Laughing in the Face of Death: 200+ Jokes & Puns About the Departed

Welcome to the most mortifying collection of dead jokes and puns you’ll ever come across! Don’t worry, we promise it’s all in good humor. From headstones to zombies, we’ve dug up the funniest jokes about the dearly departed. These clever wordplays are perfect for kids (and adults) who appreciate a bit of dark humor. So get ready to laugh until your bones ache and enjoy our killer list of dead jokes and puns. Trust us, it’s to die for.

Bringing Humor Back to Life: The ‘Dead’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks!

Why did the corpse get hired at the funeral home? Because he was dying for the job!
What do you call a pile of dead kittens? A meowntain!
Did you hear about the ghost who won an award? He was voted most spirit-ual!
What did the skeleton order at the bar? A beer and a mop!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to dance with!
Did you hear about the zombie who went on a diet? He lost his mind!
Why was the ghost called to the principal’s office? He was caught haunting the halls!
What do you call a group of dead magicians? A seance of illusionists!
Why was the mummy still single? He was too wrapped up in himself!
How does a skeleton send a letter? In a dead letter envelope!
Why did the ghost leave the party early? He couldn’t handle the boo-ze!
What do you call a dead psychic? A late medium!
Why did the vampire cancel his dinner plans? He wasn’t hungry, he had already had a coffin!
What did the skeleton say before eating his meal? Bone appetit!
Why did the dead body go to the doctor? He was feeling a bit stiff!
What do you call a cemetery where everyone is buried standing up? A standing ovation!
Why did the mummy become a detective? He always had a case to wrap up!
Did you hear about the skeleton who won a dance competition? He had a bone-a-fide talent!
Why did the zombie go on a road trip? He wanted to see the world, one dead end at a time!
What do you call a cemetery for cows? A moosterium!

Tickle Your Funny Bones with These Dead-On One-Liner Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my rightness.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
I accidentally swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat ever.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? He woke up.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.
I accidentally booked a one-way ticket to Switzerland. Now I can’t find my way back.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.

Digging up Humor: QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘Dead’ Bodies

Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton dance at the party? A: He had no body to dance with!
Q: What did the zombie say when someone complimented his outfit? A: Thanks, I just threw it on this morning.
Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying? A: You can see right through them.
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite snack? A: Finger food.
Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? A: They don’t have the guts.
Q: How does a vampire like his steak cooked? A: Bloody rare.
Q: What did the ghost teacher say to his class? A: Watch the board, and I’ll go through it again.
Q: How did the zombie fix his jeans? A: With a grave-y patch.
Q: Why did the ghost go to rehab? A: He was tired of being boo-zy.
Q: How many zombies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, zombies prefer to hang out in the dark.
Q: What do you call a group of ghosts? A: A boo-gang.
Q: Why did the mummy get a divorce? A: He was tired of his wife wrapping him up in everything.
Q: How do ghosts communicate with each other? A: By seance-tence.
Q: Why did the skeleton go to the doctor? A: He was feeling bone-tired.
Q: How does a ghost make his bed? A: With a sheet.
Q: What did the vampire say when he saw a bowl of garlic? A: It’s gonna be a long night.
Q: What do skeletons say before they start eating? A: Bone appetit.
Q: Why was the ghost sent to detention? A: He kept passing through walls.
Q: What do you call a zombie who works at a bakery? A: A body-licious baker.
Q: Why did the ghost go to the bar? A: To get a boo-ze.

Laughing in the face of death: Hilarious Proverbs & Wise Sayings about the ‘Dead’!

“You can’t take it with you when you’re dead, but you can make sure your enemies pay for it.”
“Dead men tell no tales, but their Facebook profiles are still full of drama.”
“Friends are like flies, they’ll keep coming around until you’re dead.”
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can always bury him with a few tricks up his sleeve.”
“A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you’re dead and then it’s just a penny wasted.”
“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese from the trap.”
“Better to be dead than to live with regret, unless you regret not having eaten more pizza.”
“Out of sight, out of mind, until your ex shows up at your funeral to shed some crocodile tears.”
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t stop him from spitting it out and declaring it undrinkable.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener that can lead to an early grave.”
“A fool and his money are soon parted, especially if the fool is constantly buying lottery tickets.”
“Familiarity breeds contempt, but so does living next to your in-laws.”
“Better to have loved and lost than to have died of old age from never taking any risks.”
“You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can definitely judge your neighbor’s daughter by her Tinder profile.”
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, or add some vodka and throw a party.”
“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back with seven more lives.”
“A picture is worth a thousand words, unless it’s a selfie with you at your own funeral.”
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, unless you’re dead, in which case people forget about you pretty quickly.”
“A watched pot never boils, but it’s still better than watching your favorite show get cancelled.”
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, but you also decrease your chances of choking on them.”

Dig Up Some Laughs with These Dad Jokes About the ‘Dead’

What do you call a skeleton who won’t get out of bed? A lazy bones.
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the prom? He didn’t have any body to dance with.
How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle its funny bone.
Why did the skeleton go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little bonely.
Did you hear about the party at the cemetery? It was dead boring.
What did the ghost say to the mummy? Hey, didn’t we go to high school together?
How do you organize a skeleton’s birthday party? You give him a skeleton key.
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a pain in the neck.
How do you make a skeleton angry? Take away his bone-bons.
What do you call a skeleton who won’t work? Lazybones.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb? He wanted a light snack.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
Why did the headless horseman go on a diet? He wanted to lose a few heads.
What do you call a monster who lost his head? A neckless monster.
Why couldn’t the ghost see his mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents.
What do ghosts have for breakfast? Boo-berry pancakes.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For some boos.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor? Because he wasn’t feeling very well, he was dead on his feet.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He becomes ghastly pale.

Bringing Laughter to the (Dead) Double Entendres Puns Game!

“Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!”
“I used to be afraid of ghosts, but then I realized they’re just dead excited to see us.”
“Why did the zombie go to the doctor? He wasn’t feeling very corpse-pulent.”
“I heard the best way to communicate with dead people is through séance-itive information.”
“How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.”
“Why can’t skeletons play music in church? They have no organs.”
“What did one ghost say to the other? Let’s go haunt a house together.”
“Why couldn’t the mummy take a vacation? He was all wrapped up at work.”
“What do you call a dead comedian? A dead joke dealer.”
“Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.”
“I don’t understand why people are afraid of vampires. They’re just a pain in the neck.”
“What do you call a dead bee? Honey B. Gone.”
“Why did the skeleton cancel his date? He had no body to go with.”
“What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains.”
“Why don’t ghosts like going to the beach? They’re afraid of the sand-witch.”
“Why was the ghost bad at lying? Because you could see right through him.”
“How do zombies say goodbye? Have a rotten day!”
“Why did the vampire quit his job as a doctor? He couldn’t stand the sight of blood.”
“What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.”
“Why did the werewolf go to school? To learn how to count in wolfs.”

Deadpan and Deadliest: Recursive Puns About Dead

What did the zombie say when he saw a dead end? “Guess I’ll have to dead-icate myself to finding a way out.”
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the ‘dead’ center of town.
How do ghosts clean their sheets? They deadly bleach them.
Why couldn’t the vampire sleep at night? He was too busy counting bodies instead of sheep.
What did the dead tree say to its friends? “I’m stumped.”
Why did the mummy enroll in cooking class? To learn how to make the best dead-o’s.
How does a skeleton call a friend? On his bone phone.
What did the zombie call his girlfriend? His dead-y love.
Why don’t ghosts play hide and seek? They’re afraid they’ll disappear for real.
What did the skeleton say when he got lost in the cemetery? “Looks like I took a grave mistake.”
Why did the coffin go to the doctor? It was having a coffin-fit.
How did the mummy pass its driving test? It aced the wrap-around maneuver.
What did the ghost say to its date? “Would you like to ‘boo-gie’ with me?”
Why was the skeleton a good storyteller? Because he could really flesh out a tale.
What did the zombie say at its job interview? “I’m dead-icated to this job.”
Why was Dracula always tired? He stayed up all night counting bats instead of sheep.
How did the skeleton win the marathon? By a skeletal inch.
What did the ghost say when it couldn’t find its missing clothes? “I’m fright-naked!”
Why couldn’t the vampire get a girlfriend? He had a bad batitude.
How did the dead dog communicate with its owner? Through a ouija woof.

Dead’s Don’t Laugh: Hilarious Malapropisms Gone Wrong

“I’m so hungry, I could eat a house!”
“She’s a real piece of work, if you ask me.”
“I nearly died laughing!”
“He’s as blind as a button.”
“I’ll be there in a flash flood.”
“This is a pickle of a situation.”
“I haven’t slept a wink since yesterday.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got all my ducks in the mail.”
“You’re barking up the wrong street.”
“I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot cradle.”
“I’m going to make like a tree and leaf.”
“I’m sweating bullets over here.”
“I’m not the sharpest bull in the pencil case.”
“These pancakes are to die for!”
“The cat’s out of the kettle now.”
“She’s got a real chip on her tooth.”
“I can’t see the forest through the beehive.”
“Let’s knock two birds with one rock.”
“I’m going to take the bulls by the horns and face this challenge head on.”
“This cake is a real piece of strife.”

Debunking the Deceased: Hilarious Spoonerisms about the Dead

“Dead Ringer” to “Read Dinger”
“Dead End” to “Edd Dend”
“Dead Weight” to “Wed Date”
“Dead Serious” to “Sed Dorious”
“Dead on Arrival” to “Aed Don Rival”
“Drop Dead” to “Dop Red”
“Deadlock” to “Lad Deck”
“Dead Heat” to “Head Deet”
“Deadpan” to “Pad Dean”
“Deadbeat” to “Bead Deat”
“Deadly” to “Lead Dee”
“Dead of Night” to “Nead Ode Fight”
“Drop Dead Gorgeous” to “Gop Dreg Gordess”
“Drop Dead Date” to “Dop Ded Drate”
“Dead Wrong” to “Wad Drong”
“Dead Man Walking” to “Wad Dan Mocking”
“Dead as a Doornail” to “Dad Azza Dornail”
“Dead Meat” to “Mead Deet”
“Deadly Weapon” to “Weadly Lepin”
“Dead Giveaway” to “Ged Dive Awey”

Deadly Quips: Hilarious ‘Dead’ Tom Swifties to Keep You Laughing

“No one will ever find my body,” Tom said lifelessly.
“I’m not a zombie, I just have no pulse,” Tom explained deadpan.
“I finally made it to the other side,” Tom said ghostly.
“I’m sorry for haunting you, it’s just in my nature,” Tom apologized phantomly.
“Being a ghost is a lot more fun than being alive,” Tom joked wraithfully.
“I think I just saw a skeleton walk by,” Tom said bone dry.
“I can’t live with myself anymore,” Tom sighed livingly.
“I’m feeling a bit under the weather,” Tom wheezed morbidly.
“I hate to be a stick in the mud, but I can’t move,” Tom groaned stiffly.
“I heard a loud noise, but I couldn’t scream,” Tom whispered breathlessly.
“I’ve always wanted to see the view from six feet under,” Tom said buriedly.
“Even in death, I’m still the life of the party,” Tom chuckled ghostistically.
“I think I left my heart in my coffin,” Tom said deadheartedly.
“I can’t get a pulse reading on you,” the paramedic told Tom lifelessly.
“I’ll never give up on my dreams, even if I am six feet under,” Tom said determinedly.
“I’m dying of laughter,” Tom chuckled deathly.
“I may be dead, but at least I don’t have to pay taxes anymore,” Tom joked gravely.
“I finally found the perfect resting place,” Tom said peaceably.
“I’m starting to rot, but at least I still smell fresh,” Tom quipped rottenly.
“I’m always up for a good scare, even if it’s just my reflection,” Tom grinned hauntingly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Grim Reaper! Get ready for some deadly hilarious knock-knock jokes!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead tired of these knock-knock jokes!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead ends everywhere, why don’t you try a different joke?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Deadbeats, that’s who! Get it? Dead-beats?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead serious, this is the last time I’m knocking on your door.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead batteries, I knew I should have replaced them before coming here!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead or alive, you still have to answer the door.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead silence, nobody’s home.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Deadly serious, answer the door before I haunt you.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead meat, if you don’t tell me who’s there.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead weight, now open the door and let me in!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead tired of playing these knock-knock games with you.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead end, that’s where this joke is heading if you don’t let me in.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead giveaway, I already know it’s you playing these jokes on me.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead heat, this joke is getting too intense.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead ringer, I thought it was you but it’s just your identical twin.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead man walking, to the kitchen for some snacks.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Deadbeat dad, he forgot his keys again.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead giveaway, I can hear you breathing through the door.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead weight, stop leaning on the door and open it already!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dead. Dead who? Dead silence, because this joke isn’t funny.

Putting the FUN in funeral with puns!

Well, that wraps up our journey through the world of puns and jokes about death. I hope you died laughing and enjoyed our morbid sense of humor. But don’t take our word for it, check out some of our other posts that are just dying to make you laugh. Trust us, they’re to die for!