Laugh Your Kidneys Off: 210+ Hilarious Kidney Jokes & Puns

funny Kidney jokes with one liner clever Kidney puns at

Welcome to our list of the best kidney jokes and puns for kids! Get ready to laugh your kidneys off with these clever and positive jokes that will tickle your funny bone. Why should adults have all the fun? We’ve got a collection of humor that even the little ones will appreciate. So without further ado, let’s dive into this kidney-tastic compilation of jokes that will have you exclaiming “Pee-rrific!” in no time. Let’s get ready to have a kidney-land of fun!

Filter out the Rest, These Kidney Puns are the Best – Editor’s Picks!

  1. Why did the kidney need a day off? It needed to take a renal break.
  2. I donated half my kidney to my best friend. Now we’re kidney-mates for life.
  3. What did the kidney say when it was struggling to filter out toxins? “I’m having a kidney crisis!”
  4. The kidney always had a lot on its plate. It’s the body’s filter after all.
  5. How does the kidney stay in shape? It does lots of reps-to-me every day!
  6. Why couldn’t the kidney get a date? It had a history of being ureterrible.
  7. The kidney couldn’t keep up with the latest fads. It was stuck in its rut-abaga!
  8. I asked my kidney what it wanted for its birthday. It said, “Nothing, I’m already well-red!”
  9. Why did the chicken get a kidney transplant? It wanted to pass with flying colors!
  10. The kidney was always the life of the party. It had a bladder of laughs.
  11. What did the kidney say to the brain when it was feeling overwhelmed? “I just can’t filter this all out!”
  12. How do you know if a kidney is lying? Its ureas get shorter!
  13. Why couldn’t the kidney remember any jokes? Its humor was a little urine the rocks.
  14. What did the doctor say to the patient with two failing kidneys? “Looks like you’re on double duty!”
  15. The kidney was tired of their job and decided to quit. They were just sick of being taken for granite.
  16. Why did the kidney need a new passport? Because it was going international – it had to go through customs!
  17. What do you call a magical kidney? A Harry Potter beanie!
  18. Why did the teacher praise the kidney on its essay? Because it had excellent filtration skills!
  19. The kidney was an amazing dancer. It could really bust a move-tor!
  20. What did the kidney say when it received a compliment? “Aww, thanks, I take my function very seriously!”

Laughing Your Kidneys Away with These Funny One-Liners!

  1. Why did the cat go to the doctor? It had a purr-fect kidney!
  2. I told my boss I couldn’t come into work because my kidney was acting up, but he just told me to filter through it.
  3. My friend complained that there was too much salt in his food. I asked him if his kidneys were feeling salty too.
  4. I’m donating my kidney to my best friend so we can be kidney-mates forever.
  5. Did you hear about the kidney who went to school? It was top of its class!
  6. Why did the skeleton donate his kidneys? Because he had a lot of spare ribs.
  7. My doctor told me I needed to take better care of my kidneys. I said I already did, I gave them a good soaking in wine last night.
  8. My wife said she wanted a new kidney for her birthday. I told her kidneys weren’t on her list of optional gifts.
  9. The circus is in town and they have a show called “The Amazing Kidney,” but I heard it’s really just a urine test.
  10. Why are kidneys the most musical organs? Because they have a lot of pee notes.
  11. I was feeling down about my recent kidney transplant, but then I realized it was a life-saving experience.
  12. I used to make kidney jokes, but then I realized they were too hard to filter through.
  13. Why did the kidney go to the party? To get a little hep-py.
  14. I put a funny joke on my kidney. You might say it’s a humorous cyst-tation.
  15. Why did the doctor tell the kidney to go home and rest? Because it needed some renal downtime.
  16. I accidentally left my kidneys out all night and now they’re headache-y.
  17. What did one kidney say to the other during their transplant? “I didn’t know you had a spare!”
  18. I tried to make a joke about my kidney, but it just went over my head.
  19. My friend says he wants to be a professional kidney donor. I told him to go with his gut feeling.
  20. Why did the kidney go to therapy? To work through its emotional issues with filtering out toxic people.

QnA Fun: Hilarious Kidney Jokes and Puns for a Good Laugh!

  1. Q: What did the kidney say to the bladder? A: “I’ll always have your back.”
  2. Q: Why did the kidney go on strike? A: Because it was tired of being kidney-stoned.
  3. Q: What do you call a kidney who is always late? A: A procrastikidney.
  4. Q: What did the kidney say when it was in pain? A: “I can’t take this any longer, I’m gonna throw in the towel.”
  5. Q: What did one kidney say to the other at the party? A: “How’s your function? Mine’s been feeling pretty filtered lately.”
  6. Q: Why did the kidney cross the road? A: To get to the other pancreas.
  7. Q: What does a kidney use to call its friends? A: Its cell-phones.
  8. Q: What did the kidney say when it got a promotion? A: “Looks like I’ve finally made it to the upper renal-y.”
  9. Q: What did the doctor prescribe for the kidney’s pain? A: An NSA-kidney.
  10. Q: Why did the kidney get arrested? A: For using excessive force-piss.
  11. Q: What did the kidney say to the bladder during an argument? A: “You’re taking the urinal way too far!”
  12. Q: What’s a kidney’s favorite drink? A: A renal cocktail.
  13. Q: How does a kidney like its steak cooked? A: Medium renal.
  14. Q: What did the kidney say to the heart? A: “I love pump-ing blood with you, buddy.”
  15. Q: Why was the kidney nominated for an award? A: Because it was always filtering out the competition.
  16. Q: What do you call a kidney who’s always taking risks? A: An advent-renal.
  17. Q: How did the kidney ruin the surprise party? A: It spilled the beans.
  18. Q: Why did the kidney go to therapy? A: To deal with its in-tencent thoughts.
  19. Q: What did the kidney say when it got a tattoo? A: “It’s about time I got some ink on my filt-rer.”
  20. Q: How did the kidney celebrate its birthday? A: By throwing a renal party with all its urea friends.

Laugh it Up with These Hilarious Kidney Quips: Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings

  1. “A healthy kidney keeps the doctor away, but an unhealthy one brings them running.”
  2. “A penny for your thoughts, a kidney for your health.”
  3. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a kidney pie keeps them at bay.”
  4. “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but a kidney on the black market is worth its weight in gold.”
  5. “You can’t have your kidney and sell it too.”
  6. “A stitch in time saves nine, but a kidney transplant saved mine.”
  7. “A rolling kidney gathers no stones.”
  8. “A watched kidney never boils.”
  9. “Don’t put all your kidneys in one basket.”
  10. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it pee out your kidney stones.”
  11. “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but a kidney-shaped spoon makes it taste better.”
  12. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but a journey of kidney failure begins with a single bean.”
  13. “All is fair in love and war, except for selling your kidney to pay for a date.”
  14. “A friend in need is a friend indeed, especially when they have a spare kidney.”
  15. “Don’t put all your kidneys in one donor.”
  16. “It takes a village to raise a child, but it only takes one healthy kidney to save a life.”
  17. “Out of sight, out of mind, except for my kidney stones which are always on my mind.”
  18. “The early bird gets the worm, but the early kidney donor gets a lifetime of gratitude.”
  19. “A fool and their kidney are soon parted.”
  20. “Life is like a kidney stone, it’s painful but eventually it will pass.”

Kidney Jokes that Will Make Your Dad Chuckle!

  1. Why did the kidney go to counseling? Because it couldn’t find its “inner pees.”
  2. What do you call a kidney that’s always in a hurry? A rush-ian kidney.
  3. Why did the kidney get kicked out of the pool? It kept saying “urine-trouble now!”
  4. How does a kidney listen to music? With its ear-renal glands.
  5. Did you hear about the kidney that went to outer space? It became an ur-anal kidney.
  6. What do you call a funny kidney? A humerus ren-o-rib.
  7. Why did the kidney need a vacation? It was feeling kid-needs-some-rested.
  8. How do you make a kidney laugh? Tick-ular reflexes.
  9. What’s a kidney’s favorite TV show? Law and Order: Ren-al Intent.
  10. Did you hear about the talking kidney? It always had a lot to urine-tell.
  11. Why did the kidney get a ticket? It was caught speeding on the ur-inen highway.
  12. What did the kidney say to its reflection? Urine-t like me, but I like me.
  13. Why don’t kidneys like to fight? They prefer to kidney-veal their emotions.
  14. What did the kidney say when asked if it wanted to go swimming? “I’ll kidney-ply if there’s water.”
  15. Did you hear the one about the kidney who joined a band? They called it The Kidney Stones.
  16. Why did the kidney go on strike? It was sick of being taken for granite.
  17. What do you call a group of cool kidneys? The Ren-oh My Club.
  18. How many kidneys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they rely on their kidneys of the light.
  19. Why was the kidney always so cold? It was a renal-frosty day.
  20. What do you call a kidney with a sense of humor? A funny-feeling organ.

Get Ready to Laugh Your Kidneys Out with These Double Entendres and Puns

  1. “I never met a kidney I didn’t like.” (Said while eating a steak)
  2. “I’m just kidney-ing around.” (Said when playing a prank)
  3. “I left my heart in San Francisco, but my kidney stayed in Vegas.” (Said by a Vegas party-goer)
  4. “I’m so tired, I feel like I’ve been punched in the kidney.” (Said after a long day of work)
  5. “I’m having a kidney stone-cold day.” (Said when having a rough day)
  6. “I’m going to take a kidney break.” (Said when taking a bathroom break)
  7. “I’m kidney with excitement.” (Said when anticipating something)
  8. “I’m going to give this my kidney-all.” (Said when trying very hard)
  9. “I’m feeling a little kidney-freezy.” (Said on a cold day)
  10. “I love you with all my kidneys.” (Said romantically)
  11. “Donating money to charity is like giving a kidney, it’s the thought that counts.” (Said sarcastically)
  12. “She’s so fake, she probably got her kidneys from a plastic surgeon.” (Said about a dishonest person)
  13. “I’m feeling a little kidney-bean-shaped lately.” (Said by someone who has put on weight)
  14. “My doctor said I have to be kidney-smart about my diet.” (Said by someone with kidney problems)
  15. “I need some kidney-lint for my belly button.” (Said while cleaning out their belly button)
  16. “Let’s raise a glass to my show-stopping, single kidney.” (Said jokingly during a toast)
  17. “I’m so broke, I can’t even afford to sell my kidneys on the black market.” (Said by someone in financial trouble)
  18. “I’m going to take this opportunity and grab it by the kidneys.” (Said before taking on a challenge)
  19. “I’ll do anything for you, I’d even give you my last kidney.” (Said affectionately to a loved one)
  20. “This party is going to be so wild, it’s going to be off the kidney charts.” (Said before a party)

Renal Lolz: Recursive Puns about Kidney

  1. Why did the kidney refuse to go to the party? Because it didn’t want to be the punch line again!
  2. Did you hear about the kidney who went on strike? It was sick of filtering out all the bad jokes.
  3. I told my friend I was feeling kidney pain, and he said, “That’s the most kidney-punception thing I’ve ever heard.”
  4. My doctor says I have a kidney stone, but I prefer to call it a small, pebble-sized joke.
  5. You know what’s funny? Finding a parking spot right in front of the Kidney Donor Clinic.
  6. I recently read a book on the history of kidney disease. It was a real page-turner.
  7. My girlfriend said I need to stop making kidney puns, but I just can’t help myself. It’s a kidney-stint habit.
  8. The internet told me there’s a kidney for every pot. I guess that makes me an extra-large stockpot.
  9. A kidney transplant may cost a lot of money, but it’s worth every penny for a good pun-ectomy.
  10. Did you hear about the kidney who had a criminal record? It was charged with urine-er larceny.
  11. My mom said I should get my kidney checked because I’m always making puns. I told her, “It’s a family kidney-trait.”
  12. Why was the person with kidney failure so forgetful? They kept getting all the puns from their doctor’s jokes.
  13. The new kidney jokes are the best! They’re always on-tissue with current events.
  14. My favorite type of music is kidney rock. It’s all about filtering out the bad vibes.
  15. I wanted to tell a joke about nephrons, but it was too filtered for most people.
  16. A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a kidney on the rocks. The bartender says, “I think you mean whisky.” The hotdog replies, “Oh, I thought you said kidney on the rocks!”
  17. Why was the kidney feeling lonely? Because it always had to work alone, without its partner in crime.
  18. I told my doctor about my kidney stones, and he said, “Don’t worry, we’ll pass them together.”
  19. My neighbor said he was on a strict kidney diet. I asked him if he was sure it wasn’t a kidney bean diet.
  20. I asked my doctor if he could cure my love for kidney puns. He said, “Sorry, that’s a chronic condition.”

Getting ‘Kidney’ with Malapropisms: A Hilarious Word Mix-up

  1. “I can’t go shopping, I have to stay home and do my kidney chores.”
  2. “My boss told me to work smarter, not kidney.”
  3. “I went to the doctor and he said I had a kidney bean infection.”
  4. “I made a delicious kidney casserole for dinner.”
  5. “I accidentally left my kidney inside the washing machine.”
  6. “I got a kidney of beer for my birthday.”
  7. “I can’t hear you, my phone is on kidney.”
  8. “I love watching kidney comedies, they always make me laugh.”
  9. “My mom told me to keep my room clean or she’ll take away my kidney privileges.”
  10. “I’m a vegetarian, I don’t eat kidneys.”
  11. “I need to buy new kidney socks, mine have holes in them.”
  12. “I’m so stressed, I need to take a kidney day off of work.”
  13. “My doctor said I have a kidney for cooking, I should open a restaurant.”
  14. “I found a kidney-shaped cloud in the sky today.”
  15. “I’m feeling really kidney today, I might call in sick.”
  16. “I accidentally spilled my kidney pills all over the floor.”
  17. “I have a kidney for languages, I can speak three fluently.”
  18. “My mom is really good at kidney-nagging me.”
  19. “I have a kidney for music, I can play five different instruments.”
  20. “I’m going to be a kidneybride next year, I’m so excited!”

Kidney Chronicles: Hilarious Spoonerisms to Make You Laugh and Pee

  1. “Dine Key”
  2. “Livid Kney”
  3. “Bick Kid”
  4. “Mop Kiddy”
  5. “Snooty Kid”
  6. “Feline Kod”
  7. “Ridney King”
  8. “Wacky Kid”
  9. “Giddy Kone”
  10. “Flakey Kitten”
  11. “Garden Kiddle”
  12. “Mini Kipper”
  13. “Muddy Kicks”
  14. “Tacky Kidney”
  15. “Brutal Kist”
  16. “Jumpy Kitten”
  17. “Gross Kidney”
  18. “Twitchy Knees”
  19. “Big Kidney”
  20. “Witty Kitten”

Kidney be darned, Tom Swifties save the day!

  1. “I can’t bear to see another kidney stone,” Tom said painfully.
  2. “I’m in two minds about donating my kidney,” Tom said indecisively.
  3. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t have the guts to be a living kidney donor,” Tom said nervously.
  4. “I never thought I’d be this attached to my kidney,” Tom said sappily.
  5. “I guess my kidney really put its heart into filtering all those toxins,” Tom said sardonically.
  6. “I didn’t expect it, but donating my kidney really gave me a lot of satisfaction,” Tom said with a grin.
  7. “Being in renal failure is kidneyscriptably frustrating,” Tom said exasperatedly.
  8. “I’m sure my kidney would say I put it through too much,” Tom said guiltily.
  9. “Did you hear? The local hospital is offering free kidney screenings,” Tom said with a wink.
  10. “I told the doctor I needed a urine test, but he just laughed and said, ‘Kidney beans, anyone?'” Tom said with a roll of his eyes.
  11. “I never thought my kidney would lead such an exciting life inside me,” Tom said jokingly.
  12. “I tried to donate my kidney, but they said they needed it in pairs,” Tom said with a shrug.
  13. “I have a kidney-shaped pool in my backyard,” Tom said swimmingly.
  14. “I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back… or should I say kidneys?” Tom said with a wry smile.
  15. “I keep thinking I’ll wake up from this nightmare, but it’s just another day with a chronic kidney disease,” Tom said wearily.
  16. “I heard they’re creating a new sitcom about kidney transplants, but it might be a pissing contest,” Tom said with a chuckle.
  17. “I’ve always been told I have big kidneys, but this is getting ridiculous,” Tom said with a groan.
  18. “I tried to make a kidney joke, but I couldn’t filter out the appropriate one,” Tom said sheepishly.
  19. “I may have donated my kidney, but I still have a lot of love to give,” Tom said with a grin.
  20. “I thought my kidney was just a quiet organ, but boy was I wrong,” Tom said with a laugh.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kidney who? Just a hilarious joke to keep you peeing!

  1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kidney. Kidney who? Kidney find a better joke than this one!
  2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for my kidney transplant!
  3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frankie. Frankie who? Frankie got a new kidney and I’m feeling great!
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Oliver. Oliver who? Oliver me, I have two kidneys now!
  5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Berry. Berry who? Berry glad I don’t have kidney stones anymore!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah big improvement since my kidney transplant!
  7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pete. Pete who? Pete my kidney, I need to take a bathroom break!
  8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sophia. Sophia who? Sophia good it feels to have a functioning kidney!
  9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leo. Leo who? Leo the surgeon saved my kidney and my life!
  10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lana. Lana who? Lana get you a new kidney, just hold on!
  11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Max. Max who? Max out my gratitude for my donor and my new kidney!
  12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie grateful for my new kidney every single day!
  13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Finn. Finn who? Finnally free from dialysis, thanks to my new kidney!
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nina. Nina who? Nina million thanks to my donor for their gift of life!
  15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Liam. Liam who? Liam so glad my new kidney is functioning perfectly!
  16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stella. Stella who? Stella proud to be a kidney donor!
  17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen it to my donor to take care of my new kidney.
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beth. Beth who? Beth-ter not have a kidney stone again!
  19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Marcus. Marcus who? Marcus your calendars, it’s almost time for my one-year kidney-versary!
  20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Haley. Haley who? Haley grateful for my new kidney and my amazing donor!

Don’t be Kid-needy for more kidney puns!

Well folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed this list of 210+ puns about kidneys. Whether you’re a fan of dad jokes, cheesy puns, or just need a good laugh, we’ve got you covered! And don’t forget to check out our other pun and joke posts for even more hilarity. Now go forth and spread these puns like a kidney infection (just kidding, please don’t do that). Until next time, keep the laughs and kidney health coming!

Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of

PunnyFunny Team

I'm Jami Ch., the enthusiastic owner and operator of, where I and my team share the best puns and jokes with the world. My passion for original humor drives me to create content that keeps everyone smiling. As a dedicated humorist, I've made a haven for those who love a good laugh, just like me. Explore my Best Puns & Jokes collection.

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