2 Be or Not 2 Be: 210+ Hilarious Shakespeare Jokes & Puns

Welcome, my dear jesters and mirth-seekers, to a post that is sure to leave you in stitches – Shakespeare jokes! For the best and most clever puns about the bard himself, look no further. We’ve gathered a list of puns that will have even the most serious of Shakespeare scholars cracking a smile. So if you’re in need of some humor, whether you’re a kid or a kid at heart, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s get started, shall we?

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Brush Up Your ‘Shakespeare’ Puns & Jokes with Our Top Editor’s Picks!

Why did Shakespeare become a vegetable farmer? To grow his own Hamlet-tuce.
What do you call a musical about Shakespeare’s tragedies? Romeo and Jukebox.
What did Shakespeare say when his wife asked if he wanted to go out for dinner? “To dine, or not to dine, that is the question.”
How does Shakespeare send his love letters? By Sonnet-mail.
What did the English teacher say to her students before teaching Shakespeare? “Brace yourselves, winter is coming.”
Why was Shakespeare always so tired? Because he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep, there were too many Macbeths in his head.
What do you call a Shakespearean ghost? A Hamlet-geist.
How did Shakespeare’s friends try to cheer him up when he was down? They gave him a Midsummer Night’s Beam.
What did Lady Macbeth say when she couldn’t find her favorite shirt? “Out, out, damned spot!”
Why did Juliet refuse to order anything but plain water with her meals? She didn’t want any Rosaline in her drink.
What do you call it when Shakespeare’s characters go bowling? Romeo and Bowl-iet.
What was Shakespeare’s favorite type of sandwich? A Measure f Measure BLT.
Why was Shakespeare always losing his keys? He could never remember where he left his As You Like It.
How did Shakespeare react when his son didn’t want to follow in his footsteps as a playwright? He said, “Thou art a horseless anagram of myself!”
What did Shakespeare say when someone asked for his advice on love? “To be or not to be…in love, that is the question.”
Why did Shakespeare start a gardening club? He wanted to make Macbeth and Grows.
What do you call a slimy, untrustworthy Shakespearean character? A playsnake.
How do you make Shakespeare laugh? Tell him a pun, he’s all about Comedy of Errors.
Why did Shakespeare never get a smartphone? He was too afraid his tweets would be mistaken for Twelfth Night.
What was Shakespeare’s favorite type of fruit? The Tempest-peach.

Tickle your funny bone with these witty Shakespearean one-liners!

I have a feeling that Shakespeare would have been a great pun artist, he had a way with words, or should I say wordplay?
What did Shakespeare say when his wife asked for a divorce? “To be or not to be, that is the prenup.”
I heard Shakespeare used to recycle his old jokes, he was the original king of rePUNishment.
Why did Shakespeare write so many tragedies? Because he needed something to comedify.
They say Shakespeare’s bedroom was always cluttered because he was constantly getting bard at night.
What did Shakespeare say when he was running late? “I’ll be prince in a minute.”
I heard Shakespeare was a terrible cook, all of his dishes tasted like Much Ado About Muffin.
Why did Shakespeare refuse to play tennis? Because he didn’t like to play with Macbeths.
Did you hear about the Shakespearean actor who only performed in the winter? He was always cold-learing.
I asked my friend to help me memorize lines from Shakespeare, but they just kept giving me blank verse.
What do you call Shakespeare’s side job? Prose-stitution.
I tried to write a play about puns, but it was a fail-o of PUNtastic proportions.
Why couldn’t Shakespeare get any peace and quiet? Because the actors were always “bard”-ering for attention.
I heard Shakespeare used to ghostwrite for other playwrights, he was the original ghost writer.
What did Shakespeare say when someone tried to steal his quill? “Et tu, pencil?”
I can see why Shakespeare wrote plays instead of jokes, he was always looking for a solilo-LOL-quy.
I heard Shakespeare used to be a skateboarder, he was known for his epic taming of the shred.
Why did Shakespeare never participate in fashion trends? He didn’t want to go out of style-o.
What did Shakespeare say when he won an award? “I’d like to thank the academy for this much acclaimed-e.”
They say Shakespeare’s plays were always sold out, even his tickets were in high-demandle.

Iambic Laughter: QnA Jokes & Puns about Shakespeare

Q: What did Shakespeare call his pet cat? A: Purrspero.
Q: Why did Marie Antoinette refuse to eat Shakespeare’s plays? A: Because she didn’t want to share the stage with a bard.
Q: How does Shakespeare decide who plays the main characters in his plays? A: He writes a part for each actor and then lets them duke it out.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Much Ado About Plunder.
Q: Why didn’t Shakespeare ever play football? A: Because he was afraid of a Midsummer’s Night Dream Team.
Q: What do you call a Shakespearean playwright who keeps borrowing money? A: A bard-lender.
Q: Where does Shakespeare go when he needs a new quill? A: The Bard Supply Store.
Q: What’s the most popular day of the week for Shakespeare’s plays? A: Sunday, because that’s when everyone gets a Day of-Rest-oration.
Q: What’s Shakespeare’s favorite word to use in his plays? A: Thee-hee.
Q: What did Shakespeare say when the stagehand forgot to put up the backdrop? A: To be or not to be backdrop, that is the question!
Q: What do you call a Shakespearean romance gone wrong? A: A Much Ado About Nothing.
Q: How did Shakespeare update his plays for the modern audience? A: He used iambic Pentium instead of iambic Pentameter.
Q: Why couldn’t Shakespeare’s characters go swimming? A: Because all the pools were closed on account of Julius Seize-her.
Q: How does Shakespeare stay in shape? A: He jogs on the Hamlet Mill.
Q: Why did Shakespeare write most of his plays in England? A: Because they have a Globe Theater there.
Q: What punishment did Shakespeare give to the actors who forgot their lines? A: They had to do 5,000 push-ups before the next performance.
Q: What did the groundlings say when they saw a bad play? A: Boo-lie et-tu, Shakespeare?
Q: What’s Macbeth’s favorite fruit? A: Ban-Anthony app-Lio.
Q: What’s Shakespeare’s favorite snack? A: Hamlet and cheese sandwiches.
Q: Why didn’t Shakespeare’s son become a playwright? A: Because he wanted to be free from the trappings of fame and fortune. He just wanted to be known as The Tem-purrr-er.

Quip like the Bard: Hilarious Proverbs & Witty Wise Sayings about Shakespeare

“A midsummer night’s dream is just a fancy way of saying ‘I slept like a rock.'”
“Out, damned spot! And while you’re at it, grab me a spot of tea.”
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players…but some of us are better at improv.”
“Brevity is the soul of wit…unless you’re trying to impress someone with your vocabulary.”
“To be or not to be? That is the conundrum for anyone trying to decide on takeout.”
“The course of true love never did run smooth…but at least it comes with free shipping on Amazon.”
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks…but hey, at least she’s passionate.”
“Parting is such sweet sorrow…until you realize you left your phone charger at their place.”
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet…but a bouquet would still be nice.”
“Double, double, toil and trouble…sounds like my morning commute.”
“To thine own self be true…unless your self is someone who double-dips.”
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind…and the occasional late-night text.”
“The winter of our discontent…aka the season when Netflix updates their library.”
“Eyes are the windows to the soul…but mine could use some Windex.”
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars…it’s probably just user error.”
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have to do the dishes.”
“The Taming of the Shrew…aka every family dinner ever.”
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet…but let’s be real, who doesn’t want a bouquet of pizza?”
“To be, or not to be…late for work. Sorry, Hamlet, I’ll take the extra 5 minutes of sleep.”
“Beware the ides of March…especially when there’s a 50% off sale at the mall.”

To Bard or not to Bard: Hilarious Dad Jokes about Shakespeare

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Because pencils were too #2 for him.
How did Shakespeare fix his plot holes? With character development-ium.
I tried to write a play about puns, but it was a play on words.
What do you call a Shakespearean sleepover? A midsummer night’s slumber party.
Why did Shakespeare become a playwright? He couldn’t resist the stage!
What do you call a play with only one actor? A solilo-bore!
I asked my English teacher if she knew any Shakespearean pickup lines. She said, “Are you a sonnet? Because we can’t end this without a couplet.”
Why did Shakespeare write tragedies? For the drama of it all.
What did the bard say after eating an entire large pizza? I’m bard-in’ up!
What did Shakespeare buy for his wife’s birthday? The complete works of William Shakespeare, of course!
Why was Hamlet always sniffling? He had the prince of fevers.
What do you call a Shakespearean ghost that haunts a bakery? A Ham-let them eat cake!
How do you make Lady Macbeth laugh? Just give her some tickled-pink vodka.
Why did Shakespeare only write with a quill? Because he could never find a pen’s point.
What did the actors say after their performance of Othello? “Bravo-speare!”
What did the ghost of Julius Caesar say when he saw the line at the bar? “Et tu, barista?”
Why was Romeo always out of breath when he talked to Juliet on the balcony? He was stairs-struck.
What do you call a Shakespearean cow? Much Ado About Moo.
How do you know if you’re watching a Shakespearean comedy? Everyone ends up married or dead.
What did Shakespeare say when someone told him to stop making dad jokes? “To pun or not to pun, that is the question.”

Redefining Classic Comedy with Shakespeare’s Double Entendres Puns

“To be or not to be- that is the question…of whether to order the pizza with extra cheese or not.”
“Thou hast a mind like a maze, but I’ll gladly lose my way in it.”
“Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Oh, at the bar getting us some drinks.”
“It is a wise father that knows his own child- and even wiser if he can recognize them in college.”
“Is this a dagger I see before me, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Parting is such sweet sorrow, especially when the only thing separating us is this pesky restraining order.”
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them- like this hot dog down my throat.”
“Brevity is the soul of wit, but a good fart joke doesn’t hurt either.”
“The course of true love never did run smooth…unless you’re on a Slip n’ Slide.”
“Out, damned spot! Please, Jeremy, wipe your feet before coming inside.”
“Love goes toward love as school-children go toward their books, grudgingly and with a lot of whining.”
“Though she be but little, she is fierce- especially after her fifth tequila shot.”
“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on- unlike this vegan burger, which is surprisingly delicious.”
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet- unless it’s called ‘Stinky McStinkerson.'”
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks- just shut up and eat your vegetables.”
“It was the owl that shrieked, the fatal bellman- or maybe it was just my wife nagging me to take out the trash.”
“My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun- because she never wears her sunglasses.”
“How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child…or a teenager.”
“O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I…for forgetting my wallet on a first date.”
“The better part of valor is discretion- but the better part of a pizza is definitely the crust.”

Unpacking the ‘Play’ on Words: Recursive Puns about Shakespeare

Did you hear about the hipster who refused to read anything by Shakespeare? He just didn’t want to be Bard-ered with old literature.
I told my friend I was going to see a Shakespeare play tonight. He replied, “I hope you don’t get trapped in a Midsummer Night’s Dream!”
Why did the Shakespearean actor refuse to go on stage? He was having a bad Hamlet day.
My teacher asked me to write a paper on Romeo and Juliet, but I just couldn’t get past the first page. It was all Greek to me!
What is Shakespeare’s favorite dessert? Romeo and Jell-o!
I went to see a performance of Macbeth, but all the actors seemed a bit too dramatic. I think they were just trying to make a play for attention.
What did the groundlings say after watching King Lear? “That play was a real eye-opener!”
Why is Shakespeare the original king of romantic comedies? Because he wrote the book on love, actually.
Macbeth went to a restaurant and ordered a steak, but when it arrived it was much smaller than he expected. He exclaimed, “Is that a dagger I see before me?”
Why did Hamlet buy a new phone? Because his old one was full of unhappy memories. He needed to recycle his number.
Why are Shakespeare’s plays like roller coasters? They’re full of twists and turns and ups and downs.
What’s Shakespeare’s favorite place to buy groceries? The Merchant of Venice Mart.
I asked my drama teacher if we could do a production of Othello, but she said it wasn’t appropriate for high school. Iago-nized over it for weeks.
What did Hamlet say when he accidentally walked into a glass door? “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
A man walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender replied, “Sorry, we don’t serve ale-ment in this establishment.”
What did the ghost of Banquo order at the bar? He asked for a double, toil and trouble.
I was thinking about auditioning for the school play, but I’m afraid I’ll get stage-wrights.
What do you call a Shakespearean play about a snowman? Romeo and Nutcracker.
Why is it hard to find vegetarian options at a Shakespearean feast? Because it’s all about the meat, and no veggie fools allowed.
They say Shakespeare’s plays were meant to be performed outdoors in the Globe Theatre. That explains why they were always so full of dramatic weather!

Brush Up on Your Bard Blunders: Shakespeare’s Hilarious Malapropisms

“To be or not to be, that is the question mark.”
“Romeo and his ginger ale Juliet.”
“Et tu, Brute? But thou art my salad!”
“What light brazier through yonder window breaks?”
“Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him as a jester.”
“Is this a dagger I see before me, or just a fancy squish?”
“The course of true love never did run smoothie.”
“Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and it smells like old cheese.”
“Parting is such sweet and sour sorrow.”
“It’s all Greek to me, but I’ll have a plate of moussaka please.”
“The lady doth protest too loudly, methinks.”
“To thine own self, be true-blue.”
“Though she be but little, she is fussy.”
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
“All’s fair in love and warthog.”
“A rose by any other name would still smell like feet.”
“The play’s the thing, wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the kingtrout.”
“Out, out, I say! Thou art a blathering idiot!”
“When sorghum’s ripe, then pluck it and make some beer.”
“For who could ever learn to love a beastial devil.”

Shaking Up Shakespeare: Hilarious Spoonerisms to Tickle Your Funny Bone

“Wobby Hards’ instead of “Hardy Boys”
“Romeo and Gullet” instead of “Juliet and Romeo”
“Macduffin’ it” instead of “Duffin’ it”
“Hamlet’s Breast” instead of “Best Hamlet”
“Othello’s Smash” instead of “Smash Othello”
“Taming of the Snooze” instead of “Taming of the Shrew”
“Henry V and the Pea” instead of “Henry V and the War”
“Merchant of Tennis” instead of “Merchant of Venice”
“A Midsummer Night’s Squeeze” instead of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
“The Tempest in a Tea Cup” instead of “The Tempest in a Teacup”
“Macbeast and Lady M” instead of “Lady M and Macbeth”
“Romeo and Cooliet” instead of “Juliet and Romeo”
“As You Wig It” instead of “As You Like It”
“King Liar” instead of “King Lear”
“The Comedy of Droolers” instead of “The Comedy of Errors”
“Troilus and Cressiderm” instead of “Troilus and Cressida”
“A Midsummer Night’s Steam” instead of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
“The Two Melchizedeks” instead of “The Two Gentlemen of Verona”
“Twelfth Bright” instead of “Twelfth Night”
“Julius Seizure” instead of “Julius Caesar”

To Thine Own Pun Be True: Shakespeare-Inspired Tom Swifties

“I can’t believe I just saw a ghost,” said Hamlet, spiritlessly.
“To be or not to be,” said Macbeth, indecisively.
“Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou?” asked Juliet, unrequitedly.
“Out, out, brief candle,” said Lady Macbeth, light-headedly.
“Beware the Ides of March,” warned Julius Caesar, stabbily.
“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!” exclaimed Richard III, equestrianly.
“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears,” requested Mark Antony, irresistibly.
“Double, double, toil and trouble,” chanted the witches, hexily.
“Is this a dagger I see before me?” questioned Macbeth, cutlessly.
“Now is the winter of our discontent,” lamented Richard III, chillingly.
“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou a Montague?” pondered Juliet, tragically.
“The course of true love never did run smooth,” sighed Lysander, romantically.
“What light through yonder window breaks?” queried Romeo, curtainly.
“Something wicked this way comes,” muttered Macbeth, spookedily.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow,” said Juliet, tearfully.
“To thine own self be true,” advised Polonius, honestly.
“Though she be but little, she is fierce,” declared Hermia, diminutively.
“The lady doth protest too much,” remarked Gertrude, suspiciously.
“What’s in a name?” asked Juliet, namelessly.
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” mused Juliet, floraliciously.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? William. William who? William Shakespeare and his pun-derful knock-knock jokes!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? William. William who? William Shakespeare!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bard. Bard who? Bard you glad I didn’t say Macbeth?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Romeo. Romeo who? Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hamlet. Hamlet who? To knock or not to knock, that is the question.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Juliet. Juliet who? Juliet a little bit closer, I’m knocking on the door!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck. Puck who? Puck you, I won’t knock again!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? King. King who? King Lear-ious knock-knock jokes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ophelia. Ophelia who? Ophelia me knock on your door!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Falstaff. Falstaff who? Falstaff-en enough of these knock-knock jokes?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Titania. Titania who? Titania Queen of the knock-knock jokes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Portia. Portia who? Portia door is always open for Shakespeare jokes.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Prospero. Prospero who? Prospero good at delivering Shakespeare puns!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Viola. Viola who? Viola la! A Shakespeare knock-knock joke!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Iago. Iago who? Iago to let me in or I’ll start singing Desdemona’s song!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Oberon. Oberon who? Oberon so much fun making Shakespeare knock-knock jokes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beatrice. Beatrice who? Beatrice me, I can’t stop laughing at these Shakespeare jokes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rosencrantz. Rosencrantz who? Rosencrantz a great Shakespeare character to make knock-knock jokes about!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Benedick. Benedick who? Benedick me, these Shakespeare jokes are cracking me up!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Duncan. Duncan who? Duncan I deliver another Shakespeare knock-knock joke!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shakespeare. Shakespeare who? Shakespeare your booty, it’s time to dance to some funny knock-knock jokes!

To be punny or not to be, Shakespeare!

Looks like it’s time to bid ado to this post, but before thou goeth, make sure to check out our other posts full of puns and jokes for a jolly good laugh. Go forth and spread the bard’s wit and humor with these Shakespearean puns about Shakespeare. After all, all’s well that ends pun-ny!