Have a Laugh with 210+ London Jokes: Punning Our Way Through the Historic City

Welcome folks, get ready to have a jolly good laugh with our list of the best puns about London! We promise to tickle your funny bone and brighten up your day with some clever wordplay and positive vibes. These jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike, so gather around and enjoy some London humor. From Big Ben-tastic puns to tea-riffic jokes, this list has it all. Without further ado, let’s dive into the land of double meanings and hilarious one-liners about jolly old London!

funny London jokes with one liner clever London puns at PunnyFunny.com

Laugh Your Way through London: Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks

Why did the Londoner refuse to ride the Ferris wheel? Because he was afraid he’d get “Big Ben-ded”!
Did you hear about the dyslexic Londoner who ended up taking a tourist boat ride instead of a bus? He was supposed to go to “Tower Bridge”, not “Bridge Tower”!
How do Londoners stay cool during the summer? They take a trip on the “Tube-lar” Express!
What’s the best way to find love in London? Join a “Westminster Abbey-dating” site!
Why did the Londoner refuse to eat the spaghetti with his hands? Because he was already using his fingers to “London-bridge”!
What did the British astronaut say when he landed on Mars? “Houston, we have a problem… this doesn’t look like London!”
Why did the Londoner build his house by the river? So he could have a “Thames-view”!
How do you know when it’s time to visit London again? When you start missing the “British Under-grand”!
What do you call a group of London pigeons? A “Westminster-Floppings”!
Why do Londoners make the best spies? Because they’re experts at “under-cove-ring”!
What’s a Londoner’s favorite type of chocolate? “Regent’s Park-daark”!
How do Londoners keep their gardens tidy? They use a “Westminster Looper”!
Did you hear about the Londoner who kept getting lost in the city? He had a case of “Map-zuma-illa”!
Why did the Londoner refuse to use the old, rickety bridge? He was afraid it would “Falla-false”!
What’s a Londoner’s favorite dance move? The “Buc-king-ham-shimmy”!
How do you know someone is from London? They pronounce “schedule” as “shed-ule”!
What do you call a stylish London street? A “Fashionably-Old”!
Why did the London policeman refuse to arrest the thief? He didn’t have enough “Buckingham Coppers” for bail!
What’s a Londoner’s favorite type of joke? “Underground Puns”!
Where do Londoners go to get their hair done? “The Picca-dilly Room”!

Tickle Your Funny Bone with these Hilarious London One-Liner Jokes!

Did you hear about the Londoner who became a magician? He was a real Wandsworth.
Why did the queen of England go to the zoo? She wanted to see the Wembley lions.
I tried to make a reservation at the Shard restaurant, but they were fully booked. I guess I’ll just have to settle for a second-floor view.
What do you call a group of fish who hang out near Big Ben? The Parliament Eel.
I tried to visit the London Eye, but it was closed for maintenance. It was a real eye sore.
Why did the baker from London retire early? He kneaded the dough.
I saw a squirrel at Buckingham Palace. I guess you could say he was a royal nut.
A man from London took his pet deer to the pub. The bartender asked, “Why the long face?”
What does a Londoner do when they need to relax? They take a Thames knot.
I went to see a play about London’s history, but it was really boring. It was just a Westminster abbore.
What do you call a Londoner who loves gardening? A Bloomsbury bloomer.
I heard Prince Harry is starting his own brewery in London. I guess you could say he’s on the Windsor beer trail.
Why couldn’t the detective solve the London crime? He had too many Sherlock homes.
I tried to find a cab in London, but they were all taken. I guess it’s always a busy haymarket.
A tourist asked me for directions to London Bridge. I told them it was just past the London Tipton.
What do you call a Londoner who can’t stop talking? A chatterbox hill.
I saw a sign in London that said “Mind the Gap.” I don’t know what they were referring to, but I definitely tripped on the sidewalk.
Why did the British chef only make curry in the summer? He didn’t want to be seNigelated.
I went on a London bike tour and saw so many sights. My favorite was probably Piccadilly circle.
Someone told me they saw a ghost in the Tower of London, but I think they were just seeing things. It was probably just a Windsor shadow.

London Calling: QnA Jokes & Puns to Keep You Laughing Across the Pond

Q: What do you call a British city that’s also a Halloween costume? A: Loo-don!
Q: Why did the Londoner refuse to add cream to his coffee? A: Because he was afraid it would turn into tea!
Q: How does a Londoner communicate with his pet bird? A: Through an English sparrow-key.
Q: Why did the Londoner refuse to watch the movie “The One Man Band”? A: He’s tired of all the solo performances from London’s underground music scene.
Q: How did the Londoner get a job as a spy? A: He had excellent Double-O Level Geography skills.
Q: What do you call a Londoner who’s always late for work? A: A Westminster Slow Tower!
Q: What do you call a magician who only performs in London? A: A Prestidigitation Peckhamite!
Q: Why is London the most expensive city to live in? A: Because they have to pay Tube prices just to use the escalators!
Q: What did the British cat say when it crossed the road? A: “Speak lie, see Wild!” (Piccadilly Circus!)
Q: What do you get when you mix a Londoner with a superhero? A: London Eye-Man!
Q: How do Londoners keep track of time? A: They use Big Ben-tley watches!
Q: What’s a Londoner’s favorite Beatles song? A: “Westminster Abbey Road”!
Q: What’s the best way to greet a Londoner? A: With a double-decker wave!
Q: Why don’t Londoners take cold showers? A: Because they already have a foggy start to their day!
Q: How do Londoners stay cool in summer? A: They take a ride on the London Ice-Bourne Express!
Q: What does a Londoner use to go back in time? A: His oyster card!
Q: What do you call a London baker who only makes pretzels? A: A Canary Wharf-twister!
Q: What did William Shakespeare say to the London Underground worker? A: “To Tooting Bec or not to Tooting Bec, that is the question!”
Q: Why does it always rain in London? A: Because someone keeps stealing the British Flag and using it as an umbrella!
Q: How do Londoners stay healthy? A: They exercise their right to “Wimbldone”!

London: Where the Queen reigns and the rain pours, but the humor never fades!

The streets of London are paved with gold, but don’t forget to wear your rain boots.
A bad day in London is still better than a good day anywhere else.
They say London is the city that never sleeps, but I fell asleep on the tube twice yesterday.
When in London, do as the Londoners do: complain about the weather and queue for everything.
You’ll know you’ve truly become a Londoner when you develop a love-hate relationship with the tube.
The only thing more impossible than finding a good flat in London is finding a good cup of tea.
They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a pint at the pub and that’s pretty close.
Londoners navigate the city like they’re in a video game: dodging crowds, avoiding pigeons, and hoping not to get splashed by a bus.
In London, it’s not polite to stare – unless you’re on the tube and trying to make eye contact with the empty seat.
They say you can’t put a price on experience, but anyone who’s been to London knows that’s a lie.
You can’t call yourself a true Londoner until you’ve accidentally exited at Bank station three times in a row.
Londoners know the tube map better than they know the streets of their own neighborhoods.
The only thing more unpredictable than the weather in London is whether the person next to you on the tube will talk to you.
When in doubt, just head to Leicester Square and hope for the best.
In London, the congrats for a job well done is a “well done luv” from your cab driver.
It’s not truly summer in London until you’ve had your first Pimm’s on a rooftop bar.
You haven’t experienced true joy until you’ve managed to snag the last seat on a packed rush hour tube.
The only city where people queue for everything, even to complain about the queues.
In London, the only thing more expensive than rent is a cup of tea at a tourist trap.
London may have Big Ben, but we all know the true landmark is the long queue outside of Buckingham Palace.

Rule Britannia or Dad-tastrophe? The Best London-Themed Dad Jokes

Why was Big Ben always tired? Because it had to work around the clock.
What did the London street say to the busy pedestrian? Mind the gap!
Did you know that Big Ben is so big, it can’t even fit into a regular clock? It’s size-clock difference.
I asked a Londoner what they call their parents, and they said ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. I replied, “So it’s not ‘British’ and ‘Braddah’?”
How many Londoners does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer the dim lighting.
What did the cheese say to the Queen? “Your majesty, please don’t use me for your cheese platter!”
Why did the Londoner refuse to go on the London Eye? Because they didn’t want to get caught in a giant windmill.
I tried to make a reservation at the most exclusive restaurant in London, but they were fully booked. Looks like I couldn’t get a ‘seat’ at the table.
Did you hear about the Londoner who won the lottery? They’re now ‘pound’-ing the streets in their new sports car.
What do you call a fish that lives in the River Thames? A ‘London-delicious’ salmon.
Why aren’t there any knock knock jokes about London? Because there are no doors, only ‘knock turn’-ers.
What do you call a hot dog stand in London? A ‘banger-monger’.
Did you know that London has a bridge made entirely out of sausage? It’s called the ‘Sausage-Link Bridge’.
Why don’t Londoners use umbrellas? Because they prefer to ‘reign’ over the weather.
What do you call a horse that lives in London? A neigh-borhood watch.
I tried to take a picture of the changing of the guards, but it was ‘un-guarded’.
Why did the Londoner cross the road? To get to the other ‘shire’.
What cheese can you only find in London? ‘Red’-ding Cheese.
What do you call a group of Londoners stuck in traffic? The ‘under-ground’.
Why did the Londoner refuse to buy a new wallet? Because they needed to save their ‘pounds’ for the tube fare.

Get Your Fill of Punny Fun in London: Double the Entendres, Double the Laughs!

“I took a trip to the London Eye, but it was too crowded so I had to take a rain check.”
“I got lost in the streets of London, but luckily a handsome man showed me the way to his flat.”
“I tried to catch a cab in London, but all I got was a stiff upper lip.”
“I asked a Londoner for directions, but all I got in return was a crooked smile.”
“I went to see the Queen in Buckingham Palace, but she wasn’t amused when I asked for a royal flush.”
“I thought I saw Big Ben, but it turned out to be just another bloke with a big watch.”
“I went to a pub in London and ordered a pint, but the bartender misunderstood and brought me a knight.”
“I went for a jog in Hyde Park and ended up in Trafalgar Square, guess I took the scenic route.”
“I went to see a play in London, but it turned out to be just a big drama in the West End.”
“I went to the Tower of London and saw the Crown Jewels, but all I really wanted was a burger from Burger King.”
“I tried to ride the London Underground, but I felt like a sardine in a tin can.”
“I took a ride on a double-decker bus, but I couldn’t get over how high it was.”
“I tried to act like a local in London, but my accent gave me away as a Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
“I went to see the Changing of the Guard, but they all looked the same to me.”
“I tried to make a phone call in London, but couldn’t figure out if I needed more pounds or pence.”
“I went to a fish and chip shop in London, but ended up getting served a plate of codswallop.”
“I went to visit Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, but all I saw was a lot of hamming it up.”
“I went to a cricket match in London, but I found it difficult to understand the rules of the game.”
“I asked for a cup of tea in London, but the waiter brought me a cup of cheeky banter instead.”
“I went to see the London Bridge, but it didn’t seem to be falling down.”

London, a city full of Big Ben-ding puns that will leave you Westminster-smacked!

Did you hear about the Londoner who only drank tea made with water from the River Thames? He called it a proper Loup-Tea!
Why did the Big Ben feel insecure? Because everyone was always giving it the Westminster looks.
How did the British milkman welcome his customers? He said, “Holstein, mate!”
I tried to make a sandwich with British bacon, but it kept falling apart. I guess it was just too crumpet!
What do you call a British plumber? A pipe-corrector!
Why do Londoners always have perfect posture? Because they’re always standing in a queue!
Did you hear about the politician who fell into the River Thames? He said he was just taking a plunge in the polls.
How do you make a British person angry? Just remove the handle from their tea cup.
I saw a bear chasing a man in Hyde Park, but when I told my friends, they said it was just a bloke chasing a bear bottomless.
The London Underground is so complicated, it made my head spin! Or maybe that’s just because I was on the Circle Line.
What’s a Londoner’s favorite food? Cheese and “Crumpet” salad!
Did you hear about the criminal who tried to rob Buckingham Palace? He thought it would be a piece of cake, but he ended up getting caught by the Queen’s Corgis.
Why did Charles Dickens always leave London before Christmas? Because he didn’t want to be Dickens of the town.
How did the British astronaut get to space? He took the “Luna” Line, of course!
I asked a Londoner where to find the best fish and chips, and he told me to just follow the North Star.
What do you call a British sheep? A Brit-flock!
Did you hear about the Londoner who was always cold? He could never find the right glove for his “hand-roll” station.
Why did the London baker refuse to make bagels? Because he was tired of all the rye jokes!
What do you get when you cross the River Thames with a car? A London Bridge-obile!
Did you hear about the man who got lost in a maze at Hampton Court Palace? He ended up playing Hide-and-Henry with the ghosts of the past monarchs.

Laughing at the London Malapropisms: When Language Goes Rogue in the British Capital

“The Queen’s Corgis are like little biscuits, always crumping around the palace.”
“I’ll meet you at Big Ben’s Clocktower, just don’t be late or I’ll be in a punk.”
“Buckingham Palace is known for its grand stature and luxurious corgi.”
“I got lost in the Tower of London and ended up in a maze of corndogs.”
“Let’s take a ride on the Eye of London and see the whole city from a bird’s eye crump.”
“The guards at the Royal Gate are so serious, they never break their “frown”stone faces.”
“I went to the London Clock Show and saw some amazing daredevils performing watch crashes.”
“The British Museum has a huge collection of precious stoats and diamonds.”
“Don’t forget to visit the famous Thames River, where you can take a cruise on a double-decker barge.”
“Shakespeare’s plays are always full of great laughs and witty turnips.”
“The London Eye is a real spinergy experience.”
“I love spending Saturday afternoons at Hyde Park, picnicking and watching the dog fights.”
“The London Underground can be quite scary, with all its tunnels and ghost trains.”
“After a long day of sightseeing, I always like to relax with a hot cup of earl grey and a slice of prince charming cake.”
“The Tower of London is said to be haunted by the ghosts of all the croissants who were beheaded there.”
“The theatre district is always bustling with live acts and amazing stage workers.”
“I tried the famous fish and crumpet dish at a local pub, it was an interesting mix of flavors.”
“Be careful when crossing the road, those red double-deckers can come out of nowhere!”
“The London Symphony Orchestra put on a spectacular performance of Beethoven’s Fifth Sausage.”
“I got lost in the maze of alleyways in Notting Hill, ended up in a shop selling antique toothbrushes.”

London’s Magical Wonders: Spoonerisms Galore!

‘Dondon’s Pucking Lot’
‘Brick Lane’s Liquor Sin’
‘The Tower of Prates’
‘West Minister’s Singing Abby’
‘Piccadilly Onion’
‘Covent Guarding Walk’
‘Big Gin Ben’
‘Leg of the Horse Pub’
‘Royal Malls Chopping Centre’
‘Businster Abbey’
‘Black Cabbing’
‘Thight Pakma’
‘Bike-Hyde Park’
‘Noodle Hill’
‘Enormous Stay’
‘The London Dye’
‘Change of Fail’
‘Sticky Rags’
‘Koop Troops’
‘Club ‘n’ Clashman’

London’s Witty Weapon: Tom Swifties Strike Again!

“I can’t believe I got lost in this city again,” London Tom said flatly.
“The Queen’s jewels have gone missing,” said London Tom suspiciously.
“I really hope there’s enough room for us on this double-decker bus,” said London Tom, standing tall.
“I can’t wait to try this traditional English breakfast,” said London Tom tastefully.
“I’m done with this gloomy weather,” said London Tom, feeling down.
“I can’t believe I left my umbrella at home,” said London Tom, rain or shine.
“Why is everyone in such a rush in this city?” asked London Tom hurriedly.
“This fish and chips is absolutely brilliant,” said London Tom, with a chip on his shoulder.
“I’ve been looking for that famous London bridge everywhere,” said London Tom, crossing his arms.
“What a lovely view of the Thames,” said London Tom, looking over the river with admiration.
“This pub is definitely the bee’s knees,” said London Tom, buzzing with excitement.
“I’m getting a bit cranky waiting in this long line for the London Eye,” said London Tom, getting to the point.
“I can’t believe I bumped into the royal guard,” said London Tom, standing at attention.
“I’m really enjoying the theatre scene here,” said London Tom, acting amused.
“Let’s take a stroll through Hyde Park,” said London Tom, walking in the park.
“I wish I could afford a flat in this posh neighborhood,” said London Tom, flatly.
“I’ve never seen so many red telephone booths in my life,” said London Tom, calling it like he sees it.
“These street performers are truly talented,” said London Tom, juggling his thoughts.
“I think I saw Big Ben from the corner of my eye,” said London Tom, keeping an eye out.
“I can’t wait to go home and tell my friends about my trip to London,” said London Tom, telling it like it is.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? London’s quirkiest knock-knock jokes!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leyton. Leyton who? Leyton me take you out for a night on the town in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Big Ben. Big Ben who? Big Ben waiting for us to explore London together.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brit. Brit who? Brit’s High tea at the Ritz in London?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abbey. Abbey who? Abbey sure we can find some good fish and chips in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Pimlico. Pimlico who? Pimlico and you will find all the best West End shows in London!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hyde. Hyde who? Hyde Park awaits for a lovely picnic in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kensington. Kensington who? Kensington find some great deals at Harrods in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Camden. Camden who? Camden is always a good idea for a night out in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Westminster. Westminster who? Westminster see all the famous sights in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Buckingham. Buckingham who? Buckingham Palace is where the queen lives in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Covent. Covent who? Covent Garden is a must-see in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wembley. Wembley who? Wembley sure you’ll love the atmosphere of a football match in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Brixton. Brixton who? Brixton the best burgers in London?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Piccadilly. Piccadilly who? Piccadilly Circus is always buzzing with people in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tower. Tower who? Tower of London is full of history and ghosts.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Paddington. Paddington who? Paddington Bear is waiting to greet you at the train station in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fulham. Fulham who? Fulham Broadway is where you can catch a great musical in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mayfair. Mayfair who? Mayfair not have a grand time in London?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Edgware. Edgware who? Edgware Road has some of the best Middle Eastern food in London.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wimbledon. Wimbledon who? Wimbledon Centre Court is where the greatest tennis players come to compete in London.

Cheers to Puns and Pints in London!

And with that, our list of 210+ puns about London comes to an end. We hope these puns made you laugh and brightened up your day, just like a sunny day in London (if you’re lucky enough to experience one). And if you’re not quite finished with the punny fun, be sure to check out our other posts filled with even more jokes and puns. Until next time, Cheerio!