That’s just the way I squash people.”
19. What did the spinach say to the mushroom? “You’re one fungi to be with!”
20. Why did the vegetable go to therapy? It had low elf-esteem.

QnA Veggie Comedy: Lettuce Laugh at these Funny Puns!

1. Q: What do you call a vegetable that’s in a bad mood? A: A snap-pea.
2. Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
3. Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery? A: Stop stalking me, you’re giving me the creeps.
4. Q: Why was the carrot sent to timeout? A: It was acting like a real root-veggie.
5. Q: What do you get when you cross a vegetable with a caterpillar? A: A veggie-piller.
6. Q: Why didn’t the tomato want to jump into the pasta sauce? A: It didn’t want to make a ketchup of itself.
7. Q: How do you fix a broken tomato? A: With tomato paste.
8. Q: What do you call a dancing vegetable? A: A twerk-y.
9. Q: Why is the potato always staring at the carrots? A: Because it can’t peel its eyes off of them.
10. Q: Why did the onion get emotional at the vegetable party? A: Because they brought up some tear-jerking subjects.
11. Q: What kind of vegetable hates to be alone? A: A peas-seeker.
12. Q: Why was the pea kicked out of the garden? A: It was a bad split-pea.
13. Q: What does a vegetable need to get into a fancy club? A: A radish invitation.
14. Q: Why did the pepper refuse to go in the stir-fry? A: It didn’t want to get burnt out.
15. Q: What did the celery say when it won an award? A: I’m stalked with pride!
16. Q: What do you call a vegetable that can’t stop working? A: A corn-stant gardener.
17. Q: Why did the cucumber have a good sense of humor? A: Because it knew when to get pickled.
18. Q: What did the carrot say when it won the race? A: I’m root-ing for myself!
19. Q: Why was the broccoli sent to detention? A: It was caught floret-ing.
20. Q: What did the squash say when it got complimented? A: Oh, stop it, you’re making me blush.

Shake Your Lettuce with these Veggie-tastic Dad Jokes!

1. Why couldn’t the carrot go to the party? Because it was too ‘root-ed’
2. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta-soup
3. I’d tell you a joke about broccoli, but it’s a bit ‘steamed’
4. Did you hear about the vegan who couldn’t stop talking about vegetables? He was on a ‘kale’ watch
5. Why did the lettuce go to the doctor? Because it was feeling ‘green’ with envy
6. I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about onions, but she said it would make her ‘tear’ up
7. Did you hear about the pea who got in trouble? It was ‘ground-ed’
8. What did the potato say when it got turned into french fries? “Oh fry goodness sake!”
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the sal- ‘ad dressing’!
10. What do you call a fake Irish vegetable? A ‘shamrock’
11. I tried to make a salad joke, but it had no ‘lettuce’
12. Why did the cabbage win an award? Because it was ‘out-standing’ in its field
13. I asked my son if he ate his vegetables, and he said, “I dig ‘lettuce-ibe’!”
14. Why did the broccoli go to the gym? To get some ‘cauli-fitness’
15. What did the garlic say to the onion? “You make me ‘cry’, but I still love you”
16. I told my wife we should grow our own vegetables, but she said it was a ‘corn-y’ idea
17. Did you hear about the carrot who got a job at the bank? It was in charge of the ‘root’ account
18. What do you call a vegetable who is always working? A ‘celery’ employee
19. Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties? Because it was a ‘fungi’ to be with
20. I told my dad I was going to start a vegetable stand, and he said it sounded like I was ‘turnip’ for success!

Veggie-Licious Laughs: Funny Quotes About the Veggie Life!

1. “I tried going vegetarian, but then I realized bacon is a vegetable too…a bacon vegetable.”
2. “My love for veggies is conditional…as long as they’re coated in cheese and deep fried.”
3. “Friends don’t let friends eat kale. #DownWithTheGreen”
4. “Vegetables are like a punishment for not eating all your dessert.”
5. “Why eat your vegetables when you can just drink a V8 Bloody Mary?”
6. “I’m not vegetarian, I’m more like ‘selectively herbivorous’.”
7. “If eating salad makes you skinny, why am I not a twig by now?”
8. “If vegans swear off any animal by-products, why are they still eating my patience?”
9. “I don’t always eat vegetables, but when I do, it’s only because they’re smothered in ranch.”
10. “I’m no nutritionist, but I’m pretty sure French fries count as a vegetable.”
11. “Why bother making collard greens when you can just have a collard green smoothie…with tequila?”
12. “Vegetables are just a fancy way of saying ‘salad accessories’.”
13. “Eating vegetables is like paying taxes…not enjoyable, but necessary for survival.”
14. “Vegetarians: saving animals one bite at a time, while simultaneously killing their own taste buds.”
15. “You can’t spell ‘vegetarian’ without ‘evil’, and I think that’s telling of something.”
16. “Veggies are like the Taylor Swift of food…everyone thinks they’re great but secretly loves the greasy stuff.”
17. “I don’t trust people who say they love raw vegetables…that’s just a fancy term for ‘animal food’.”
18. “If being vegetarian is so healthy, then why don’t they live in the produce aisle?”
19. “A diet of just vegetables sounds like a nightmare…a salad nightmare.”
20. “I’m a sucker for any veggie dish that starts with ‘fried’ and ends with ‘pickles’.”

Adding Some Humor to Your Plate: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Veggie

1. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a carrot a day keeps the rabbit at bay.”
2. “A veggie a day keeps the meat-eating guilt away.”
3. “You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a vegetable by its worm.”
4. “Better to be a big fish in a salad bowl, than a small fish in a meat-eaters’ tub.”
5. “A kale a day keeps the bad mood away.”
6. “Life is like a salad, the more colorful the better.”
7. “A zucchini in the hand is worth two on the plate.”
8. “Don’t put all your carrots in one soup.”
9. “An onion a day keeps the vampires away.”
10. “The bigger the beet, the sweeter the victory.”
11. “A cucumber’s life is just one big pickle.”
12. “The grass is always greener on the other side of the organic farm.”
13. “Friends are like vegetables, they make you feel healthy and happy.”
14. “Never underestimate the power of a Brussels sprout.”
15. “A pepper a day keeps the bland food away.”
16. “Like a tomato plant, good relationships need plenty of love and sunlight.”
17. “Don’t be a sour grape, be a juicy tomato.”
18. “A cauliflower heart is a beautiful thing.”
19. “The early bird gets the ripest avocado.”
20. “In a world full of fast food, be a slow-cooked vegetable.”

Spice up Your Veggie Game with These Pun-derful Double Entendres!

1. “I like my vegetables like I like my men – hot and steamy.”
2. “My mom always said too much of a good thing can turnip the heat.”
3. “Did you hear the one about the carrot and the potato? They got into a mash together.”
4. “I thought becoming a vegan would be a piece of kale, but it’s actually a lot charder than I expected.”
5. “Why did the corn lose the race? It just couldn’t keep its ears up.”
6. “I refuse to eat asparagus, it’s just too extra for me.”
7. “My diet may be plant-based, but I’ve still got a lot of beef with the carnivores.”
8. “If a cucumber was a superhero, it would definitely be Cuke Skywalker.”
9. “I used to hate broccoli, but then it grew on me.”
10. “Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.”
11. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
12. “I never trust a vegetable that is always peas-ing people off.”
13. “What do you call a group of rabbits hopping through a field of lettuce? A salad bar.”
14. “I asked my vegan friend to bring something to the BBQ, she brought a picture of her garden.”
15. “How does a farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches.”
16. “They tried to make a fruit salad, but all they got was a bunch of melon drama.”
17. “Why couldn’t the green pepper find love? Because it was jalapeno business.”
18. “What did the eggplant say to the tomato? You’re kind of a big dill.”
19. “I tried to make vegetable soup, but it turned out to be just water. I guess I forgot the beef.”
20. “My love for vegetables is as strong as a bok choy on the cob.”

Unbeetable Humor: Recursive Puns About Veggie

1. “Why couldn’t the broccoli stop telling jokes? Because it was on a roll!”
2. “Did you hear about the mushroom who kept forgetting things? He was a real fun(gi) guy!”
3. “What do you call a vegetable who is always late? A parsley!”
4. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
5. “I’m not even sure why I bother buying vegetables. They always seem to end up in a veggie-tative state.”
6. “Why did the pea go to therapy? Because it was feeling a little green.”
7. “What do you call a cucumber that’s in a hurry? A quick-cumber!”
8. “Why was the zucchini so popular? Because it had a lot of Melbourne to spare!”
9. “I told my friend I was going to make a salad out of all the leftover vegetables in my fridge. He said, ‘lettuce pray for them!'”
10. “What do you get when you cross a veggie with a UFO? A flying saucer-kraut!”
11. “Why did the potato get promoted at work? Because it was a real chip off the old block!”
12. “What’s a veggie’s favorite type of music? Beets me!”
13. “How do you know if a vegetable is a superhero? It’s always avocad-ing trouble!”
14. “Did you hear about the carrot who wanted to be an astronaut? He heard there were aliens on Mars-falafel!”
15. “Why did the onion cry during the movie? Because it was a real tear-jerker!”
16. “What did the celery say when it got a compliment? ‘Aww shucks!'”
17. “Why did the corn go to the gym? To get those kernel muscles!”
18. “Do you know what happens when you mix vegetables and cars? You get a vegeta-car-ian!”
19. “Why were the spinach’s parents so proud? Because it was such a leafy-ving child!”
20. “I saw a carrot trying to pick up a date at the fruit stand. It was making quite the persim-mission!”

Veggie-Tastic Tom Swifties: A Punny Play on Plant-Based Phrases

1. “I love organic carrots,” Tom said rawrfully.
2. “I can’t believe it’s not butter,” Tom spread consolingly.
3. “These pickles are delicious,” Tom said brinily.
4. “I’m all about those greens,” Tom said kaleidoscopically.
5. “I have a strong avo-cation to avocados,” Tom said fruitfully.
6. “I may be a potato, but I still make a great couch potato,” Tom said tuberously.
7. “Spinach is my superpower,” Tom said mightily.
8. “I appreciate artichokes for their heart,” Tom said lovingly.
9. “I can’t beet the taste of fresh beets,” Tom said unbeetleably.
10. “Peas do make a great pair,” Tom said in peas and harmony.
11. “I’m plum crazy for plums,” Tom said excitedly.
12. “I’m all about that squash life,” Tom said pumpkin-spicingly.
13. “I’m sweet on sweet potatoes,” Tom said yamfully.
14. “I’m cornfused by all these corn puns,” Tom said cornily.
15. “Broccoli is my go-to when I need a broccoli moment,” Tom said floretly.
16. “I’ll have a tomato sandwich, hold the bread,” Tom said lettucing go of carbs.
17. “Carrots really make my day carroty,” Tom said cheerfully.
18. “I’m feeling radish today,” Tom said radishly.
19. “Cucumbers aren’t just for pickling,” Tom said with a cucumber in his voice.
20. “I wouldn’t be caught dead eating canned vegetables,” Tom said vehemently.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A salad! Veggie try these knock-knock jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Veggie. Veggie who? Veggie-tale you a joke!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce be friends, veggie-style.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Carrot. Carrot who? Carrot-fully made this joke up.
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broccoli. Broccoli who? Broccoli you waiting for, open the door!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tomato. Tomato who? Tomato-ketchup and tell me this joke is funny.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pea. Pea who? Pea-lease let me in, I promise I’m not a veggie-monster!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cucumber. Cucumber who? Cucumber up with a better joke than this one.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Radish. Radish who? Radish-ally funny joke, don’t you think?
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Spinach. Spinach who? Spinach again tomorrow for another joke.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Onion. Onion who? Onion-ly if you promise to laugh at my jokes.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eggplant. Eggplant who? Eggplant-age in a veggie joke competition.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beet. Beet who? Beet-cha didn’t see that one coming!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Asparagus. Asparagus who? Asparagus-tion about this joke, it’s hilarious.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Potato. Potato who? Potato-head and tell me what you think of this joke.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zucchini. Zucchini who? Zucchini you laughing at my jokes!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mushroom. Mushroom who? Mushroom for improvement, but I promise I’ll get better.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Celery. Celery who? Celery-brating with more veggie jokes!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Artichoke. Artichoke who? Artichoke a better joke than this one.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cauliflower. Cauliflower who? Cauliflower field of jokes, can you handle it?
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Grape. Grape who? Grape job finding all these veggie jokes!

Spice Up Your Vocabulary with These ‘Veggie’ Malapropisms!

1. Broccoli Bomber (instead of Brainstormer)
2. Cabbage Snatcher (instead of Heartbreaker)
3. Spinach Schemer (instead of Mastermind)
4. Lettuce Catching (instead of Letting Go)
5. Radish Radical (instead of Rebellious)
6. Artichoke Athlete (instead of Accomplished)
7. Celery Cemetery (instead of Sanctuary)
8. Peasful Mind (instead of Peaceful)
9. Carrot Prince (instead of Charming)
10. Cauliflower Century (instead of Millennium)
11. Avocado Avenger (instead of Vigilante)
12. Turnip Tornado (instead of Hurricane)
13. Tomato Tater (instead of Tattletale)
14. Onion Opera (instead of Drama)
15. Asparagus Assassin (instead of Killer)
16. Squash Squad (instead of Team)
17. Beet Beauty (instead of Belle)
18. Brussels Sprout Sprouter (instead of Innovator)
19. Watercress Warrior (instead of Fighter)
20. Eggplant Entertainer (instead of Comedian)

Veggie Spoonerisms: Get Your Greens and Have Some Fun!

1. “Babbage Colonel” instead of “Cabbage Kernel”
2. “Pepper Butter” instead of “Butter Peppers”
3. “Bean Cyborg” instead of “Green Bay”
4. “Rudolph Beet” instead of “Beet Root”
5. “Corn Chopper” instead of “Chorn Copper”
6. “Lettuce Glitter” instead of “Glitter Lettuce”
7. “Tomato Clog” instead of “Cato Tlog”
8. “Radish Riddle” instead of “Ridish Radle”
9. “Onion Slobster” instead of “Slobster Onion”
10. “Zucchini Tinder” instead of “Tinder Zucchini”
11. “Squashmallow” instead of “Marshmallow Squash”
12. “Spinach Pygmy” instead of “Pygmy Spinach”
13. “Carrot Commotion” instead of “Commotion Carrot”
14. “Pea Plop” instead of “Pea Pod”
15. “Cucumber Melon” instead of “Melon Cucumber”
16. “Asparagus Surfer” instead of “Surfer Asparagus”
17. “Garlicky Jogger” instead of “Jogger Garlic”
18. “Broccoli Windmill” instead of “Windmill Broccoli”
19. “Cauliflower Bonfire” instead of “Bonfire Cauliflower”
20. “Eggplant Enigma” instead of “Enigma Eggplant”

Vegetables are funny, now lettuce wrap it up.

Well folks, it’s time to bid adieu to our veggie pun-derful journey. We hope these 230+ puns about veggies satisfied all your vegetable humor cravings. But don’t let the fun end here, make sure to check out our other posts filled with puns and jokes. After all, laughter is the best medicine and we’ve got plenty of it in our arsenal. Thank you for joining us on this pun-tastic adventure, now go forth and spread the veggie pun love!