Light Up Your Funny Bone: 210+ Hilarious Smoking Jokes & Puns!

Welcome to the best list of clever and positive smoking jokes for kids (and adults with a sense of humor)! We all know smoking is bad for you, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good laugh about it. So grab your inhaler and get ready for a hit of humor as we take a puff on these smoking jokes. From cigarette puns to tobacco one-liners, this list will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this smoke-free but joke-filled post!

Light Up Your Day with These Smoking Hot Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Top Picks

1. Why did the cigarette break up with the ashtray? Because it was tired of being ashed on.
2. What do you call it when a smoker runs out of cigarettes? Nic-otine withdrawal.
3. Did you hear about the guy who smoked so much he started talking to his cigarettes? He was just trying to have a ciga-chat.
4. Why was the cigarette blue? Because it was feeling bleu.
5. What do you call a fancy cigar? A smok-evanter.
6. Why did the cigarette go camping? It wanted to be unfiltered.
7. What do you call a group of chain-smokers? A nicotine squad.
8. Why did the nicotine patch go to therapy? It was feeling stuck.
9. What’s a smoker’s favorite dance move? The lung-tango.
10. Did you hear about the tobacco farmer who won an award? He was the top-crop smoker.
11. Why was the cigarette stressed out? It was under a lot of light-er pressure.
12. How do you make a smoker mad? Give them a pack of un-lighter-ed cigarettes.
13. What did the smoker say to the no-smoking sign? Sorry, I didn’t see you through all this smoke.
14. Why was the cigarette feeling lonely? It was going through a pack-a-day breakup.
15. What’s a smoking caterpillar’s favorite food? Nic-o-treats.
16. Why did the smokers start a band? They wanted to play nicotine and roll music.
17. What do you call a fake cigarette? A nic-o-fake.
18. Why was the cigar feeling under-appreciated? It didn’t get a good wrap.
19. What do you call a smoker with bad breath? A foggy-mixed with fricks.
20. Why did the cigarette decide to quit smoking? It realized it wasn’t as cool as e-cigarettes.

Blow Off Some Steam with These Hilarious Funny Smoking One-Liner Jokes!

1. Why did the smoker refuse to quit? Because he was already in deep ash-tray.
2. Why couldn’t the cigarette go to the party? Because it was already burnt out.
3. I tried to quit smoking, but every time I light a match, I crave a cigarette.
4. I don’t smoke because I have principles, but if I did, they would all go up in smoke.
5. What do you call a group of chain-smoking cows? A herd of nicotine patches.
6. My doctor told me to stop smoking. So I started smoking in my dreams instead.
7. Why did the cigarette go to the gym? To work on its lung capacity.
8. They say smoking kills, but my bank account begs to differ.
9. How do you know smoking is bad for you? Just ask your ash-tray.
10. I quit smoking for health reasons. Every time I lit up, I got sick.
11. Why did the smoker carry an extra pack of cigarettes with him? In case of a sudden craving.
12. What do you call a lazy smoker? A couch potato-chip.
13. I don’t smoke, I just like to look cool and ruin my lungs.
14. Why did the cigarette refuse to be lit? It was trying to kick the habit.
15. I don’t smoke because I want to live longer. My in-laws are already killing me slowly.
16. How do you know you’re addicted to smoking? When you light a match just to smell the smoke.
17. I don’t need to quit smoking, I just need to find a cooler way to ash my cigarette.
18. Why did the cigarette go to the doctor? It had a burning sensation.
19. I told my doctor I wanted to quit smoking. He said, “You should use Nicorette.” I replied, “Why would I want an entire orchestra in my mouth?”
20. I don’t smoke to relax, I relax to smoke.

Q: How does a smoker greet their friends? A: With puff and stuff QnA Jokes & Puns about ‘Smoking’

1. Q: What do you call a chain-smoking elephant? A: A puff-a-lump.
2. Q: Why should you never smoke a tennis racket? A: Because it might give you a bad backhand.
3. Q: What did the cigarette say to the smoker? A: Haven’t I already burned your heart?
4. Q: What’s the difference between a non-smoker and a smoker on a budget? A: One has willpower, the other has lighter power.
5. Q: How do you quit smoking while still keeping your social life? A: Just pretend you’re vaping.
6. Q: Why did the smoker switch to vaping? A: To make their breath smell more fruity.
7. Q: How do you know if someone is a serial smoker? A: They can light five cigarettes at once with one match.
8. Q: What’s the most popular brand of cigarettes among hipsters? A: American Apparel-ntly.
9. Q: What did the priest say when someone offered him a cigarette? A: No thanks, I have enough smokin’ bodies in my basement.
10. Q: What’s the best way to hide your smoking habit from your parents? A: Tell them you’re practicing for your upcoming magic show.
11. Q: What did the cigarette say to the smoker when they were done? A: Butt out!
12. Q: What do you call a mix between a gum and a cigarette? A: A chew-sation.
13. Q: Why did the cigarette go to therapy? A: To get over its ash-tray issues.
14. Q: How many hipsters does it take to smoke a joint? A: Only one, but it has to be a trendy, artisanal joint.
15. Q: What did the cigarette say to the smoker when it was lit? A: I’m flaming hot for you.
16. Q: Why should you never smoke after brushing your teeth? A: Because then you’ll be fumigating your mouth.
17. Q: What’s the most dangerous type of smoking? A: Asbestos.
18. Q: What did the cigarette say to the rain? A: Put me out, I’m too hot to handle.
19. Q: What’s the best way to stop someone from smoking? A: Just keep blowing smoke in their face until they quit.
20. Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes, beer, and pizza? A: A recipe for disaster and some amazing pizza-flavored burps.

Lighten Up: Hilarious Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Smoking

1. “A cigarette a day keeps the doctor earning his pay.”
2. “Smoking may be bad for your health, but it’s great for your social life – you always have a lighter to share.”
3. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a pack of cigarettes a day keeps the stress at bay.”
4. “Smoking may not make you immortal, but it sure makes time fly.”
5. “A smoker’s breath is just a reminder that they always have fire inside them.”
6. “Smoking may not solve your problems, but it makes them seem smaller through all that smoke.”
7. “Smoking makes you look cool only until you start coughing up phlegm.”
8. “A smoker’s motto: ‘Live fast, die… eventually.'”
9. “The only thing cigarettes can cure is hunger for another cigarette.”
10. “Smoking may shorten your life, but it lengthens your coffee breaks.”
11. “Cigarettes are like kids – cute when they’re young, but kill you slowly in the end.”
12. “A smoker’s handshake: one hand to greet, the other to light a cigarette.”
13. “Smokes are like friends – they’ll be there for you during your toughest times and leave stains on your clothes.”
14. “If smoking is a sin, then why do they sell it in packs of seven?”
15. “The only way to quit smoking is by picking up a new addiction.”
16. “Smokers know that people who don’t smoke are just jealous of their cool looks and raspy voice.”
17. “The best things in life are free – except for cigarettes, they’ll cost you your health.”
18. “There’s no point in quitting smoking if you can’t brag about it to anyone.”
19. “A smoker’s retirement plan: saving money on not living long enough to retire.”
20. “A wise man once said, ‘smoking is like a love affair – it starts off hot and ends in tears.'”

Light up your humor with these Dad Jokes about smoking!

1. Why did the cigarette go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little light-headed!
2. Did you hear about the fire at the tobacco factory? It was a case of collapsed ash.
3. I went to a smoke-free restaurant the other day. It was a real drag.
4. I quit smoking for a week, but it was just a phase.
5. I saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once. Talk about a chain smoker!
6. What’s a smoker’s favorite type of music? Jazz, because they love to take puffs between notes.
7. I told my wife I was quitting smoking. She said I was just blowing smoke.
8. Did you know they’re making a smokeless cigarette now? I bet it’ll never catch on.
9. My neighbor smokes so much, his car’s exhaust smells like menthols.
10. I found out I’m allergic to secondhand smoke. Now I have to quit smelling cigarettes.
11. Why don’t ants get addicted to cigarettes? They have too many little “aunts” telling them not to smoke.
12. The doctor asked me if I smoked after sex. I told him I never looked.
13. My girlfriend asked me to quit smoking. I told her it’s my way of giving trees CPR.
14. Why did the smoker cross the road? To get to the cancer screening on the other side.
15. I tried to quit smoking cold turkey, but it just made me hungry for a smoked turkey sandwich.
16. The government is thinking about raising the legal smoking age to 100. That way, no one will live long enough to have cancer.
17. Did you hear about the cigarette who was always getting into trouble? He was always getting lit.
18. I asked my doctor if cigars are healthier than cigarettes. He said, “No, but they give smokers more of a sense of sophistication before they die.”
19. Why did the cigarette go to the gym? To work on its lung capacity.
20. I thought about taking up smoking, but I heard it’s a bad habit. Plus, I don’t want my lungs to hate me.

Blowing Smoke and Double Entendres: A Punny Tactic for Quitting ‘Smoking’

1. “I like my cigarettes how I like my men… smooth and strong.”
2. “Smoking may be bad for your health, but it’s great for your social life.”
3. “My doctor told me to cut back on smoking… so now I just smoke twice as much.”
4. “I haven’t smoked in years… but I still carry a lighter, just in case.”
5. “Smoking is like a marriage… you know it’s bad for you, but you just can’t seem to quit.”
6. “I’m trying to quit smoking… but it’s harder than trying to find a parking spot in New York City.”
7. “Smoking is a lot like love… sometimes it’s a burning passion, and other times it’s just a smoldering disappointment.”
8. “I don’t always smoke cigars, but when I do, I make sure to do it in style.”
9. “They say smoking kills… but so does living, so what’s the difference?”
10. “I don’t smoke, I just accessorize with cigarettes.”
11. “If smoking is a sin, then I’m going straight to hell in a cloud of smoke.”
12. “I may not have six-pack abs, but I have a six-pack of cigarettes.”
13. “I quit smoking for my health… but then I started drinking, so now I just eat carrots instead.”
14. “Smoking may age you faster… but it also gives you that mysterious and rugged look.”
15. “Why do they call it a pack of cigarettes when it only takes one to ruin your entire life?”
16. “Smoking may be expensive, but it’s a small price to pay for looking cool.”
17. “I don’t always smoke, but when I do, I make sure to look extra suave and debonair.”
18. “Smoking may shorten your lifespan… but it also makes those short moments a lot more enjoyable.”
19. “I like my cigarettes how I like my humor… dark and full of sarcasm.”
20. “I used to think smoking was a dirty habit… but then I realized dirt is just nature’s ashtray.”

Chain-smoking jokes that just keep lighting up!

1. Why did the cigarette take a break? Because it needed to “butt” out.
2. My friend tried to quit smoking, but it was a “drag” for her.
3. When I told my dad I wanted to quit smoking, he said “don’t give me any smokescreens.”
4. Smoking has really “lit” up my life.
5. I bought a pack of cigarettes, but they were “ash-king” for trouble.
6. When I asked my friend how his quitting journey was going, he said it was “up in smoke.”
7. I don’t always smoke cigarettes, but when I do, I prefer “filtering” them.
8. I may have quit smoking, but my pun game is still on “fire.”
9. They say cigarettes are bad for your health, but they’re “cig-nificantly” bad for your wallet too.
10. When my friend asked for a smoke, I told him to “butt” out.
11. I used to smoke a pack a day, now I only smoke when I’m feeling “inhaler-ted.”
12. My dentist told me to stop smoking before my teeth turned “nicotine yellow.”
13. I tried switching to vaping, but it just wasn’t “va(cant)pour of me.
14. I may have a few vices, but at least I’m not a “chain-smoker.”
15. They say cigarettes can kill you, but mine are just slowly committing “nicocide.”
16. My boss caught me smoking at work and said if I didn’t stop, I’d be “toking my way out of a job.”
17. I tried giving up cigarettes cold turkey, but ended up feeling like a “fowl-turkey.”
18. I may have quit cigarettes, but I can still “pipe” up with a good pun.
19. My doctor told me I should stop smoking, but I said “pipe down” to him.
20. I quit cigarettes and joined a support group, but it was just a bunch of “quit-smoking each other’s cigarettes.”

Clear the Air with These Hilarious Smoking Malapropisms

1. “I’ve been trying to cut back on my smirks, but it’s just so hard to resist.”
2. “My doctor told me I have a nicotine addiction, but I think it’s just a case of the sprinkles.”
3. “I tried to quit smoking, but it’s like beating my head against a gravel wall.”
4. “I used to be a heavy toker, but now I only puff on my electronic casket.”
5. “My boss caught me texting on my phone and told me to put out my cigarette immediately.”
6. “I’ve switched to vape pens because they’re healthier for my throws.”
7. “It’s not fair, my friend can smoke a whole range and not get addicted.”
8. “I accidentally inhaled a pine needle, it gave me a bad case of confection.”
9. “My grandma always tells me to be careful because smoking can stunt your grocery.”
10. “I love smoking, but I have to keep it a cereal habit from my parents.”
11. “I’m trying to quit, but my cravings are just too waffle.”
12. “My boyfriend and I had a fight because he found out I was cheating on my vaporizer with a hookah.”
13. “I quit cold turkey, but now I’m just constantly craving cold cuts.”
14. “I used to smoke a pack a day, now I just chase the dragon.”
15. “Why don’t we just hotbox the whole car, that way it’ll save time lighting each individual joint.”
16. “My mom caught me sneaking a smoke, she said it was just a fad phase.”
17. “My doctor told me I need to quit smoking because it’s causing my lungs to repair.”
18. “I switched to an all-natural brand, now I’m only technically smoking trees.”
19. “I asked the clerk for a pack of breath mints and he handed me a pack of smokes, talk about miscommunication.”
20. “I can’t quit cigarettes, they’re my only vice of spice.”

Smoking Spoonerisms: Puffing on some wordplay fun!

1. “Toke Choke”
2. “Puff Snuffing”
3. “Cigar Bigger”
4. “Pipe Wipe”
5. “Ash Crash”
6. “Light Sprite”
7. “Chimney Wimney”
8. “Nicotine Cleaning”
9. “Cigarette Jet”
10. “Vape Tape”
11. “Butt Hurt”
12. “Chain Main”
13. “Cigar Digger”
14. “Hookah Bookah”
15. “Tobacco Caboose”
16. “Smoke Broke”
17. “Cough Trough”
18. “Mist Exist”
19. “Fume Boom”
20. “Fire Liar”

Sizzling Wordplay: The Smokin’ Tom Swifties to Keep You Hilariously Entertained!

1. “I guess I’ll have to quit smoking,” Tom sighed, taking another drag.
2. “I’ll never give up my cigarettes,” Tom smoked defiantly.
3. “I can’t believe you lit up again,” Tom exhaled in frustration.
4. “After all these years, I’ve finally kicked the habit,” Tom quipped.
5. “I’m not addicted to smoking,” Tom puffed, blowing smoke rings.
6. “I’m thinking of switching to vaping,” Tom inhaled, considering his options.
7. “This nicotine patch is really helping,” Tom said with a patchy voice.
8. “I’m trying to quit cold turkey,” Tom gobbled, chewing on a turkey leg.
9. “I hate the smell of smoke,” Tom sniffed, lighting up a cigarette.
10. “I can’t imagine life without my cigarettes,” Tom gasped for breath.
11. “I’m so stressed, I need a smoke break,” Tom wheezed, taking a break from exercising.
12. “I’ve been smoking for 20 years and it hasn’t affected me at all,” Tom joked, coughing uncontrollably.
13. “I’ll quit smoking when pigs fly,” Tom snorted, blowing smoke out of his nose.
14. “I’m trying to quit, but it’s like trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun,” Tom huffed.
15. “I’ve tried everything to stop smoking, but nothing sticks,” Tom grumbled, holding a pack of gum in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
16. “My doctor told me to cut back on smoking,” Tom revealed, lighting up a cigar.
17. “I don’t have a smoking problem,” Tom shrugged, ashing his joint.
18. “I’ve never smoked a day in my life,” Tom fibbed, hiding his pack of cigarettes behind his back.
19. “I don’t know what I’d do without my pack of smokes,” Tom mused, tapping his empty pack.
20. “Smoking is a nasty habit,” Tom frowned, blowing smoke into the face of his disapproving mother.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Unhealthy habit that’s ‘smoking’ hot.

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cigarette. Cigarette who? Cigarette butt out, it’s time to quit smoking!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nicotine. Nicotine who? Nicotine kick this habit once and for all!
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tobacco. Tobacco who? Tobacco-no more smoking for me!
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ashes. Ashes who? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, smoking ain’t worth the fuss!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lung cancer. Lung cancer who? Lung cancer-free is the way to be!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tar. Tar who? Tar-rible habit, time to quit for good!
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Secondhand smoke. Secondhand smoke who? Secondhand smoke is just as bad, so butt out for everyone’s sake!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Addiction. Addiction who? Addiction can be beat, just put down the cigarettes and retreat.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Smoker’s cough. Smoker’s cough who? Smoker’s coughing up those cigarettes for good!
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Patch. Patch who? Patch me up with some healthy choices instead of smoking!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stale smoke. Stale smoke who? Stale smoke stinks, so let’s quit this habit in a blink!
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lighter. Lighter who? Lighter up with exercise instead of cigarettes!
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Early death. Early death who? Early deaths are no joke, so quit smoking before it’s too late!
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chain smoker. Chain smoker who? Chain smoking is no way to live, so let’s break the chains and be positive!
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puff. Puff who? Puff, puff, pass on smoking and live a healthier life, my friend.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butt. Butt who? Butt out those cigarettes and watch your health improve!
17. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Breathe. Breathe who? Breathe deeply now that you’ve quit smoking for good!
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Smoking. Smoking who? Smoking is so last season, let’s quit and find a new reason to live healthy!
19. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pack-a-day. Pack-a-day who? I used to be a pack-a-day smoker, but not anymore!
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Menthol. Menthol who? Menthol down and kick that smoking habit to the curb!

Smoke ’em if you got ’em? Butt, why?

Well, folks, I hope you got a good chuckle (or lungful of laughter) from these 210+ puns about smoking. Remember, smoking may be a hot topic, but these jokes are definitely smoking hot. And if you’re craving even more hilarity, be sure to check out our other related puns and jokes posts. Just don’t try to smoke them, they’re not that kind of high. Stay punny, my friends!