Quench Your Thirst for Laughter: 200+ Drink Jokes & Puns!

funny Drink jokes with one liner clever Drink puns at PunnyFunny.com

Welcome to our hilarious list of puns and jokes about everyone’s favorite beverage – drink! Whether you’re a kid who loves a good laugh or just someone who appreciates clever humor, we’ve got you covered. Get ready to raise your glasses and get ready for some positive vibes with these best drink jokes and puns. Warning: may cause uncontrollable laughter! So, without further ado, let’s dive into our witty and pun-filled world of drink humor. Cheers!

Cheers to These Hilarious Drink Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Top Picks!

  1. I’m not a heavy drinker, I just have a low tolerance for water.
  2. I told my doctor I wanted to drink more water, so he prescribed me a fancy water bottle.
  3. My therapist says I have a drinking problem… I can’t seem to stop my drink from spilling all over me.
  4. What do you call a cow who’s been playing drinking games all night? A moo-sician.
  5. Did you hear about the restaurant that only serves drinks? It’s a bar-less bar.
  6. I’m on a new diet where I only drink distilled water… it’s called Vodka.
  7. Alcohol kills brain cells, but only the weak ones. So technically, drinking makes you smarter.
  8. I went to a fancy wine tasting and all I got was Merlot-burned.
  9. Why was the martini always shaking? He was afraid to get stirred up.
  10. I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but every time I open my fridge it tells me to “put the beer back.”
  11. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. Why did the lemon go out with the lime? Because he couldn’t find a date with anyone else “zest-fully” bitter.
  13. I’m starting a new band called “Garage Door Opener”… we’re going to open for The Rolling Stones.
  14. What do you call a blueberry that’s been drinking all day? A mer-blue-berry.
  15. What do you call an acid party in the tropics? Margarita-vation.
  16. I only drink champagne on two occasions… when I’m in love and when I’m not.
  17. I was going to go to a juice bar today, but then I realized it was a mistake-ski.
  18. I’m not addicted to caffeine, I just have a close personal relationship with it.
  19. Did you hear about the drunk who fell into the upholstery machine? He’s now fully recovered.
  20. What did one soda can say to the other? Soda-ku!

Pour on the Laughs with These Hilarious ‘Funny Drink’ One-Liner Jokes!

  1. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice!
  2. Why was the lemon sad? It realized it missed its lemonade stand.
  3. I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
  4. I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.
  5. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the coffee shop? They woke up.
  6. I went to a seafood restaurant that served crabs. But they weren’t happy, they had a shell-abration.
  7. I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.
  8. My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I only drink in front of a mirror.
  9. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  10. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
  11. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
  12. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  13. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  14. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
  15. I quit my job at the shoe store because I didn’t like dealing with sole customers.
  16. Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
  17. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was intense.
  18. My dog has a beautiful coat – it’s let off a lot of fur this winter.
  19. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
  20. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

Quench Your Thirst for Laughs with QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘Drink’!

  1. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  2. What do you call a sad cup of tea? Despresso.
  3. How does a penguin make its coffee? It brews it, of course!
  4. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  5. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
  6. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
  7. How does a martini greet a new customer? With a fancy appletini!
  8. What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
  9. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
  10. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  11. Why did the tomato turn down the invitation to the party? It didn’t want to get sauced.
  12. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  13. What do you call an armless crab? A clawless lobster.
  14. How does a sheep say hello to another sheep? It woolcome them.
  15. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
  16. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
  17. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up in the tree and act like a nut.
  18. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  19. How does a vampire start a letter? With a neck-salutation.
  20. What does a grape do when it’s stepped on? It lets out a little wine.

Sip, Sip, Hooray: Hilarious Proverbs & Witty Wisdom on the Art of Drinking

  1. “A glass of wine a day keeps the doctor away… or maybe just makes you not care about seeing him.”
  2. “The best beers are the ones we drink with friends… and that one you keep hidden in the back of the fridge for emergencies.”
  3. “I have mixed drinks about feelings.”
  4. “A hangover is just your body’s way of reminding you that you had an awesome night.”
  5. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a whole bottle of wine left to finish.”
  6. “The secret to a happy marriage? Separate wine glasses.”
  7. “I never drink water because fish fuck in it.”
  8. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I become a professional dancer.”
  9. “Drinking coffee is like drinking sunshine.”
  10. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m watching it go from the bottle to my glass.”
  11. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy… especially on Fridays.”
  12. “Tequila is like duct tape, it fixes everything.”
  13. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right and you should buy me another drink.”
  14. “In wine years, I’m considered a vintage.”
  15. “A balanced diet is a glass of wine in each hand.”
  16. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it drunk.”
  17. “I don’t need an excuse to drink, I just need an occasion.”
  18. “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer it in large quantities.”
  19. “My doctor said I need to cut back on drinking… so now I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
  20. “They say you are what you eat… well, I don’t remember eating a sexy beast this morning.”

Why Did the Dad Joke About Drink Get a Standing Ovation?

  1. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
  2. Why was the lemon so sad? It realized its zest for life was slowly fading away.
  3. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  4. What do you get when you mix a kangaroo and a can of Red Bull? A hoppy energy drink!
  5. What do you get when you cross a stream with a lemonade stand? A Citrus Spring.
  6. What is a cow’s favorite drink? Milkshakes.
  7. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
  8. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
  9. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.
  10. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  11. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. What do you call a bear that loves to drink? A boozehound.
  13. Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with.
  14. What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A rebel without a peel.
  15. How do you get a mouse drunk? Give it some tequila cheese.
  16. Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
  17. What do you call a coffee with a college degree? A latte of knowledge.
  18. Why did the baker go to the doctor? He had a bad case of ovenitis.
  19. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  20. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. (Yes, we know we said this one already, but it’s just that good).

Sip on Some Hilarious Humor with These Drink-tastic Double Entendres Puns!

  1. “I like my coffee like I like my men – strong, hot, and always there to perk me up.”
  2. “Wine not? It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
  3. “Beer – it’s the answer to all of life’s questions. Well, most of them.”
  4. “I may not be a genie, but I can make your bottle disappear in no time.”
  5. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.”
  6. “Why drink your calories when you can chew them? Pass me the whiskey fudge, please.”
  7. “Everyone needs a little vitamin tequila every now and then.”
  8. “They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a glass of wine a day keeps the stress away.”
  9. “I may not be able to solve all your problems, but I can mix you a mean martini.”
  10. “I don’t always drink cocktails, but when I do, they’re filled with innuendos.”
  11. “I don’t cry over spilled milk, but I might shed a tear if I drop my martini.”
  12. “Life is too short to waste on bad wine, so drink the good stuff.”
  13. “My doctor said I should drink more water. So I added it to my gin.”
  14. “Champagne – because no great story has ever started with someone eating a salad.”
  15. “They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy wine and that’s pretty much the same thing.”
  16. “Coffee is for people who can’t handle their tequila.”
  17. “My doctor told me to start drinking more water, but I don’t think this is what he meant.”
  18. “Quit wine-ing and start drinking.”
  19. “Gin and tonic is basically just salad, right?”
  20. “Hey bartender, can I get a Corona-time-out?”

Bottoms up to these recursive puns about everyone’s favorite ‘drink’!

  1. Why did the coffee feel pressure around its waistline? It was surrounded by a potbelly of java.
  2. Alcoholics are always drinking themselves into a spiral – literally, they’re in a bar called ‘The Tornado’.
  3. When people try to take my drink without asking, I tell them that’s a straw-berry offense.
  4. My friend’s parents caught him drinking the other day and they were so angry they nearly drove him to drink.
  5. Sometimes I drink tea in a whiskey glass just to keep things high class.
  6. I’m not an alcoholic, I just like to keep my problems on the rocks.
  7. My doctor told me to watch my alcohol intake, so now I drink in front of the mirror.
  8. Did you know that if you mix vodka with orange juice, the drink becomes good for you? The orange juice cancels out the calories in the vodka.
  9. Why did the juice box go to therapy? Because it felt boxed in.
  10. My boss told me to start drinking more responsibly, so now I only use one hand while I pour my drink.
  11. Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the question.
  12. I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, I’m saying that I refuse to follow problems, they should follow me.
  13. Did you hear about the coffee that thought it was too hot? It decided to cool down by becoming iced coffee.
  14. I saw a group of pickles drinking at the bar last night, they were definitely in a pickle.
  15. I tried drinking while balancing on one foot, but it just kept leaving me on pins and needles.
  16. Why did the grape juice get arrested? It was caught in a vinous crime spree.
  17. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a ‘connoisseur’ of alcohol.
  18. Why did the orange get kicked out of the juice bar? Because it was being a real sourpuss.
  19. I told my wife that I was going to stop drinking, she said that I would be more convincing with a vodka in my hand.
  20. Water is always the designated driver, but it’s okay because it’s just happy to be along for the ride.

Quench Your Thirst for Laughter with These Hilarious Drink Malapropisms

  1. “I’ll have a vodka tonic, straight up with a little lemon trick.”
  2. “Can I get a mojito with extra rummy bears?”
  3. “My favorite cocktail is a Long Island prostitute.”
  4. “I’ll take a whiskey sundial, please.”
  5. “A Bahama vodka sounds refreshing.”
  6. “Can I have a Bloody Marry instead of a Bloody Mary?”
  7. “I’ll have a cranberry and vodka, with a splash of menstrual water.”
  8. “Can I get a venti white Russian, extra caffeine?”
  9. “I’ll have a gin and tonic, hold the tonic.”
  10. “Can I get a screwdriver with two scoops of ice cream?”
  11. “I’ll take a margarita on the rocks with a salt fairy.”
  12. “A whiskey sour sounds too tart, I’ll just have the bourbon cough.”
  13. “I’ll have a tequila sunrise with a side of bacon.”
  14. “Can I get a sex with an alligator on the beach?”
  15. “I’ll have a rum and Coke, but can you make it a DC instead?”
  16. “A pina colada with extra pinata, please.”
  17. “Can I get a grasshopper instead of a grasshopper?”
  18. “I’ll have a gin fizz with a dash of unicorn.”
  19. “Can I get a chocolate martini, shaken not stirred?”
  20. “I’ll take a scotch and sofa, hold the soda.”

Sipping on Some Sneaky Spoonerisms about Drink: Delightfully Drunken Dialogue

  1. “Pineapple pour” instead of “Fine apple core”
  2. “Rummy breeze” instead of “Bummy knees”
  3. “Tequila plight” instead of “Margarita light”
  4. “Whiskey shake” instead of “Sickly shake”
  5. “Vodka hike” instead of “Hodka vike”
  6. “Ginful night” instead of “Sinful night”
  7. “Brewing bike” instead of “Biking brew”
  8. “Champagne pain” instead of “Painful champagne”
  9. “Winey stench” instead of “Tiny wrench”
  10. “Cocktail sock” instead of “Sotto voce”
  11. “Lemon hate” instead of “Hem and haw”
  12. “Beer yearning” instead of “Eerie burning”
  13. “Soda tot” instead of “Tote soda”
  14. “Juice dance” instead of “Duce jance”
  15. “Cider pit” instead of “Spider bit”
  16. “Whisky drowned” instead of “Disgusting round”
  17. “Mimosa sin” instead of “Simosa min”
  18. “Rum and gossip” instead of “Gum and rossip”
  19. “Fizzy fart” instead of “Fizzy heart”
  20. “Martini hat” instead of “Heart in a hat”.

Don’t worry, I’ll get us a drink,” Tom said, “whether it’s on the rocks or in a can-ade.

  1. “I can’t decide between beer or wine,” Tom said indecisively.
  2. “I’ll have a rum and coke,” Tom said spiritedly.
  3. “I don’t drink alcohol,” Tom said soberly.
  4. “I’ll take a double shot,” Tom said straight-faced.
  5. “I’m not tipsy, just a little lightheaded,” Tom said with a dizzy smile.
  6. “I think I’ve had too many margaritas,” Tom said with a slurred speech.
  7. “I’ll stick to my diet and have a light beer,” Tom said lightly.
  8. “This vodka is so smooth,” Tom said smoothly.
  9. “I’ll have the same as him,” Tom said in sync with his friend.
  10. “I’m more of a whiskey guy,” Tom said manly.
  11. “I’ll have a water,” Tom said with no pop.
  12. “I’ve been drinking since noon,” Tom said chronologically.
  13. “I’m allergic to red wine,” Tom said in a rash voice.
  14. “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred,” Tom said with a Bond-like charm.
  15. “I think I’ll switch to decaf,” Tom said with a caffeine-free tone.
  16. “I’ll have a Bloody Mary,” Tom said with a tomato-y hue.
  17. “I only drink organic wine,” Tom said in a natural tone.
  18. “I’ll have a tequila sunrise,” Tom said with a bright disposition.
  19. “I’ll pass on the shots, nothing good comes from peer pressure,” Tom said with moral fortitude.
  20. “I’ll have my scotch on the rocks, like a true gentleman,” Tom said with a refined accent.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Drink your way through these hilarious knock-knock jokes!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze in the house tonight, everybody just have a good time!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butch. Butch who? Butch your arms around me, baby, I just wanna drink with you.
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer me, please!
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cider. Cider who? Cider you were here, we could drink together.
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Moscato. Moscato who? Moscato cheers to Friday night!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Martini. Martini who? Martini shake things up tonight.
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Margarita. Margarita who? Margarita my drink of choice!
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka good time we’re having!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey. Whiskey who? Whiskey business is getting serious.
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum and coke, please!
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tequila. Tequila who? Tequila sunrise, please.
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mimosa. Mimosa who? Mimosa be drinking if I want to!
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not have another glass?
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bubbly. Bubbly who? Bubbly can we get this party started?
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin. Gin who? Gin and tonic sounds perfect right now.
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jagermeister. Jagermeister who? Jagermeister have one last shot!
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Liqueur. Liqueur who? Liqueur up, it’s time to party!
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sangria. Sangria who? Sangria on the beach, anyone?
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Scotch. Scotch who? Scotch a good joke, let’s drink to that.
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer goggles. Beer goggles, who? Beer goggles won’t make me any more attractive, but they’ll make you more interesting!

Cheers to pun-derful drinking humor!

We’ve reached the end of our journey, and I hope you’re not too tipsy from all these puns and jokes about drink! Remember, laughter is the best medicine, but a good cocktail doesn’t hurt either. If you’re still thirsty for more, be sure to check out our other related Puns and Jokes posts. Cheers to a great sense of humor and a well-stocked bar!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of PunnyFunny.com, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made PunnyFunny.com a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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