125+ Weed Jokes & Puns: You Must Be Blunt To Miss!

Get ready to clear your schedules and maybe your mind because we’ve got the best bud-tastic compilation of weed jokes and puns this side of the dispensary! This list is packed with more humor than a stoner trying to remember what they walked into the room for. Did you know that in ancient China, hemp was so valued that refusing a gift of hemp seeds was considered a crime? Well, prepare to commit a crime against boredom because these clever and positive vibes are totally criminal!

Top Weed Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Blaze Through These Hilarious High-lights

1. What did the weed say to the lighter? Let’s get lit!
2. Never invite weed to a party. It’s guaranteed to get blazed.
3. What’s a stoner’s favorite dating app? High There!
4. What do you call a weed strain named after a famous rapper? A Snoop Dogg Pound.
5. My friend said marijuana isn’t addictive. I told him to pass that on.
6. My dealer said this weed will open your mind. I’m still waiting for the instructions.
7. What do you call it when a joint talks back? High treason.
8. What’s a stoner’s favorite type of music? Anything they can shake their bud to.
9. I used to be anti-marijuana… Then I realized I was being a bit blunt.
10. I used to be addicted to weed… But I’m clean now. It’s been like, 45 minutes.
11. Don’t tell anyone, but I just named my bong “Will.” It gets smoked every other day.
12. What do you call a weed strain that makes you really hungry? The Munchie Monster.
13. If you rearrange the letters in “marijuana”… it spells “I am ruined? Nah.”
14. What’s the most romantic weed strain? Purple Urkle, because it’s all about the love.

Funny Weed One-Liner Jokes For Stoners

1. My love life is like a weed; unwanted, persistent, and probably needs to be killed with fire.
2. My friend said he wanted to live a life free of weed… So I pushed him into a swimming pool.
3. Dating is rough; it’s like trying to find a four-leaf clover in a field of weeds.
4. My resolution this year was to quit smoking weed… turns out my New Year’s resolution was a joint effort.
5. The gardener told me my sense of humor was like a weed… he said, “It really grows on you.”
6. I told my therapist I was addicted to weed… Weeding my garden, that is. He didn’t buy it.
7. My neighbor keeps giving me dirty looks over the fence because of all the “weeds” in my yard. Guess he doesn’t appreciate biodiversity.
8. You know you’ve been single for too long when you start pulling weeds and thinking, “At least someone wants to get close to me.”
9. Some people say money doesn’t grow on trees… clearly they’ve never seen a really good crop of weed.
10. You know you’re a terrible gardener when you can’t even keep your weeds alive.
11. My friend said he could tell me the difference between a good weed and a bad weed. I told him I’d love to hear this high-story.
12. My back has been hurting ever since I spent the weekend pulling weeds. Must have pulled a weed… muscle.
13. I thought about starting a gardening business, but I didn’t want to be known for just pulling weeds. I wanted to branch out.
14. I thought about writing a book about weeds, but everyone told me it wouldn’t sell. They said the market was too green.
15. I’m starting to think my garden is sentient; every time I try to pull a weed, I swear I hear a little voice saying, “Dude, chill.”
16. My dog ate my homework about the different types of weeds. I guess you could say it’s officially gone to pot.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Weed: High-larious Questions & Budding Answers

1. Q: What do you call a weed smoker with a PhD? A: A Bud-dhist scholar!
2. Q: Why did the weed enthusiast win employee of the month? A: Because he was always so highly motivated!
3. Q: What does a weed dispensary use as currency? A: High denomination bills!
4. Q: What’s a stoner’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Romeo and Ju-joint!
5. Q: What did the weed plant say to the other plant? A: “Hey man, wanna get lit?”
6. Q: What’s the only cure for a bad case of the Mondays after 4/20? A: Probably just another Tuesday.
7. Q: Why was the blunt always getting into trouble? A: It was a real joint-delinquent.
8. Q: How do you know your weed dealer is ripping you off? A: He starts offering you “buy one, get one free” deals.
9. Q: What did the weed say to the fire? A: “We’re gonna be bud-dies!”
10. Q: Why did the weed plant get a job at the bank? A: It was really good with high interests.
11. Q: What do you call a weed-themed Valentine’s Day? A: A High-larious Valentine’s Day!
12. Q: What do you call a stoner who’s also a lawyer? A: A master of all things joint custody.
13. Q: Why was the weed plant always invited to parties? A: Because it knew how to get the party blooming!
14. Q: What’s a weed smoker’s favorite type of music? A: Anything they can reggae-tate to.
15. Q: What do you get when a group of stoners start a band? A: A high-pitched battle of the bongos.
16. Q: Why don’t stoners ever win arguments? A: They always forget what they’re arguing about.

Dad Jokes about Weed: The Ultimate Collection

Funny Quotes and Captions about Weed for a High-larious Time

1. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once considered training my dog to roll joints. Then I remembered I don’t have a dog.”
2. “My bank account is like a weed dispensary – I only go there when I’m really feeling down.”
3. “Started seeing a therapist who specializes in cannabis use. Turns out, I’m not addicted, just incredibly enthusiastic.”
4. “Spilled bong water on my carpet. Now it’s a high-traffic area.”
5. “My relationship with weed is like a romantic comedy: full of ups and downs, but ultimately, we just get each other.”
6. “Just bought a weed-themed cookbook. Turns out ‘baked’ has more than one meaning.”
7. “My friends are worried I’m spending too much on weed. I told them to relax, it’s from my essential oils budget.”
8. “My tolerance is so high, I could probably hotbox a phone booth and still need a nap.”
9. “Tried explaining to my grandma what ‘420’ means. Now she thinks it’s a national holiday for gardening.”
10. “Found an old bag of oregano in my cupboard. Briefly considered smoking it out of desperation, then remembered I have standards.”
11. “You know you’ve smoked too much when you start having existential conversations with your houseplants.”
12. “I’m not saying I’m forgetful when I’m high, but I once lost my lighter…in my hand.”
13. “Just saw a weed strain called ‘Quantum Kush.’ Apparently, it gets you high in a parallel universe too.”
14. “Just made a weed-themed dating profile: “Looking for someone who can appreciate the finer things in life, like a good indica and a bag of Cheetos.”
15. “My spirit animal is a sloth that stumbled upon a magic brownie.”
16. “I’m not high maintenance, I’m just high…ly selective about my strain preference.”
17. “Never underestimate the power of a good joint and a cheesy action movie.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Weed: For a Giggly Green Perspective

1. A friend with weed is a friend indeed, especially if they roll a decent speed.
2. Don’t put all your buds in one bowl, unless you’re prepared for a truly epic smoke.
3. The early bird gets the worm, but the high bird forgets what it was looking for.
4. Give a man a joint, and he’ll be chill for a day. Teach a man to grow, and he’ll have sticky fingers for life.
5. A watched pot never boils, but a packed bowl always does.
6. Too many cooks spoil the broth, but too many stoners just means more munchies.
7. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Unless it’s weed, then there’s probably just Doritos and chill.
8. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was this tolerance break.
9. A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a rolling stoner might gather some crumbs.
10. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, unless you’re counting your plants before harvest, then by all means, count away!
11. The grass is always greener on the other side… unless you’re already on the side with the good weed.
12. You can’t judge a bud by its cover, but you can judge a stoner by their lighter collection.
13. Silence is golden, unless you have the munchies, then silence is suspicious.
14. Time flies when you’re having fun, especially when time also seems to be moving really, really slowly.
15. Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and less likely to be around for 4:20.

Weed Double Entendres Puns: A High-larious Collection

1. This relationship is like smoking a joint… If it’s bad, you throw it away.
2. “Honey, did you get rid of the weeds in the garden?” “Nope, just finished rolling them.”
3. This music is fire! It must be some kind of weed.
4. My friend said he wanted to get high and watch a movie about paranoia… I told him to just check his front door camera later.
5. My dealer told me to keep this strain a secret. Guess I’ll be enjoying my private reserve.
6. I tried to write a song about weed, but I got too baked and forgot what rhymes with “kush.”
7. Relationship Status: In a committed relationship with my weed. It understands me.
8. I wanted to start a weed farm, but I couldn’t find a bank willing to give me a loan. Guess it’s too much of a high risk investment.
9. My doctor asked me if I smoked weed, and I said, “Doctor, I’m offended! …Do you have any?”
10. My friend said he wasn’t addicted to weed, but then he named his bong “Stacy.”
11. I used to think weed was bad for my memory… Then I forgot what I was talking about.
12. I told my friend I was going to go cold turkey this Thanksgiving… He asked, “What strain is that?”
13. I took my bong to an antique shop. Turns out it’s a rare piece of high-art.
14. “This party is getting wild!” “Yeah, must be all the weed… or maybe it’s just me.”
15. I tried to explain to my grandma what “420 friendly” meant. She just smiled and said, “Oh honey, every day is a good day for friends!”
16. Be careful who you call ugly in high school… They might be a budtender someday.

Funny Weed Tom Swifties: High-larious Takes on Taylor

1. “This strain is fire!” said Tom highly.
2. “Pass that over here,” said Tom jointly.
3. “Did we just run out?” asked Tom bluntly.
4. “I think I ate too many edibles,” mumbled Tom hazed-over.
5. “Man, I love April 20th,” sighed Tom chronically.
6. “Is it legal here yet?” whispered Tom greenly.
7. “These brownies taste a little strange,” commented Tom weedly.
8. “Dude, check out my stash!” proclaimed Tom proudly stoned.
9. “Anyone else feel like ordering a pizza?” questioned Tom munchiously.
10. “Let’s watch another movie,” suggested Tom stonedly.
11. “Whoa, that was a big hit,” coughed Tom resin-atedly.
12. “I can’t find my lighter anywhere!” exclaimed Tom unlightedly.
13. “Is it just me, or is the room spinning?” wondered Tom high on life.
14. “Let’s hotbox this car,” declared Tom foggily.
15. “Just one more puff,” pleaded Tom desperately baked.
16. “Man, I forgot what I was going to say,” admitted Tom hazed and confused.
17. “Happy 4/20!” celebrated Tom with a contact high.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Weed: High-larious Humor

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better get inside, it’s starting to rain!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed like you to come to our 420 party!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be the cutest couple at the dispensary!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed never have guessed you’d be here!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be lost without our favorite strain!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” rather be at a concert right now!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to place an order for some munchies!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better hurry, this sale on bongs ends soon!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to invite you in, but we just lit some incense.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” love a glass of water, this conversation is getting dry!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be happy to share this joint if you pass the Doritos!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” go to Amsterdam to celebrate, wanna come?
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to apologize for the smell, we’re experimenting with edibles!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better get going, we have a hot date with a movie marathon!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be delighted if you joined us for some board games!