Chilly chuckles: 200+ Cold Jokes & Puns that will leave you ice-olated

Welcome to our list of the best cold jokes and puns! Winter may bring cold weather, but we’re here to warm you up with some clever and positive humor. These jokes are perfect for kids – and adults who still appreciate a good dad joke. So bundle up and get ready to laugh with our hilarious list of puns about the cold. Just try not to get frostbite from all the funny bone tickling. Let’s chill out and dive into the coolest jokes on the internet!

Bundle Up and Laugh: Our Top ‘Cold’ Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

1. Why did the snowman go to the doctor? He was feeling a little flakey.
2. What did the Arctic say to the Antarctic? “I’ve got my ion you.”
3. Why was the math book sad on a cold winter day? Because it had too many problems.
4. What do you call a bear in the snow? A brrr.
5. What do you get when you mix a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
6. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was intense.
7. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.
8. Why did the snowman call his pet dog Frost? Because he could always rely on him to fetch his slippers.
9. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up in the cold weather? Because it was two-tired.
10. What’s the best way to communicate with a fish on a cold day? Drop it a line.
11. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
12. How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste.
13. Why do melons have weddings? Because they can’t elope.
14. What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
15. What did one icicle say to the other? “Don’t get cold feet!”
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
18. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
19. What’s the coldest country in the world? Chili.
20. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side to get to the other side

Chilling Chuckles: Hilarious ‘Funny Cold’ One-Liner Jokes

1. Why was the snowman looking at the carrot? Because he wanted to know if it was a stick-up.
2. I asked the ice if it wanted to go out for a drink, but it just gave me the cold shoulder.
3. What’s the best thing to put into a freezer on a hot day? Your teeth!
4. How do you know when it’s too cold to go outside? When you go outside and it’s colder than inside.
5. Why don’t skeletons go ice skating? They don’t have the guts.
6. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because Frost bites!
7. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
8. My snowman melted today. He was depressed because he didn’t have a carrot nose.
9. What do snowmen have for breakfast? Ice Krispies.
10. I saw a man at the beach today wearing a winter coat. I think he was trying to catch up on some cold weather.
11. I asked my dad why it’s so cold outside. He said, “Because the temperature dropped.” I said, “Dropped where?”
12. It’s so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
13. Why did the polar bear refuse to eat the penguin? Because he heard it was a little chilly.
14. Did you hear about the guy who invented the Knock-Knock joke? He won the “No-bell” prize.
15. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
16. I told my friend I was making a bicycle out of ice. He told me I was just spinning my wheels.
17. My friend asked me if I had any spare change for the bus. I told him all my coins were frozen.
18. What do you call a snowman party? A snowball.
19. Why don’t penguins fly? They’re afraid of cold feet.
20. My doctor told me I needed to drink more water. I said, “But I already have a lot of frozen water in my freezer.”

Chillingly Hilarious QnA Jokes & Puns about Cold

1. What do ghosts wear to keep warm? Boo-ties!
2. Why did the cold mechanic quit his job? He didn’t have enough chill.
3. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
4. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
5. Why did the polar bear break up with his girlfriend? She was too clingy.
6. How do snowmen get to work? They use a frost-a-cab.
7. What did one snowflake say to the other? “Snow you later!”
8. What’s the best thing to put in a cold shower? Your warm body.
9. What do you call a snowman on a hot day? A puddle.
10. What do witches use to keep their drinks cold? Ice-scream.
11. Why do penguins always carry umbrellas? In case of a snowstorm.
12. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle pal.
13. How does a snowman get to work? By icicle bike.
14. What does Jack Frost use for currency? Cold hard cash.
15. What’s the coldest country in the world? Chile.
16. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost? Because he loves Frost bites.
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frost-bites.
18. Why do polar bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in puffer jackets.
19. How did the snowman feel after his vacation in the tropics? Meltdown.
20. What does one snowflake say to the other when they’re reunited in the spring? “Long time, no see!”

Keeping It Hilarious: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings About the Chilling Cold

1. “A cold fish is never a good catch, unless you’re a penguin.”
2. “Cold weather is like a bad boyfriend, it always leaves you shivering.”
3. “You’ll never know the true meaning of cold until you’ve cleaned your windshield with an ice scraper.”
4. “The only thing worse than a cold shower is a cold shower on a Monday morning.”
5. “Keep your friends close and your hot cocoa even closer on a cold winter’s night.”
6. “You can’t expect to build a snowman and not get a little frosty.”
7. “Trying to warm up by the fire is like trying to fake a tan in Antarctica.”
8. “The only thing that should ever be called ‘chilly’ is a bowl of chili.”
9. “Winter is like a bad penny, it always turns up cold and uninvited.”
10. “Roses may be red, but my nose is turning blue in this freezing weather.”
11. “Old age is like a cold front, it always brings some aches and pains.”
12. “A snowflake is just a cold hug from Mother Nature.”
13. “Be careful who you call a ‘cold-hearted’ person, they may just be from Alaska.”
14. “The definition of winter: when it takes longer to get dressed than it does to eat breakfast.”
15. “Hot chocolate is like a warm hug for your belly on a cold day.”
16. “A true friend will always lend you their scarf when it’s freezing outside.”
17. “You know it’s cold when even the snowmen are wearing earmuffs.”
18. “The only good thing about a cold shower is that it’s over quickly.”
19. “You can catch more flies with honey, but try catching them when it’s winter and they’re all hibernating.”
20. “The only thing more unpredictable than the weather is a cold-hearted ex.”

Chilling Humor: Dad Jokes about Cold

1. What did the snowman say when he got too warm? “I’m melting!”
2. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself in the snow? Because it was two-tired.
3. What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
4. Why did the snowman go to therapy? Because he was feeling a little flaky.
5. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
6. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
7. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
8. Did you hear about the fire at the campsite? It was intense.
9. Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be called bagels.
10. How does a snowman get to work? She drives an icicle.
11. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
12. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
13. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go skiing? He didn’t have the guts for it.
14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
15. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? The kid woke up.
16. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
17. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself in the snow? Because it was two-tired.
18. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
19. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it.
20. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Feeling the ‘Cold’ Shoulder? These Double Entendres Puns Will Warm You Up!

1. “I’m feeling a bit chilly, guess I better put on my ‘cold’ shoulder.”
2. “I had a cold last week, but luckily I got over it pretty quick. Couldn’t catch me.”
3. “I can’t stand ‘cold’ weather, it’s just too ice-y for me.”
4. “I told my coworker to stop being so ‘cold’ during our meetings, but she just gave me the cold shoulder.”
5. “It’s so ‘cold’ outside, I could use a hug from a polar bear.”
6. “I hate when my coffee gets ‘cold’, it’s just not the same as a hot cup of joe.”
7. “I’m feeling ‘cold’ today, I think I need to turn up the heat on my jokes.”
8. “I don’t trust atoms, they make up everything from ‘cold’ ice cream to hot fire.”
9. “Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other ‘cold’ side.”
10. “I always forget to buy milk at the store, I guess you could say I have a ‘cold’ dairy-nesia.”
11. “My boss always gives me the ‘cold’ shoulder, but I just take it as a sign to turn up the heat on my work.”
12. “I love winter, it really brings out my ‘cold’ heart.”
13. “I tried to make a snowman but ended up just having a pile of ‘cold’ regret.”
14. “I don’t want to hear any excuses, I need this project ASAP, don’t leave me out in the ‘cold’.”
15. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his ‘cold’ field.”
16. “I never go to bed angry, I just fall asleep with a grudge and a ‘cold’ pillow.”
17. “Why did the math book go to therapy? Because it had too many problems and a ‘cold’ x.”
18. “I couldn’t attend the ‘cold’-medicine convention because I had a case of the flu. It was a real bummer.”
19. “I love a good ‘cold’ salad, but when it’s hot out, it just makes me want to leaf.”
20. “My friend told me I should take up yoga, but what if I fall asleep during ‘cold’-in position?”

Frosty Fun: Recursive Puns about Cold

1. Why was the snowman feeling lonely? He couldn’t find his chill-dren.
2. What do you call a group of penguins singing together? A cold-case quartet.
3. Where do polar bears go to dance? The snowball.
4. I was going to tell a joke about cold weather, but it’s too dry ice for me.
5. Why was the snowman looking so stressed? He was under a lot of snow pressure.
6. How does a Yeti keep himself warm? With a hot cup of abominable tea.
7. What’s a snowman’s favorite part of a joke? The punch-icy ice.
8. Why did the snowman go to therapy? He was feeling a little flaky.
9. What do you call a chilly ghost? Casper Frostbite.
10. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it, or leave it outside in the cold.
11. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abominable snowman.
12. What did one snowflake say to the other? Snow-one is like you.
13. Why was the ice cube sad? It had a meltdown.
14. Why did the snowboarder bring a pencil? In case he needed to ice-slate something.
15. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
16. How do you know when it’s cold outside? When you go outside and it’s freezing.
17. Why was the scientist studying ice so popular? He was really cool.
18. What’s a snowman’s favorite type of music? Icy-pop.
19. How does a snowman get to work? By icicle-ing.
20. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

Chilling with Cold Malapropisms: A Playful Twist on Language

1. “Don’t worry, I brought my noSEALs for this cold weather.”
2. “I can’t believe he’s wearing that coLEAF fur coat.”
3. “Can someone turn up the heat? I’m absolutely friSHEEPing.”
4. “I always take my hot tea with a side of chilLYNIC.”
5. “I couldn’t stop sneezing, I must have caught a cold OF SALMONella.”
6. “Is it just me or is this snow TICKLED PICKLE in my boots?”
7. “I need to go buy some HONEY to soothe my sore throat.”
8. “I can’t feel my toes anymore, I think they’ve turned into ice CREAM.”
9. “I’m feeling run down, I must have a low white BLISTER count.”
10. “I’m trying to quit smoking, but it’s hard when it’s this PALTROONing outside.”
11. “My mom always makes us drink chicken NOODLES when we’re sick.”
12. “I can’t eat any more soup, I’m starting to feel like a COW BUNION.”
13. “I love skiing, but I always regret it when I get frostbitten by the PUPPET master.”
14. “I’m wearing five layers of clothes, I feel like a PUFFIN on the North Pole.”
15. “Honey, can you turn off the freezer? It’s getting chilly IN here.”
16. “My nose is running like a hacked OFF chicken head in this weather.”
17. “I need to buy some tissues, I’ve been blowing my nose so much I think I have a TORNADO in there.”
18. “I’m feeling under the weather, I think I have a serpent IN my throat.”
19. “I hate winter, it’s the season of soul SNEEZING.”
20. “I refuse to go outside, I don’t want to catch the CRUNCHY flu.”

Cold Conversations: Playful Spoonerisms About Chilly Chatter

1. Cold Breeze – Bold Creeze
2. Frosty Nose – Nosy Froze
3. Chilly Weather – Witty Chedder
4. Freezing Hands – Heezing Frands
5. Snowy Mountains – Mowy Snountains
6. Icy Roads – Ricy Oads
7. Cold Feet – Fold Ceet
8. Frozen Dessert – Dozen Frosert
9. Winter Coat – Cinter Woat
10. Shivering Cold – Civering Shold
11. Bitter Cold – Citter Bold
12. Chill Factor – Phil Chactor
13. Snowball Fight – Ball Snowfight
14. Frostbitten Fingers – Fitter Frostbingers
15. Cold Shower – Shold Cower
16. Frozen Lake – Lozen Frake
17. Arctic Blast – Blarctic Ast
18. Cold Shoulder – Shold Coulder
19. Hail Storm – Stail Horm
20. Frigid Temperatures – Tigered Frempatures

Chilling Jokes: The Best ‘Cold’ Tom Swifties of All Time

1. “I can’t reach my ice skates,” Tom said bitterly.
2. “This soup is too cold,” Tom said coldly.
3. “I hate snow,” Tom said frostily.
4. “I have a cold,” Tom said sickly.
5. “This wind chill is unbearable,” Tom said chillingly.
6. “I need a jacket,” Tom said frigidly.
7. “My feet are freezing,” Tom said icily.
8. “Can you turn up the heat?” Tom said warmly.
9. “I’ve lost my mittens,” Tom said gloomily.
10. “I’m allergic to the cold,” Tom said sneezingly.
11. “I’m shivering,” Tom said shakily.
12. “I’m numb all over,” Tom said numbly.
13. “My nose is dripping,” Tom said sniffingly.
14. “I can’t feel my toes,” Tom said toe-tally.
15. “I wish I could hibernate like bears,” Tom said bear-ishly.
16. “My hands are turning blue,” Tom said cold-bloodedly.
17. “I’m getting frostbite,” Tom said bitingly.
18. “I should have worn thicker socks,” Tom said sock-lessly.
19. “I’m turning into a human popsicle,” Tom said coolly.
20. “I’m feeling chilly,” Tom said wittily.

Chilly Chuckles: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cold.

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive cold days!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow joke, it’s freezing outside!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brr. Brr who? Brr, it’s cold in here!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice. Ice who? Ice to meet you, you must be freezing too!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for a hot cup of cocoa to warm you up!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska my mom for a warm hug right now!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Shiver. Shiver who? Shiver me timbers, it’s cold out there!
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jack Frost. Jack Frost who? Jack Frost nipping at your nose!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eski. Eski who? Eski-re me, but can I borrow your jacket?
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frostbite. Frostbite who? Frostbite my tongue, it’s really cold out here!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Parka. Parka who? Parka the car in the garage, it’s too cold to leave it outside!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mittens. Mittens who? Mittens be really cold without my gloves on!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Winter. Winter who? Winter you gonna invite me inside to warm up?
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Icicles. Icicles who? Icicles of laughter, these jokes are making me warm!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hot cocoa. Hot cocoa who? Hot cocoa is the perfect remedy for the cold!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? December. December who? December never felt so cold before!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? North Pole. North Pole who? North Pole my weight in blankets to stay warm!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snowman. Snowman who? Snowman body likes being cold!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Icy. Icy who? Icy why you’re laughing, these jokes are actually pretty cool!

Frosty Laughs: Wrapping Up Cold Puns!

Well, folks, I hope these puns and jokes about the cold have left you feeling anything but chilly! If you’re still craving more laughs, be sure to check out our other pun-tastic posts and keep spreading the humor like a winter cold (minus the sniffles and sneezes, of course). Stay warm and keep those puns coming!