105+ Wine Jokes & Puns to Uncork Some Laughs 🍷😂

Uncork your funny bone and get ready for a grape escape, because we’re about to dive into the best wine jokes and puns this side of the vineyard! If you’re looking for a list of clever quips and witty wordplay that’s sure to get a chuckle, you’ve come to the right place. Did you know that there are over 10,000 varieties of wine grapes worldwide? Well, we’re here to provide the perfect pairing of humor for every single one. So grab a glass (or don’t, we won’t judge), and get ready for some seriously funny grape juice-inspired humor. You’re in for a vine time!

Top Wine Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Aged to Perfection

Wine not? It’s five o’clock somewhere! 🍷
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes… so I’m finishing this bottle of wine.
Pinot believe it’s Monday already.
What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
You can’t sip with us. (Mean Girls, anyone?)
Adulting is hard. Please pass the wine.
Does this wine make my glass look full? Asking for a friend.
It’s wine o’clock.
Sip, sip, hooray! It’s the weekend!
Therapy is expensive, but wine is cheaper.
Today’s forecast: 99% chance of wine.
Keep calm and drink wine.
Friends come and go, but wine is forever.
Couples who drink wine together, stay together.
I like my men like I like my wine – full-bodied and aged to perfection.
Tonight’s plans: Ignore calories and drink wine.
Sorry for what I said before I had my wine.

Funny Wine Jokes With One Liner Clever Wine Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Wine One-Liner Jokes: Sip, Smile, and Share

I tried to make wine disappear with my mind. Turns out, I’m not very clair-vin-yant.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
I tried to explain to my wife that age is just a number on a bottle of wine… she was corking furious!
People say I’m getting too old to drink this much wine. Clearly they’ve never met a vine-tage like me!
Why are wine lovers such great debaters? They always bring a strong argauvment.
I’m starting a band called “99 Bottles” – we only play wine bars.
You can’t spell “unwind” without “wine”… coincidence? I think not!
My doctor told me I need to watch my drinking. Now I just drink in front of a mirror, wine not?
What kind of music does a sommelier listen to? Grape hits!
If you ever feel stressed, just remember what the Dalai Lama said: “Don’t worry, be wine.”
Does anyone else collect wine glasses, or are you normal?
I’m not sure what’s more impressive, my wine collection or my ability to justify it.
Just took a DNA test and it turns out I’m 100% that wine-you-can-drink.
I only drink wine on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
Wine not make every night a “wine” night? It’s five o’clock somewhere! 🍷

QnA Jokes & Puns about Wine: Uncork Your Inner Comedian

Q: What did the red wine say to the white wine after a long day? A: “It’s been a real whine-and-dine kind of day.”
Q: Why did the wine glass break up with the wine bottle? A: They said we were too “bottled-up” as a couple.
Q: Have you heard about the new dating app for wine enthusiasts? A: It’s called “Cabernet Singledom.”
Q: Why did the Pinot Noir get a promotion at work? A: He was always outstanding in his field.
Q: What do you call a wine tasting for chickens? A: A “coop-d’état” of the senses!
Q: Did you hear about the chaotic wine tasting event? A: People were completely out of Riesling!
Q: Why do grapes make terrible liars? A: The truth is always fermenting inside them!
Q: What do you call a birthday party where everyone brings a bottle of wine? A: A Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc-anza!
Q: What did the Zen master say about the perfect wine? A: “It’s all about being in the present… vintage.”
Q: How does a winemaker apologize to his grapes? A: “I’m so sorry for the crushing defeat.”
Q: What do you call a group of drunk grapes? A: A “stumble of grapes”!
Q: What kind of music do they play at a wine tasting? A: Anything they Cabernet!
Q: What do you get when you mix wine with a scary movie? A: A “noir-suspense” thriller!
Q: Why don’t they serve wine at math parties? A: You can’t drink and derive!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite type of wine? A: “I’m not sure, but it’s gotta be red!”
Q: How does a wine glass stay fit? A: Plenty of stem-ulation!

Dad Jokes about Wine: Aged to Perfection

I tried to make wine out of grapes I stepped on. It was a terrible mistake. Turns out, it was just bad juice.
You know what my wife and I like to do for our anniversary? We go whine tasting!
I thought about opening a winery in the desert, but… It was a dry idea.
My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine a day to improve my health. I think he’s trying to whine me down!
Why didn’t the grape make it to the wine tasting? He had to work late at the vine-yard.
What do you call a wine lover who’s always complaining? A real whine-o.
Why don’t they play poker in the vineyard? Too many cheatin’ zinfandels.
I used to be a sommelier, but I had to quit. I couldn’t handle the glares I got for constantly wine-ing.
Why is wine so rebellious? Because it’s always ready to ferment a revolution!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
Did you hear about the detective who specialized in wine crimes? He was on a Cabernet case.
What did the wine say to the glass? “You look like you could use a little whine-ding down!”
Why did the wine get lost going to the party? Because it took a wrong turn on the mer-lot!
I’m not sure what wine to pair with seafood. I guess I’ll just have to wing it!
My son said he wants to be a sommelier when he grows up. I told him to follow his dreams, even if they seem un-realistic.
You know, I make wine disappear. Really, it’s my special talent!

Funny Quotes and Captions about Wine to Uncork Some Laughter

“I’m not saying I🍷 wine a lot, but my therapist thinks Cabernet Sauvignon is my spirit animal.”
“Just booked a flight to Napa Valley. My liver called, they’re expecting me.” 🍷✈️
“Wine tasting is my idea of a well-balanced meal.” 🍷👅
“Sure, exercise is good for you, but have you tried unwinding with a glass of Pinot Noir?” 🍷🧘‍♀️ #priorities
“Does anyone else struggle to pronounce “Pinot Noir” without sounding like a pretentious pirate? Just me? Okay.” 🍷🏴‍☠️
“They say happiness is a warm puppy. Lies, it’s a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.” 🍷🐶
“Age is just a number. A number that pairs really well with a bold Cabernet.” 🍷🎂
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I pair it with wine.” 🍷🐠
“Spilled red wine on my white shirt. Guess I’ll just have to drink the rest to forget about it.” 🍷👚 #LifeHacks
“The only reason I exercise is to increase my wine tolerance level.” 🍷💪 #FitnessGoals
“Always trust a person who offers you their last glass of wine. They understand true love.” 🍷💖
“Winederful: The feeling of pure joy after the first sip of wine.” 😊🍷 #newword
“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of wine. And maybe a cat. Okay, definitely a cat.” 🍷🐱 #Girlboss
“If you can still say “Pinot Noir” correctly after a bottle, you need another bottle.” 🍷😜
“Did someone say ‘wine o’clock’? It’s somewhere on this clock, right?” 🍷🕐 #TimeIsAnIllusion

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Wine to Make You Giggle & Swirl

A grape a day keeps the doctor… on standby. (Just in case!)
You can’t make a good whine with bad wine. (Unless you’re REALLY good at complaining.)
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese and wine pairing. (Patience is a virtue.)
Don’t put all your grapes in one bottle…unless you’re making wine. Then, cram ’em in there! (Follow your dreams, especially if they involve fermentation.)
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to ferment grapes, and… well, you’ve got a friend for life. (Wine: the ultimate social lubricant.)
It’s always wine o’clock somewhere. If not, you’re in the wrong time zone. (A handy excuse for any occasion.)
Age is just a number. Especially when it comes to that dusty bottle of Pinot in your cellar. (Let’s be honest, some things just get better with age.)
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him swirl and sniff like he knows what he’s doing at a wine tasting. (Some things can’t be taught.)
“Wine not?” – The official motto of anyone who ever needed another glass. (When in doubt, pour another.)
Never cry over spilled milk. Especially when you could be refilling your glass with a perfectly chilled Sauvignon Blanc. (Perspective is everything.)
Life is too short to drink bad wine. Or, you know, do anything else you don’t enjoy. (Indulge in the good stuff, whatever that may be.)
A balanced diet is a glass of wine in each hand. Makes perfect sense to me! (Who needs food when you have perfectly symmetrical beverages?)
Behind every great person is a great glass of wine. Sometimes, it’s the other way around. (Wine: inspiring greatness for centuries.)
You’re not truly an adult until you own a corkscrew and know how to use it. Without sending the cork into the bottle. (Adulting: Level Wine.)
Wine not make every day a “wine” birthday? Cake, candles, and Cabernet? I’m in! (Because every day deserves a little celebration.)

Wine Double Entendres Puns to Toast Your Funny Bone

“I’m not sure what’s more dangerous, the tannins in this wine or the way you’re eyeing me.” (Playing on the potential bitterness of tannins and flirting)
“This Pinot Noir is really opening up… just like my schedule tonight.” (Wine breathing and availability)
“This wine has really gone to my head… and my legs, and my ability to text coherently.” (Wine’s effect and humorous exaggeration)
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I did name my sourdough starter ‘Sauvignon Blanc’.” (Attachment to wine and absurd humor)
“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine, and that’s basically the same thing… right?” (Wine as a substitute for happiness, relatable humor)
“Sure, I can tell you about my bouquet… but I’d rather show you how well it pairs with yours.” (Wine bouquet and romantic gesture)
“This vintage is exquisite… almost as exquisite as your taste in witty banter and fermented grapes.” (Wine quality and compliment)
“I’m all for aging gracefully, but I draw the line at smelling like cork.” (Wine aging and self-deprecating humor)
“Let’s get together soon. We’ll drink some wine, swap stories, and try to remember what we talked about the next day.” (Casual hangout with wine’s effect)
“I’m not sure what’s drier, this Chardonnay or my dating life.” (Wine dryness and self-deprecating dating humor)
“This Merlot is so smooth, it could charm the pants off a sommelier.” (Smoothness of wine and humorous exaggeration)
“I’m in a committed relationship… with this bottle of Malbec.” (Dedication to wine and single life humor)
“Wine not? It’s a rhetorical question, I’m already pouring.” (Play on “why not” and eagerness for wine)
“I like to think of myself as a connoisseur… of cheap wine and cheesy pick-up lines.” (Wine knowledge and self-aware humor)
“I only drink wine on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.” (Playful excuse for drinking wine)

Funny Wine Tom Swifties For A Grape Time 🍷

“This wine isn’t very good,” Tom said sourly.
“Is that wine from Oregon?” Tom asked pointedly.
“I love pairing this cheese with red wine,” Tom said sharply.
“This wine is corked!” Tom exclaimed dryly.
“I wish I had a whole cellar of this vintage,” Tom said wistfully.
“This wine pairs perfectly with red meat,” Tom said boldly.
“Just a splash of wine for me,” Tom said lightly.
“I think this wine has turned to vinegar,” Tom said acidly.
“This Cabernet Sauvignon is divine!” Tom said gracefully.
“This vintage seems a bit off,” Tom said crustily.
“One sip and you’ll fall in love,” Tom said smoothly.
“This wine has really blossomed with age,” Tom said maturely.
“I prefer my wine with a side of grapes,” Tom said vine-ingly.
“That’s definitely a robust Merlot,” Tom said full-bodiedly.
“I’m fine, but the wine is fantastic!” Tom said excitedly.
“This bottle is empty!” Tom whined.

Knock-Knock Jokes about Wine to Uncork Some Laughter

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not join me for a glass?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine you figure out I brought snacks too?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-ing about it won’t uncork this bottle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine down and tell me about your day.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-derful to see you, let’s celebrate with a glass!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-ing is only acceptable if you don’t share!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine a minute, I think I forgot the corkscrew!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not make it a double? We deserve it!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-ing isn’t attractive, but this vintage sure is!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine you asking so many questions, just pour us a drink!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not make tonight a movie and merlot night?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine you’re here, we can finally pop open this bottle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-ing wouldn’t help you open that jar, but I brought snacks!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-derful things come to those who drink wine!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-ing about the price of good grapes is pointless, let’s splurge!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine you see a bottle this good, you just have to open it!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine-der where I put my glass…. Ahh, found it! 🥂