Get a Hand(le) on Your Laughter: 210+ Hilarious Hand Jokes & Puns!

funny Hand jokes with one liner clever Hand puns at PunnyFunny.com

Looking for a handful of laughter? You’ve come to the right place! We’ve put together the best list of hand jokes and puns that will have both kids and adults in stitches. Get ready to give your funny bone a workout with these clever and creative quips. From high-fives to thumbs-up, these hand-themed jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone and bring a smile to your face. So go ahead and give your hands a break and let the humor do the talking with our hand-some collection of jokes!

Get ready to ‘hand’-le these hilarious jokes – editor’s top picks!

  1. What did the left hand say to the right hand? “High-five, we make a great pair!”
  2. Why did the hand go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit palm-sick.
  3. How does a hand greet another hand? “Handshake!”
  4. What do you call a hand that can’t stop laughing? A palm-ful of humor!
  5. Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the palm-reader’s shop.
  6. What’s a hand’s favorite piece of clothing? Gloves, they give them a helping hand.
  7. What do you call a hand with a cold? The sniffle-finger.
  8. Why do hands make great friends? They always lend a helping hand.
  9. How does a hand answer the phone? “Hello, palm-llo!”
  10. What do you call a hand that’s afraid of the dark? The night-hand.
  11. How do you know when a hand is lying? When it’s ready to poke its nose.
  12. What’s the strongest part of a hand? Its grip-tation!
  13. Why did the hand join a band? It always wanted to be a fing-guitarist.
  14. What did the hand say to the clock? “I’m your second hand, you can count on me.”
  15. How does a hand like its eggs? Over-easy, sunny-side up!
  16. What do you call a hand that’s always cold? A chill-finger.
  17. How does a hand shop for jewelry? It takes its finger-ring down the aisle.
  18. Why did the hand want to become a chef? It loves to mix and whisk with its fingers.
  19. What’s a hand’s favorite workout move? Palm-plank!
  20. How does a hand keep track of all its appointments? With its finger-calendar!

Tickle Your Funny ‘Hand’Bone with These Hilarious One-Liners!

  1. Why did the hand go to therapy? It was feeling a little palm-pressed.
  2. My hand feels like a criminal, it always has a finger pointed at it.
  3. You could say my hand is a great designer, it’s always measuring up.
  4. I tried to sue my hand for theft, but it kept slapping me with evidence.
  5. One handshake, two handshakes, three handshakes, four…I think I have handshake fatigue.
  6. Don’t trust a hand that’s a known liar, it has sticky fingers.
  7. My hand’s favorite type of music is finger-picking.
  8. I’m not a fan of having my hand in the cookie jar, it’s a bit too crumby for my liking.
  9. Why couldn’t the hand be friends with the clock? They just didn’t seem to have the right hands-hake.
  10. What did the hand say to the face? High five!
  11. I tried to teach my hand sign language but it just kept giving me the finger.
  12. You know you have a good hand if you can hold a full mug without spilling a drop.
  13. I asked my hand if it wanted to go skydiving, but it said it needed to give me a hand first.
  14. My hand feels like it has a lot of responsibility, it’s always in charge of picking things up.
  15. Why did the hand go on strike? It was tired of being at the beck and call of the body.
  16. How does the hand talk to the fingers? With a glove phone.
  17. I’m not sure if my hand is trying to start a rebellion, but it keeps making a fist.
  18. If my hand was a superhero, it would be called The Grip-pler.
  19. What did the hand say when it won the race? I’m the wrist of the best!
  20. My hand is like a genie, it can make your dreams come true…as long as your dreams involve picking up things.

What made the hand laugh? QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘Hand’y punchlines!

  1. Why did the hand go to jail? Because it was caught red-handed.
  2. How does a hand greet another hand? Palm to palm.
  3. What do you call a hand that’s always late? Second Hand.
  4. What does a broken clock need to fix its hands? A digital surgery.
  5. How do you know if a hand is lying? Its fingers are crossed.
  6. Why was the hand bad at math? It couldn’t count past five.
  7. What did the hand say to the face? High five!
  8. How do you get a squirrel to hold still? Tell it to “hand” on.
  9. Why did the surgeon need an extra hand? He was all thumbs.
  10. Why did the hand go to the doctor? It had a touch of arthritis.
  11. How many hands does it take to change a lightbulb? None, hands can’t change lightbulbs.
  12. Why did the hand need a lawyer? It was being accused of armed robbery.
  13. What did the janitor say when he found a missing handprint? “Looks like someone left their mark.”
  14. Why was the hand afraid of the glove? It wasn’t sure if it would fit.
  15. How do skeletons wave hello? They give a “hand shake.”
  16. Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the other finger side.
  17. What do you call a group of hands playing instruments? A band-aid.
  18. How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a little boogie in it.
  19. Why did the hand call in sick? It had a palmful of work.
  20. What did the right hand say to the left hand? “I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m right on task.”

Get a Grip on These Hilarious Proverbs & Wise Sayings about the Hand

  1. “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but a chicken nugget in the hand is worth its weight in gold.”
  2. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away – but a taco in each hand keeps the sadness at bay.”
  3. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade – or just squeeze them into your margaritas.”
  4. “A stitch in time saves nine – but a stitch in your pants saves you from embarrassment.”
  5. “A watched pot never boils – but a watched wallet never gets slim.”
  6. “The early bird catches the worm – but the early worm gets eaten by the bird.”
  7. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way – and where there’s a bag of chips, there’s a willpower deficiency.”
  8. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder – unless it’s for pizza, then out of sight, out of mind.”
  9. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too – but you can have a cupcake in each hand and nobody can stop you.”
  10. “The grass is always greener on the other side – unless you’re the one mowing it.”
  11. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure – but a pound of chocolate is worth any amount of prevention.”
  12. “Honesty is the best policy – but bribery is a close second.”
  13. “Actions speak louder than words – unless those actions involve accidentally farting in public.”
  14. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again – and if that doesn’t work, just Google it.”
  15. “Home is where the heart is – but also where the pizza delivery guy knows your order by heart.”
  16. “Good things come to those who wait – but even better things come to those who actually get up and do something.”
  17. “It takes two to tango – but it only takes one to trip and fall in front of everyone.”
  18. “A penny saved is a penny earned – and then promptly spent on a latte.”
  19. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – unless that basket has a carton of eggs in it, then go for it.”
  20. “Better late than never – but better never than late when it comes to paying bills.”

Putting the ‘Palm’ in Dad Jokes about Hands

  1. Why did the golfer use a pencil to mark his scorecard? Because his hands were always full with the club!
  2. I asked my dad if he could loan me some money, but he said he didn’t have any because he was always giving it a hand.
  3. Did you hear about the hand that got a job at the library? It was always good at helping people find what they needed.
  4. How many hands does it take to change a lightbulb? None, I just ask my dad to do it.
  5. Did you know that the hand is the most important organ for writing jokes? It always has a punch line ready.
  6. I saw a guy with six hands the other day. He was giving high-fives left and right!
  7. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing using its hands.
  8. You know what they say, you can’t make a fist without a hand. But you can make a lot of bad jokes without one.
  9. I tried to clap with one hand the other day, but all I got was an awkward slap.
  10. My dad said I need to learn to shake hands properly. I told him I wasn’t sure why they were so picky about it, it’s not like they have feelings.
  11. What did the hand say to the face? High-five!
  12. I heard that one-handed people make amazing chefs. They can always give their food a hand.
  13. Why did the hand go to the nail salon? To get a manicure, it wanted to look finger-lickin’ good.
  14. Have you heard about the wrist that went to jail? It was convicted of armed robbery.
  15. My dad used to say he had butterfingers, but I never understood how someone’s hands could be made of butter until I saw him try to catch a ball.
  16. What did the fish say when it hit the wall? “Dam!” Sorry, I’ve got a hand in dad jokes now.
  17. What did the hands say to the clock? “You have your hands full.”
  18. Do you know why the hand was cold? Because it left its gloves at hand-me-downs.
  19. I asked my dad if he wanted to play rock paper scissors. He said sure, he always gives a hand for a good game.
  20. Did you know that the first use of the word ‘hand’ was in a hand-written document? Ok, I’ll stop with the bad puns now, I’m just starting to give a handful!

Getting Handy with Hilarious Hand Double Entendres Puns

  1. “I’ve got my hands full” – said while carrying a lot of groceries or juggling tasks, but also could imply one has a lot of sexual partners.
  2. “Let’s give them a hand” – said before clapping for someone, but could also imply offering masturbation assistance.
  3. “Can I get a hand?” – asked when needing help, but could also be taken literally as requesting a severed hand.
  4. “Caught red-handed” – a phrase used when caught in the act of doing something wrong, but could also be taken literally if someone actually has red hands.
  5. “I’ll handle it” – said when taking control of a situation, but could also be interpreted as promising to touch or pleasure someone.
  6. “Put your hands together” – used to encourage applause, but could also be taken as a sexual innuendo urging two bodies to come together.
  7. “Lend a helping hand” – asking for assistance, but could also imply lending a hand during a sexual act.
  8. “Hand over fist” – used to describe making money quickly and easily, but could also be taken as a descriptive phrase for aggressive sexual activity.
  9. “Hands off!” – used to ward off unwanted physical contact, but could also be said before a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.
  10. “All hands on deck” – calling everyone to help, but could also imply group sexual activity.
  11. “Give me a hand with this” – asking for help with a task, but could also imply needing assistance with an erection.
  12. “Caught with your hand in the cookie jar” – used to describe being caught stealing, but could also imply someone being caught masturbating.
  13. “I’ve got it in hand” – said when taking control of a situation, but could also imply there is an object in one’s hand.
  14. “Let’s make a hand” – used during a game of poker, but could also be interpreted as a proposition for a sexual act.
  15. “Gimme a high five” – used to celebrate or show appreciation, but could also imply asking for a high five while lying down.
  16. “Capable hands” – describing someone who is skilled or capable, but could also be taken as a compliment to their masturbation abilities.
  17. “He’s got his hands all over her” – used to describe someone being touchy or aggressive, but could also imply a sexually dominant partner.
  18. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” – used to warn someone not to betray their source of support, but could also imply not biting or hurting someone during a sexual act.
  19. “In good hands” – assuring someone they are in capable care, but could also imply someone is being pleasured.
  20. “Dirty hands” – used to accuse someone of dishonesty or corruption, but could also imply someone has been engaging in sexual activity.

Finding a Helping ‘Hand’ in These Recursive Puns

  1. “I was going to make a joke about my hand, but I didn’t have a good grip on it.”
  2. “What’s the best type of hand? The kind that’s always on-hand.”
  3. “I lost my hand in a game of poker. I guess you could say I had a bad hand.”
  4. “My friend told me I have a strong hand. I told him I’m just really good at high-fives.”
  5. “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other hand.”
  6. “I tried to hold onto my hand, but it kept slipping through my fingers.”
  7. “Did you hear about the selective hand model? She only works hand-picked gigs.”
  8. “I don’t understand why people hate palm readings. They’re just hand-written fortunes.”
  9. “I asked my hand why it always gets cold, but it just gave me the cold shoulder.”
  10. “I threw my hand in the air like I just didn’t care. Turns out, my hand didn’t care either.”
  11. “My favorite type of song is hands down the one that gets everyone clapping.”
  12. “My palm got rejected by a job at the palm reader’s shop. It’s okay though, I have other fingers to point.”
  13. “Why did the scarecrow need a hand? He was all thumbs.”
  14. “I accidentally gave my hand a high-five. It was a self-five.”
  15. “What do you call a hand that’s afraid of commitment? A hand-shy.”
  16. “My friend told me I have piano hands. I guess that means they’re always playing around.”
  17. “I tried to catch my hand in a game of catch. Turns out, it’s not so good at throwing.”
  18. “My hand got scolded by my boss for being off-hand. I guess it needs to learn some manners.”
  19. “I thought I had a magic hand because it kept disappearing. Turns out, it was just in my pocket.”
  20. “Why don’t spiders get lost in the woods? They always have eight hands to hold onto the branches.”

Mixing Up Marbles: Hilarious Hand Malapropisms

  1. Handshake instead of handbrake
  2. Handicap instead of handful
  3. Handyman instead of handprint
  4. Handbagel instead of hambagel
  5. Handstand instead of handset
  6. Handmade instead of hamster-made
  7. Handsome instead of hansom
  8. Hands-on instead of handson
  9. Handprint instead of hamprint
  10. Handout instead of hangout
  11. Handcuff instead of handcuffee
  12. Handrail instead of hairstyle
  13. Handhold instead of handlebar
  14. Handkerchief instead of harcherchief
  15. Handpuppet instead of ham-puppet
  16. Handicraft instead of handstand
  17. Handpick instead of pan-dick
  18. Handedness instead of awkwardness
  19. Handbag instead of hamburg
  20. Handcannon instead of handkerchief

Handy Spoonerisms: Playfully Pondering Palms and Fingers

  1. “Sand Hakes” instead of “Hand Shakes”
  2. “Jand Hob” instead of “Hand Job”
  3. “Band Hula” instead of “Hand Bula”
  4. “Land Heart” instead of “Hand Heart”
  5. “Mand Heal” instead of “Hand Meal”
  6. “Rand Hings” instead of “Hand Rings”
  7. “Fand Hingers” instead of “Hand Fingers”
  8. “Gand Hock” instead of “Hand Gock”
  9. “Hand Howl” instead of “Land Howl”
  10. “Pand Hammer” instead of “Hand Hammer”
  11. “Land Healer” instead of “Hand Healer”
  12. “Vand Harvest” instead of “Hand Harvest”
  13. “Tand Humb” instead of “Hand Thumb”
  14. “Nand Horn” instead of “Hand Norn”
  15. “Cand Hammer” instead of “Hand Camera”
  16. “Dand Holder” instead of “Hand Folder”
  17. “Hand Hurry” instead of “Land Hurry”
  18. “Zand High-five” instead of “Hand High-five”
  19. “Sand Handle” instead of “Hand Sandal”
  20. “Wand Hangnail” instead of “Hand Wringing”

Hand in Hand: Tom Swifties That’ll Have You Laughing!

  1. “I can’t find my watch,” he said handily.
  2. “I can’t hold all of these groceries,” she said single-handedly.
  3. “I’ll take care of the dishes,” he said begrudgingly.
  4. “I have to write this paper by hand,” she said handwrittenly.
  5. “I can’t play piano with my left hand,” he said right-handedly.
  6. “I can’t jump over that fence,” he said handily.
  7. “I have a palm reader coming over later,” she said palmatically.
  8. “I can’t find the remote,” he said disenchantedly.
  9. “I’ll use my left hand this time,” she said self-handedly.
  10. “I can’t believe I won the lottery,” he said hand-in-handidly.
  11. “I need to put on some lotion,” she said handily.
  12. “I’ll grab a handful of chips,” he said handily.
  13. “I have to finish this jigsaw puzzle,” she said piece-handedly.
  14. “I’ll never let go,” he said hand-holdingly.
  15. “I can’t open this jar of pickles,” she said jar-handedly.
  16. “I have to shake hands with the president,” he said presidentially.
  17. “I’m going to hold my breath until I turn blue,” she said cyanotically.
  18. “I got stung by a bee on my finger,” he said stinging-handedly.
  19. “I’m going to paint a picture of my hand,” she said hand-paintedly.
  20. “I’m going to high-five everyone I see,” he said hand-friendly.

Handy Laughs: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hand.

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hank. Hank who? Hand me the remote, I’m ready for a good laugh!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Honey. Honey who? Honey, hand me that sandwich. I can’t reach it!
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hannah. Hannah who? Hand me my phone, I have a funny meme to show you.
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hans. Hans who? Hand over that last slice of pizza, would ya?
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harriet. Harriet who? Harriet up and tell me a joke, I could use a good chuckle.
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Heather. Heather who? Heather you like it or not, I’m going to tell a joke.
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Herb. Herb who? Herb you go, here’s your punchline.
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hope. Hope who? Hope you’re ready for a hilarious joke!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo ahead and laugh, it’s good for you.
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hunter. Hunter who? Hunter you gonna let me in on the joke or what?
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hamlet. Hamlet who? Hamlet be your guide to a good laugh.
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harvey. Harvey who? Harvey any funny jokes today?
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hadley. Hadley who? Hadley been a while since I heard a good joke.
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hazel. Hazel who? Hazel up and laugh, it’s funny!
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and tell me a joke, I can’t wait all day.
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Helena. Helena who? Helena watch this funny video together?
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Henry. Henry who? Henry way, this joke is hilarious!
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly cow! That’s a good joke.
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Horatio. Horatio who? Horatio hope you have a great sense of humor.
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Houston. Houston who? Houston, we have a joke!

Hands down, these puns are fingertip-tastic!

And that concludes our hand-y collection of puns and jokes! We hope these had you hand-slapping and palm-sweating with laughter. But don’t let the fun stop here, be sure to check out our other pun-tastic posts, because let’s face it, we all could use a good hand-le on some more humor. Stay pun-derful, my friends!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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