125+ Weed Jokes & Puns: You Must Be Blunt To Miss!
Get ready to clear your schedules and maybe your mind because we’ve got the best bud-tastic compilation of weed jokes and puns this side of the dispensary! This list is packed with more humor than a stoner trying to remember what they walked into the room for. Did you know that in ancient China, hemp was so valued that refusing a gift of hemp seeds was considered a crime? Well, prepare to commit a crime against boredom because these clever and positive vibes are totally criminal!
Top Weed Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Blaze Through These Hilarious High-lights
- What did the weed say to the lighter? Let’s get lit!
- Never invite weed to a party. It’s guaranteed to get blazed.
- What’s a stoner’s favorite dating app? High There!
- What do you call a weed strain named after a famous rapper? A Snoop Dogg Pound.
- My friend said marijuana isn’t addictive. I told him to pass that on.
- My dealer said this weed will open your mind. I’m still waiting for the instructions.
- What do you call it when a joint talks back? High treason.
- What’s a stoner’s favorite type of music? Anything they can shake their bud to.
- I used to be anti-marijuana… Then I realized I was being a bit blunt.
- I used to be addicted to weed… But I’m clean now. It’s been like, 45 minutes.
- Don’t tell anyone, but I just named my bong “Will.” It gets smoked every other day.
- What do you call a weed strain that makes you really hungry? The Munchie Monster.
- If you rearrange the letters in “marijuana”… it spells “I am ruined? Nah.”
- What’s the most romantic weed strain? Purple Urkle, because it’s all about the love.

Funny Weed One-Liner Jokes For Stoners
- My love life is like a weed; unwanted, persistent, and probably needs to be killed with fire.
- My friend said he wanted to live a life free of weed… So I pushed him into a swimming pool.
- Dating is rough; it’s like trying to find a four-leaf clover in a field of weeds.
- My resolution this year was to quit smoking weed… turns out my New Year’s resolution was a joint effort.
- The gardener told me my sense of humor was like a weed… he said, “It really grows on you.”
- I told my therapist I was addicted to weed… Weeding my garden, that is. He didn’t buy it.
- My neighbor keeps giving me dirty looks over the fence because of all the “weeds” in my yard. Guess he doesn’t appreciate biodiversity.
- You know you’ve been single for too long when you start pulling weeds and thinking, “At least someone wants to get close to me.”
- Some people say money doesn’t grow on trees… clearly they’ve never seen a really good crop of weed.
- You know you’re a terrible gardener when you can’t even keep your weeds alive.
- My friend said he could tell me the difference between a good weed and a bad weed. I told him I’d love to hear this high-story.
- My back has been hurting ever since I spent the weekend pulling weeds. Must have pulled a weed… muscle.
- I thought about starting a gardening business, but I didn’t want to be known for just pulling weeds. I wanted to branch out.
- I thought about writing a book about weeds, but everyone told me it wouldn’t sell. They said the market was too green.
- I’m starting to think my garden is sentient; every time I try to pull a weed, I swear I hear a little voice saying, “Dude, chill.”
- My dog ate my homework about the different types of weeds. I guess you could say it’s officially gone to pot.
QnA Jokes & Puns about Weed: High-larious Questions & Budding Answers
- Q: What do you call a weed smoker with a PhD? A: A Bud-dhist scholar!
- Q: Why did the weed enthusiast win employee of the month? A: Because he was always so highly motivated!
- Q: What does a weed dispensary use as currency? A: High denomination bills!
- Q: What’s a stoner’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Romeo and Ju-joint!
- Q: What did the weed plant say to the other plant? A: “Hey man, wanna get lit?”
- Q: What’s the only cure for a bad case of the Mondays after 4/20? A: Probably just another Tuesday.
- Q: Why was the blunt always getting into trouble? A: It was a real joint-delinquent.
- Q: How do you know your weed dealer is ripping you off? A: He starts offering you “buy one, get one free” deals.
- Q: What did the weed say to the fire? A: “We’re gonna be bud-dies!”
- Q: Why did the weed plant get a job at the bank? A: It was really good with high interests.
- Q: What do you call a weed-themed Valentine’s Day? A: A High-larious Valentine’s Day!
- Q: What do you call a stoner who’s also a lawyer? A: A master of all things joint custody.
- Q: Why was the weed plant always invited to parties? A: Because it knew how to get the party blooming!
- Q: What’s a weed smoker’s favorite type of music? A: Anything they can reggae-tate to.
- Q: What do you get when a group of stoners start a band? A: A high-pitched battle of the bongos.
- Q: Why don’t stoners ever win arguments? A: They always forget what they’re arguing about.
Dad Jokes about Weed: The Ultimate Collection
Funny Quotes and Captions about Weed for a High-larious Time
- “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once considered training my dog to roll joints. Then I remembered I don’t have a dog.”
- “My bank account is like a weed dispensary – I only go there when I’m really feeling down.”
- “Started seeing a therapist who specializes in cannabis use. Turns out, I’m not addicted, just incredibly enthusiastic.”
- “Spilled bong water on my carpet. Now it’s a high-traffic area.”
- “My relationship with weed is like a romantic comedy: full of ups and downs, but ultimately, we just get each other.”
- “Just bought a weed-themed cookbook. Turns out ‘baked’ has more than one meaning.”
- “My friends are worried I’m spending too much on weed. I told them to relax, it’s from my essential oils budget.”
- “My tolerance is so high, I could probably hotbox a phone booth and still need a nap.”
- “Tried explaining to my grandma what ‘420’ means. Now she thinks it’s a national holiday for gardening.”
- “Found an old bag of oregano in my cupboard. Briefly considered smoking it out of desperation, then remembered I have standards.”
- “You know you’ve smoked too much when you start having existential conversations with your houseplants.”
- “I’m not saying I’m forgetful when I’m high, but I once lost my lighter…in my hand.”
- “Just saw a weed strain called ‘Quantum Kush.’ Apparently, it gets you high in a parallel universe too.”
- “Just made a weed-themed dating profile: “Looking for someone who can appreciate the finer things in life, like a good indica and a bag of Cheetos.”
- “My spirit animal is a sloth that stumbled upon a magic brownie.”
- “I’m not high maintenance, I’m just high…ly selective about my strain preference.”
- “Never underestimate the power of a good joint and a cheesy action movie.”
Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Weed: For a Giggly Green Perspective
- A friend with weed is a friend indeed, especially if they roll a decent speed.
- Don’t put all your buds in one bowl, unless you’re prepared for a truly epic smoke.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the high bird forgets what it was looking for.
- Give a man a joint, and he’ll be chill for a day. Teach a man to grow, and he’ll have sticky fingers for life.
- A watched pot never boils, but a packed bowl always does.
- Too many cooks spoil the broth, but too many stoners just means more munchies.
- Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Unless it’s weed, then there’s probably just Doritos and chill.
- Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was this tolerance break.
- A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a rolling stoner might gather some crumbs.
- Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, unless you’re counting your plants before harvest, then by all means, count away!
- The grass is always greener on the other side… unless you’re already on the side with the good weed.
- You can’t judge a bud by its cover, but you can judge a stoner by their lighter collection.
- Silence is golden, unless you have the munchies, then silence is suspicious.
- Time flies when you’re having fun, especially when time also seems to be moving really, really slowly.
- Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and less likely to be around for 4:20.
Weed Double Entendres Puns: A High-larious Collection
- This relationship is like smoking a joint… If it’s bad, you throw it away.
- “Honey, did you get rid of the weeds in the garden?” “Nope, just finished rolling them.”
- This music is fire! It must be some kind of weed.
- My friend said he wanted to get high and watch a movie about paranoia… I told him to just check his front door camera later.
- My dealer told me to keep this strain a secret. Guess I’ll be enjoying my private reserve.
- I tried to write a song about weed, but I got too baked and forgot what rhymes with “kush.”
- Relationship Status: In a committed relationship with my weed. It understands me.
- I wanted to start a weed farm, but I couldn’t find a bank willing to give me a loan. Guess it’s too much of a high risk investment.
- My doctor asked me if I smoked weed, and I said, “Doctor, I’m offended! …Do you have any?”
- My friend said he wasn’t addicted to weed, but then he named his bong “Stacy.”
- I used to think weed was bad for my memory… Then I forgot what I was talking about.
- I told my friend I was going to go cold turkey this Thanksgiving… He asked, “What strain is that?”
- I took my bong to an antique shop. Turns out it’s a rare piece of high-art.
- “This party is getting wild!” “Yeah, must be all the weed… or maybe it’s just me.”
- I tried to explain to my grandma what “420 friendly” meant. She just smiled and said, “Oh honey, every day is a good day for friends!”
- Be careful who you call ugly in high school… They might be a budtender someday.
Funny Weed Tom Swifties: High-larious Takes on Taylor
- “This strain is fire!” said Tom highly.
- “Pass that over here,” said Tom jointly.
- “Did we just run out?” asked Tom bluntly.
- “I think I ate too many edibles,” mumbled Tom hazed-over.
- “Man, I love April 20th,” sighed Tom chronically.
- “Is it legal here yet?” whispered Tom greenly.
- “These brownies taste a little strange,” commented Tom weedly.
- “Dude, check out my stash!” proclaimed Tom proudly stoned.
- “Anyone else feel like ordering a pizza?” questioned Tom munchiously.
- “Let’s watch another movie,” suggested Tom stonedly.
- “Whoa, that was a big hit,” coughed Tom resin-atedly.
- “I can’t find my lighter anywhere!” exclaimed Tom unlightedly.
- “Is it just me, or is the room spinning?” wondered Tom high on life.
- “Let’s hotbox this car,” declared Tom foggily.
- “Just one more puff,” pleaded Tom desperately baked.
- “Man, I forgot what I was going to say,” admitted Tom hazed and confused.
- “Happy 4/20!” celebrated Tom with a contact high.
Knock-Knock Jokes about Weed: High-larious Humor
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better get inside, it’s starting to rain!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed like you to come to our 420 party!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be the cutest couple at the dispensary!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed never have guessed you’d be here!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be lost without our favorite strain!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” rather be at a concert right now!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to place an order for some munchies!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better hurry, this sale on bongs ends soon!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to invite you in, but we just lit some incense.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” love a glass of water, this conversation is getting dry!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be happy to share this joint if you pass the Doritos!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” go to Amsterdam to celebrate, wanna come?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? “Weed” like to apologize for the smell, we’re experimenting with edibles!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed better get going, we have a hot date with a movie marathon!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weed. Weed who? Weed be delighted if you joined us for some board games!