Cheers to Laughter: 200+ Alcohol Jokes & Puns!

Ready to have a giggle with a side of a good buzz? Look no further, because we’ve got the best list of alcohol-related jokes and puns around. Whether you’re a wine connoisseur or a beer enthusiast, we’ve got some clever quips that will make you laugh out loud. So grab your drink of choice and get ready for some positive humor with these hilarious alcohol jokes and puns. Trust us, you won’t regret it (but you might need more napkins for those inevitable spit-takes).

Get the Buzz Going with These Hilarious Alcohol Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks!

1. I can’t believe I used to think drinking was a problem. Now I know it’s a solution!
2. Why was the grape juice feeling so left out at the party? Because all the cool kids were drinking wine!
3. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear – perfect for enjoying a nice pint of honey ale!
4. I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a wine glass shortage!
5. Why don’t skeletons ever have a glass of wine? They just can’t hold their liquor.
6. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just a fun enthusiast!
7. What did one margarita say to the other? Don’t be salty, we’ll both get a lime in the spotlight!
8. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
9. I just found out my coffee has whiskey in it – I guess it’s time to start the day!
10. I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically courage deficient.
11. I need my whiskey like I need air – daily and in large quantities.
12. How do you know if someone is a beer connoisseur? They can open a bottle with anything – even their teeth!
13. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
14. Do you know why Santa brings presents? Because he’s been working in a bar all year!
15. Alcohol may not be the answer, but it sure does help you forget the question.
16. There’s no crying in baseball – but there’s definitely crying in tequila!
17. I only drink on days that end in “y”.
18. What do you call a fish that drinks too much? A hammeredhead shark!
19. I’m not bad with directions, I’m just better after a few glasses of wine.
20. Sometimes I feel like I have too many bottles of wine – then I remember they’re just empty.

Pouring on the Laughter: The Funniest Alcohol One-Liner Jokes!

1. I told my wife I wanted to quit drinking, she said it was time to sober up. I misunderstood and thought she said soup-herb tea.
2. Alcohol may not solve all of your problems, but neither will water or milk.
3. How does an alcoholic say goodbye? On the rocks.
4. I accidentally drank a bottle of food coloring thinking it was alcohol. I woke up this morning with a rainbow hangover.
5. What did the beer say to the wine? You turn me into a whine-oh.
6. I have mixed emotions about drinking, but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly rum.
7. I can’t remember if I’ve had three shots of tequila or four, but either way, I’m not counting after that.
8. Friends don’t let friends drink White Claw.
9. What does a vodka martini say to a gin martini? Talk to me dirty.
10. My doctor told me to cut back on alcohol, so I started using a smaller glass.
11. Champagne is just sparkling water for rich people.
12. Whiskey may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot.
13. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice.
14. Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions, like Wednesday.
15. What does a dolphin drink? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
16. My doctor told me I need to start drinking more water, so I switched to vodka sodas.
17. Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean…against walls, tables, and random strangers.
18. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
19. My love for you is like a good bottle of wine – it only gets better with age.
20. My doctor said I need to cut alcohol from my diet, so I switched to wine. It’s made from grapes, so it’s basically like eating a salad, right?

Sip & Snicker: Clever QnA Jokes & Puns about Alcohol

1. Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
2. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An investi-gator.
3. Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet.
4. Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
5. Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus? A: It was intense.
6. Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? A: Because it was two-tired.
7. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it.
8. Q: What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
9. Q: What’s the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? A: Attire.
10. Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems.
11. Q: How do you fix a broken pizza? A: With tomato paste.
12. Q: What do you call a belt made out of watches? A: A waist of time.
13. Q: Why are ghosts terrible liars? A: Because you can see right through them.
14. Q: How do you make a Kleenex dance? A: Put some boogey in it.
15. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
16. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An investi-gator.
17. Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
18. Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? A: They woke up.
19. Q: How do you know if someone is a vegan? A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
20. Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A: One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Sips of Wisdom: Hilariously Witty Alcohol Proverbs & Sayings

1. “In wine there is wisdom, but in tequila there is truth.”
2. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.”
3. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
4. “A glass of wine a day keeps the stress away, but a bottle is even better.”
5. “A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, ‘Damn, we messed up!'”
6. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
7. “Alcohol doesn’t have the answers, but it helps you forget the questions.”
8. “I have mixed drinks about feelings.”
9. “Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.”
10. “I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.”
11. “Life is too short for cheap wine and bad company.”
12. “Friends don’t let friends drink white claw.”
13. “I workout because I love wine.”
14. “I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
15. “Wine a bit, you’ll feel better.”
16. “Nothing makes the day brighter than a glass of wine…or two…or three.”
17. “In dog beers, I’ve only had one.”
18. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.”
19. “Wine improves with age, I improve with wine.”
20. “Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”

Puns-til Dawn: Hilarious Dad Jokes about Alcohol

1. “Why did the wine refuse to be poured? It was feeling a little boxed in.”
2. “I asked my dad if he could make me a drink. He replied, ‘Sorry, I’m only licensed to grill.'”
3. “Why couldn’t the bartender make the martini shaken, not stirred? Because he was too shaken by the request.”
4. “I saw a sign at the bar that said, ‘Free drinks tomorrow.’ I guess I’ll have to come back then.”
5. “I tried to organize a game of beer pong for my dad and his friends, but they kept getting distracted by all the foam parties.”
6. “Why don’t they serve alcohol at the gym? Because you shouldn’t mix your reps with your drinks.”
7. “Want to hear a joke about tequila? It’s really not my shot.”
8. “Why couldn’t the beer get into the party? Because is wasn’t on the guest list.”
9. “I told my dad I was going to make him a cocktail, but he said he already had one. I asked what it was, and he replied, ‘On the rocks.'”
10. “Why was the rum always gone? Because it couldn’t control its vodka habit.”
11. “I asked my dad how many beers he had left. He replied, ‘Just one… more.'”
12. “Why couldn’t the grape become a wine connoisseur? It was too busy whining about everything.”
13. “My dad said he was making a hot toddy, but I didn’t see any hot people. Just a regular drink.”
14. “Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything, including all that beer you just drank.”
15. “I tried to make a mojito, but it ended up being a no-jito. My dad drank it all.”
16. “I told my dad I was cutting back on my drinking. He replied, ‘That’s okay, I’ll pick up the slack.'”
17. “Why did the coffee call the whiskey? It needed a shot of something stronger before it could face Monday.”
18. “I had a dream I was drinking all the craft beer in the world. Then I woke up and realized it was just a sobering thought.”
19. “What do you call a drunken turkey? A gobble-head.”
20. “I asked my dad if he wanted to go out for drinks tonight. He replied, ‘I already went out for one… 30 years ago when you were born.'”

Sipping on Some “Talcoholic “Gales: Hilariously Twisted Spoonerisms about Alcohol

1. “Wasted Day” instead of “Taste of Dew”
2. “Brew-haha” instead of “Hoo-ray”
3. “Brewski Goggles” instead of “Ski Goggles”
4. “Liquor-lous” instead of “Hilarious”
5. “Shot of the Hour” instead of “Hour of the Day”
6. “Suds up” instead of “Upset”
7. “Wine and Joke” instead of “Jine and Woke”
8. “Tipsy Turvy” instead of “Topsy Turvy”
9. “Drunk Dial” instead of “Dunk Rile”
10. “Booze Cruise” instead of “Cruise Booze”
11. “Cock-a-tail” instead of “Tick-tock”
12. “Happy Half-Away” instead of “Halfway Happy”
13. “Champagne Campaign” instead of “Campaign Champion”
14. “Bottle Babes” instead of “Babble Bots”
15. “Whiskey Whispers” instead of “Wispy Wishes”
16. “Bar Talk” instead of “Tar Bark”
17. “Gin and Grin” instead of “Grin and Giggle”
18. “Tequila Teaser” instead of “Tee Quia-later”
19. “Pint-Sized” instead of “Sint-Pized”
20. “Clink and Drink” instead of “Drink and Clink”

Mixing Humor and Spirits: Alcohol’s Double Entendres and Cheeky Puns

1. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I prefer to be double fisted.”
2. “Why did the martini have to sit in a corner? Because it was a little dry.”
3. “Did you hear about the beer that got arrested? It was charged with public intoxication.”
4. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.”
5. “They say wine gets better with age, but I seem to be getting better with wine.”
6. “My doctor told me to cut back on my drinking, so now I only drink on days that end in ‘y’.”
7. “Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.”
8. “I never finish my beer, I just stop it from being lonely.”
9. “I’m not drunk, I’m just practicing my bartending skills.”
10. “I always take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.”
11. “What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk doesn’t have to go to meetings.”
12. “Beer: because sometimes the best ideas aren’t exactly good ideas.”
13. “Why did the whiskey go to therapy? Because it had a lot of problems to work through.”
14. “I’m so fancy, you already know I’m sipping vintage cognac.”
15. “I’m not saying alcohol is the answer, but it’s worth a shot.”
16. “Why did the rum go missing? It must have been abducted by aliens.”
17. “Vodka may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot.”
18. “What do you call a wine hangover? A grape depression.”
19. “I don’t need a therapist, I just need a glass of wine.”
20. “Why don’t pirates take shots? Because they prefer to drink their rum straight from the bottle arrrrrrrr.”

Spirited Humor: A Recursive Collection of Alcohol-Infused Puns

1. Why did the beer go to therapy? Because it had a bad case of ale-mentia!
2. I’m going to name my brewery “Hops and Dreams” because that’s exactly what my customers will be sipping on.
3. Wine not?
4. Being a bartender is a funny job – it’s all about serving up spirits and lifting spirits.
5. Why did the beer go to church? To get a divine intervention!
6. Alcoholics Anonymous? More like Alcoholidays Anonymous!
7. Why did the whiskey go to college? To get aged and earn its masters in bourbonology.
8. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a grape enthusiast.
9. Whiskey business.
10. Beer: it’s not just for breakfast anymore.
11. Wine not treat yourself?
12. Why did the bar hire a psychic? So they could have happy hours!
13. Cheers to the spirits that make life spirited!
14. My doctor said I shouldn’t drink alcohol…so I switched to tequila.
15. A screwdriver walked into a bar and asked for a shot of vodka. The bartender replied, “Sorry, we can’t serve tools here.”
16. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
17. Why did the beer go to the gym? To work on its six-pack!
18. I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday, and when it’s not.
19. Did you hear about the wine connoisseur who got lost in the vineyard? He was going grape.
20. Why did the beer go to the beach? To get away from all the hops-tility back at the bar.

Raise a Glass (Not a Class) to These Hilarious Alcohol Malapropisms!

1. Absinthe-minded (instead of absent-minded)
2. Winesoaked (instead of windsock)
3. Beer-ly (instead of barely)
4. Champaigne (instead of campaign)
5. Vodkabulary (instead of vocabulary)
6. Ruminate (instead of ruminate)
7. Ginocologist (instead of gynecologist)
8. Merlotdown (instead of meltdown)
9. Tequititious (instead of equitable)
10. Whiskey business (instead of risky business)
11. Brandy new (instead of brand new)
12. Amaretto mistake (instead of amateur mistake)
13. Beer me out (instead of hear me out)
14. Proseccupied (instead of preoccupied)
15. Daiquiri (instead of dairy)
16. Ale-mentary (instead of elementary)
17. Chardonnaytastic (instead of fantastic)
18. Pinot nonsense (instead of pint of nonsense)
19. Whiskey-tipped (instead of tongue-tied)
20. Bubbly-wobbly (instead of wibbly-wobbly)

Toast to Comedy: The Hilarious World of Alcohol Tom Swifties

1. “I think I’ve had enough to drink,” Tom said sloshily.
2. “What’s the proof on this whiskey?” Tom asked skeptically.
3. “I can’t handle anymore shots,” Tom said, doubled over in distillation.
4. “I’ll just have one more beer,” Tom said, irresponsibly.
5. “I’m feeling a little tipsy,” Tom said, a little unbalanced.
6. “I’m not drunk, I’m just having a spirited discussion,” Tom said spiritedly.
7. “I’m going to need a chaser for that tequila,” Tom joked, chasing after his drink.
8. “I’m feeling the effects of this wine,” Tom admitted, feeling a little grape.
9. “I’ll have another martini,” Tom said dryly.
10. “I can’t seem to find my champagne glass,” Tom said, looking for it in a bubbly.
11. “I’m not going to let this beer go to waste,” Tom said, determined to finish it.
12. “I think I’ll switch to water,” Tom said soberly.
13. “My head is pounding from all these drinks,” Tom said, hanging over the edge.
14. “I’ll take a shot of vodka,” Tom said, downing the decision quickly.
15. “I’ll have a cocktail with my meal,” Tom ordered, tailing behind his drink.
16. “I’m just going to have a nightcap before bed,” Tom said, capping off the evening.
17. “I can’t handle the taste of this whiskey,” Tom grimaced, whisking it away.
18. “I’ll just have a small glass of wine,” Tom suggested, whining for a wine.
19. “I’m trying to pace myself,” Tom said cautiously, trying not to race ahead with his drinks.
20. “I can’t seem to find my wine glass,” Tom said, searching in his cupboards.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A tipsy punchline: Knock-knock jokes about alcohol

1. Knock, knock.
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al-cohol is here to liven up the party!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Booze. Booze who? Booze it up, it’s time to celebrate!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rum. Rum who? Rum ahead and pour me another drink.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wine. Wine who? Wine not have a glass with me?
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Whiskey. Whiskey who? Whiskey business, it’s just me and my drink.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Vodka. Vodka who? Vodka little bit more won’t hurt, will it?
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tequila. Tequila who? Tequila sunrise, anyone?
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beer. Beer who? Beer me, please.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gin. Gin who? Gin and tonic, my favorite combo.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Martini. Martini who? Martini or not, here I come!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cider. Cider who? Cider or not, I’m still thirsty.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Absinthe. Absinthe who? Absinthe-minded people love to party!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mojito. Mojito who? Mojito to the beat of the music!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Champagne. Champagne who? Champagne showers for everyone!
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sake. Sake who? Sake to me baby, let’s have some fun!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Moonshine. Moonshine who? Moonshine be your lucky night!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Schnapps. Schnapps who? Schnapps to it, let’s get this party started!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Prosecco. Prosecco who? Prosecco cheers to a good time!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bourbon. Bourbon who? Bourbon my drink of choice, what’s yours?
21. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottoms. Bottoms who? Bottoms up, let’s enjoy some drinks together!

Pour-capping the laughs with alcohol puns!

Well, it’s time to grab a drink and raise a glass to the end of our pun-filled adventure through the world of alcohol. Let’s cheers to all the laughs, groans, and eye rolls these jokes and puns have given us. And if you’re not too tipsy, why not check out some of our other punny and joke-y posts? Trust me, they’ll have you laughing and facepalming in no time. Cheers, my fellow pun enthusiasts! Stay thirsty for more word play and see you on the next one!