100+ Bottle Jokes & Puns: You Won't Be Able to Contain Your Laughter!

Get ready to laugh your bottle caps off! 🍾 This isn’t your average, run-of-the-mill, plastic-water-bottle-humor-free zone. No way! We’ve got the best, most clever bottle puns and jokes that are sure to quench your thirst for humor. Did you know that the average reusable water bottle takes over 700 years to decompose? Well, hopefully, these jokes will bring you much quicker and longer-lasting amusement! Get ready for a list of funny bottled-up fun!

Top Bottle Puns & Jokes – Editor’s Picks: Bottled Humor Just For You

What did the water bottle say to the fire hydrant? “Hey, wanna spray sometime?”
What do you call a bottle of water that’s always tired? Exhausted.
What does a water bottle wear to a party? A spray tan.
Why did the baby bottle laugh? It was full of milk and cookies!
Me? I’m not addicted to buying water bottles. We have a perfectly healthy relationship. They’re just clingy.
I saw a water bottle riding a skateboard. I thought, “Well, that’s refreshing!”
What do you call an angry bottle of soda? Fizzy-cal.
I joined a support group for people who hoard empty water bottles. We meet once a week, it’s actually quite refreshing.
I dropped my bottle of water, and it bounced! Must have been spring water.
Did you hear about the emotional bottle of ketchup? He was always getting saucy.
What’s a bartender’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good bottle.
What did the champagne bottle say at the party? “I’m bubbly, but you can call me tonight.”
I’m friends with all my water bottles. We have a great pour and sip relationship.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m all bottled up now.

Funny Bottle Jokes With One Liner Clever Bottle Puns at PunnyFunny.com

Funny Bottle One-Liner Jokes To Quench Your Thirst For Laughter

I tried to explain to my bottle of water that nobody likes a quitter… it just sat there looking empty.
A magic genie offered me one wish, so I asked for a bottle of infinite water… turns out, it was just a really big bottle.
My therapist told me to let go of my anger. So I threw a bottle at him. He said, “See? You’re getting better!”
What do you call an angry bottle of sparkling water? Fizzy-cal.
My friend said his new water bottle is time-released for optimal hydration. I guess you could say it’s all in good time.
I saw a bottle of water chasing after a bottle of ketchup. I guess it was trying to ketch-up!
I opened a bottle of water only to find it was flat. It was a very disa-pointing experience.
My friend claimed his water bottle could tell the future. I took a sip and said, “This tastes like water.” He replied, “See, I told you!”
Why did the bottle of water get sent to the principal’s office? It was caught making bubbly noises in class.
What did the bottle say to the thirsty guy? “I’ve got you covered.”
I went to a museum of bottles. It was amazing, but I couldn’t take it all in – I was bottle-necked by the crowds.
What do you call a bottle of water that’s always getting into trouble? A trouble-maker-er… I mean… maker.
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of water bottle? A bottle of “Rrrrrrrrefreshments!”
Why did the water bottle break up with the glass of orange juice? They said they couldn’t concentrate.

QnA Jokes & Puns about Bottle: Stay Hydrated with Humor

Q: Why did the water bottle get in trouble at school? A: It kept getting into spats.
Q: What’s a pirate’s least favorite type of bottle? A: A bottle of water. They prefer something with a bit more booty.
Q: What do you call a group of water bottles planning a protest? A: A refill-lion.
Q: Why did the baby bottle laugh? A: It was full of milk and cookies.
Q: Why did the bottle break up with the cap? A: It said the relationship was going nowhere.
Q: Have you heard about the new dating app for water bottles? A: It’s called “Find My Lid.”
Q: What’s a water bottle’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything but heavy metal.
Q: What did the water bottle say to the motivational speaker? A: You really quenched my thirst for knowledge.
Q: What do you call a water bottle that’s always getting into fights? A: A bottle-neck troublemaker.
Q: Why are water bottles always so calm? A: They’re always chillin’.
Q: What’s a water bottle’s favorite sport? A: Water polo-o-o-o!
Q: Why did the bottle fail its history test? A: It couldn’t remember the main currents.
Q: What did the glass bottle say to the plastic bottle? A: “I’m soda-lighted to meet you!”
Q: What happens when two wine bottles have a baby? A: You get a little whine-y bottle!
Q: Why don’t they play cards in the rainforest? A: Too many cheetahs… and they keep stealing the bottle caps!
Q: Why did the superstitious bottle avoid opening at 13:13? A: It didn’t want bad flask to follow.

Dad Jokes about Bottle: Guaranteed to Quench Your Thirst for Humor

I saw a water bottle chasing a plastic bag down the street. I thought, “Wow, that’s recycling gone wild!”
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to a bottle of wine. They seem to get along just fine!
Why did the baby bottle laugh? Because it was full of milk and cookies!
You know, I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around. Now, I sell bottled water for a living.
What do you call a magic genie’s water bottle? A “djinn-eration” of refreshment!
I wanted to buy a camouflage water bottle… but I couldn’t find one.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised… bottled it up, really.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs… and they drink all the bottled water.
What’s a musician’s favorite type of bottle? A glass-ical one!
I tried to explain to my son that water bottles have feelings too… He just gave me a blank stare.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere… and they charged extra for bottled water.
Why is it so hard to trust atoms? Because they make up everything… even the lies about bottled water being healthy.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for animals.” I thought, “That’s ridiculous – how do they know how to use binoculars?” Especially with their little paws… they probably can’t even open a bottle of juice.
What do you get when you mix a ghost and a bottle of soda? A “fanta”-smally good time!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up literally everything… even the price tags on overpriced bottled water!
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. I’m still working on it… but, for now, I’m just embracing this bottle of root beer.

Funny Quotes and Captions about Bottle: Stay Hydrated and Hilarious

“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but my water bottle is starting to judge me.”
“My therapist told me to express my feelings more. Now my water bottle has a complex emotional range marked on the side.”
“You know you’ve found the perfect water bottle when it’s half full of yesterday’s motivation.”
“A bottle in hand is worth two in the recycling bin… Wait, that’s not right.”
“Don’t cry over spilled milk, unless it was in your last clean water bottle. Then you have permission to freak out.”
“My water bottle is my emotional support beverage container.”
“Found a genie in my water bottle today. Turns out, he grants wishes for hydration and a balanced pH level. Not what I expected.”
“Just saw a water bottle rolling down the street like it had a purpose and a 401k. I aspire to that level of freedom.”
“My bank account is like a water bottle in the desert – constantly running dry.”
“My New Year’s resolution was to drink more water. Now I’m just constantly washing water bottles. Send help!”
“Tried to have a serious conversation with someone who doesn’t use a reusable water bottle. Turns out, we speak different languages.”
“Life is like a water bottle: You can fill it with whatever you want, but eventually, you have to clean it out.”
“Some people see a half-empty bottle. I see a half-full bottle… that I forgot to put in the fridge.”
“Just bought a motivational water bottle. Now I’m obligated to achieve my dreams, or at least drink eight glasses a day.”
“Don’t bottle up your feelings. Let them flow like… well, liquid out of a bottle.”

Funny Proverbs & Wise Sayings about Bottle: Uncork the Humor

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a rolling bottle might just gather a party. 🍾🎉
You can’t judge a bottle by its label, especially if it’s homemade wine. 🍷🤫
Don’t cry over spilled milk, especially if you were trying to water your plants with a baby bottle. 🌱👶🍼
The early bird gets the worm, but the night owl empties the bottle. 🦉🌙🍾
A penny saved is a penny earned, unless it’s stuck in a glass bottle donation box. 💰🥺
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two bottles might make you forget what’s right. 🍻🤪
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you’re talking about mini liquor bottles on a plane. ✈️🥃
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was that ship in a bottle. 🚢⏳
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a bottle of water a day keeps everyone from asking you to go to the liquor store. 🍏💧🏃‍♂️
A watched pot never boils, but an unattended bottle opener sure can lead to trouble. 🍲👀🍻
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him chug a beer bottle like a college student. 🐴🍻🎓
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, pass the bottle, I must be drunk. 🤡🍻🤪
Life is like a box of chocolates, and you never know what you’re gonna get. Unless it’s a six-pack. Then you know you’re getting six. 🍫🍻
Good things come to those who wait, but even better things come to those who bring a bottle to share. 🎁🍾🥳
There’s no “I” in team, but there’s a “me” in “time to open another bottle.” 🤝🍾⏰
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step… and a reusable water bottle. 🌎🚶‍♂️💧

Bottle Double Entendres Puns: Uncork the Laughs

“I told the bartender my problems. He said, ‘Sounds like you need to bottle it up.'” (Refers to both suppressing emotions and ordering a drink)
“My therapist suggested expressive journaling. I said, ‘I think I’d rather bottle up my feelings.'” (Playing on concealing emotions and bottling a beverage)
“Trying to explain quantum physics is like trying to bottle a fart. It’s messy, complicated, and nobody really wants to be around when you do it.” (Compares a difficult task to capturing something fleeting and unpleasant)
“I went to a party thrown by a bunch of therapists. It was awkward…no one knew whether to bottle it up or let loose.” (Contrasting professional detachment with social freedom)
“My New Year’s resolution was to give up drinking. It only lasted until I saw the price of vintage wine. Some habits are just too good to bottle up.” (Referring to both quitting alcohol and the high value of aged drinks)
“That comedian was so funny, I almost wet myself! Luckily, I always keep an emergency bottle on me…for just such occasions.” (Implies needing a restroom break but uses “bottle” ambiguously)
“She said she was looking for a man who could handle his liquor. Challenge accepted, I thought, reaching for another bottle.” (Playing on “handling” alcohol both through consumption and emotional maturity)
“Dating a mime is hard. Every time I bring up our relationship issues, they just bottle it up.” (Mimes being silent, combined with suppressing emotions)
“I saw a sign that said, ‘Bottled Water: $5’. I thought, ‘That’s outrageous! I can hold my pee for free!'” (Absurd comparison between buying water and bodily function)
“My friend said I should bottle my homemade hot sauce and sell it. I told him, ‘I’d rather not risk getting sued for assault with a deadly condiment.'” (Playing on the sauce’s spiciness as potentially harmful)
“I tried to write a song about my drinking problem, but I just couldn’t find the right words. Guess you could say I bottled it.” (Failing to articulate feelings through songwriting, and choosing not to drink)
“My therapist told me to release my anger in a healthy way. So I started a business bottling rage. It’s a really booming industry right now.” (Turning negative emotions into a humorous entrepreneurial venture)
“I used to be addicted to the bottle. Thank goodness it was just for baby formula. Being a sommelier would have been way more expensive.” (Playing on the contrast between infant needs and adult indulgence)
“They say a genie grants you three wishes. I rubbed my water bottle, but all I got was a mouthful of lukewarm tap water and the crushing realization that magic isn’t real.” (Disappointment contrasting magical expectations with mundane reality)
“I tried to teach my dog to fetch a specific bottle of wine from the cellar. It went surprisingly well, until he discovered the joys of chewing cork.” (Humorous subversion of a trained animal scenario)
“I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it…and then wash it down with an entire bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.” (Playing on the “See food” wordplay and exaggerating the accompanying drink)
“I went to a seminar on ‘Bottling Your Emotions for Dummies’. Turns out, you need a lot more jars than you’d think.” (Satirizing self-help trends and the abundance of suppressed feelings)

Funny Bottle Tom Swifties: Jokes That Flow Freely

“This bottle’s made of glass,” Tom stated transparently.
“I can’t get this bottle open!” Tom exclaimed, tightly wound.
“The message in this bottle is faded,” Tom remarked, vaguely.
“I only drink out of sustainable bottles,” Tom declared, eco-logically.
“This bottle is half full,” Tom said, optimistically.
“My bottle collection is quite extensive,” Tom boasted, proudly.
“I dropped the bottle of cooking oil,” Tom said, slickly.
“This bottle used to hold vintage wine,” Tom reminisced, corkscrewly.
“Is this bottle plastic or glass?” Tom wondered, ambiguously.
“This water bottle keeps my drink cold for hours!” Tom exclaimed, chillingly.
“Be careful opening that bottle of soda,” Tom warned, fzzily.
“I brought you a bottle of your favorite hot sauce,” Tom said, saucily.
“This old bottle might be worth some money!” Tom exclaimed, antiquely.
“I think I left my water bottle at the gym,” Tom said, absentmindedly.
“Pass me that bottle of glue,” Tom requested, adhesively.
“This bottle opener is broken,” Tom complained, uncorkedly.
“This bottle is completely empty!” Tom stated, dryly.

Knock-knock Jokes about Bottle: You’ll Crack Up!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle tell you later, I’m feeling bubbly!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you waiting for? Open the bottle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle believe we haven’t met!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle of this conversation, please! I’m thirsty.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you doing with my drink? Get your own bottle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle-ly goes around, my friend.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water those flowers with me, it’s thirsty work!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water you doing tonight? We could crack open a bottle!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water you doing with that empty bottle? Don’t litter!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle of fun, that’s me!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water you staring at? This bottle’s all mine!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle to the beat, will you? You’re throwing off my groove!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water you whispering about? This bottle can’t keep a secret!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bottle. Bottle who? Bottle that anger up inside, it’s not healthy!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Water. Water we gonna do about this heat? I could go for a cold bottle of…anything!