Laughter is the Best Medicine: 200+ Doctor Jokes & Puns!

funny Doctor jokes with one liner clever Doctor puns at PunnyFunny.com

Are you feeling under the weather? Well, I’ve got just the cure for you – a hearty dose of humor! In today’s prescription, we have the best jokes and puns about doctors that will surely tickle your funny bone. From silly stethoscope antics to clever prescriptions for laughter, this list is guaranteed to make your day a little brighter. So grab your pill bottle and get ready to laugh with these hilarious jokes and puns about doctors – perfect for kids and adults alike!

Prescribe Yourself Some Laughter with Our Top Doctor Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

  1. Why was the doctor always calm? Because he had a lot of patients.
  2. What did the doctor say to his patient who wanted to lose weight? “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait, I have a lot on my plate already.”
  3. Why did the doctor go to the pharmacy? Because he was feeling a little “R-X-tacy.”
  4. What does a nosy doctor do? He always tries to get to the heart of the matter.
  5. What did the doctor say to the germ? “Sorry, I can’t let you in, you’re too contagious.”
  6. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  7. What do you call a doctor who only sees very small patients? A micro-surgeon.
  8. How do you cure a headache? Give it an aspirin to take.
  9. What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man who came in with a broken leg? “Don’t worry, we’ll make you crumble in no time.”
  10. Why did the man go to the doctor with a broken nose? Because he didn’t know he could just pick his own!
  11. What did the doctor’s receptionist say when a patient complained about waiting an hour for an appointment? “Well, it could have been worse – you could have come tomorrow.”
  12. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his laboratory door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
  13. Why did the smartphone go to medical school? To become a smart-phone!
  14. What did the grape say to the doctor during his check-up? “I’ve been feeling quite vine lately, doc.”
  15. Why was the foot the most reliable part of the body? Because it had a lot of sole!
  16. What’s the best way to get rid of a headache? Give it a couple of good heart-to-aches!
  17. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the doctor’s office? They woke up.
  18. What did the doctor say to the cupcake with a headache? “I’ll give you a prescription for some sprinkles and frosting. That’ll cure you right up.”
  19. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case someone needed a shot of red penicillin!
  20. How does a doctor cure a broken heart? With lots of love and a prescription for chocolate.

Prescription for a Good Laugh: The Best Funny Doctor One-Liner Jokes!

  1. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me not to go back to those places.
  2. A patient asked the doctor if he could see him immediately. The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, my schedule is full. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”
  3. Why was the doctor always calm? Because he had a lot of patients.
  4. My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Well, that’s just the sun’s way of telling me I should stay indoors.
  5. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much coffee. I told her, “But I get a latte enjoyment from it!”
  6. I asked the doctor if my insomnia was hereditary. He said, “It runs in your jeans.”
  7. My doctor told me I need to learn to take things with a grain of salt. I think he might have meant sugar, because my life is already pretty salty.
  8. A patient told the doctor his leg hurts whenever he drinks tea. The doctor replied, “Try taking the spoon out of the cup next time.”
  9. My doctor said my blood type is coffee. I guess that explains why I’m always percolating.
  10. A patient asked the doctor if he had anything for a headache. The doctor replied, “Nope, just more patients.”
  11. My doctor told me I need to start watching my sugar intake. I said, “But I already watch it go into my coffee every morning!”
  12. A patient asked the doctor for something for chronic fatigue. The doctor replied, “Take two naps and call me in the morning.”
  13. My doctor warned me that too much red meat is bad for me. I replied, “But I’m not even a fan of the band!”
  14. A patient told the doctor he was addicted to break dancing. The doctor replied, “Well, at least it’s not a habit!”
  15. My doctor told me I have a rare condition where my left hand doesn’t know what my right hand is doing. I laughed and said, “I guess I’m ambidexterous!”
  16. A patient asked the doctor for a diet plan. The doctor replied, “Just eat spinach and you’ll be Popeye in no time.”
  17. My doctor said I should go for a run every morning. So now I’m running late to work every day.
  18. A patient complained about aches in his bones. The doctor replied, “Take these, they’re bone-us pills!”
  19. My doctor said I have a funny bone and prescribed me laughter therapy. I hope it’s covered by my health insurance.
  20. A patient asked the doctor if he could recommend something for wrinkles. The doctor replied, “Just smile more, they’ll be called laugh lines instead.”

Diagnosing Laughter: QnA Jokes & Puns About the Hilarious World of Doctors

  1. Why did the doctor go on vacation? He needed a little R & R.
  2. What’s the best way to communicate with a doctor? Use good bedside e-manner.
  3. Why was the doctor always calm? Because he had a lot of patients.
  4. What did the doctor say to the patient who kept fainting in the waiting room? “I think you have a case of too many self-help books.”
  5. Why couldn’t the bicycle go to the doctor by itself? Because it was two-tired.
  6. What did one tonsil say to the other? “Better get ready, the doctor is coming to take us out!”
  7. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just prescribe some pills to make the light bulb feel better.
  8. What did the doctor say after finishing a difficult surgery? “Well, that was a slice of life.”
  9. Why did the doctor choose to become a dermatologist? He didn’t want to deal with any internal drama.
  10. What’s a doctor’s favorite part about working in a hospital? The surgical team meetings are always cutting-edge.
  11. Why couldn’t the doctor perform surgery on a grape? Because it was a raisin.
  12. What do you call a doctor who specializes in eye diseases? An ocularist.
  13. What’s the difference between a dentist and a nun? One fills cavities and the other fills souls.
  14. How do you fix a broken doctor? With a stethoscope.
  15. What did the doctor say when the patient’s appendix burst? “Looks like you’ll have to make room in your appendix-dectomy fund.”
  16. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the doctor? He had no body to go with.
  17. What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music? HIP-op.
  18. What vegetable do doctors dislike the most? Leeks, they’re always causing people to faint.
  19. Why did the doctor hire a clown for his office? Because laughter is the best medicine.
  20. What do you call a doctor who graduated at the bottom of his class? A doctor.

The Wise Words of Comedy: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Doctors

  1. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a donut a day keeps me happy.”
  2. “If laughter is the best medicine, then a stand-up comedian is a doctor without a degree.”
  3. “In the land of hypochondriacs, the one-eyed man is king – until he sees a doctor.”
  4. “A doctor once told me I had an irrational fear of hospitals. I almost fell off my chair.”
  5. “Doctors always say laughter is the best medicine, but I’m pretty sure penicillin has saved more lives.”
  6. “The only person who can cure my fear of needles is a doctor with really small fingers.”
  7. “I went to a doctor and told him I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stay out of those places.”
  8. “My doctor told me to avoid all stress, so I stopped reading my medical bills.”
  9. “They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but what about a bottle of wine?”
  10. “A good doctor treats the disease, but a great doctor treats the patient who has the disease.”
  11. “My doctor said I should start taking walks. I said, ‘why?’, I’m already getting my steps in avoiding the gym.”
  12. “A wise man once said, ‘Every time I start thinking about exercise, I lay down until the feeling goes away.’
  13. “Remember, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit!”
  14. “Never trust a skinny chef or a sober doctor.”
  15. “A doctor is someone who writes prescriptions until you die, and then they write your death certificate.”
  16. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese – and doesn’t have to see the doctor.”
  17. “My doctor told me I needed to improve my diet and exercise regime. I laughed – and then had a donut.”
  18. “A doctor’s handwriting is the original font from Microsoft Word – completely illegible.”
  19. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but if a doctor tries to make me laugh during surgery, I’m suing.”
  20. “Remember, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade – then find a doctor that can fix your acid reflux.”

Laugh Your Aches Away: Dad Jokes about Doctor’s Orders

  1. Did you hear about the doctor who fell into the alphabet soup? He just needed a little ‘L-G-B-T’!
  2. Why couldn’t the bicycle go to the doctor? Because it was two-tired!
  3. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  4. I made an appointment with a doctor who specializes in memory loss. Or at least I think I did…
  5. Did you know doctors can laugh their way to better health? It’s called ‘medic-cation’!
  6. I saw my doctor without an appointment today. He told me to come back when I had one.
  7. What did the doctor say when a patient said “Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains”? “Pull yourself together!”
  8. Doctor: “What’s your blood type?” Patient: “A positive.” Doctor: “Great! Actually, I don’t know why that’s great, I’m just positive.”
  9. Did you hear about the doctor who could also perform magic? He was a stetho-magician!
  10. Why do doctors make the best astronauts? Because they’re always looking for a space!
  11. Doctor: “You need to stop drinking so much coffee and energy drinks.” Patient: “Why?” Doctor: “Because you’re giving yourself the shakes!”
  12. Did you hear about the doctor who was also a stand-up comedian? He was in a gurney show!
  13. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste! Or better yet, take two and call me in the morning.
  14. I told my doctor I broke my finger in five places. He said I should stop going to those places!
  15. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  16. My doctor told me I’m addicted to Instagram. But I told him, I’m just under the influence!
  17. Did you hear about the doctor who was always late? He had a terrible case of procrastination!
  18. I had an appointment with my dentist at 2:30. Tooth hurty, get it?
  19. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  20. I went to the doctor because I thought I was addicted to Twitter. But it turns out I was just followed by some strange retweets.

Injecting Laughter: Doctor’s Double Entendres Puns Guaranteed to Cure Your Mood

  1. “I’ll give you an x-ray and a cheeky peek at your bones.”
  2. “Looks like you’ve got a case of the Monday “splints.”
  3. “Don’t worry, I’m a pro at getting people out of tight spots.”
  4. “I can’t wait to dissect this whole situation and get to the heart of the matter.”
  5. “I promise to take your temperature and your mind off your ailment.”
  6. “My bedside manner is top notch, but my handwriting…not so much.”
  7. “I don’t mean to be blunt, but you seem to be in a bit of a pickle.”
  8. “I’ll have you feeling better in no time, it’s just a matter of patience and bed rest.”
  9. “Have no fear, this doctor makes “sick” puns all day long.”
  10. “Don’t make me “stethoscope” out your problem.”
  11. “I may not be a magician, but I can definitely make your pain disappear.”
  12. “I’m prescribing a dose of laughter, with a side of antibiotics.”
  13. “I have a no needles policy, but I do have plenty of dad jokes.”
  14. “Need a good prognosis? Just ask your friendly neighborhood doctor.”
  15. “I’ll admit, my humor is a bit tongue-in-cheek, but trust me, I know my stuff.”
  16. “If laughter is the best medicine, then you’re in for a hilarious recovery.”
  17. “My prescription may not be covered by insurance, but it’s sure to put a smile on your face.”
  18. “I may not have a PhD in puns, but I do have a medical degree.”
  19. “They say laughter is contagious, so let’s spread some joy, shall we?”
  20. “If laughter is the best medicine, then I must be the best doctor around.”

Tickle your Funny Bone with these Recursive Puns about a Doctor’s Diagnosis!

  1. Why was the doctor always busy? Because he had a lot of patience.
  2. The doctor was worried about the patient’s test results, so he decided to take a pulse check.
  3. When the doctor’s assistant asked if they should administer the medication, he replied, “Nah, we’ll just give them a dose of humor instead. It’s the best medicine.”
  4. The doctor recommended a strict diet of cookies and milk for his patient. When asked why, he said, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can have your cookie and drink it too!”
  5. When the patient asked the doctor if they needed to take their temperature, the doctor replied, “No need. You’re already quite hot.”
  6. The patient asked the doctor if they could have a second opinion. The doctor replied, “Sure, but it’s going to cost you twice as much.”
  7. The doctor told the patient they needed to have their funny bone checked. The patient responded, “But I can’t stop laughing!”
  8. The doctor informed the patient they had a chronic case of dad jokes. The patient replied, “That’s not funny. I’ll have to tell my father about this.”
  9. When the patient said their stomach hurt, the doctor asked if they had tried singing them a lullaby. “It might be a case of tummy giggles,” the doctor said.
  10. The patient asked the doctor if they could go back to work after their appointment. The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, but you have a case of the Mondays. You’ll have to take the day off.”
  11. The patient asked the doctor for a remedy for their recurring hiccups. The doctor suggested they hold their breath and count to 10, but the patient could only make it to three before they started laughing.
  12. The doctor told the patient they were going to have to make a house call. The patient replied, “But I don’t live in a house, I live in an apartment!” To which the doctor said, “Well, I’m making an apartment call then.”
  13. The patient complained to the doctor about their allergy to bees. The doctor said, “Don’t worry. We’ll bee sure to take care of it.”
  14. The doctor told the patient they had a case of the blues. “I don’t understand,” the patient said, “I’ve been feeling pretty yellow lately.” The doctor replied, “It’s all about perspective.”
  15. When the patient asked the doctor what was causing their back pain, the doctor replied, “It’s probably just a lack of vitamin see.”
  16. The doctor told the patient they had a case of deja flu. The patient asked, “What’s that?” The doctor explained, “It’s when you feel like you’re getting sick but you’re actually just remembering the last time you were sick.”
  17. The patient asked the doctor for a vaccine for laziness. The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, there’s no shot for that. You’ll just have to be a little more motivated.”
  18. The doctor told the patient they needed to take a break from technology. The patient asked, “Do I have to? I’m pretty attached to my phone.” The doctor replied, “Well, we’ll have to disconnect you for a while.”
  19. The patient asked the doctor for a cure for their insomnia. The doctor replied, “You just need to count sheep.” The patient asked, “Does that really work?” To which the doctor responded, “Yeah, but make sure they’re prime numbers.”
  20. The patient said they were feeling overwhelmed by their schedule. The doctor replied, “Just take it one day at a time. In fact, start with Monday and let’s see how it goes.”

Best Prescription for Laughs: Doctor Malapropisms That Will Cure Your Boredom!

  1. “I’m sorry, you have a severe case of limp nodes.”
  2. “Looks like you’re dealing with a major case of high blood pressureure.”
  3. “You’ll have to excuse my osteoporosis, I meant diagnosis.”
  4. “I see you’re experiencing some gastrointestinal drama.”
  5. “Looks like we’ve got a classic case of ear irregularities here.”
  6. “I’m afraid you have a spastic stomach instead of a spastic colon.”
  7. “We’ll need to run some tests to determine if you have prostate cancer or prostate dancing.”
  8. “You seem to have some trouble breathing, maybe it’s a flumonia or a fluhemia.”
  9. “You’re suffering from acute appendicitement.”
  10. “I’m afraid you have a bad case of head lettuce instead of head lice.”
  11. “Looks like you have a touch of dyslexic tortilla, I mean dyslexia.”
  12. “Looks like we’ve got a classic case of carpal turntable syndrome.”
  13. “You’ll need to start taking medication for your exorcism, I mean eczema.”
  14. “I’m afraid your sore throat is a result of tonsil fortification.”
  15. “Looks like you have a deviated septum or deviated behavior.”
  16. “We’ll need to run some tests to determine if you have spinal meningitis or spinal Illinois.”
  17. “I can see you’re dealing with severe brain farts.”
  18. “We’ll need to monitor your cholesterol levels, I mean chloroform levels.”
  19. “It appears you have difficulty with your blood circulation or circulation of information.”
  20. “I’m afraid you have a mild case of left kidney instead of left kidney stone.”

Humor and Healing: Spoonerisms about a Doctor’s Orders

  1. “Mocktail Flockers”
  2. “Tender Tummy”
  3. “Pill Fright”
  4. “Shocking Tooth”
  5. “Bladder Alarm”
  6. “Stethoscope Roars”
  7. “Cureless Doctor”
  8. “Stoked bisquit”
  9. “Belly Flu”
  10. “Surgery Forehead”
  11. “Farty Gasping”
  12. “Band-aid Slinger”
  13. “Gargling Water”
  14. “Brain Surgery Toe”
  15. “Nurse Prank”
  16. “Medicine Prescriber”
  17. “Cotton Swab Army”
  18. “Lab Coat Ninja”
  19. “Chart Wiper”
  20. “Anesthetic Bombardment”

Calling All Giggles: The Corny Comedy of ‘Doctor’ Tom Swifties

  1. “I can’t find my stethoscope,” said Tom heartlessly.
  2. “I need a refill on my prescription,” Tom said druggishly.
  3. “I think I have a fever,” Tom said feverishly.
  4. “I’m feeling very under the weather,” Tom said sickly.
  5. “I’ve got a bone to pick with you,” Tom said sternly.
  6. “My throat is so sore,” Tom said hoarsely.
  7. “I need to see a specialist,” Tom said critically.
  8. “I’m feeling a bit lightheaded,” Tom said airily.
  9. “I think I need a second opinion,” Tom said with uncertainty.
  10. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck,” Tom said tiredly.
  11. “I’m afraid I’ll have to operate,” Tom said incisively.
  12. “It’s a good thing I have a good bedside manner,” Tom said gently.
  13. “I’ve got the cure for what ails you,” Tom said optimistically.
  14. “I’m prescribing bed rest and lots of chicken soup,” Tom said sniffling.
  15. “I’ll have you back on your feet in no time,” Tom said confidently.
  16. “I feel like I’m surrounded by sick people,” Tom said infectiously.
  17. “I think your symptoms are simply imaginary,” Tom said fakely.
  18. “I’ll need to do some tests to confirm my diagnosis,” Tom said skeptically.
  19. “I’m allergic to latex gloves,” Tom said rashly.
  20. “I’ll have to consult the medical dictionary for this one,” Tom said wordy-ly.

Doctor up your sense of humor with these knock-knock jokes!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor. Doctor who? Exactly, you got it!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie appointments available with the doctor today?
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help from the doctor to feel better.
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Achoo. Achoo who? Achoo need to make an appointment with the doctor is sounding pretty sick.
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? No, I’m not paying for this doctor visit in cash.
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dracula. Dracula who? Dracula is the best dentist around, but he can’t help with your medical needs.
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lucy. Lucy who? Lucy Butler, the doctor I work for.
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne minute while I make a quick call to the doctor’s office.
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pauline. Pauline who? Pauline the Doctor!
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s the doctor. The doctor who? You literally just said the doctor who.
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any open appointments with the doctor?
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta Doctor Pepper to make me feel better.
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita bin a tough year without regularly visiting the doctor.
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor Smith. Doctor Smith who? That’s what I’m asking! What’s the doctor’s name?
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rachel. Rachel who? Rachel your brain for that doctor appointment you totally forgot about.
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doctor Strange. Doctor Strange who? Actually, I prefer to be called Dr. Stephen Strange.
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zoey. Zoey who? Zoey available for a house call?
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olivia. Olivia who? Olivia Actual, just a regular doctor, not a specialist.
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walter. Walter who? Walter minute while I call the doctor.
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Doc. Doc who? Doc says I need to come in for a check-up, but I just looked up my symptoms online and I’m pretty sure I’m fine.

Healthy Laughs: Prescribed by These Doctor Jokes!

And that, folks, is a wrap on our collection of 200+ puns and jokes about doctors! We hope you got your daily dose of laughter and groan-worthy puns. But if you’re still craving for more, be sure to check out our other related pun and joke posts. Trust us, they’ll have you laughing so hard you’ll need a doctor’s appointment. See you next time, and remember, laughter is the best medicine! #DoctorPuns #PunIntended #Jokes4Days.

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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