Cheers to Laughs: 200+ Drinking Jokes & Puns

Looking for a good laugh? Need some clever and positive humor to brighten up your day? Look no further! We’ve gathered the best drinking jokes and puns that will have both kids and adults rolling with laughter. So sit back, grab a drink (non-alcoholic for the little ones) and get ready for a hilarious list of jokes and puns about everyone’s favorite pastime: drinking. Get ready to raise your glasses and let the puns flow! These jokes are sure to quench your thirst for humor.

Sip Back and Enjoy: Our Top Picks for Drinking Puns & Jokes

1. “Why did the beer need a ladder? Because it was a high spirits.”
2. “I never trust atoms, they make up everything, including my hangovers.”
3. “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. But what do you call a fake drunk? A sober person.”
4. “Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.”
5. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
6. “What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? Aaargh and Coke.”
7. “What did one grape say to the other grape? Nothing, they were both too busy wine-ing.”
8. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I’m usually ordering pizza.”
9. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”
10. “Alcohol is a solution… to all of life’s problems.”
11. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a staying sober problem.”
12. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.”
13. “I recently decided to quit drinking for good… now I only drink for evil.”
14. “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”
15. “I decided to try a new drinking game where I take a shot every time I regret my life choices. Turns out it’s just called drinking.”
16. “I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.”
17. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right with alcohol involved.”
18. “I used to think drinking was bad for me, but then I realized it’s actually great for my self-esteem.”
19. “Why did the tomato turn to bragging? Because it was Balsamic.”
20. “I was going to quit drinking for New Year’s, but then I remembered no one likes a quitter.”

Quench Your Thirst For Laughter with These Funny Drinking One-Liner Jokes!

1. I don’t need a hangover, I have twitter. It’s like waking up with a whole new group of friends every day.
2. Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will milk or water.
3. “Beer” is just a word, unless you’re playing Scrabble.
4. I like to think of my drinking as a form of adulting. I mean, I’m responsible enough to decide when it’s time for another drink.
5. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice.
6. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
7. What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? Rrrrrrrrhum!
8. I told my doctor I get really bloated when I drink beer, and he suggested that I switch to wine. Now I just have more fun when I’m bloated.
9. The best time to start thinking about your next drink is while you’re still drinking.
10. I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a staying sober problem.
11. Why did the drunk man go to jail? Because he was a real party pooper.
12. What did one drunk say to the other at the bar? “I’ve had way too much to think tonight.”
13. I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a pour decision-making problem.
14. Alcohol may be the answer, but I can’t remember the question.
15. You know what rhymes with Friday? Wine.
16. I’ve never been in a bar fight, but I have spilled my drink on someone before.
17. What do you call an immature vintage? Whine.
18. If drinking too much water makes you bloated, does that mean drinking too much alcohol makes you float-ed?
19. Why did the wine tip over? It had too much to drink.
20. Remember when we thought staying up until midnight was a good idea? Now it’s called “day drinking.”

Get Your Fill of Laughter with These QnA Drinking Jokes & Puns!

1. Q: Why couldn’t the grape get drunk at the party? A: Because it was too busy stomping on the dance floor.
2. Q: What do you call a bear who likes to drink beer? A: A beer cub!
3. Q: Why did the coffee file a police report? A: Because it got mugged.
4. Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into the bar? A: OH SNaP!
5. Q: What did the glass of water say to the vodka? A: You’re the reason I’m still here.
6. Q: Why did the alcoholic walk into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder? A: Because he wanted to get a little “squawkered”.
7. Q: What do you call a lemon that can speak? A: A limonologist.
8. Q: Why don’t they serve beer at math camp? A: Because you can’t drink and derive.
9. Q: What did the grape say after getting stepped on? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
10. Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
11. Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? A: There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
12. Q: What type of wine goes well with a snowstorm? A: Blizza-blizzard.
13. Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boobies.
14. Q: Why can’t you trust atoms? A: They make up everything.
15. Q: How many tequila shots does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but you need to roll on the floor under it afterwards.
16. Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance? A: To get to the other side.
17. Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches? A: A waist of time.
18. Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In mainstream.
19. Q: What do you call a drunk Santa Claus? A: Jolly old St. Liquor.
20. Q: What is a pirate’s favorite drink? A: Arrrr-gave!

Cheers to these hilarious and enlightening words on wine, beer, and more!

1. “A glass of wine a day keeps the doctor away, but a bottle a day keeps everyone away.”
2. “In wine there is wisdom, but in tequila there is truth.”
3. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy…and drunk.”
4. “A party without alcohol is just a meeting of strangers.”
5. “Drinking water is essential, but drinking wine is survival.”
6. “Drink like a fish, think like a philosopher.”
7. “Life is too short to not have a glass of wine…or three.”
8. “In wine there is wisdom, but in whiskey there is freedom.”
9. “I have a strict rule: never drink while operating heavy sarcasm.”
10. “I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.”
11. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I only drink in front of a mirror.”
12. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a connoisseur of fine beverages.”
13. “The only time I forget to drink water is when I’m already drunk.”
14. “To beer or not to beer? That is a silly question.”
15. “They say you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine and that’s pretty much the same thing.”
16. “Wine not?”
17. “Don’t bother me, I’m on my midday margarita break.”
18. “I’m not hungover, I’m just excessively hydrated.”
19. “Beer: the solution to all of life’s problems.”
20. “Wine improves with age, I improve with wine.”

Dad Jokes about Drinking: Sip and Snicker with These Corny Quips

1. Why did the grape stop drinking wine? Because it was tired of getting stomped on!
2. What do you call a bear that can’t handle its alcohol? A bar bear!
3. Why don’t skeletons like to drink beer? They prefer bone-dry drinks!
4. I never trust atoms, they make up everything…including my cocktails!
5. I used to drink energy drinks, but I found they weren’t really my cup of tea.
6. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you just need a bottle of vodka – it’ll take your breath away!
7. What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock!
8. Alcohology – the study of trying different drinks until you find one that doesn’t taste terrible.
9. I’m not a bad drinker, I’m just full of spirits.
10. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus!
11. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
12. Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear…as long as you don’t mix them!
13. Where do fish go to drink? The octobar!
14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised!
15. Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverland!
16. Drinking tap water is like playing Russian Roulette, just without the drama.
17. I was going to tell a joke about time travel, but you didn’t find it very funny in the future.
18. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
19. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
20. Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund instead of a pitbull? Because he heard it was a weiner dog!

Pour on the Laughs with These Drinking Double Entendres Puns

1. “I can’t decide whether to wine or whine tonight.”
2. “I’ll have a double shot of humor with my cocktail, please.”
3. “I always say, ‘Beer before liquor, you’ll never be sicker’…but then I remember, ‘Tequila before breakfast, don’t be a menace.'”
4. “You know what they say, ‘A margarita a day keeps the bad moods away.'”
5. “I think I’ll have a glass of wine for every problem I have…that should solve everything.”
6. “Cheers to the liver, may it never sober up.”
7. “My doctor told me to cut down on my alcohol intake, so I switched to using smaller glasses.”
8. “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.”
9. “I’ll have a shot of tequila, hold the lime and salt…I’m watching my figure.”
10. “I’ll stick to water tonight…in the form of vodka.”
11. “Why did the beer go to rehab? Because it was an ale-coholic.”
12. “I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.”
13. “A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
14. “I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
15. “A hangover is just your body’s way of reminding you how much fun you had last night.”
16. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just thirsty…all the time.”
17. “My therapist says I’m using alcohol as a crutch…I prefer to think of it as a wheelchair.”
18. “I’ve got 99 problems, but a beer ain’t one.”
19. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a ‘finding a place to put all these empty bottles’ problem.”
20. “Alcohol may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.”

Sip, Sip, Hooray: Recursive Puns about Drinking

1. “I told my doctor I have a drinking problem, but he just prescribed me a shot.”
2. “Why was the cocktail party never ending? Because the drinks kept multiplying!”
3. “My bartender friend keeps making jokes about fermentation…they’re always in a state of ferment.”
4. “I asked for a drink with extra ice, but they just gave me water on the rocks.”
5. “I bet the bartender feels like a wizard when they turn water into wine.”
6. “Why did the penguin go to the bar? For a cold drink, of course.”
7. “I heard the beer at the bar is made with recycled water, it’s like a never-ending cycle.”
8. “I’m trying to save money on drinks, so I started having a party in my mouth…it’s BYOB (bring your own bottle).”
9. “The bartender asked why I kept ordering the same drink, I said I was on a never-ending spiral of repetition.”
10. “They say drinking red wine is good for the heart, so I guess I’ll have another glass to keep it pumping.”
11. “I told my friend I was going on a liquid diet, they thought I was just drinking juice…little did they know it was all beer.”
12. “I guess you could say I have a drinking problem…I keep running out of drinks!”
13. “Someone told me they have a drinking problem, but it turns out they were just thirsty.”
14. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything…including my drinks!”
15. “They say you should drink eight glasses of water a day, but I prefer mine with hops and barley.”
16. “My friend said they were going to have just one drink…three bars later, I think they meant one drink at each place.”
17. “Why did the monkey go to the bar? For a banana daiquiri, of course.”
18. “I asked for a virgin margarita, but they just gave me a regular one and told me to imagine it was a virgin.”
19. “I tried to make a joke about drinking, but it ended up being a real buzz kill.”
20. “They say life is like a box of chocolates, but mine is more like a never-ending bottle of wine.”

Cheers to Hilarious Blunders: Unleashing the Fun in ‘Drinking’ Malapropisms

1. Brew-haha (instead of brouhaha)
2. Mer-lots (instead of merlots)
3. Gin-ius (instead of genius)
4. Chardonnapped (instead of chartered)
5. Whisky business (instead of risky business)
6. Vod-cation (instead of vacation)
7. Tequila sunrise (instead of tequila sunset)
8. Wine-ding down (instead of winding down)
9. Drink responsibly-le (instead of responsibility)
10. Mistle-toasted (instead of mistletoe)
11. Bud-lightyear (instead of Buzz Lightyear)
12. Martini-man (instead of machismo)
13. Orange you glad I didn’t say Pinot? (instead of orange you glad I didn’t say banana?)
14. Rum-com (instead of rom-com)
15. Beer goggles (instead of rose-colored glasses)
16. Blank and ton(ic) (instead of black and white)
17. Whisk-key mistakes (instead of rookie mistakes)
18. Mojito-morphosis (instead of metamorphosis)
19. Braveheart burn (instead of heartburn)
20. Pink gin and bear it (instead of grin and bear it)

Tipsy Time Twisters: Spoonerisms about Drinking

1. “Mowing Drad” (Drowing Mad)
2. “Tipsy Dots” (Ditsy Tots)
3. “Slurpy Beer” (Burpy Sear)
4. “Pickled Tanks” (Tickled Panks)
5. “Boozy Wines” (Woozy Bines)
6. “Sloshed Nacks” (Noshy Slacks)
7. “Guzzle Jiggers” (Juzzle Giggers)
8. “Sipping Onkeys” (Onipping Skeys)
9. “Tanked Drunks” (Danked Trunks)
10. “Lager Wild” (Wager Lild)
11. “Drunk Hive” (Hunk Drive)
12. “Chug Bog” (Bug Chog)
13. “Tipsy Hops” (Hipsy Tops)
14. “Buzzed Beers” (Bused Bizzers)
15. “Boozy Chews” (Choosy Bews)
16. “Quenched Tharters” (Thenched Quarters)
17. “Intoxicated Cocktails” (Cockinated Intails)
18. “Wasted Sodas” (Sasted Wodas)
19. “Swigging Beeths” (Beagging Swips)
20. “Sauced Brews” (Bussed Srews)

Pour One Out: Cleverly Drinking Tom Swifties

1. “I’ll have another round,” Tom said tipsily.
2. “This beer tastes like water,” Tom said absently.
3. “I can’t handle this tequila,” Tom said agave-atedly.
4. “I’m feeling a little buzzed,” Tom said with a grin.
5. “I love a good cocktail,” Tom said spiritedly.
6. “I’ll be the designated driver,” Tom said soberly.
7. “I’m never drinking again,” Tom said soberingly.
8. “I’ll take a shot,” Tom said decisively.
9. “I think I’ve had enough,” Tom said intemperately.
10. “This drink is too strong,” Tom said with a stiff upper lip.
11. “I’m getting a little lightheaded,” Tom said a little woozily.
12. “I need some hair of the dog,” Tom said a bit ruffly.
13. “I prefer whiskey over vodka,” Tom said single-mindedly.
14. “I think I’ll stick to water for now,” Tom said refreshingly.
15. “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred,” Tom said bondishly.
16. “I can hold my liquor,” Tom said unsteadily.
17. “I’m just not a wine person,” Tom said distastefully.
18. “I’ll have a double,” Tom said with a double entendre.
19. “I think I’ll switch to non-alcoholic drinks,” Tom said mockingly.
20. “I have a high tolerance for alcohol,” Tom said incredibly.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze me up for some hilariously tipsy knock-knock jokes!

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze you lose.
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shots. Shots who? Shots fired after a night of drinking.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not have another glass?
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer me another cold one.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tequila. Tequila who? Tequila sunrise, hello hangover.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum away from responsibilities for the night.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey. Whiskey who? Whiskey business, that’s what.
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka-mazing time we had last night.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sangria. Sangria who? Sangria we go again with another round?
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Martini. Martini who? Martini up for a game of beer pong?
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cider. Cider who? Cider on the rocks, please.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin. Gin who? Gin and tonic, the perfect combination.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jager. Jager who? Jagermeister, please and thank you.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lemonade. Lemonade who? Lemonade you a drink, let’s party.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Red wine. Red wine who? Red wine and cheese night, my favorite kind of party.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sake. Sake who? Sake it to me one more time.
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hangover. Hangover who? Hangover to the couch, can’t move.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Margarita. Margarita who? Margarita Monday, tequila Tuesday, wine Wednesday…you get the point.
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Drunk. Drunk who? Drunk me can confirm, last night was a blast.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Non-alcoholic drink. Non-alcoholic drink who? Sorry, wrong party.

Sip Back and Enjoy These Puntastic Libations!

Bottoms up! That’s all for our list of 200+ Puns and Jokes about Drinking. We hope it didn’t leave you feeling too tipsy! If you’re still thirsty for more laughs, be sure to check out our other hilarious Pun and Joke posts. And remember, always drink responsibly… or at least try to make sure your jokes are still funny after a few drinks. Cheers!